I switch the light on and walk to the sink, opening the cabinet under it and finding the first aid kit Mom keeps there in case of cooking related accidents. I keep turning to look at him every few seconds, to make sure that he doesn’t walk away.
There aren’t any antibacterial wipes in the kit, so I wet a cloth with some rubbing alcohol and get to work. He hisses as soon as I touch him. “Fuck! That burns like a motherfucker!” I don’t waiver but I make sure that I’m gentle as I continue to wipe the blood away and examine the damage to his hands and knuckles. There’s a couple of small cuts but mostly there’s some bruising starting to appear and there’s swelling where he’s been hitting.
“Chase,” he’s not looking at me and I feel the nervous energy radiating from his body, as if he were getting ready to bolt as soon as I’m done here. But I won’t let him go anywhere until I get some answers. “Did you get into a fight?”
His lips are flattened in a determined line, his expression quietly stoic as he tries to fend me off.
“It’s better if you don’t know, princess. Less shit that can come to bite me in the ass later.”
I don’t understand but I’m not letting this go. “Chase, come on! That pisses me off. Do you think I’d ever go and run my mouth to get you into trouble? I think I deserve a bit more credit than that.”
His lips curl up into a sarcastic smirk and I retaliate by pressing the cloth harder on his broken skin, making him wince in pain. “You have only one way to get rid of me. Start talking.”
He takes his hands away from mine and walks to the freezer to get an ice pack and I hand him a kitchen towel to wrap around it, keeping my eyes on him.
“God, has anyone ever told you that when you want to be, you’re annoying as fuck?” I don’t flinch but face him head on.
“Yeah, plenty actually. Especially since you got back here. So since we’ve established that I’m a pain in your ass, you know that I won’t leave you alone until you tell me what the fuck happened.”
His laugh isn’t a happy or relaxed one. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you cuss this much, sis. You were such a sweet kid. What happened, huh?”
I feel redness rise to my cheeks under his gaze and I snap. “I’m not a kid anymore, Chase!”
He lets out a dark chuckle, “Yeah, I noticed that. And that’s why we’re here, Kaya. How do you think I hurt my hands? I was cleaning up your fucking mess, that’s how.”
I gasp at the implications of his words. “What do you mean? Please, tell me you didn’t do what I think you did.” He doesn’t say anything but it’s written all over his face.
“Chase!” I scold him, “What the fuck? You told me to leave him alone! That he just wanted attention, you said—”
He cuts me off, annoyed. “I know what I said. I said that because the asshole you decided to play with isn’t a nice guy, Kaya. I said that because I didn’t trust him not to try to put his hands on you if you ever were alone with him. And if he’d done that, I wouldn’t have just beat the shit out of him, I would have had to kill him. So yes, this is all because of you. You’re fucking welcome!”
Of course, I should’ve known that somehow, he would blame this on me. “I didn’t ask you to do that, I was gonna handle it. Where are Bryce and Parker?”
His gaze hardens at the mention of his best friends. “They caught up with me and they’re taking care of that scumbag. They’ll let me know if I have to lawyer up or if they can talk him out of pressing charges. That’s if they don’t have to take him to the hospital, of course.”
He says it with a quiet resignation, as if he weren’t scared of the consequences of his actions. “Chase, why the hell did you do that? I don’t understand. What the fuck got into you all of a sudden? Why go from being a total asshole to me, to acting like you actually care? You’ve made no mystery of the fact that you don’t like me.”
He stops the onslaught of my words by dropping the ice pack on the kitchen table and by taking one step toward me. “Is that what you think? That I don’t like you?”
Yeah, asshole. You never miss a chance to say horrible shit to me, so yeah. That’s exactly what I think.
