Indelible Love - Emily's Story

by DW Cee

  Chapter 7

  Jake’s Proposal

  We landed at LAX early Christmas morning, and I said my good-byes to everybody before heading home. Jake’s mom and dad hugged and kissed me and made me promise to come over early for Christmas dinner. I nodded and got in the car with Jake.

  “I had such a wonderful time with your family, Jake. Thank you! Though I just met them, I cherish them like my own.” My lips spanned from one ear to the other. “Your mom and dad did an amazing job raising you three. I see why you turned out to be such a caring person. I’m glad I came on this trip. I feel much closer to you and your family,” I gushed.

  Jake all of a sudden parked his car on the side of the road and pulled out another jewelry box from his suitcase, just like the one I got in San Francisco—the kind a girl received when a man got down on one knee, about to propose to the woman he loved.

  “Merry Christmas, Sweetheart.”

  “Jake. I left your present at home. Let’s exchange gifts when we get back to my house.”

  “No, I want you to open this now. I have something else for you when you come over tonight to Mom’s.”

  “Jake, you’re really spoiling me. Hawaii was enough of a present. You didn’t have to get me anything else. By the way, wasn’t this my Christmas present?” I asked holding the ring from my neck.

  “That was, but when I saw this in Hawaii, I knew I had to get it for you. Please open it.”

  I slowly began to unwrap the silver bow. I could feel my body tensing up, hoping for and against another ring. As much as I adored this man, thinking beyond our current relationship wasn’t a smart choice for me.

  When I opened the box, he didn’t disappoint my hope and fears. Inside the box was a huge solitaire diamond engagement ring. I looked at him, shocked and dazed.

  “Emi, don’t be scared. I bought this thinking I could hold off till you were ready, but after this trip I realize I don’t want to be without you. Emily Anne Logan, I know it’s only been a short two months, but I want to be with you forever. I love you more than any man could love a woman, and I promise to love you this way the rest of my life. Will you marry me?” His most sincere blue eyes looked almost in pain awaiting my response.

  I hesitated for a while—a long while. I tried not to think about this intimidating situation. I thought about useless facts like how I was sitting in the passenger seat of a car and how this was not what I’d imagined a proposal to be. My heart fluttered, wildly excited about this proposal, but my mind panicked. Was I ready for this? Would the prospect of marriage to one another be as wonderful to him in a few months as it would be to me? Two months—the entirety of our relationship, of us knowing one another—couldn’t be long enough for him to love me that deeply, already. Infatuation would be a better terminology for what he felt for me. But, what would he do if I said no?

  Copious thoughts raced through my head.

  Before I finished my thoughts, Jake shook my arm. “Emi? Are you OK? I’m sorry. I know I turned too serious too soon for you. But, I love you and want to be with you every day and every night for the rest of my life. Let’s get married! Huh?” He leaned over and lightly brushed his lips against mine. I didn’t respond, but I also didn’t push him away.

  “Jake…oh, Jake,” I sighed. Jake kissed me again. This time a bit rougher than before, and I gave in to his physical desire and demand. My mind was still trying to sort out my heart. “You know how much I like you.” My head automatically shook ‘no’ as Jake pulled away. “After meeting your family and spending time with all of you in Hawaii, I know your family is just about as perfect as a family can be. But, I’m not ready for a lifelong commitment. It’s too soon. You can’t mean this already. I am committed to you as a girlfriend and that’s where I’d like to stay for a while. I hope this is OK. I’m sorry but my answer is no.”

  Could you possibly love me this much already? Enough to want to live with me forever? I want to marry you, love you forever, start a family with you. But, I couldn’t stand it if you regretted your decision later on.

  He stared at me, and didn’t respond at first.

  “I’m sorry…are you hurt by my response?” I tried to solicit an answer. “I’m sorry.” I repeated myself just in case he didn’t hear me the first few times.

  Jake didn’t look my way. He got back on the road and started driving.

  “Jake, we just started dating. Why do we need to move so fast? Can’t we just enjoy ourselves?”

  “Emily, why can’t you even consider this proposal? Why do you need to reject it so quickly? I’ve known since the first day we met at the grocery store I wanted to marry you. Can’t you see how much I love you?” Jake became visibly upset. “Why are you so scared all the time?”

  “Jake, it’s been two months. How do you know already?” Cautiously, I asked, hoping to discuss rather than to argue. “How do you know a few months down the road you will still desire forever with me? Maybe we were both caught up in the bliss of Hawaii.”

