Symmetry

by T M Caruana

He probably didn’t want to complain, but he couldn’t lie to me saying that it was fine. “Your declaration of love for Tarus hurt much worse than this,” he muttered, but then seemed to regret his honesty.

  It was the first time since my return that he had explained his betrayed feelings openly and he knew that the words would pain me. He hadn’t intended to put his words across in this way, but had only wanted to appear macho with his high tolerance for his wounds. I sat down with my legs crossed on the ground next to the fire. Noah approached slowly and sat down beside me. The flames lit up his face and it was the only thing I could see in the dark except for the stars.

  “After that, we stole the chief’s horse.” Noah continued his story. “I rode the chief’s, which no one had permission to do, and you had Lance. We ran them through the woods faster than the wind.”

  I had noticed that Noah was staring at me during his storytelling, but I dared not meet his gaze. I was glad he was there with me though and the story helped me to relax. It was like a bedtime story of the sort I was used to when Vic tried to calm me to sleep. I looked up into the sky and, of course, there was no moon, only stars, with the same constellations as Teli. Without the moon, and being calmed by identifying the star signs; the big bear and the three wise men, I realised that it would be easier than usual to fall asleep. I shuddered from a chilly breeze and folded my hands under my armpits to try to stay warm. Noah saw his chance and put his left arm around me and held me close to him. He laid his cheek against my head and continued his story.

  “We arrived at the Garden of Eden where we ate from the forbidden fruit, which was where we…you and I…”

  His voice ceased for a long time and I had to look at him to see if he was still conscious. He was and he just smiled fondly at me.

  “We were discovered by the chief’s guards and were in such a hurry to flee that we forgot the chief’s horse in the garden. He had become quite intoxicated with the rotten apples, poor thing,” Noah laughed and I was invited to join the laughter. “Susy…” said Noah with a tender tone of voice as if he had something intimate to say whilst he took my chin and turned it towards his face.

  “It took me days before I could ride him again,” commented a voice interrupting us.

  I spun around but no figure could be distinguished in the darkness.

  Noah seemed extremely disappointed to have been interrupted, but also looked as if he recognised the voice.

  “Derek? Is that you?” Noah asked and forced himself into the ritual position with his left knee on the ground before the chief.

  “When you speak of the devil, yes it’s me. How nice to see that you have found the way back to each other.”

  A sturdy man approached from the forest edge to the open place where Noah and I sat in front of the fire. Noah looked at him with alarmed eyes as if something had changed.

  “Gluttony,” he whispered over his arm, warning me to be alert for the unexpected.

  I looked questioningly at him since he and the chief had been good friends before and I didn’t understand why this could be interpreted as a dangerous situation. Derek wobbled down to sit next to us with a weary sigh.

  “I’m starving, have you anything to eat?” he grunted and looked toward the fire. “I think I am lost in these woods and can’t find my way back to Babylon,” he continued dazedly.

  “Chief…you are in Medi’s overgrown forest. You aren’t on Angi…you are one of those wandering souls,” explained Noah gently with his left hand in readiness to draw his sword if it were needed.

  Derek sat quietly and looked around trying to estimate where he might be and what he could recognise around us.

  “What’s the last thing you can remember?” Noah asked trying to make him confront his reality and maybe get him to join the Oracle’s train.

  “I, I…was with my brother and we ate soup. It’s probably the last thing I remember. How did I get here?”

  He looked around again, and it was hard to tell if he meant ‘here’ as on Medi or ‘here’ next to us tonight.

  “It sounds as if you might have been poisoned by your brother. I’m sorry,” Noah didn’t elaborate further and that pleased me as another bad tempered man would be too much to handle right now.

  I also felt scared and more vulnerable now that Noah was gravely injured. However, I thought that I would try to remember to inform Kora of the reason for her father’s death in order to remedy the battle between Angi and Sabi. The hatred between the two people was probably the reason for the false information spreading in the form of rumours of someone from Sabi murdering the chief. If I came out of this adventure alive, this was something I needed to put right.

