by T M Caruana
“Susy, why do you look sad?”
I heard a croaky voice as the old man approached. He stood with the aid of a walking stick and approached slowly. His body looked frail as he sat down beside me.
“The wise Zonar.”
The words had somehow pupped into my head.
I had no idea who the man was. How could I know his name? Had my memory started to come back?
“Yes that is correct, people know me more as the Gatekeeper. Do you remember me?” he asked curiously.
If he had paid attention to Michael’s conversation with me earlier in the cave, he would know that I had amnesia. It felt like a disappointment to once again have to admit that the memories hadn’t yet returned.
“No, the words just came out by themselves, I’m sorry,” I confessed.
“No, don’t be sad, your memory will come back and it’s positive; nothing to apologise for,” he said. “There will be a time when you will look up at the stars and feel at home. A time when it feels like nature obeys your every command. When people are listening to your words and when your strength can’t be measured by anyone else. Susy, the men outside are trying to protect you and they haven’t been completely honest,” his mysterious words were muttered through a long grey beard. I sat up, impatient to hear more, forgetting about the world outside.
“Susy…you are the creator of our Universe,” he said in a wise voice.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
I couldn’t understand what the old man might mean by that.
“It began over thirteen billion years ago; what the people of Teli call ‘The Big Bang’. Your particles created an explosion with the symmetry energy from the power stones as a super power, a Supersymmetry, from which you got your name SUSY. This power means that all the particles in your body are partner particles that make up…everything in the Universe,” he explained.
His wise old eyes met mine, as he appeared to be waiting for more questions.
I could find no words, no questions. Seeing how shocked I was, and moved by all the information, the old man continued his story: “Your existence is made up of the four fundamental forces of nature: the weak force, the strong force, the electromagnetic force and gravity. The weak force is the one that makes the world spin and gives power to the sun and the stars. The strong force binds particles and atomic nuclei, and creates and holds the worlds together. The electromagnetic force is the energy that keeps the life chakras in place, forming portals, rainbows and even lightning. Gravity is what causes objects to be drawn to the world’s land surface instead of floating around in the Universe. That is a good quality except for its effect on Teli as it counteracts the powers from the gravity of the moon. What I have heard, that no one else knows, but you, is that you created the moon to protect something, but I don’t know what. Now that you’ve stayed on Teli for so long, the moon’s gravity interfered with your forces and an opposite energy has enabled your weak force to make Teli spin faster, expand and thus heat up. It’s what is called the greenhouse effect. Teli has already increased its temperature and so the holocaust began with volcanic eruptions, floods, ice melts, migratory birds with navigation problems…this has also created effects on the stars. If Teli reaches 2000 degrees, which would happen if you stayed there, the nuclei held together by your strong force would digest and Teli would float out into small pieces in the Universe.”
His faded purple eyes looked anxiously at me as if he wanted me to remember everything, as if the battle wasn’t won yet and couldn’t ever be won if I couldn’t remember how to win it.
“So the reason for all the aching I experienced on Teli and my memory loss is all due to the moon,” I repeated.
He nodded in assent. I also noticed that what Zonar had explained was also predicted by the prophecies scribbled down in the black notebook.
“You were created as an invincible force. By using the power from the power stones it gave you energy to begin to create life. The problem with the life created in the worlds was that they couldn’t survive without you as an energy source. You had to travel between worlds as a battery to recharge them periodically. You heard about Isaac’s theories and became interested in his discoveries and hoped they could somehow help you. You wanted to find a way where you wouldn’t have to travel around so much and be able to stay in one place for longer periods.”
He put his wrinkly hands over mine and smiled as if to console me to my fate.
“That was when I was kidnapped and treated as a lab rat, for them to be able to use my energies to create the ultimate power source and create weapons of mass destruction,” I pronounced the words he didn’t want to say.
“Now you have been away from the other worlds for so long their energies are very low and I am afraid that you will soon have to find the power stones to be able to recharge the worlds’ energies before it’s too late,” he continued as if he felt it was his duty to provide me with all the information I needed to be able to remember who I was.
I looked at him and felt fear; fear that I still didn’t know who I was and fear that I had no idea how I could save the worlds…my worlds. I looked at him as I mulled over the information in my head. His grey hair reached to the bottom of his long purple robe where his sandals were just visible. However, a piece of the puzzle was still missing; I couldn’t get my head around the calculation of aging, even though this probably wasn’t an important detail to be thinking about after he had just explained that we could soon all be extinct.
“If I’m the first living being, how come you’re older than me?”
I pulled myself together to ask, not wanting to offend an older man. I had been brought up never to question people about their age.
“I’m not older than you my dear. Worlds apart from Teli, which ages differently due to the disturbance of the moon, age according to their social classes. This is because of their proximity to the power stones. The closer you are to the stones the slower the aging process. The most important people, those closest to the bloodline, live closest to the castle that is in the immediate radius of the energies from the stones. I am the Gatekeeper guarding the portals and furthest away from the energies, therefore I look the oldest.”