  “The bliss of Hawaii..? Why do you always doubt my love for you? Is it because of Max? Just because he callously dumped you rather than marry you doesn’t mean I’m going to do the same thing to you. Don’t compare us!”

  Just because he callously dumped you…my heart broke at Jake’s callous word.

  Before I could recover, Jake’s tone elevated to an even angrier pitch. “Are you still not over Max? Is this what your rejection is all about? Would you have said no to him if he’d asked you to marry him?”

  “Why are you bringing Max into this?” I yelled back. My anger rose above my pain. I regretted my tone, but couldn’t understand why he would bring Max into this conversation. It was unfair of him to ask me about a proposal from Max that never transpired. I didn’t know what hurt more right now—the fact that my ex-boyfriend of four years dumped me the night I expected a proposal, or that my current boyfriend so cruelly reminded me that he dumped me before I had any chance at a proposal.

  “Forget it, Emily. Forget I just proposed. Let’s just forget everything.”

  My heartbreak multiplied exponentially. Of course this was too good to be true. Jake, what does it mean to forget everything? Does everything include us?

  Swallowing all of my tears, I took a last glance at Jake then stared out the window.

  Jake looked angry and aloof. I knew this—Jake, Jane, the Reid family—was temporary. Happiness appeared to be so commonplace in most people’s lives—parents, siblings, extended family, love—where was all this for me? I probably just pushed away the best thing that had happened to me since my parents. Why did he have to move so fast? Couldn’t he tell that I’d be too scared to commit so haphazardly? If he loved me so much, couldn’t he let me answer him in my own time? Although I was scared beyond belief right now, I knew if given a little time, my fear would subside, and I’d admit that we would be together for a lifetime.

  My pain aside, I feared what was on Jake’s mind at this moment. I knew he believed I didn’t care for him the same way he cared for me. Never once did I explain to him how much he meant to me, just how much I loved him. Every time he professed his love for me, I’d never fully reciprocated. He probably believed I didn’t feel as strongly for him as he did for me. How ironic Jake might feel this way when I loathed feeling this way with Max. I hadn’t been fair to the man I loved.

  “Jake? Please say something. I’m sorry for turning you down. Can’t you give me more time? I’m not ready to get married.” I kept swallowing back my sniffles.

  Silence.

  He didn’t seem to care.

  Jake drove the entire forty minutes without saying a word or breaking his visage. I kept looking at him, wanting to say something to ease this tension, but I decided to leave him to his silence. Sadness surrounded every corner of my being. I had lost another person who felt like family. My face stayed focused on the window to hide my fears. It’s over, already.

  Could there be a second chance for us?

  The welcomed sight
of my driveway brought with it the inescapable tears.

  “Do you want to come in and talk?” My eyes blinked rapidly to hold onto the tears.

  “No.” He wouldn’t look at me. “Let’s just forget this whole ordeal…just forget everything. I’ll see you later.”

  That was all he said as the car pulled away.

  Some time passed and the doorbell rang. Thinking it was Sarah stopping by before heading up to Oxnard, I opened the door to a face that looked as sullen as my own.

  “Hi,” he whispered—very penitent, very unsure. “Emily…” We both said nothing for a while. “Can I come in? Can we talk?”

  Taking a step back, the door opened wide, and Jake was welcomed in.

  “I’m sorry,” was all he said as his arms draped around my body. “I’m so sorry! It killed me to see you walk away, so hurt by all the things I said to you.”

  Speechless, I stood there wondering what my reaction should be to his remorse.

  “I knew you’d be hurt, I knew you’d be crying, but my ego got the better of me, and I couldn’t stay to work this out. My head needed to be cleared before I could come back and find a resolution.”

  His body still covered mine and slowly my arms lifted to cover his as well—tentatively.

  “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m sorry I was so angry with you. And I’m really sorry that I brought up Max and said all those crazy words to you.”

  Confused about where this was heading, I just stood there with pearl-sized tears hovering. Would the next sorry resemble, “I’m sorry but this isn’t working out,” or was he trying to make amends?

  “Emi?” He kissed the tears from my eyes. “Why are you so quiet? Talk to me.” For the first time since we started dating, I heard fear in his voice.

  “Where does this leave us now?” Worn out—if he wanted to end our relationship, I wanted it done immediately.

  “What do you mean?” Jake looked puzzled.

  “You told me twice ‘let’s just forget everything.’ Does everything include us? If so, I’d like for you to be honest with me. Since I turned down your proposal, I get it if you want to break up with me.”

  “Unbelievable!” Jake shook his head with a look that could be summed up as stupefied.

