by Joss Wood
Darby felt Judah lift her and when he lowered her to the bed she knew she was no longer in control...but, then again, neither was he.
He left her mouth to pull her nipple between his lips and she whimpered, arching her back so he could take more of her, to increase the pressure. He pulled away to lavish attention on her other breast but before he could, she wiggled down so that her tongue swiped across his nipple, a small smile blooming when that tiny bead contracted. Moving down his body, she rubbed her nose over the ridges of his stomach, allowing her lips to make brief contact with his tip...
Darby squawked when Judah released a muted roar and then she was on her back, his knee pushing her legs apart, the head of his erection probing her entrance.
His hands flat on the bed on either side of her head, he held himself still, his eyes blazing when he looked down into her. “Darby! Do you want this?”
“Yes.” She gasped, lifting her hips, so close and needing completion.
Judah balanced on one hand and his other gently cradled her jaw. “Open your eyes.”
Darby forced her eyelids up, trying to widen her legs, to make him come inside.
Didn’t he understand she needed him? Now.
Judah shook his head. “Sweetheart, I need to know if this is okay, me without a condom?”
God, she hadn’t even noticed, and she didn’t care. Condom, no condom, she just wanted to shatter, to not think, just feel.
“Yes, dammit. I need you, Judah.” Darby heard the sob that followed her words, but she didn’t care. She’d sob, beg, plead, cry...anything to have him completing her. Judah, in her, loving her, taking her up and up, was the only thing in her life that made sense, the only thing she could trust.
He wanted her, she wanted him. Pure, simple truth.
Judah surged inside her and her sobs turned to pants. Darby locked her legs around his hips, skin on skin, heat on heat, unaware that tears rolled down her cheeks. She’d never imagined that he’d feel so perfect, so right.
Judah rocked into her and lifted her higher, rocked again and boosted her up a level. She couldn’t take much more. It was too much, the pleasure so intense. Then Judah rotated his hips, hit a spot and she hurtled into that bright light that was both fire and ice, blissful and shockingly intense. From what felt like a galaxy away, she heard Judah’s hoarse cry, felt him come and she shattered again.
Perfection. Pleasure. Judah.
Darby wrapped her arms around his head and held on, tears rolling down her cheeks and onto his face as they tumbled back to earth.
And reality.
Ten
Judah sent an email confirming that he and Jac would meet the private jet he’d hired to fly Jac back to Italy later that afternoon.
He leaned back in his chair and glanced over to the playpen where Jac sat, babbling nonsense to the soft yellow duck she adored. He’d be packing the yellow duck and her favorite blanket, but he’d leave everything else he’d purchased for Jac here in Boston.
Carla, ridiculously wealthy, had everything she needed, and maybe, sometime in the future, he and Darby could use all the baby equipment. It was, after all, brand-new.
Judah glanced across the room to where Darby sat on the couch, pretzel-style, her laptop in her lap. He’d woken up in an empty bed and went hunting for her and Jac. He found them in the spare room, curled up on the window seat, Jac lying on Darby’s chest, fast asleep. Darby’s eyes had been closed but he knew her too well to believe she was sleeping. But when she didn’t open her eyes, he respected her silent appeal for some time alone with Jac, for some space.
Not wanting to push, they’d exchanged polite conversation throughout the morning. They’d addressed the subjects of work and the renovations on the buildings she wanted to sell, talking about the next steps needed regarding the art museum, that he was heading for New York after Italy to sign some contracts and to meet with a client.
On the surface, they were both acting like their world hadn’t shifted, as if he hadn’t offered to give her a child, both so very aware that she’d yet to give him an answer to his extraordinary proposal. He was savvy enough, mature enough to know that she’d ducked answering him by making love to him.
She’d handed over her body to him but not her biggest dream.
Knowing that Darby didn’t like to be pushed, he’d given her most of the morning to broach the subject, but they were running out of time. Judah rubbed the back of his neck and steeled himself. This needed to be settled. It might as well be now.
“Darby, we need to talk.”
Tension ran through her, as tangible as the snow still falling outside. “Can you manage on your own with her?” Darby asked, not looking up from her computer. “Should I come with you?”
He wanted to say yes, to give her more time with Jac, but he knew that would just delay the inevitable. Whether they said goodbye to Jac today or tomorrow morning in Como, it would still hurt the same.
“I’ll be fine.”
Darby jerked her head in acknowledgment but didn’t meet his eyes.
Sighing, Judah pushed his chair back, walking around the desk to where she sat. When she didn’t look up, he sat down on the sturdy coffee table and pulled her laptop out of her hands, firmly closing the lid. Darby scowled at him and folded her arms across her chest.
She brushed her hair off her forehead. “Don’t forget to pack her duck and her pink blanket. What do you want me to do with the rest of her stuff? Have it shipped to Italy?” she asked, her voice brittle.
Judah leaned forward and allowed his hands to dangle between his thighs. “I’m hoping you’ll keep it, that we’ll eventually use it.”
Darby stared at a point past his shoulder, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, gray eyes darkening. She didn’t speak, and Judah sighed.
