They trudged back to the boys’ dorm. Stumpy the Gizmo stood next to the door, watching them as they entered.
“Put your pads down on the ground,” said Kier, when they arrived. “Slowly.” Carefully, they laid their computers down in front of him, and he scooped them up without looking down or letting his gun waver.
“This is only for one night,” he said. “Murdoch should be here about oh-eight-hundred. The Gizmo’s going to stand guard, so don’t try anything.”
“Kier, listen to me—” said Beth, but Kier shut the door on them, locked it and walked away.
After a while, Beth spoke up.
“I’m sorry,” she said. Her voice felt thick in her throat.
No one said anything.
“I’m sorry I led you here,” she said. “I should have realised about Kier. I should never have relieved my command.”
There was a long silence.
Vihaan shrugged. “We all fell for him,” he said in a tired voice, his head still bowed.
“Not just that,” she insisted. “All that happened before. All the resets, all the times I failed. Risking our lives, breaking the ship, I’m a terrible… I should never have tried to take command. I’m sorry.”
She sank her head down on to her knees. No one answered her at first. But after a while, Lauryn sighed.
“The computer program I found to adjust the emitters,” she said. “The one we used to send the Gizmos out? I realised – it was me that wrote it. On one of the other times, before we were reset. I wrote it, but I got it wrong. That’s why all the emitters went out of alignment. It wasn’t you; it was me.”
“I … I reviewed some of the scenes from the previous time,” said Vihaan. “I don’t know, it’s not totally clear, but I think … I think Arnold and I started the fire in the generator room.”
Beth sighed, a long rattling sigh that seemed to empty her. “What a mess,” she said.
“Maybe Captain Murdoch really will send us home?” asked Mikkel.
Beth shrugged. She thought about the video footage of the Videshi mothership. One shot from the device and it was gone, dead. And the little ships around it, trying to prod it back into life, not understanding why it didn’t move…
“With that device,” she said, “Murdoch could kill every Videshi she finds. She could slaughter them.”
As she said this, she felt an odd, quivering nerve twitch in her stomach. It was as weak as a butterfly, but it flapped and flapped. She looked across at Mikkel, and suddenly remembered what he’d told her after her disastrous spacewalk. I do the things I can, he’d said.
What were the things that Beth could do?
I am the master of my own ship. The words popped into her head. “This will happen, unless we stop it,” she said slowly.
“Yeah, well, we can’t,” drawled Arnold. He lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.
“Nevertheless.” The butterfly nagged at her. It wouldn’t let her go. “Nevertheless,” she said again. “It’s up to us to stop it. We’re the crew.”
“We’re not the crew any more,” muttered Vihaan. “We failed.”
I am the master of my own ship. I do not control the seas. I cannot control the wind. But I make my own decisions and I am the master of my own ship.
The flapping, nagging feeling grew stronger.
“We didn’t fail,” she said, as if hearing the words from someone else. “We just haven’t finished yet. There must be something. What are we … what are we doing?”
I am the master of my own ship.
She stood up. Suddenly the room seemed far too small. “We need to figure a way out of here.”
“With what?” asked Vihaan bitterly. “Our shoelaces?”
“Yes, if we have to!” Beth stared down at him. “Vihaan, look at yourself! You led a mutiny against me, and here you are crying into your knees like someone stole your sweeties!”
Mikkel said, “There does not appear to be anything we can do.” He spoke as if he was discussing the weather.
“No, but…” Beth cast around. “There must be something. Something we’ve missed. Something…”
She stopped. “Oh,” she said in surprise, “Ship.”
Vihaan lifted his head and snorted. “What about it? Ship’s working for Kier.”
But Beth shook her head. “No. It’s not. It’s following his orders. It has no choice. We put him— I put him in command. But it’s still working for us. Lauryn! Did you hear Ship talking about your hack to block Sleep mode? It knows who Limit is. It knows it was you, but it didn’t tell! And that security lock on the cargo bay – you said it yourself, Lauryn, it was stupid to lock it just for you and no one else. Of course you were going to spot it and investigate. But it wasn’t stupid. Ship did it on purpose – to get you to notice.”