  I felt bare as he dislodged his arms from my body, but to my relief, my cheeks felt the immediate warmth of both hands. Without another word, his lips devoured mine and I was only too happy to allow it—more accurately, I was desperate for it.

  When we both needed a breath, his lips let go, but his face stayed inches from mine.

  “Does that answer your question?”

  I shook my head no.

  An even longer and more intense kiss followed.

  “I can do this all day until you get it.” His head came down again.

  “Wait!” The last thing I wanted to do was cut short any embrace, but I needed verbal reinforcements rather than a sensual one. “Let’s talk.” We sat next to one another but not so close that he could attack my senses and discombobulate my brain.

  “What did you mean when you said you wanted to forget everything?”

  “Emi…I just wanted to undo the mess I had gotten myself into. I’d said so many careless words to you. I didn’t mean to bring up your heartache with Max. I know you don’t love him anymore. In some ways, I was mad, hurt, jealous—there were so many emotions going through my head, and I said everything that came to mind. There was neither discretion nor discernment, and I’m sorry.”

  “Why would you be jealous? Of what? Of whom?”

  “Of Max, I suppose. There was a time you wanted him to propose to you. I thought maybe you’d want the same from me…”

  “Jake. I know I haven’t made myself very clear on this subject, but I am absolutely in love with you.” The gray skies left his face and he beamed the most heartwarming smile.

  “Say that again.” He inched closer.

  “Which part?” I feigned ignorance. “That I haven’t been too clear with you or that…”

  It didn’t take much for Jake to push me onto the sofa and have his way with me.

  “You love me?”

  “I am irrevocably in love with you, but I’m not ready to marry you. Are you OK with that?”

  “Do I have a choice? This just means I have to work harder to get a yes out of you on both accounts.”

  “Huh?”

  “Sex and marriage—in that order, starting now, if possible.”

  “Go home. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

  I cleaned myself up the best I could before heading toward Jake’s parents’ home. After such a crazy morning, I needed this time to gather my wits for tonight. With all the presents for the family in the car, I drove over to their home earlier than expected. Jake’s parents lived in a stunning old colonial home that sat on a large parcel of flat land. Their front lawn was so huge their home actually looked normal size from the street. As I got closer, I could see that their home was closer to being a mansion than a normal home like mine. I rang the doorbell, and Sandy greeted me with a huge smile.

  “Hi, Emily! I’m glad you came early.”

  “I thought I’d come and help you get dinner ready.”

  “I’m so glad to have you here with me. No one else is home so we can get to know each other without any interruptions—from my son especially. He won’t give any of us a chance to spend time with you.”

  We both started to laugh. “I’m sorry we were so exclusive in Hawaii. I wanted to get to know everybody, but since Jake hardly gets any time off from the hospital, I couldn’t help but enjoy my four days with him. I hope this hasn’t spoiled me for when he goes back to work. It’s tough dating a doctor.”

  “I know, dear. We rarely see him even though he works in town. He’s mentioned moving back into this house to be closer to you and work. Has he told you this?”

  “No, we haven’t had a chance to talk about it. I’m sure he’ll let me know when he’s ready. What can I help you with? I’m somewhat skilled in the kitchen, as I’ve been on my own for a while.”

  “Well, there’s not much to do. Bobby went out to pick up the flowers and the caterers and servers will take care of the food. The table is set already. Why don’t you just sit and have a cup of tea with me?”

  “Oh, I forgot. I have a little something for you and the family. It’s not much, but I wanted to thank you for such a special trip and say Merry Christmas.”

  “You are so sweet,” she said as she hugged me like only a mother could.

  “Jake told us that your parents have passed away already.”

  “Yeah…” So many years have passed and yet tears always accompanied any talk about my parents being in heaven.

  “Oh, Emily.” Sandy hugged me and cried with me. “How lonely you must have been all those years without a mother and father. Holidays could not have been very joyful for you.”

  I nodded in agreement. “But this Christmas is different. I don’t think you’ll ever know how much I appreciated the four days I spent with your family. It truly felt like I was a part of a family again, and I thank you for giving me that sense of belonging.”

  “Emily. Regardless of where you and Jake are now, or where you will be in the future, I want you to come to me when times are tough, or when you think of your mother. I know I can’t substitute, but I would like to be there for you if a need should arise, OK?”

  “Thank you, Sandy. I’ll do that.”

  We took a few minutes to compose ourselves and then talked about everything from Jake’s childhood to mine to details of everyone coming to dinner tonight. Jake had so many family members living nearby. I would meet many aunts and uncles and cousins tonight. An hour had flown by when Jane arrived ecstatic to see me here.