  “Are you dead too?” Derek asked, looking at me with a wondering expression on his face as if he couldn’t really comprehend how the situation was tied together.

  “No, not yet, anyway. We have come to search for a woman named ‘K’ to gather information about a magical ingredient that can help heal when the marrow is drained from the bones,” explained Noah, glancing at me, as he knew it would make me think of Tarus.

  “Oh, yes, yes, a nasty woman she is, and she has a great desire for all her possessions. You’ll have no help from her if you don’t have any goods to trade,” he puffed out in an amused grunt.

  “Desire!” Noah and I exclaimed at the same time and looked at each other. “We have to try anyway. We have to see her. Do you know where she is?” I blurted out.

  I was almost a little too eager and I realised that my plea was undignified. Derek obviously wasn’t used to it and his next words were delivered in a slow and suspicious murmur.

  “She lives beyond the ‘River of Lust’ in the wooden tree house. Not more than a few hours away by foot, I would guess. But nobody wants to cross the ‘River of Lust’,” he said firmly and opened his eyes until his eyelids were completely hidden, and he shook his head.

  “Lust,” Noah and I said at the same time again and we couldn’t help, but laugh at ourselves.

  “What is it with the river that no one wants to pass?”

  Now it was my turn to ask questions and this time I had no hard elbow digging into my ribs to indicate that my question was inappropriate.

  “I have seen many men drown in that river. A beautiful voice is heard from the water, which draws men to it and under the surface. What is happening under the surface, no one has survived to tell. If I’m dead, I understand why I never was lured by the voice,” he said and looked a little encouraged that nothing was wrong with his sensuality.

  He was as manly as the others, just not alive.

  “Where is Kora? Is my daughter unharmed and how has my wife been treated after my death?” he asked randomly.

  “Kora is safe and on Pixi, if she hasn’t already gone to Angi to see if your wife is unharmed. Unfortunately, I don’t have any further information,” Noah replied looking embarrassed at not knowing more. “We have to go back to them as soon as possible. Can you lead us to the ‘K’? We would be very grateful.”

  His words weren’t known to come humbly, but diplomatically even though they had lost their strength after many years absent from the throne. I felt that the situation needed some more persuasion to make an impression on the chief.

  “We have to hurry back to search for the blue power stone that Eutychia possesses so that we can retrieve it and save the world,” I added quickly, to highlight the importance of his help.

  Noah gave me a ‘show-off’ look that meant he didn’t like that I had been and still was smarter than him, even when I had forgotten who I was.

  “What? Eutychia has the blue stone? Then there’s no time to lose. We need to get to ‘K’ at once.”

  He blundered up on his feet using both hands supported by his knees. As we all had come to our feet, we could see that the Oracle’s train blocked our path. It would take a while for the whole of the long train to pass, which made Derek immediately lean back to sit down again.

  “It is no use moving tonight. The t
rain is blocking the road and there is no way to pass it,” he spoke, but got no response from me.

  I looked paralysed into my own soul at the front of the train and recognised many of the feelings that I held. Feelings I was ashamed of.

  “Hello!” Derek yelled breaking my gaze. “It is dangerous to have contact with the train,” he warned and took a stick to stir the fire to keep it alive.

  “Here, come sit on my lap.”

  Noah grabbed my arm to pull me to sit down on his lap and stroked my hair gently aside. I felt uncomfortable; however it seemed natural to him and, out of my fatigue, I didn’t resist his caring gesture and just watched the flames whilst feeling my eyes becoming heavier and heavier.

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  The sun lay low in the treetops when I woke up and the men were already on their feet, ready to venture deeper into the forest. How long had I been asleep? I mustn’t lose the concept of time. Could we have only about eight hours left?

  “Are you sure you still want to continue? I fear for your life Noah,” Derek questioned with concern as he stomped on the last embers in the already dead fire.

  I looked at Noah, but didn’t comment. I didn’t want to give up on Tarus’s life. The sight of Noah’s pale face and tired eyes made me hesitate though.

