That’s when Nic and Nate return to the table and I feel relieved that the awkward moment has passed, fidgeting with the pendant around my neck and meeting Nic’s interrogative gaze.
Our food arrives and we eat, chatting about next fall and our college plans.
Marc and Nate will be in New York at West Point, while I’m gonna go to Bridgeport U and Nic will attend community college here in Star Cove.
“It’s such a shame that we’ll be at the opposite ends of the country! I wish you had another year of high school, that way we’d both be in New York.”
I don’t know what to say to Marc’s statement but I’m saved by Nate, who claps him on the shoulder and barks out a laugh.
“If anything dude, I don’t think the situation would change much if you were closer to Kaya. West Point is gonna be so hard, that I don’t know how much energy we’ll have for anything else. This is why we need to make sure that we really enjoy the summer. Come on, let’s go take a walk on the beach, it’s still early and it’s a nice night.”
The beach isn’t crowded despite it being a warm night but it’s the end of June and the real crowds will start arriving any day now as the Fourth of July marks the real beginning of the summer season here in Star Cove.
We walk in a straight line, each of us holding our own shoes in one hand, feeling the cool, fine sand between our toes.
The others are talking about the party at my house tomorrow night and I can’t help but still feel annoyed at not having been given the courtesy of a heads up.
Mom and Dustin are in LA for the weekend at some kind of sport event and I bet that this is why the twins have decided to take advantage of having the house to ourselves.
I’m lost in my thoughts again and I barely notice that Nic and Nate have walked away from us and are out of sight.
Marc stops walking and takes one of my hands in his before whispering that he loves the beach here in Star Cove.
“It’s beautiful here. And I couldn’t wait to come back for the summer.”
“Yeah I like Star Cove too.”
He takes one step forward and lowers his voice further.
“But there was one more reason why I couldn’t wait to come back ...”
I lower my head, feeling heat rush to my cheeks and that’s when Marc uses two fingers to make me raise my head and to bring my gaze level with his.
“I’ve been thinking about you all year, Kaya. About doing this.”
He brushes my lips with his.
It’s just a peck and it doesn’t last long and for some reason it upsets me. I’m relieved to see Nic walking toward us, so the moment is broken.
When it’s time to go home, I’m glad that Nic is sleeping over at my place, so I won’t be alone with Marc in the car.
But when he parks in my huge driveway, Nic leaves the car in haste, probably trying to give me and Marc some space.
My date leans toward me and I swiftly turn my face, placing a kiss on his cheek and offering him mine at the same time.
Before he can react or say anything, my hand is on the car door and I’m running to my front door with a rushed ‘good night’.
I feel confused. I don’t even know why since I do like Marc but for some reason the way I felt when we were talking and writing letters, seems to be a thing of the past.
Hanging out with him now feels ... different. Maybe it’s because he’s going quite fast? I mean, I know we’ve been corresponding for a whole year but I haven’t seen him in person since last Labor Day.
I unlock the front door and Nic is immediately on my case.
“What was that? I tried to give you guys time for a proper goodnight. Why that face?”
It’s only eleven pm but the house is dark and quiet: there’s no sign of the boys and I wonder if they’re all already asleep or most probably still out. Regardless I feel relieved not to have to face Chase and Reid, especially since my feelings are in utter turmoil right now.
We make it back into my room and if I thought that Nic was gonna let this go, I was wrong, because she presses me for answers as soon as I close my bedroom door behind us.
“Kaya, seriously what the fuck is wrong? Did Marc do or say anything wrong?”
I turn to face my best friend and all I can offer is a shrug.
“I don’t know, babes. I —”
I explain about the necklace and how I felt kinda pushed by the whole thing and how that made me feel a little uncomfortable.
Nic doesn’t seem to understand and I don’t blame her because I’m not sure I entirely know what’s changed tonight.
“I mean, dude! I’m not trying to tell you how you should feel but Marc giving you a present isn’t that weird. He’s been calling you and writing to you for a year. It’s clear that he likes you and he wants to be your boyfriend. I thought you liked him too?”
I sigh, sitting on my bed and covering my face with my hands.
“I do. He’s cute and he’s so nice to me. He kissed me earlier and I felt ... nothing.”
“He kissed you? Don’t you think you should’ve led with that?”
I explain that it was just a peck and it lasted only two seconds and predictably Nic shakes her head.
“Well then it doesn’t count. You can’t know if you like kissing him until you’ve gotten a proper kiss.”
“I understand what you mean but I don’t know Nic, something felt wrong. And I don’t want to lead him on if I— I don’t know.”
I collapse on my bed with a groan and my bestie lies down next to me on her side, looking at me through inquisitive eyes.
“Did he have bad breath? Did he smell wrong? Was he sweaty? I don’t know girl, you have to give me something here.”
“No. He was ... it’s hard to explain it, Nic. But even though we stayed in touch all year and we kept saying that he liked me, he never said that. You know? He was never openly flirty or he never implied in any way that he wanted more than a friendship. And now, the minute he got here, he—”
I couldn’t miss the exasperation in Nic’s tone, not even if I tried super hard.