But I don’t say that. I shrug, suddenly tired. It’s getting late and talking to him is sucking all the energy out of me. I go for a more diplomatic, “Isn’t that so? At the beginning, when our parents met, I thought we were friends. Now it’s as clear as day that we aren’t. But it’s not because of me. It’s because you act as if I were a piece of hairy gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe. So yes, I think that you fucking hate me, so when you go and beat up a guy who’s wronged me, it makes no sense. It just makes you look like you’re batshit crazy.”
Chase shakes his head. “I thought we were friends too. But you know what, Kaya? That’s the problem with you, you think that you can go around rejecting people and then you expect to stay besties? You’re the crazy one, if you ask me.”
I don’t get Chase, I really don’t. “So if you think that Marc was in the right, why get involved?”
He takes another step toward me, he’s now so close that our chests are almost touching and I can smell his scent that reminds me of the ocean breeze.
His eyes are fixed on mine, their blue so dark that it looks almost black. I feel my body respond to this closeness in a totally inappropriate way, and I avert my gaze, hoping to hide it from him. Hoping that my stepbrother doesn’t see how much I love being close to him. But he must notice my flushed cheeks, my faster breathing and maybe even the way my nipples have hardened under the thin cotton of my pale pink nightie.
“Marc wasn’t right. He acted like a bastard, that’s why I had to make him stop. But I understand how hurt he felt, Kaya. Because I felt the same way when you rejected me, three years ago.”
He is batshit crazy.
“What the fuck are you talking about? You went from being one of the sweetest guys I’d ever met, one of my best friends, to ignoring me, yelling at me and saying hurtful stuff every time we were in the same room.”
Chase’s voice comes out in a raspy, regretful tone. “But that’s the thing, princess. You ignored me first, you didn’t even bother saying no when I asked you out. Not that it mattered once we became siblings, but it hurt like hell that you—”
I think Chase must have hit his head while fighting Marc or something, because he isn’t making any sense.
“You never asked me out, Chase! What the hell! Why are you lying to me now? If you’d asked me out, I would’ve said yes.”
He shakes his head. “Whatever, Kaya. You can’t change the past. You didn’t even give me an answer.”
My voice comes out way more shrill than intended, I’m really frustrated right now. “Are you insane? You never asked me out, Chase. I should’ve known, I was there the whole time. And you changed completely. One minute you were adorable and the next you glared at me and said hurtful things, with absolutely no reason.”
He scoffs. “Whatever! Ok, I was too nervous to ask you outright but I still asked. I wrote it on the last page of that first edition Video Girl Ai that I gave you. I wrote if you’d go out with me but you never said anything, so I got my answer.”
I look at his sad expression and I realize that he really believes what he’s saying. And I don’t even take a second to dwell on the fact that he’s saying that he liked me, I take his hand and drag him up the stairs and into my room.
I open the drawer where I keep the manga he gave me three years ago and throw it at him. It hits his chest with a thud before Chase catches it in his hands.
“There! I kept it all these years. I should’ve gotten rid of it because just looking at it, made me sad thinking about how we were when you gave me that, but I didn’t have the heart to do it. Because the silly little girl still in me can’t get rid of the crush I’ve always had on you.” He opens the comic at the last page and I step closer to look at what I know is a blank page, on the flip side of the conclusion of the story.
“See? Nothing.”
But Chase flicks one more page and reaches the back of the cover. And sure enough, on the thicker cardboard of the inner cover, some faded words are scribbled in pencil, in Chase’s masculine writing.
I like you, Kaya. Will you let me take you on a date?
“What— I’ve never looked at the very last page. I can’t believe I’ve never seen that.”
Chase’s face still looks deadpan, as if he doesn’t know if he can believe me when I say that I’ve never seen those words before. And my mind is completely reeling, wondering if things would’ve been different if I had seen that three years ago. There’s no way to know that and I can’t change the past, but now I know why Chase treated me the way he did. He thought I ignored him. I set the comic book down on my bed and lift my face to look at him, marveling like I always do at the perfection of his features, at the intense dark blue of his eyes, at the golden hue of his short blond hair. My voice comes out in little more than a whisper, “Chase, I’m so sorry. I swear I’ve never known that you wrote something at the end of the book. I’d have never ignored you.”