  “We continue. We must be back before dawn,” he said sternly, knowing how I felt. “I’ll be fine. I’ve survived this long and I’ll survive a few hundred years more,” he commented.

  I assumed this was to remind me of the length of time we had lived together as a couple.

  “All right then, let’s go.”

  Derek trampled on before us in a slow trot with half his overweight structure forcing down anything and everything else on his way. Noah didn’t want me to walk last and waited for me to get ready to go. I threw my bag over my shoulder and ran after Derek.

  “So, you and my daughter never got off? I think it would have been a wiser decision. An alliance between the worlds would have been able to increase the importance of Susy’s power charging visits and also resist any threat from Bomi,” Derek conversed with Noah insensitively over my head as if I wasn’t there.

  Noah looked stressed at the inappropriate conversation topic. I assumed neither of us wanted to be reminded of the kiss he had had with Kora.

  “So that was what Kora’s kiss had symbolised,” I looked at Noah and felt stupid about the previous eruption that had almost cost all of us our lives, and might still endanger that of Hunter, Tarus and Noah. Derek laughed.

  “That sounds like my little Kora. Those traits she takes from her mother,” he said, amusing himself without any semblance of an excuse for her behaviour.

  “It isn’t in any way entertaining. That is why we are here now!” I roared angrily and wondered if we really needed this arrogant man’s help since he was actually more of a hindrance.

  “Don’t kid yourself!” he snapped back just as angrily. “You are here because you couldn’t keep your feelings and trust for Noah under control, not because Kora kissed Noah. Don’t for a second believe you are worth more than anyone else!”

  Derek had turned to defend his daughter’s honour and hadn’t accepted my previous outburst. This time it was more difficult to form a response as he had touched on a subject that he was aware I couldn’t remember. I couldn’t know if he was right or not about my past relationship with Noah.

  “What are you talking about? I don’t think I’m worth more than anyone else. I can’t help that I am the creator of the worlds.”

  After the stay at Teli, I had had difficulty confronting my poor self-confidence, but something had caused me to mature and stand up for myself. I had become stronger knowing who I was and I felt strong enough now to withstand this insolent man. Maybe I possessed ‘hubris’ as Noah had mentioned after all?

  “Ha! The worlds’ creator! There are no solid facts indicating that you could be the worlds’ creator. It’s possible that you were created at the same time as the worlds were created and it’s true that you create life and balance in the worlds, but there is nothing that proves that there isn’t a higher power over you.”

  Derek had come closer to me and fenced with his fist, making angry movements, just inches from my face. I became silent and thought for a moment about what he had said. He could be right. Why couldn’t there be a higher power than me? Maybe I wasn’t the most powerful living thing in the Universe. Why hadn’t anyone mentioned it to me before? I turned and looked at Noah who just shrugged and herded us in front of him to continue walking.

  “Everyone has their own opinions,” Noah responded,” and I have my own belief that you are the almighty Susy. But the Universe is endless and many things are unexplained, which have made some lose their faith. I believe in what I see and what I feel in my heart. When the worlds became vulnerable and atrophied while you were away, many created a belief in a higher power that would save them. It offers hope and comfort to many,” Noah spoke wisely and tried to use words that wouldn’t offend anyone.

  “Explain then how the worlds have still survived whilst Susy has been on Teli. In addition, if Susy is the almighty, why have many of her actions performed been to her own benefit instead of helping the people? Just because you only believe in what you can see doesn’t mean that there aren’t things that you don’t see. The wind, for example; you can’t see it, but you can feel it. Furthermore, someone must have created Susy.”

  I had been pushed to walk last after Noah’s attempts to defend me and it was difficult to hear what Derek was saying, but Noah had apparently heard and had had enough of his insolent manner. His love for me didn’t allow him to keep quiet and his proud temper made him lose control.