  “Emily! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming early? Does Jake know you’re here?”

  “No. I actually don’t know where he is. He and I had a big misunderstanding this morning, and I need to work my way back into his good graces,” I
said kiddingly.

  “I can’t imagine him being upset with you. I’ve never seen him so in love with anyone. Right, Mom?”

  “I would have to agree. It’s unusual the way he looks out for you and loves you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so passionate about anyone,” Sandy said wistfully. “I think he’s forgotten about all the other women in his life—namely, me.” She was happily laying on the guilt like a real mother would.

  “No. He speaks highly of you all the time. He loves you and Jane very much.”

  “No, he loves you very much.” Jane shook her head no. “Emily, come with me. I’ll show you around the house and you can see what my room looks like.” I followed Jane through a vast hallway and up a grand staircase. All of the bedrooms were on the second floor with the exception of the guest suite up on the third floor. Jane’s room was larger than my living room and dining room combined. It was filled with memorabilia from all over the world.

  “Jane, have you really been to all these places?” I marveled at a large map with different colored pushpins. Each member of the family had his or her own color displaying all the places they’d visited. There wasn’t a continent that didn’t have a pushpin. Even Antarctica had Bobby and Sandy’s color pushed into it.

  “OK, what’s going on? You might be able to fool Mom but you can’t fool me. You look as though you’ve been crying all morning.”

  “Am I that obvious?” Was that the case or was Jane so in tune with me already that she could read my face so readily?

  “You didn’t go into hysterics by yourself about this whole my life is a dream, when is reality coming crap, did you?”

  For the first time today, I laughed. As much as I wanted to bring Jane into my confidence about what happened this morning, it felt a little too raw. Rather than discussing this further, the topic of San Francisco came up.

  Jane, too, was curious about how I’d reacted to Allison.

  “I didn’t get upset with your brother. I told Jake I didn’t want to hear anything about her, but I’m dying to know what happened between them. Will you tell me?”

  “Ally and I were roommates for two years. She’s Jake’s age and was up north modeling.”

  “Yeah, I thought she was unusually tall and gorgeous.” I shuddered at how pretty she was. “I felt like Smurfette next to her.”

  “Emily, you’re so funny. Anyhow, she was after Jake since the day they met. She finally told me during lunch that she and Jake hooked up briefly while she worked in LA. She was really upset when I told her how much Jake loves you. I don’t think she’ll be bothering you anymore.”

  I felt grateful toward Jane for taking my side over her old roommate’s. There was a bond that had been created between us during my weekend up north. This bond was different than the one I had with Sarah. Jane and I felt like true sisters rather than close friends. I wished more than anything we could become sisters one day.

  “So, why did she want to talk to Jake?”

  “I don’t know. She won’t tell me. I’ll get it out of Jake next time I have a chance.”

  “Thanks, Jane.” I hugged my dear friend.

  “So, I want you to know that I booked tickets for you to come visit me in New York over Martin Luther King Jr. weekend. I hope you don’t have plans already.”

  “No way. Jane…you didn’t have to do that.”

  “I told my dad how I wanted you to come see me in New York, and he immediately bought you a ticket.”

  “Oh, he didn’t have to do that. That was so nice of him. I’ll have to thank your parents when I see them at dinner.” I put my arms around Jane. “I’m excited to be spending time with you.”

  “So this is what I have planned for us. Saturday, let’s go to the flea market, then lunch at Gotham, then maybe spend the afternoon at the Met. We’ll have dinner in Brooklyn and go see my friend’s art show. Sunday morning I’ll take you to the Green market in Union Square, we can have lunch at Lupa or maybe Union Square Café. Let’s shop afterward and then for dinner, how about Le Bernardin?”

  “I was just there over Thanksgiving. Your generous brother sent me and Sarah on a gastronomic adventure there. It was amazing.” Vividly those courses continued to linger on my mind and palate.

  “Then how about Masa? Maybe Jake will foot the bill for that meal.” Jane looked hopeful. “Of course, you’ll have to go up the Empire State Building at night so you can see the city all lit up. On Monday…darn, I think I hear Jake.” Jane spoke with disappointment knowing our time together was over.

  “Here you are. I searched all over the house for you,” Jake said looking relieved. “We need to talk.” Jake grabbed my hand and started leading me out of Jane’s room.

  “Hey!” Jane protested. “We were planning Emily’s trip to New York. You can’t just drag her out of here. We’re not done yet.”

  Jake turned to me with a surprised look. “You’re going to New York, again? How come you didn’t tell me?” He looked hurt.