She stared at Vihaan, as if trying to will the answer into him.
“Vihaan – Ship is on our side.”
Vihaan frowned.
“Let’s pretend you’re right,” he said, standing up. “What can we do?”
“I don’t know yet,” she said.
It didn’t upset her to say it.
Lauryn coughed. “Well … this might help.” She reached behind her and pulled out a pad. “Well, I had both, you know? So I only handed over the new one.”
“Lauryn, you star.” Beth beamed.
The feeling in her stomach was a storm now, a bolt of lightning, a taste of freedom. This was her ship. She was going to get them home.
“It’s two thirty now,” said Beth. “He said Murdoch would be here about eight, that’s five and a half hours. That’s how long we’ve got.”
“And we’ll need to get ready to Jump,” said Mikkel calmly. “And we have to get Generator One up and running again.”
Beth nodded. “OK. Call it four hours. Lauryn?”
Lauryn didn’t look up. Her fingers flew across the pad. “I can break this open no problem,” she said. “But Ship is officially protecting him. It’s got to follow security protocols, and he’s the captain. So … hmmm. He’s locked everything down. We can’t do anything to him. We can’t do anything at all away from the bridge. Stumpy’s guarding this room, and Lucky’s watching the bridge entrance. It’s … pretty secure.” There was a grudging respect in her voice.
“We could jump him,” said Arnold. “All together, he can’t stop us all, right?”
Beth shook her head. “He’s still got his gun; he could kill someone. We need something else.” She pondered. “Can we reactivate the authentication protocols?”
“Not without captain’s authority.”
“Can we just stop him being the captain?”
“Not unless we turn up with a more senior officer. And even then, he’s disabled automatic transfer of command.”
Beth thought back to her Ship Systems lessons. Protocols, command structures. “Two senior bridge officers and due cause. That’s what we need to remove the captain. I’m one.”
“Not any more,” muttered Lauryn. “He removed your rank.”
“There’s got to be a way,” said Beth. “Anything. Anything at all.”
Mikkel coughed. “Actually,” he said quietly. “There is something we could try.”
He told them what he had in mind and held out two of the spare Sleep discs he kept with him. It was much worse than anything Beth had imagined. It was insane.
It was their only plan.
The lights dimmed in the dorm and they tried to get some sleep while Lauryn tapped away. At last she sighed, stretched her back and said, “It’s ready.” She sounded exhausted. “All of it.”
“OK.” Beth drew a deep breath. “Mikkel, are you sure?”
Mikkel shrugged. “Yes, pretty sure.”
Pretty sure. Oh boy.
“Beth.” Vihaan’s mouth twisted. “Beth, this is dangerous. People could get hurt. Not just us – our parents, too. Everyone. Are you sure about this?”
Beth hesitated. Was she sure? Was she right to do this, to risk their
lives like this? She breathed and listened to the voice inside her.
Then she stood straight. “We have a choice,” she said. “We can let Kier hand us over to Murdoch, send us home. We can do that. But then Murdoch will have the weapon. And Videshi will die – thousands, millions of them. What would your dad want us to do, Vihaan?” She turned. “All of you – what would your parents want us to do?”
“They want us to be safe,” said Lucille.
Beth nodded. “Yes. But safe is back home, on Earth, where we came from. Safe is what we had already. Safe and easy. Our parents – mine, yours, all of them – they brought us out here, out into space, to settle a new planet not even fully formed yet. That’s not safe. That’s dangerous, and hard.”
She looked round the group. “Our parents want us to be safe, if we can be,” she said. “But what they really want … is for us to be more. To create our own lives, to make our own decisions about the world. To change the world. They want us to be the kind of people who do what’s right and not be scared. They want us to do what’s right even if we are scared.