“Are we seriously going to pretend that I didn’t ask you to have my child?”
Darby’s eyes flew back to his face and she shook her head. “You don’t know what you are asking, Judah. It’s not that simple.”
“Okay, then explain it to me.”
“IVF is an expensive process and the chances of it being successful the first time around are low. It’s emotionally draining and mentally demanding. It’s more than just offering me your sperm.”
He wasn’t an idiot, he understood that. Why did she make it sound like his boys were all that he was offering?
“Darby, I understand that. I didn’t make the offer lightly. I want to do this for you.”
Darby stared at him for a long time before shaking her head and pointing her finger at him. “There, that’s the problem in a nutshell.”
Judah rubbed his forehead, confused. “I really don’t understand. Explain, for the love of God.”
Darby pulled her feet up onto the couch and wrapped her arms around her shins. She rested her chin on one knee, her eyes locked on his. “In a perfect world, would you be making this offer?”
He couldn’t lie to her. “No. I’d be asking you to travel with me, to explore the world, help me design spectacular buildings. Having kids is not my first choice.”
Darby shot Jac a glance. “Even after the fun we’ve had, knowing how wonderful she is, how can you not want to have kids?”
Because having Jac was a fairy tale. They were playing house. It was a novelty, a step out of time. “It’s not always this good, Darby. I know how tough raising a child can be.”
Darby vehemently shook her head. “You know how tough it can be raising a kid when you are barely more than a kid yourself. You’re still looking at that time with Jake through the lens of an exploited teenager. You’re an adult, Judah, and we’d do it together.”
Her words rocked him, and he felt off-kilter.
She was wrong, she had to be.
“Darby, I did this for six years and it’s not like this, not all the time.” He ran a
gitated fingers across his forehead, tapped his foot. And why was she fighting him, he was offering what she most wanted! “But you’re missing the point, I said that I would do it, I would go through that again because you want a child. When I get back from New York, we’ll see your specialist together, work out what we need to do next.”
“You’re missing my point, Judah,” Darby said, her voice infinitely sad. “I’d rather do this alone than have you becoming a father as a favor to me.”
What?
No, wait, what?
Judah stared at her, unable to comprehend what she was telling him. Was that a no? Seriously? “I don’t understand.”
He loved her. Fully, completely, utterly. For as long as he lived, whatever he had was hers. He wanted to give her this thing she most wanted but she was saying no? If she didn’t want to have a baby with him, how could he persuade her to accept his heart?
“You’re just saying all this because you don’t want to let me go.”
Of course, he didn’t want to let her slip away. What man in his right mind would?
Darby looked, if that was at all possible, paler than she did last night. “Do you know how tempting your offer is? You’re smart and funny and gorgeous and I am so in love with you—”
He opened his mouth to tell her that he loved her, too, but she held up her hand, asking for his silence. “If I take you up on your offer, there’s so much that could go wrong. I don’t want to live with this niggling reminder that having a baby wasn’t your first choice, that you are going through this horrible process for me. That you’ll question whether the time and energy and money is worth it.”
He tried to talk again but she spoke over him. “I heard about this couple, she wanted kids, he didn’t. They had a baby and she felt resentful because he wasn’t involved in raising their child. He said that he never wanted children, so why should he change a diaper or make a bottle?”
“That’s not a fair comparison to make. I’m not like that.”
“I don’t know, Judah, we’ve only known each other a short time! Can you understand that your offer is too big, too encompassing, too quickly made?” Darby quietly asked. “This isn’t a building, Judah, the shape of a roof, the placement of windows, something that can be redrawn, rebuilt if we make the wrong choice. We will be creating life. Do you understand that? It will be a life we will both be responsible for until the day we die, whether we want to be or not. My child, our child, deserves the very best we both have to offer, Judah, the best you have to offer. Saying you will give me a child is far from your best and I won’t accept less than full involvement from you, or from any other man.” Darby stood up. “I’d rather do this solo.”
Judah stared at her, shocked. Feeling as if she’d ripped out his heart and ground it under the heel of one of her designer shoes. He felt both sick and supremely...pissed.
Hurt. Frustrated. Soul deep angry.
Did she not understand how hard it was for him to make that offer, how much he loved her to even consider having a child? He was prepared to give up his freedom, a considerable amount of cash, his time to do this with her...but she was refusing.
Stubborn, contrary woman.
Because anger was easier to deal with than pain, he lashed out. “Are you sure your motives about having a child are that pure, Darby?”
Darby frowned at him, caught off guard. “What are you talking about?”
“You have all the answers—” damn good answers but he would die before he admitted that to her “—but maybe a part of you only wants a child because it’s the only thing you’ve ever failed at.”
Darby looked like he’d plunged a knife into her chest. He should get up and walk away, but the words flew off his tongue. “Maybe this need to have a child is all about having control, about proving it to yourself that you can and less about your mothering instinct. You’re prepared to toss us away, an exciting dynamic life, to change diapers and make bottles and be restricted and confined. Do you know how stupid that is?”
When fire flashed in her eyes, he knew that stupid had been the wrong word to use. Hell, all his words were asinine; he knew it even as he said them.