  “Jane and I just made plans about thirty seconds before you came into the room. Your dad bought me a ticket so I can spend some time with her over MLK weekend.”

  “I’m not letting you go off to New York again without me. Nuh, uh. I’m coming too. Plus, why would Dad buy you a ticket and not me? I’m sure he purchased two seats.”

  “Jake!” Jane protested. “I’ll never see Emily if you’re there. Come on!”

  I tried to smooth the situation over by reminding Jake that there was no way he would get another three days off from the hospital so soon after his Hawaii vacation.

  “I have so much vacation time, I will make sure to take those three days off. So what do you have planned for Emily?” Jake gloated while Jane frowned.

  Jane regurgitated all the places that she wanted to take me to when Jake rudely cut her off. “Hey, where do I fit in? I want to take Emi to some of my favorite places. You are taking my girlfriend away from me.”

  “Maybe, you shouldn’t come on this trip, Jake!” Jane was serious. She did not want Jake spoiling it for us.

  “Jane, you’re being unreasonable. If I’m taking time off to be in New York with my girlfriend, then I’d like to spend some alone time with her. I don’t want you tagging along everywhere.”

  “Whoa,” I calmly stated. “Let me break this up. I have a solution for us.” I turned to my love. “Jake, why don’t you see if Nick wants to come to New York with us?”

  “Why would I do that? I don’t need to add another wheel.”

  “You do realize that you are the third wheel on this trip? It was a girls’ weekend, remember? You wanted to tag along?”

  “That’s right,” Jane declared. “You’re the tag along, not me.”

  I turned to Jake and lovingly asked, “Will you invite your brother so that you will have a friend when I spend some quality time with my friend? Please?” I did my best to break the stare down between the Reid siblings.

  “All right. I’ll bring Nick and we’ll have some quality brother bonding time. So much for a romantic trip to the city.”

  “Jake,” Jane said. “I have one favor.”

  “What is it?”

  “Can you pay for a meal at Masa? I’ve always wanted to eat there but can’t afford it on my budget. You make a lot of money. Will you treat us to this meal? If not for me, will you do it for Emily?”

  Masa could be summed up as the most expensive restaurant in New York, maybe even in the entire United States. Each meal costs somewhere around $400–$600 per person, before drinks, tax and tip. This twenty-six-seat, Zen-like sushi temple has a small pond, bamboo garden, and Japanese Cypress Hinoki wood as the sushi bar. Depending on which pre-fixe menu we chose, we’d eat five appetizers, about fifteen to twenty sushi courses, along with dessert and tea. It was French Laundry—sushi style. My mouth salivated at the thought of this meal.

  “Would you like to dine at Masa, Emi?”

  I gave him an are you kidding me look while answering coyly, “Only if you want to take me t
here.”

  “Why did I bother asking? I’ll call in a reservation if you’ll stop bothering me,” he told his sister. “You want to see my room?” He asked, but was already pulling me out of Jane’s room.

  “Um, OK. I’ll see you at dinner,” I said, turning to Jane.

  “Yeah, I’ll save you a seat and Jake can go sit with the aunts and uncles.” She turned to stick her tongue out at Jake, but he quickly grabbed my hand and led me out the door.

  Jake’s room was a palace compared to Jane’s. It was so large and filled with so much furniture, the giant king-sized bed looked dwarfed. I never realized anyone could have so much furniture in one room. There was a desk along the west wall as well as rows and rows of shelves filled with books. These were the kinds of shelves one would see in movies, where old men went to retire in their libraries. He had one of these libraries on one wall of his room.

  If the west wall was for intellect, the south wall was purely for entertainment. On this wall hung the largest TV I had ever seen. There were probably invisible speakers mounted everywhere. In front of the TV sat sleek couches, chaises and lounge chairs—the kind for video game purposes only. The east wall had two doors. One led to a giant bathroom that looked bigger than my master bedroom. The other door led to a walk-in closet that was definitely twice the size of my master bedroom.

  “How do you not get lost in your own room?” I half joked. “Your room is practically the size of my entire house.”

  “Oh, I don’t know about that. It’s not that big, is it?” He looked around trying to gauge the dimensions.

  “Why would you want to move out and get a place of your own when your room is this palatial? If your room looks like this, what does your house look like in the Valley?” I wondered in amazement.

  “My house is small. It’s probably smaller than yours. I think I’m going to rent it out and move back into my parents’ home to be closer to you and the hospital. Nothing is keeping me in the Valley anymore.”

  “And, there was somebody keeping you there before?” I tried to ask nonchalantly.