His gaze is impenetrable when he says, “It doesn’t matter, Kaya. It wouldn’t have changed anything between us, even if you’d seen that.” My reaction is immediate and almost vehement, I can’t think of anything but how different things could’ve been if I’d seen those words. “But it would have. Because I would’ve said yes, Chase. There was nothing I wanted more than to go on a date with you, back then. I had the biggest crush on you you can ever imagine. I’m so sorry, it’s all my fault if you thought I was a rude, spoiled girl and you’ve been hating me this whole time.”
Chase’s eyes flash with anger, or at least that’s what I think it is.
“Hating you? Is that what you think?”
I’m confused, I nod, feeling the full weight of that probing gaze. “What else could I think?”
He chuckles but it’s a sad, almost bitter sound. “I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you at the library. I just didn’t have the courage to tell you, I was too scared that you wouldn’t feel the same way about me. Especially because I saw how close you were with Reid. This is why I wrote you that note. I’d never been in love before, so I didn’t know what to do. Hookups? Sure, those were easy but you? You’ve always had the power to render me speechless, Kaya. I’ve loved you all this time and I’ve tried to stop but I don’t know how to.”
My heart is beating so fast that I can’t breathe, let alone think. I manage to get my question out in a raspy, trembling voice. “All this time? Do you mean that—”
Our faces are so close that the distance between our lips is minimal, I feel his warm, minty breath on my lips when he interrupts me. “I mean that I love you.”
My reply is instant, it leaves my lips before I can even think about all the reasons why uttering those words isn’t a good idea. “I love you too. I always have and I can’t stop.”
He closes the distance between us and when his lips brush against mine, I’m almost surprised that his kiss feels different than what I’ve been imagining for all these years. But that’s just because he’s giving me the opportunity to change my mind and maybe I should, maybe I should stop and think for a second but I can’t. I surround his neck with my arms and that’s when Chase makes every dream I’ve ever had about kissing him come true.
22.
Forbidden
Kaya
HIS KISS IS EXACTLY like him: powerful, strong, wild and sexy but also tender at the same time. His lips are warm, soft and confident and as soon as I open my mouth, his tongue tangles with mine, exploring me hotly and yet gently. My whole body is ready to melt against his and when his arms close around me, pressing me tighter to his strong chest, it’s like coming home. It feels like this is where I belong and I’ve never known how lost I was until this very moment.
We kiss forgetting everything else around us, because nothing matters right now but our need for each other. Chase’s lips leave mine to descend the column of my neck as our hands go on their own exploration trip, removing every obstacle, everything that threatens to come between our bodies right now.
So I barely realize how I find myself lying on the bed, naked except for my white lace panties, with Chase on top of me. I feel the warmth of his hard, chiseled body and his smooth, tanned skin feels like silk against my own. Chase’s body is hard everywhere, proving that I’m not imagining it when he grinds his erection against me and I arch my back, bucking my hips to feel more of him. That drives him wild and he starts dragging his lips everywhere on my body, kissing and biting his way down to my breasts. When he takes one of my hardened nipples in his mouth, the sound that comes out of my mouth is something aching to desperate but laced with the most delicious torment.
Soon we’re completely naked, kissing and touching, exploring each other like we’ve been wanting to do for years.
Chase lifts his face from my chest, his blue eyes clouded with lust, his hips lined up with mine. “Kaya, I fucking love you so much ...”
The only thing I can do is to say it back and the next thing that happens is as unexpected as it should have been predictable. Chase enters me with one smooth thrust and that feels nothing like I’ve always tried to imagine either. Nothing like having someone’s fingers or tongue in there. Chase feels impossibly big and the invasion is painful, so painful that I bite down on his shoulder to avoid crying out.