“Babe! Can you hear yourself? Snap the fuck out of it for a sec and use your brain. Where’s my bestie and what have you done with her? That chick’s really fucking smart, this version of you? Focus, Kaya. Why would a hot guy like Marc write to you and call you for a whole year? It’s obvious that he likes you. What did you expect?”
I don’t meet her gaze, still unable to express my feelings clearly, even to myself.
“I don’t know. I guess until tonight, I was never entirely sure that he liked me that way? He never really said it clearly. And I know I sound like an idiot even to my own self but if he did like me, why not come to see me during the year? South Carolina and New York aren’t on opposite sides of the country, right?”
Nic shakes her blonde curls.
“Look, I don’t know. Maybe he wanted to get to know you better before making a move? Maybe he wasn’t sure about how you felt? Or maybe, like Nate said, their school was so tough that he couldn’t come to see you. But he is making a clear move now. And look, Kaya, you don’t have to go out with him if you don’t want to, you know?”
Nic is right. The truth?
“I really don’t know what I want. I thought we’d get to know each other, you know, hang out, go on dates. But that present, the way he acted as if I was his girlfriend ... it feels like he thinks that I’ve made a choice when I know I haven’t. And whatever I decide, I know for sure that I don’t want to hurt him. I’m just so confused!”
I groan and Nic looks at me quietly for a moment until some kind of realization dawns on her.
“Kaya, has this got anything to do with the brothers suddenly showing up?”
I don’t look at her but I also can’t lie to my best friend, even if I know that she’ll give me any tough love she deems necessary.
“Maybe, I don’t know. I guess seeing them again threw me off. Chase was such an asshole and I was still reeling about the way h
e treated me earlier. Which I know isn’t fair on Marc.”
Nic sighs and while I might not necessarily love what she says to me, I know that her words come from a place of love.
“Kaya, this thing with your stepbrothers ... I thought your crush on them was a thing of the past.”
I nod and finally lift my gaze to meet hers. My best friend’s eyes are full of compassion, I’m such a fucking mess.
“Yeah well, it is. After my mom talked to me that summer, I knew that I could never be more than their sister. And by the way, it’s not like they felt the same way about me. They were being nice to me just to make Dustin happy. And as you’ve seen earlier, nothing has changed between us. Chase still hates me and Reid doesn’t give a shit about me. He hasn’t said one word to me since he got here. But the fact that we could never have more than being siblings doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt that they both don’t like me.”
I yawn, exhausted by the whirlwind of emotions of the last few hours.
Maybe Nic is right and I should try to give Marc a fair chance. I’m just worried about what will happen if I can’t get past my residual feelings for the twins and the memory of that mysterious kiss.
I wish I knew who kissed me at that party three years ago, because that guy might be the solution to all my problems. I’ve purposely kissed a lot of guys since then, to forget about my unrequited crushes and because that kiss gave me hope. It gave me hope that it was possible to feel something for someone that wasn’t Chase or Reid.
I know it’s impossible to find that guy, he could have come from anywhere. What I need is the same feeling his kiss gave me.
As I fall asleep, I think about his lips, his strong arms, the way he owned me with his mouth but also let me own him.
I wish he hadn’t disappeared one second before the lights came back on, that I could look into his eyes.
Nic is convinced that my dream guy must have been ugly, her reasoning being that otherwise, why run?
But I know he was tall and had an athletic body, so I know that isn’t why.
Maybe he had a girlfriend? Maybe he was a bit drunk or high and the kiss meant nothing to him? It didn’t feel like it meant nothing but I might be projecting here.
And then, right before sleep takes me under, my last thought gives me a small flicker of hope that all will be good.
Maybe things with Marc will work out. Nic is right, all I have to do is give him a fair shot. So I’ll try to relax at tomorrow’s party and go with the flow. Maybe Marc will kiss me again and then I’ll know. All I have to do for things to work out? I need to keep Chase and Reid from messing with my head.
5.
Wrong
Chase
FUCK!
When did my brother and my friends turn into fucking old men? I proposed to go out, maybe check out that new club just out of town and not one of them was up for it.
They wanted to order pizza, watch a movie and turn in early to get plenty of sleep before tomorrows party.
I mean, can you believe that a bunch of twenty-one year old soon to be college seniors would want to go to bed at ten pm?
But that’s exactly what happened and I reluctantly followed them upstairs, retreating into my own room and trying to find something to take my mind off things since I wasn’t tired.
To keep your mind off her, you stupid motherfucker!
I shake my head, growling at my own stupid self-conscious. This is why I wanted to go to a club, to get distracted, lose myself in the music and the throng of sweaty, unknown bodies all moving to the same rhythm. Maybe even get laid and momentarily wipe Kaya’s smile off my mind.
Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? That’s complete bullshit and you know it. We both know that you haven’t even tried to get laid for the past two months, since you learned that you had to come here for the summer and that you’d see her again.
Goddam! I hate myself sometimes. I know all those hard truths but there’s a reason why I’ve been trying to shove them deep down, out of reach for three fucking years.
I’ve been in love with Kaya from the very first time I saw her, at Star Cove’s library.