  “I’m digging this jealous tone, but it wasn’t anybody, just a hospital. Remember how I told you that my residency was at a hospital in the Valley? I hated the commute back home in the wee hours of the morning so I bought a house out there.”

  “I see.”

  “So, are we OK?” He sounded so un-Jake-like, so unsure of us.

  “Shouldn’t I be asking you that? You were the one upset. Here lies a permanent scar etched on my heart because of your meanness!” I pointed to my heart and added an umph for effect. “Jane was right. You can be really nasty when life doesn’t go your way.” I giggled as he tugged me to him.

  “This is going to be another Allison situation, huh? You’re going to use my folly against me for the next month.”

  “A month? Are you kidding me? This is worth at least a year!”

  “Is that right?” With speed and determination, he picked me up and threw me on his bed.

  His lips came down roughly on mine and it was clear that he was not letting go of me for a while. Knowing he wasn’t going to get very far didn’t sway his determination to undermine my beliefs. I had to admit, I was the one caving toward his beliefs. His right hand immediately began unbuttoning my dress and his left arrested my protesting hand.

  I tried to come up for air but his solid body lay on top of mine and didn’t give me any room for escape. He finally moved his lips away from me and I let out a whimper. “Jake…your parents…your entire family is in this house.”

  In between moving his mouth from my lips down to my exposed chest, he uttered, “I don’t care.” He knew I wasn’t putting up much of a fight. Skillfully, Jake managed to pull off the top half of my dress and his hands reached to take it completely off when there was a knock that saved me from Jake as well as from myself.

  “Jake…oh, Jake…” Nick’s voice called out.

  “Go away!” Jake growled.

  “Mom told me to come and get you and Emily. Everybody’s waiting. Dinner’s about to begin. Come out soon or I’m going to have the chief come up and get you.” Nick broke into a guffaw.

  “Nick, I’m going to remember this next time you have a girl up in your room,” Jake threatened amid a loud bellow from beyond the door.

  Jake grudgingly let go of me, and I jumped up out of bed reassembling my dress. I couldn’t help but laugh at his surly face. “Jake…” His once complacent look turned into a scowl as we were about to leave his room. “Jake. Can I give you your Christmas present before we go down?”

  His face lit up instantly. I walked over to my purse and brought out a journal that wasn’t wrapped, but tied together nicely with ribbon and a big bow.

  “You have to promise me one thing,” I said before giving him the present.

  “OK. I promise.” So cute, he sounded like a little boy agreeing to anything so he could open his Christmas gift.

  “This is a journal I started writing soon after we met. I wrote in it after every date or conversation or even a fight. My initial intention was to journal my feelings and thoughts. This wasn’t written for anyone to read but myself. When I thought about what I wanted to give you for Christmas, I knew you would most appreciate my heart. Whatever I felt during our two months together…it’s all in here.”

  My boyfriend looked stunned. He probably never imagined I would give him so much of myself emotionally. Rather than taking the present he came over and held me in his arms instead. I knew this man loved me unendingly. I too loved him just as much.

  “I’m sorry I’m so frustrating. You’re a patient man to deal with someone so indecisive. This journal will hopefully answer all your questions and take away any doubt you might still have about us.”

  His arms stayed locked on my body.

  “OK, so back to the promise.” I pulled myself away from him. “You can’t read this till after I leave.”

  “Why not? If you wrote it you know everything that’s in there.”

  “It’s embarrassing. You can enjoy it when I’m not around. I also don’t want to see your ego blowing up page by page. Your head may burst.”

  “Can I take a peak before dinner?”

  “No. I’m taking this back if you don’t keep your promise.”

  “All right. I promise. I can’t wait to read it.” He had an eager smile.

  “I’ll leave it over here on your bookcase.”

  We started walking out and I stopped him one more time, wanting to declare what was in my heart. “I love you, Jake, and I’m really happy to be here with you.” He swept me off my feet again and tried to take me back to his bed, but I forced him downstairs.

  There were twenty-three of us at the regal dining table. I met every aunt, uncle, and cousin who lived within a two-hour radius of Jake’s house. Sandy put us at the middle of the table so that I could converse with as many family members as possible. I learned that Bobby was the oldest of five brothers and none of the children were married yet. They ranged from eighteen to thirty, with Jake being the oldest. Jake sat to my right, along with Uncle Roy, Aunt Pattie, and their three grown children. Then there was Uncle Billy and Aunt Sandra with their two college-age children. Sandy, Bobby, Jane, and Nick sat together. Uncle Dave and Aunt Debbie brought only two of their four college kids. Then the chief, Aunt Barbara, and their children, Doug and Lane, sat to my left. The chief kept me entertained with stories of all the nurses, interns, and female doctors who had tried to woo Jake since he got to the hospital.