He thankfully doesn’t move, holding me in his arms and giving me time to adjust to this new and slightly uncomfortable feeling, to let the tearing pain begin to subside. His hands are at either side of my head, his eyes pinning me to their dark blue depths just as much as the part of him that’s inside me.
The first time he rocks his hips against mine, I think I’m going to die because my body responds with a painful spasm and I inhale sharply, concentrating on his eyes.
And then something begins to change, Chase begins rocking against me slowly and languidly and my wet core opens up to him, accommodating him. The fit is snug but no longer painful and I begin breathing again, letting him seat deeper inside me with each slow thrust. His movements become even and rhythmic and my body starts craving them, anticipating each time he delves into me and responding with tiny, pleasurable spasms. I love the feeling of his skin against mine and I lose myself in the sensation, soon meeting his movements with my own. Before I know it, every thrust causes my inner walls to clamp around his shaft and it feels good, so good that it begins building up into something more. Something familiar and unknown at the same time, it’s a similar pleasure to being touched or kissed down there but it comes from somewhere deeper inside me and the buildup is slower, so that I’m taken by surprise when I realize that I’m about to come.
It’s like the sweetest torture I’ve ever had to endure because I teeter on that edge for what feels like a long time. I want to be tipped over the edge and be swept away by my orgasm but at the same time, I don’t want this to end. I contract my inner walls to try and control the steady buildup that each of Chase’s thrusts is causing but that makes him groan almost painfully and he completely loses it. “Oh fuck, Kaya! You’re so damn tight. You feel too fucking good, princess.” His hands come down on my hips keeping me still while he pounds into me with a more erratic but frantic pace. His already hard shaft becomes harder and it feels so good that I beg him not to stop. His thrusts are now harder, making us both delirious as we moan and pant clinging desperately onto each other until he sneaks a hand between us to stroke me where I know it always feels incredible. That’s when I scream, writhing against him and leaving him no choice but to explode inside me in warm, throbbing gushes that prolong and amplify my own pleasure. We ride that wave together until the end, until we collapse on my pillows still joined and deliciously spent.
I can’t believe that I just made love to Chase.
Chase
THE FIRST FEW MOMENTS after we come in a gloriously delirious heap are filled with a pleasant numbness that I fully enjoy because I k
now it won’t last.
I know the real world is still out there, ready to crush onto us with the full weight and implications of what we just did. But I selfishly push it aside for a little longer, relishing the feeling of Kaya sprawled on my chest, caressing her delicate spine with a slow, possessive touch.
Mine.
Mine like she was always supposed to be and this feels so right that it crushes me because I know that it’s wrong and that I fucked up. Royally.
“I love you, Chase.”
The look in her eyes reaches all the way down to my heart, making it ache for her with the familiar painful intensity that I always associate with my feelings for Kaya.
I know that I should start pulling away, that this can only end in heartbreak and that while I deserve every ounce of the pain that awaits me, she doesn’t. She deserves love and happiness, everything that I can’t give her. But even though I can’t afford to love her the way I want, I’m done lying to her. So I say it back because it’s true and consequences be damned for one more minute. “I love you too, Kaya.” Her lips find mine and I kiss her back for just one moment, one last taste but I don’t let her deepen the kiss, my lips stay closed when I feel the tip of her tongue teasing and demanding entrance.
I have to start destroying the fragile, beautiful thing we’ve just built because I know that there’s no chance for us to be together, unless we want to lose everything and everyone that matters in our lives.
Yeah, I know I’m a selfish prick. And I realize that I’m even more of a prick than I thought when I think that we didn’t use protection.
“Kaya, are you on something? I mean, I’m sorry, I know I should’ve asked you before we ...” I’m such a stupid motherfucker that I really think it’s impossible that someone so smart, sweet and perfect like Kaya could actually ever love me. That this all must be a fucking dream, one of the many dreams I’ve had about her from the moment I met her.
Forbidden (Perfect for them Book 1) Page 21