“You’re on thin ice, Huntley.”
Yet he still couldn’t stop, the anger, the loss, was too much. “I offered you the one thing I never wanted in order to make you happy, but you tossed it in my face.”
“Then you went on to question my motive for wanting a child. Don’t forget that!” Darby leaped to her feet, her expression wild.
“If you were so sure you wanted kids, you would’ve made the decision to have IVF months ago and not thought twice about it!”
Judging by her shaking hands and wobbly bottom lip, Judah knew that he’d pushed a very big button.
“That’s not fair, Judah,” Darby whispered, in a voice so broken it caused his throat to close.
“So much about life isn’t, Darby,” Judah muttered.
A small wail pulled their attention away from their argument and back to Jac. They both stepped toward the playpen, but Darby reached the red-faced and sobbing child first. She picked her up, cuddled the baby to her chest and swayed from side to side.
At that moment, seeing her instinctive urge to comfort, Judah realized that in his anger, he’d made a very big error. She was smart, talented, so very driven, but yes, she was born to have it all. The career, the success, the child...the children.
“Shhh, baby,” Darby murmured and Jac’s sobs lessened. Then Jac tucked her face into Darby’s neck, wrapped her little hand around a lock of her hair and pulled it to her cheek. Her eyes closed, and she was instantly fast asleep.
Darby kissed her little face, hugged her once more and placed her back on the mattress in the playpen. Pulling Jac’s pink blanket over her tiny body, she touched her fingers to her lips before placing them back on Jac’s little head. “I love you, baby girl. I hope you find your happy.”
Darby’s eyes skittered over Judah before she looked away. “She’s all yours.”
Judah watched, his heart breaking, as Darby walked out the door and, he presumed, out of his life.
* * *
Radio silence from Mason. Again.
Callie, pulling her earbuds out of her ears, stopped outside the front door to Mason’s coffee shop and squinted at the glass doorway. Four days had passed since Mason walked out of her life, since she’d seen him, spoken to him.
She’d said what she needed to, told him where she stood. But the man had yet to tell her what he needed, what he was thinking or what he wanted.
Callie rested her back against the wall and lifted her foot, placing her sneaker on the wall behind her. The neighborhood was quiet this time of the morning. Few people chose to rise this early, but since she was awake anyway, she thought she might as well get some exercise.
Callie looked around with fresh eyes. While she and Ray had traveled extensively, she hadn’t lived anywhere else but here. She’d miss this place, of course she would. She’d miss her children more. But she needed to leave, to be someone other than her kids’ mom, Ray’s widow.
Mason would have to stay here, for a year or two at least, until his youngest son completed school.
Callie looked up at the bright bold blue of the winter sky and sighed. She wanted to keep Mason in her life, but she didn’t want a long-distance relationship. That wasn’t fair to either of them. She could ask him to join her when he could but who knew where she’d be, what she’d be doing, whom she might meet between then and now?
There was only today. She couldn’t make plans that far into the future. She needed to go, he needed to stay, so...maybe it was time to let Mason go.
Callie heard the rumble of Mason’s Jeep and turned her head to the right, watching as he steered the black SUV into his customary parking spot. Switching off the engine, he stepped out and slammed the door closed. He leaned back again
st his vehicle and looked at her, those deep eyes serious.
“I’m in love with you.”
Callie pushed her sunglasses up into her hair, wishing he hadn’t said the words. Knowing he felt the same way she did would make leaving so much harder.
“I didn’t want to fall in love with you, it wasn’t the plan.” Mason rolled his big shoulders. “You were supposed to be another diversion.” His eyes moved from her to the windows of his shop, his expression a mixture of exasperation and amusement. “This worked for me, for a few years. After the stress of my previous job, making cappuccinos and lattes felt like heaven. I had time for my kids, time to work out, to chill. It felt right. It was right.”
Callie placed her palms against the wall and her breathing turned shallow. Where was he going with this?
“Fair warning, if we do this, you’ll be the one making coffee. All the time. I’m done with coffee shops.”
Callie bit the inside of her lip as her throat closed. With fear or anticipation. A little bit of both. “What are we going to do, Mason?”
Mason folded his arms across his chest and Callie noticed the lines around his mouth were deeper, his eyes worried. For the first time ever, Mason seemed to be feeling a little out of his depth. Seeing that, strangely, relaxed her. She wasn’t the only one, as Levi would say, with skin in the game, and that was reassuring.
“My kids were my greatest worry, my biggest challenge. I’ve had custody of them since I got divorced, although my ex is very involved in their lives. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how I can have them and you. How can I make this work?”
“Your kids come first, Mace. That’s not up for discussion,” Callie said, her tone fierce. She would not be the person who came between Mason and his sons.
“Emmet will be off to college in a few months and Teag has another eighteen months before he goes, too. The boys like their stepdad, they all get along well. I might have custody, but my boys spend as much time with Karen and Doug as they do with me.” He pulled in a breath. “So, my ex and her husband are happy for the boys to come and live with them, in fact they are all damn excited.” A small smile touched Mason’s lips. “When I am in the country, the boys will stay with me, obviously.”