She was browsing their selection of graphic novels and I don’t think she even noticed me.
I remember it as if it were yesterday: she had her wavy dark brown hair down in wild waves and she was wearing a red summer dress with a pattern of tiny white flowers.
She was stretching on the tip of her toes to try and reach the highest shelf and even though she’s only about five foot three, I couldn’t help but notice her gorgeous legs. They were long and shapely, her skin smooth and golden brown from the summer sun.
For a second I couldn’t believe my luck when I saw her again that same night at the dinner table with both our parents.
And I felt like the luckiest motherfucker in the world when I discovered that Kaya and I had a ton of things in common.
At first, I didn’t see that we were headed for a disaster of apocalyptic magnitude no matter what happened with our parents.
We were doomed from the start and I was stupid enough to let my foolish heart and my dick tell me that I could get to know her better, that we could be something.
I didn’t think that the fact that our parents were dating, would have to mean the end of any chance with Kaya either way: if they broke up, I’m pretty sure that neither of them would have wanted to see their kids become an item.
If things worked out between them? Yeah, we all know how that ended up; with that awkward conversation when my dad basically warned me and Reid to keep our hands off our stepsister.
Yeah, because if destiny hadn’t decided to slap me in the face enough, I wasn’t the only one who was crushing on Kaya. My brother was as smitten with her as I was, following her around like a love-sick puppy and looking at her as if she were the only girl in the whole motherfucking world.
But I can’t deny in any way, shape or form that my dad was right. I know for sure that Kaya didn’t feel the same way about me.
How do I know? I’m not proud of it but before my dad had laid down the law, Kaya and I had begun hanging out at the library and the comic book store. I felt like the luckiest asshole in the whole world, that the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen loved my same books and mangas.
So one day, I surprised her with the first volume of my favorite manga of all times: Video Girl Ai by Masakatzu Katsura.
It was a rare first edition in English from the 90s in mint condition. I should’ve known how stupid my plan was when I basically destroyed the value of that item by writing a message on the last page.
‘I like you, Kaya. Will you let me take you on a date?’
Yeah, I know, I know.
I wish I could go back in time to three years ago and kick my eighteen year old self in the nuts.
And a real kick in the nuts it was, the fact that Kaya never responded in any way. I guess it was my fault for making things awkward between us, when all she must have wanted from me was to be friends.
I open the drawer of my nightstand and take out the final volume of Video Girl Ai, that Kaya gave me for my birthday, at the end of that summer.
The volume was again a first edition and now it’s worth nothing because it’s all worn out by the millions of times I read it.
I look at the last page, like I did later that night on my birthday: I’d been scared that she’d replied to my message, hoping for a ‘yes’ but knowing full well that it wouldn’t change the fact that we weren’t written in the stars.
But the last page was blank and I can’t tell you how many fucking times I’ve stared at that page, willing for it to have her elegant, neat writing. Hoping that it would say ‘yes’, hoping that our parents had never met.
I shove the comic book back into my drawer, slamming it shut with a bang. I’m a fool, a motherfucking fool.
Even if she’d said yes, nothing would’ve changed things between our parents. And I’m also a selfish asshole, because I can see how
much Dad loves Karen and how happy they are together. And my dad deserves it after losing my mom the way he did.
My room is at the front of the house and I have the window open to let in a little of the jasmine scented summer breeze that always reminds me of her, of how sweet she smells.
Oh, fuck! I really need to stop thinking about her, but how can I when I’ll be forced to live in the same house as her for the whole summer?
I hear a roaring engine noise and I immediately look outside my window.
Go figure, I shouldn’t be surprised that that preppy looking motherfucker drives a douche-mobile.
He’s so fucking pretentious that I’m surprised that Kaya would even give him the time of day.
Or maybe, I shouldn’t really be that surprised, since she obviously didn’t like me the way I hoped when I still thought that we could be more than step siblings.
The fact that she went out with him, only confirms that I’m not her type. I clench my fists, willing myself to step away from the window, if they start making out in his car, I don’t think I could take it. But I’m a masochist and my feet stay well rooted to the floor, my eyes fixed onto the convertible car. The top is down, so I have a perfect view of what’s happening.
I feel relieved when I see Nic in the back seat and only wonder briefly where’s her date.
No, no, don’t fucking leave them alone!
I think as Nic literally jumps out from the back seat, walking swiftly inside the house and leaving Kaya alone with her date.
My heart is thumping violently in my chest, my ears roaring with stress as Kaya leans toward the douche ... er, Marc. Planting a quick kiss on his cheek, grabbing the car door handle and slipping out of the car mere seconds after the two-seconds kiss.
Now, don’t get me wrong, even that little peck on the cheek is enough to make my blood boil but I can’t stifle the relieved sigh that escapes me at the realization that I didn’t have to watch Kaya make out with that asshole.
I step away from the window, the moment my step-sis runs to the front door and into the house.
My room is directly opposite hers, so I hear hers and Nic’s footsteps as the girls enter Kaya’s bedroom.
Forbidden (Perfect for them Book 1) Page 4