“That’s what they want.” She took a deep breath. “And that’s what I’m going to do.”
No one spoke at first. Then Lucille stood up.
“Oui, capitaine,” she whispered.
“Aye, captain,” said Mikkel and Lauryn.
“Sure, boss,” said Arnold.
Vihaan hesitated, then smiled, and saluted. “Yes, captain.”
“OK. Well.” Beth coughed, suddenly embarrassed. “Well, let’s do it.” She nodded at Vihaan, and the two of them lay down on their camp beds.
“Remember,” said Lauryn. “Until you get to the suits I can’t talk to you.” Beth nodded.
“OK … here goes.” Lauryn typed something into her pad.
Beth’s head hit the pillow, and her mind disappeared.
34
Awake
I am alive.
I am alive. The noise I hear is breathing. I am breathing. There was somebody I knew. I have done this before. I am … Beth. I am Beth.
This is my body.
She tried opening her eyes, but nothing happened. She waited, then tried again. Still nothing. There was something she had to remember…
There was a problem with her eyes. And her fingers, and her arms and legs, and her lungs and her face and every part of her. Some problem. What was it?
Oh yes, she remembered.
This is not my body.
“Is that even possible?” she’d asked.
“Yes,” Mikkel had said, in his usual calm way. “Perhaps. In theory, yes. If the bodies have a strong genetic similarity.”
“OK … so—”
“It won’t work for very long. You might get an hour. More likely half an hour. The body will reject the foreign consciousness.”
“All right—”
“And it will be very difficult to form the connection in the first place,” he’d continued cheerfully. “The nervous system will resist.”
“So…” Beth had said. “So it should work, except it might not, and it probably won’t work very well anyway, and if it does work it will stop working within an hour.”
Mikkel had nodded. “Yes.”
It was a terrible idea, but it was the only one they had.
She tried to open her eyes.
These are not my eyes.
Nevertheless, she tried to open them. They’re eyes, she thought. They have muscles connecting to the eyelids. Move, eyelid muscles. Move.
Nothing.
I am the master of my own ship, she thought. But this is not my ship!
No. My ship is myself. I am the ship. I am the master of myself. Now MOVE.
“Beth?”
A voice, above, calling her.
She opened her eyes.
Captain Joshi was staring down at her. He was bending over her pod and his craggy, commanding face and thick eyebrows loomed over her.
“Beth?”
His voice was different. It was like his, but uncertain, and the mouth moved around as if practising each word. It was like watching a badly dubbed film, where the sound and picture didn’t quite match.
“Beth, can you move? Try blinking.”
She thought about blinking and the required muscle steps. Nothing happened.
Don’t try to work it out. Just do it.
She imagined a piece of grit in her eye, nagging her, irritating her, trapped…
She blinked.
Captain Joshi’s mouth twitched disturbingly and the corners lifted up. After a moment Beth realised he was trying to smile.
“Good. You’ve got to move, remember? Or they’ll revert you.”
That’s right, she remembered, that was the plan. Mikkel and Lauryn had said, The transfer may fail. We’ll watch you at this end. If you’re not moving after two minutes, we’ll transfer you back.
She blinked again, twice.
Right, she thought. Move.
There. A twitch. A hand – further away than it should be – moved and then fell back. That’s it. Now the other hand. You are the master of your ship. This is your ship. Move. Move. MOVE!
She moved. One hand, and the other.
“I…” She licked her lips and spoke again. “I cannnnmv.”
Captain Joshi reached down clumsily and put his hands behind her shoulders. He pulled and she pushed and together they hoisted her body into a sitting position.
“We have to hurry,” he muttered.
She nodded her head. She nodded her head. As she did so, she noticed the reflection in the glass of the next pod.
“Mum,” she whispered. Her mum’s lips moved and her mum’s voice filled the room.