  “So, Emily, are you coming to the pre-party and football game with all of us on New Year’s Day?” Chief Reid asked.

  “Um, I don’t think so. I wasn’t invited.”

  He scolded Jake. “Why haven’t you invited this stunning lady to our New Year’s party and game day festivities?”

  “Well, I haven’t asked her because I myself wasn’t invited. You have me working that day, remember? Will you give me that day off so I can go see the game?”

/>   “Are you scheduled to work? I could possibly give you the day off and put someone else to work. Do you want to go to the game?”

  “Actually, I’d be happy to work on New Year’s Day if you are willing to give me MLK weekend off.”

  “Jake!” Jane complained from across of the table.

  “That sounds good to me,” the chief answered.

  “Fantastic!” Jake glanced over at Jane and gloated.

  To my delight, Jake’s grandmother called during dinner. He had never spoken of any grandparents so I didn’t realize she was still living. Bobby answered the phone and greeted her, but quickly turned the phone over to Jake.

  “Son, Gram wants to talk to her favorite grandchild.”

  “That would be me,” Jake announced to the family with a smug look.

  “Hi, Gram!” Before he could say much more, he answered, “Uh-huh” and handed the phone over to me. “She wants to talk to you.”

  “Me?”

  “Yup. You.”

  A bit scared, I started my conversation. “Hello, Gram, this is Emily. It’s very nice to meet you.”

  “Emily, I’ve been waiting since David’s birthday to talk to you. Why haven’t you called me?” I took her question as a scolding.

  Timidly I answered, “I’m very sorry, Gram, but Jake never told me I was supposed to call you. But I’m thrilled to meet you. I lived with my grandmother since I was thirteen. Talking to you makes me miss her so much.”

  “Is she still alive?”

  “No,” I answered tearfully, “she passed away a few years ago. Gram, why aren’t you here with the family? I wish I could have met you too.”

  “I live in London. It’s too far for me to travel. Why don’t you come see me, Emily? Jakey tells me you’re more beautiful than I am, and that he loves you even more than he loves me.” She didn’t sound too happy about this.

  I gave Jake a how could you look. His shoulders shrugged into a what did I do? look.

  “Oh, Gram, Jake can be silly at times. How can he possibly think he loves anyone more than his grandmother? Plus, I’m not that pretty. It’s only in Jake’s eyes.”

  “You are too. You’re gorgeous!” Jake interjected before my thought was over. I pinched his arm and gave him a be quiet look.

  “I’ve never seen such a beautiful family as the Reid family. I’m sure that’s all a credit to you. Gram, can you send me a picture of yourself?”

  Content with my soothing words, she answered, “I’ll have my assistant take a picture of me and e-mail it to Jake. So when can you come see me?”

  “Well, my vacation is almost over, but I can come at the end of March during spring break. Would that be OK? Should I bring Jake or come by myself?” I kidded.

  “Gram, I want to come too,” he whined into the mouthpiece.

  “You can bring him if he’s good to you. Is my Jakey treating you well?”

  “He was treating me very well till this morning, Gram.”

  Gram sounded aghast. Jake looked horrified.

  “What happened, Emily? What did he do to you?”

  “He was mean to me and he made me cry.” I added melancholy for special effects. I noticed the entire family had stopped eating, talking, and whatever else they were doing, and stared at Jake.

  “Oh my gosh, Emily! I can’t believe you just told everyone I made you cry this morning.” Appalled, he didn’t know what to say. All the aunts accepted my accusation and began scolding Jake.

  “But you did,” I answered in my saddest voice.

  Back to my conversation with Gram, I said, “Anyhow, I’m going to come see you soon, and as to whether I will bring Jake, I’ll think about it.”

  “Emily, are you going to marry my grandson?” Wow—like grandma, like grandson. She didn’t beat around the bush.

  “I hope so, Gram. I’m not sure yet. You’ll be the second to know when I decide. Gram, I’ll get your phone number from Jake and call you again. I think I have to get off. Jake’s a bit upset with me. Thank you for talking to me.”

  With that, I got off the phone and sat as a spectator watching Jake get himself out of trouble.

  “Emily, will you please explain, it was me who should’ve been crying this morning and not you?”

  I shrugged my shoulder, winked, and mouthed, “I love you,” then went back to enjoying my meal.