  “Enough is enough Derek! We have talked about this many times before and now isn’t the time. Susy has done her best and we have much to thank her for, even if she isn’t the highest power. People are trying their best and we shouldn’t forget everyone’s contribution to a good life and not just focus on a higher power coming to our rescue. Just because she is a little lost right now doesn’t mean that we should abandon her. What happened to your faith and forgiveness, to giving your soul to help others and giving up your gluttony?”

  This conversation worried me and I concluded that if Noah continued to argue with Derek, he would abandon us. Their relationship appeared a bit shaky with Noah having rejected his daughter several times. It must have seemed crazy to Derek, knowing my love for Tarus, that Noah didn’t allow him to talk about me disrespectfully, even if his lecturing were to cost him his life. We were deep in the forest and it wasn’t even certain that we would find the way out after having left the well-trodden path.

  “Love conquers all,” I interrupted.

  I recognised my spoken words that had come to me out of the blue. It was one of my two mottos along with ‘Everything turns out as it should in the end’ that I used to say when everything seemed difficult and faith was lost. It reminded people that if the situation wasn’t as they thought it should be, it wasn’t yet the end. I smiled to myself and felt happy at a familiar feeling and a memory from my past life. This time it was the two men who turned to face me and look surprised. Noah seemed especially pleased that I had spoken the familiar words. I was on my way back; maybe it would mean also back to him.

  “Love conquers all,” repeated the men in unity and they continued walking in silence.

  Inspired by Derek’s discussion with regards to the wind, I noted a cool breeze stroking my cheeks with a smell of grass that felt unreal when the grass wasn’t green. We had been walking for a long time and I couldn’t help worrying about the time that we had left. Had we been walking for about three hours? That meant five hours left. Derek had said it would only take a few hours, but was he aware of our time limit? I hoped he knew the way so that he wasn’t just taking us around in circles? My sore feet hadn’t had any rest since this morning and the bag felt as heavy as lead hanging over my shoulder. Just as I was going to ask if we could take a break, I heard a beautifu
l voice singing. It must have been from the ‘River of Lust’.

  “Noah! Cover your ears!” Derek shouted in an attempt to drown out the seductively voice.

  His warning came too late. Noah drifted hypnotically towards the stream with his eyes focused straight ahead striding, one foot over the other. Derek tried to push him and leaned all his weight on his body to try to stop him. He covered his hands over Noah’s ears, but nothing seemed to help. He seemed determined to continue, as if a spell had been cast over him that held his body in a sway. “Susy! Do something, stop him!” Derek shouted at me in panic as I tried to think, but I had no idea how I could stop such a muscular body. Pulling him by his clothes wouldn’t help and I found it hard enough to keep up with his pace.

  Noah went to the river edge, knelt down on both knees and bowed down with his face under the water. I could see the naked woman’s arms extend around his neck and pull him beneath the surface.

  “No! Noah!” I cried and ran towards the river, but was stopped by Derek’s steady arms.

  “Susy, it’s too late, he’s gone,” he whispered in mourning.

  “No, do something Derek, you can save him!” I demanded and fought off his arm to get free.

  The stream was flowing fast and I wouldn’t have enough strength to swim against the current. What could I do? I couldn’t leave Noah to his fate when he had come here for my selfish reasons. I couldn’t return without him. It dawned on me then that I didn’t want to go back without him. It was as if I couldn’t live my life without him around and, even though the feelings weren’t those of passionate love, I did care for him deeply.

  I tore off my bag, shoes and dress, ready to jump in after him. I was sprinting towards the water when Noah’s body was thrown up and clashed against mine so that I went down with a thud onto the spiky grass, which prickled against my bare back. Noah landed on top of me and I could feel his hand running over my waist and across my stomach with desire. He gazed over my breasts and up into my eyes. Was he going to try to kiss me? I wish he wasn’t. It wasn’t the right time and the kiss wouldn’t be answered, not yet. He must have sensed my tension and grabbed my hand to help me up, after he himself had managed to rise. He turned to Derek while I dressed, not wanting to embarrass me.