He didn’t seem bitter about it, just proud of his important task.
“You know…he’s a good man. Sometimes it can be difficult to decide if you want to follow what other people think is right or what the heart says,” he said as an aside.
“Are you talking about Noah?” I suggested, confused.
“Whomever you believe, only you know.”
He spoke in riddles. He got up to return to the rock ledge on the other side of the cave.
I felt nervous that my feelings for Tarus were so obvious. It wasn’t good for the Pixi kingdom if people found out about it. However, I had just found out that I wasn’t a Pixi after all and perhaps not at all meant for Noah. I was a separate figure and had no assigned soulmate. Zonar’s words were something I had to think about carefully. Perhaps it was best that I still kept a low profile and tried to remember my relationship to Noah. If I had liked him before, there must have been something special between us.
I walked silently towards the exit to look out over the campfire. Everyone had left and Katrona had fallen asleep to the sound of Noah’s guitar, which I hadn’t even noticed he had brought. It was only Kora and Noah who sat on the logs around the fire, talking. Leo must have erased Eutychia’s spell and Noah had regained his blonde hair and smooth face that symbolised a Pixi. He was beautiful and, aside from his appearance, I felt obliged to at least try to imagine a life with him. I realised that everyone else had a history with each other that I didn’t understand and Noah and Kora were probably talking about Noah’s regret over her father’s death.
Just as I was going out to them, I was stopped by a feeling of betrayed, as I saw Kora lean over and give Noah a kiss. She took his head in both her hands and held it tightly against her lips. Noah didn’t resist. How could he? He should kn
ow better than to betray me, his soulmate, before we had even had a chance to process our thoughts. In addition, I was so close to Kora that she must have been able to sense all my feelings as she kissed him. I rushed past them and over to Tarus where he sat playing on a rock, lighting a piece of wood. I ran into his arms and kissed him.
“Take us away from here, take me to Bomi,” I requested hysterically because I knew how fast they were on Pixi and Noah would be there in no time.
“Do I dare to go in the portal with you again, it almost killed me last time and, besides, Hunter took back the power stone.”
“I would never hurt you on purpose, I promise, please, hurry, I have a stone,” I pulled him by his hand behind me.
Tarus seemed amused over the game and unaware of Noah’s betrayal. We made our way inside the cave and as I had assumed, Noah wasn’t far behind.
“Stay Susy, it was Kora who kissed me. I would never do that to you. It’s a misunderstanding.”
His words echoed powerlessly off the cave walls.
“You didn’t seem to object,” I replied stung. “Tarus, take me away from here. I want out now!” I cried to Tarus who had shielded his muscular body between Noah and I.
It didn’t seem to even occur to him that he was second choice; he was sure of my true feelings for him and so seized his chance.
“The lady doesn’t want you Noah, she wants to be left alone. Don’t do anything stupid that you will regret. I don’t want to hurt you,” he threatened.
It was ignorance as well, considering Noah’s strengths and Tarus’s recent injuries.
“You are ignoring the truth Tarus! You know that Susy is smarter than both you and I. When she regains her memory, she will know the truth. Just make sure that you are able to live with yourself after that,” Noah warned before we stepped into the portal opening.
What reassured me was that Zonar hadn’t acted and hadn’t tried to stop me from travelling in the portal. He just seemed amused about the drama of the situation, and it would have been his duty, after all…he was the Gatekeeper.
13
FIRE-ROSE
Our passion for each other was too hard to resist once inside the portal. We landed on the marble floor in Tarus’s room in the fort on Bomi. I was held up in Tarus’s arms as his sturdy legs kept us from falling. However, it was easier this time as the forces in the portal weren’t as strong when neither the opening nor the exit involved Teli. We pressed our lips over each other’s, neither one less eager than the other. My arms hung around Tarus’s shoulders and as he carried me towards the great black bed. All of a sudden he hesitated and let me down gently beside the bed, pushing me away.
“It isn’t right, I can’t, not yet, it will be the end of the world,” he murmured in a desperate tangle of half sentences. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this moment. But it isn’t supposed to be like this…not yet,” he added in an effort to stop me from feeling rejected.
I crossed my arms and hung my head; full of thoughts. The air wasn’t cold, quite the opposite, maybe even too hot and it smelled of smoke. Even with the heat I still felt a shiver running through my body.
“What is it? You look worried.”
One finger lifted my face to look into his eyes. I pulled my face away from having had my pride hurt.
The bed had hard springs, but the bedspread was made of silk and was smooth against my fingers as I sat down. Thoughts galloped wildly inside my head.
“For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places. It is what the prophecy said,” I whispered to Tarus, as if to challenge him of knowing more than what he had told me.
Was that what it had all been about? Not upsetting Noah in case the kingdoms declared war on each other.
“What do you know about the prophecy Tarus?” I commanded more seriously and actually demanding answers.
He sat down on the bed next to me, put his hand over my thighs and sighed in despair.
“Nothing that has been written on the map has been wrong so far, however I am too sceptical to believe that a prophecy, a fictional writing on a piece of paper, can be true.”