“Mum.” Oh, Mum. In a T-shirt and leggings, like Captain Joshi.
Captain Joshi said, “Yes. It’s … strange.” His voice sounded more natural now, but still not as she remembered. Of course not.
She stared into Captain Joshi’s fierce brown eyes, and saw Vihaan looking out through them.
“Beth, we have to move now,” he said. “I’m going to lift you out. Ready?”
“OK.”
He lifted her legs up and over the lip of the pod, and then reached back in and dragged her out. She grabbed the sides with her new hands, watched them flap uselessly, cursed and forced them to grip, and she pushed herself up and out and on to her feet.
Vihaan was ready; he caught her before she collapsed. She slung an arm over his shoulder and he heaved her into a standing position.
“Come on!” he hissed.
“I’m working on it!” she muttered. Her voice sounded better, but still spookily different. She shook her head and concentrated on her legs and feet. Move now. Take my weight.
The bodies of Captain Amarjeet Joshi and Third Officer Carol McKay half walked, half flopped out of the sleep pod and into the corridor.
As she stumbled down the corridor, Beth’s body started to behave. She was able to move one foot forward, then put it down, then the next one. But everything was so wrong. The ceiling was too low, her legs stretched away too far with every step. Her centre of balance was never where she expected it. When she turned her head, it swung drunkenly in a wide circle.
Vihaan was doing better. He’d always been better at taking control after Waking up. He was always better at taking control over any new situation, she thought. But then she shook her head. There was no time any more for self-pity or self-doubt. So she refused, and put a foot down, and another.
They shambled and stumbled towards their destination, and by the time they arrived Beth was able to walk by herself. They entered the airlock.
The spacesuits were there. Beth and Vihaan pushed their large, ungainly bodies into the long johns, then the suits. It was awkward and frustrating, and it seemed to take ages, but for Beth it was still too soon. She felt her new body’s heart speeding up – thump thump thump – as Vihaan lifted the helmet over her head. It closed round her.
I am the master of my own ship.
&n
bsp; There was a crackle of static inside the helmet, and then Lauryn’s voice.
“Beth?”
“Yes,” muttered Beth. “It’s me. We’re here.”
There was a long pause. Then Lauryn said, “Your voice sounds weird.”
“Uh-huh.”
“OK, well … good! You’re there! And you’re able to steer the body around OK?”
“It’s my mum,” said Beth. “It’s not a shuttlecraft.”
“Beth.” Mikkel’s voice now. “Are you ready to go into the airlock?”
“Yes. Hang on.” Vihaan was fastening his helmet and gave Beth a thumbs-up.
They stumbled into the airlock. The weak gravity wasn’t helping Beth’s coordination.
“OK,” Vihaan said when they’d made it in. “Ready.”
There was a pause, and then the floor beneath them rose, the ceiling split open, and Beth was looking up at the stars.
“Now, look,” Mikkel had said seriously. “If you do this, you’ll have to walk on the surface. About half a kilometre. In your mother’s body. Are you going to…” He’d hesitated, clearly trying not to use the phrase “freak out”.
Beth had looked as determined as she could and tried to hold on to the feeling of certainty inside. “I’ll be OK,” she’d said. “It needs to be done. I’ll do it.”
She remembered the confident voice she’d used. I’ll do it.
The vast pressure of space came down on her like a tsunami and swept her certainty aside like dust.
It wasn’t just big; it was everything. It was the entire galaxy out there, pulsing. It crushed her on to the deck and lifted her up off her toes and plucked her away into the abyss like a mote, a meaningless particle—
“BETH!”
She swung round on legs that were too long and fastened to the deck by magnetic boots. Vihaan was staring at her.
“BETH!” he shouted again.
Gradually she pulled one of her arms back and made the sign of a raised thumb.
“It’s…” she croaked. “It’s OK. I’m OK.”
He kept staring. “Are you going to be able to make it?”
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