  When dinner was over, we all played a mean game of White Elephant. The Reid family was ruthless stealing from each other the few prized items that Sandy added to the pile. The most coveted prize was two floor seats to a Laker game. Doug ended up as the grand prize winner. Most of us got ugly tchotchkes that would quickly be thrown away at home. Jake actually won a great bottle of wine, which he handed over to Chief Reid as a bribe to try to get New Year’s Eve off. He gladly took the wine, but not the bribe.

  I stayed as long as I could, then hugged Sandy, Bobby, and Nick good-bye as they went up to their rooms for the night. I turned to Jane and promised her quality time in New York even with her brother in tow.

  Our dinner conversation with Gram seemed all but forgotten, or so I thought, when I turned to say good-bye to Jake. I took a step forward as he took a step backward dodging my attempted embrace. Confounded, I waited with my arms wide open.

  “I can’t believe you threw me under the bus today.” Oh so that’s what this was all about. “You’re so lucky I didn’t tell my whole family how you chopped up my proposal and my heart into pieces.”

  Cuddling up to him, I used my most alluring voice to appease him. “What can I do to make things better? I’ll make it up to you. I’m sorry I got you into trouble, but you were a complete gentleman for not giving me away.” I added a few kisses to buffer.

  “Stay the night with me.” This was more a demand than a request.

  During my moment’s hesitation, Jake swept me off my feet, carried me up the stairs, and took me to his bed. The words “I can’t” and “I have to go” waited for their cue, but stayed frozen on my tongue. In silence, we headed toward a path with no recourse. Until I met Jake, I believed I would stay spotless till I said, “I do.” Until now, I had never wanted to change my novice status but at this moment, I wanted nothing more than to be with him. My mind was made up—tonight, we would express our love for one another.

  The excitement in Jake’s eyes mirrored my own. His caresses began on my face. His mouth was soft. Savoring each kiss, his lips brushed over every part of my face. Hungrily, my mouth reached for his, hoping to kiss him, but he gently grazed my lips and moved on. Gentle. This word best described Jake’s every move tonight. In earnest resolve—a synonym if there ever was one—he moved ever so slowly and gently for me.

  Repeating his earlier steps of unbuttoning my dress, his lips stopped traveling and my body lay still. His eyes stayed glued on mine. I briefly thought about my mom. What would she have said, if I told her what I wanted to do tonight? I wasn’t sure if she would have encouraged me or discouraged me. My mind also drifted to my conscience. As much as my body desired to love and be loved, there was a part of me—unsettled—like I was betraying myself in some way. When my mind came back to the moment at hand, I realized Jake had begun redressing me. He gazed lovingly into my eyes.

  “Jake?” I whispered his name. “What’s the matter?”

  “Emily, I’m content to just be with you tonight. We don’t have to do anything else.”

  “Why? What’s wrong?”

  “Sweetheart, as difficult as this is for me, I want to keep you as you are until we get married—and trust me, we will get married.”

  “Jake…I’m OK. I want to do this for you…with you. I’d like to be with you tonight.” No matter how much I wanted to sound confused, his intentions were clear.

  “Emily, I’m going to honor your wishes. That’s how much I love you,” he answered with regret written all over his face.

  Almost every part of me wanted to be with Jake. He must have somehow read that tiny part of me that regretted saying yes. I loved Jake f
or knowing me so well. I loved him for wanting to help me keep my promise to myself and to my mom, no matter how difficult it was for him. But most of all, I loved him for loving me so much. Tonight I knew, if ever I were to walk down the aisle, he would be the one at the altar waiting for me. I knew that’s how much I loved him.

 

  My eyes opened to a frantic thought. Road trip. Oh my gosh, I wasn’t ready to leave, and all my friends would be waiting for me at the house.

  “Jake, Jake! I have to go. I haven’t packed for my road trip and we’re leaving in half an hour.”

  “What? You’re going somewhere?” This was a change. He sounded groggy and I was wide awake at six in the morning.

  “I’m going to Vegas to watch the football game with my college friends, remember? I have to leave right now.”

  “Don’t go. Stay with me.” He held me prisoner in his arms—a happy prisoner. “How am I to go several days without seeing your beautiful face?”

  “Jake, let’s be real. You won’t see me for three days whether or not I’m in town. I don’t think Chief Reid is going to let you leave the hospital for a week at least.”

  “Stay a little longer. I’ll fly you out to Vegas later today.”

  “No. I have to go. Sarah will be waiting. I’m getting up and leaving, OK?”

  “Should I come with you?”

  “No. Stay in bed.”

  “I mean to Vegas.”

  “Jake. Don’t be silly. I’ll call you later. I love you.” I ran out the door and rushed home.