I couldn’t decide whether to trust if his words were sincere or his attempt to be positive. It was clear that he didn’t want to defy the powers, abandon his principles and give in to our desires, just in case our actions were to put things in motion. I thought of Noah and how a war between kingdoms would be possible if he were defied. It was strange how I had reacted so strongly over his kiss with Kora, given my love for Tarus. Was there something inside me that remembered him, something we had shared in the past? Perhaps it was best not to approach Tarus further just in case I got my memory back and found that I had chosen the wrong path. But how could my feelings toward Tarus be wrong when they felt so right, so beautiful with a constant tingling in my stomach and an unbroken smile as I watched him? I felt more frustrated than ever. Everyone knew who I was, except me!”
“Come, there is something I want to show you,” he murmured.
He must have seen that I was deep in thought, for now, he took my hand and pulled me up from the bed and away to a beautiful table of dark marble. I groped cautiously in the dim light to keep from falling. He crawled under the table and I could hear a scraping sound. It sounded as if he was moving aside some sort of cover before he stood up again. A white cloth lay in his hand and he held it out to show me.
“I have something for you,” he offered reverently as he looked deep into my eyes.
It was a look that would definitely be one of those that you remember for the rest of your life. His eyes glistened with all that was best in him. When he opened the cloth, a flaming rose of gold appeared on a black spiny stalk. Tarus flinched, almost as if he too was surprised by it.
“The fire-rose.”
My voice was almost in a trance. My eyes found it hard to move away from the beautiful creation, which illuminated both our faces in the dark.
“How did you know about it?” he asked suspiciously.
“Michael told me a little about it. He said that it had been missing for centuries.”
“Oh, did he?” he grunted.
No more nasty comments came out of Tarus’s mouth about Michael though. He now shared a link to his life in an eternal bond.
“Anyone looking for it was ignorant of its character, which made the search in vain. The fire-rose doesn’t burn when the owner has the true love of his heart reciprocated. Before you disappeared…the rose, your rose…hadn’t burned for years.”
His eyes looked into mine as if he wanted me to understand something that he didn’t dare say. Either he wanted me to be reminded of a relationship we had shared, against all the rules, or maybe he was heartbroken over what I had forgotten. That I couldn’t remember our love was probably why the rose was burning again. He wrapped the rose once more without the cloth catching fire. It must be under some sort of spell to stop it happening.
“But you said we’d never been romantic with each other, in your room, when I asked you,” I stammered; sad that the rose was burning.
My body ached with desire and I was impatient to be with him, now and forever.
“No. I’ve never lied to you,” he said. “Never,” he assured again. “Out of sympathy and compassion to others we have always chosen the people above us and never passed the righteous border. We have never given in to each other and it must remain so.”
The strictness with which he pronounced his words made me assume that the word ‘we’ wasn’t really ‘we’, but more out of my own choice. He had then kept himself strong and restrained himself to accommodate me. If I persuaded him to give in, would he? I longed for his hot body, to feel the feeling that I had heard would be wonderful, but never had the opportunity to experience. I felt desire in every inch of my body and I wanted to experience it now. But was Tarus right? Maybe it would be disastrous to defy the prophecy and also the people. All of
Pixi’s inhabitants would expect me back on the throne alongside Noah. But that would mean I would live the rest of my very long life without Tarus. I was now standing at a crossroads without answers, but with the power to choose how the situation would unfold. Would I play on his weak morals sense and his love for me or should I resist, and see where the future leads us?
“Here!” he said and held out the rose. “It’s your rose now, so you can find your true love,” he muttered.
The next moment, he seemed to pull himself together and his voice changed.
“Now you rest, it’s early in the morning and there are still a few hours left to sleep that you can catch up on. Tomorrow I can take you on a tour of my fort.”
I felt uncomfortable that he would leave me alone in the strange room, in a foreign land, a foreign country, no, even worse, a foreign world.
He was halfway to the door before I took in his words and reacted.
“Your fort?”
“Yes, had you forgotten your curious eyes on my chest and tattoo earlier? I have royal blood. This is my kingdom and I am the ruler of Bomi and this town of Ubar where we are now,” he declared proudly even though he really didn’t need more accolades to impress me.
“Yes, I had forgotten that.”
I didn’t want him to leave and panic suddenly washed over me, filling my heart with an icy quiver. I felt the same way when Vic left me. Where had Vic gone? And would Tarus come back?
“Don’t worry, you’re safe here, sleep now. Your nightgown is in YOUR drawer.”
He nodded towards the dresser by the bed. He must have read the look of abandonment on my face and wanted to reassure me that it wasn’t actually the first time I had been an overnight guest. The next moment he had disappeared, and the door was shut with a thud after him.
My eyes had grown accustomed to the dim light and I could make out more details of the room. What was that? On top of the dresser, it was…my purple teddy bear, only bigger. I could clearly recognise the fabric as my fingers stroked across it and the eyes, nose and mouth had the same black embroidery.