by Kai Juniper
I rule Devonshore High, but the people there only pretend to like me. The truth is, most of them hate me. I intimidate them, scare them, threaten them. I'm a bully, like my father, and although I hate that about myself, it's just who I am.
Ella somehow managed to push that part of me aside and see the real me. The one I forgot was even there. I've been filled with so much rage, so much hate, for so long, that I forgot that I wasn't always this way.
But with Ella, I felt the rage die down, the hate fade into the background. I felt compassion, for Ella. For her losing her mom. For her not having friends. For her having to sweep grass off rich people's sidewalks every afternoon.
Ella made me happy, a feeling I don't remember having since I was a kid. Even then, I didn't get to experience it much, so when I felt it with Ella, it almost felt strange, like it wasn't real.
Ella made me laugh. She made me think. She challenged me. She supported me.
And now she's out of my life, and I know for a fact I'll never feel that way again.
My phone rings. It's Parker. I let it go to voicemail. I already know what he wants, and the answer is no. I'm not dealing with Aubrey tonight, and I know she's one of the reasons he keeps nagging me to go to this party. Aubrey wants me back, and she's using Scarlett and Parker to help her.
The phone rings again, but I ignore it and take a shower. When I'm getting dressed, it rings again.
I finally answer. "I'm not going, so stop calling."
"Briggs, what the fuck? You have to show up tonight. You skipped last night's party and it was the biggest party of the year."
"I had a headache."
"Who the fuck cares? You show up at team parties. It's a fucking rule, especially when you're the team captain. You and I are the reason we won that game. You know how many girls you could've had?"
"I wasn't in the mood. In case you forgot, there's a good possibility we're going to jail soon."
"All the more reason to be with as many girls as you can."
"What about you? Did you cheat on Scarlett last night?"
"It's not cheating. We have an open relationship."
"So how many?"
He laughs. "Two."
"And Scarlett knows this?"
"I didn't tell her, but I'm sure she found out. She was wasted last night. I heard she ended up in a room with some guy."
"That doesn't bother you?"
"Not when I'm getting some too."
"That's messed up. You should just break up with her."
"Fuck no. She's hot, and tonight I get her all to myself. She wants to try all this kinky shit. I think knowing I was with other girls last night turned her on, or maybe she wants to prove she's better than them. Either way, it's gonna be an awesome night."
"I need to go. I'll talk to you later."
"Briggs, you have to show up tonight. People are going to think something's going on with you."
"That's not why you want me there. This is about Scarlett, and about people thinking less of her party if I don't show up. Scarlett's using you to get to me, hoping you'll convince me to go. And if you don't, all the kinky shit she said she'd do with you tonight isn't going to happen."
He doesn't respond.
"I know I'm right," I say. "Don't even try to deny it."
"Yeah, whatever. I'll pay you. How much do you want?"
"Trust me, you don't have enough to make me show up. And you can tell Aubrey to stop using you and Scarlett in her attempt to get me back. It's not happening."
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not even sure Aubrey will be there."
"It's Scarlett's party. They're best friends."
He sighs. "Okay, yeah, she'll be there but just ignore her. Have some drinks and get laid. I'm sick of you being so fucking serious all the time."
"That's what happens when your future's in the hands of some person who keeps threatening to ruin your life."
"Forget about that and have some fun, even if it's just for a night. There's gotta be something I can do to convince you to go."
As he says it, an idea pops in my head.
"I'll go if you do what he says."
"Who?" Parker asks. "What are we talking about?"
"The person texting us. He's going to text us again and tell us to do something. If you agree to do it, and get Finn to agree to do it, I'll go to the party tonight."
"We don't even know what it is yet. I can't agree to it if I don't know what it is."
"You can, and you will, if you want me to go tonight."
He sighs. "I'll talk to Finn and let you know."
I end the call, pleased with myself for coming up with that. It's perfect. For days I've been trying to figure out a way to get Finn and Parker to do whatever's in the next text and I finally found the answer.
An hour later, Parker calls back.
"What'd you decide?" I'm smiling, already knowing what he's going to say.
"We'll do it. But you better show up, and you can't leave after an hour. You have to stay until at least midnight."
"Looking forward to it. See you then." I toss my phone down and lay back on the bed, wanting to tell Ella about this. She's so damn worried something's going to happen to us, and it might have if I hadn't worked out this deal with Finn and Parker. Telling her this would put her mind at ease, at least for a few days, but I can't tell her. No calling, no texting. Those are my rules.
I'm supposed to be making her hate me. Honestly, it's more about me hating her. I need to truly hate her in order to do what I have to do to steal the valedictorian title from her. I still don't know how I'm going to do it, but I need to do it soon, before my father finds out Ella's the person keeping me from being number one.
Hating Ella isn't going to be easy. Even when I bullied her, I never hated her, but I could've made myself feel like I did if I really tried. Now I'm not sure it's possible. How do I make myself hate her when I care about her?
I keep trying to convince myself that doing this is helping her, not hurting her. I'm saving her from my father. If she knew what he's capable of, what he does to his own son, she'd understand why I have to do this. Why I don't have a choice.
I wish I could tell her the truth. There are so many things I wish I could tell her. But I can't. I live a life of secrets. A life of shame. A life I don't want anyone ever knowing about. That's just how it is, and how it has to be.
The party started at eight, but I showed up at ten. Everyone knows I come late to these things. It's expected, just like it's expected I'll get drunk and go in a room with a girl, or several, since I no longer have a girlfriend. I've done this for so long it feels like I'm just playing a role, doing what people expect me to do. It's predictable, and boring, and I'm sick of it.
"Briggs!" Scarlett races up to me the moment I walk in the door. "We were just talking about you!"
"I'm sure you were." I go past her to the hallway that leads to the dining room where they have the bar. I'm going to need to get drunk to get through tonight.
"Briggs!" Scarlett chases after me but she can't go very fast in her three-inch heels. I'm already at the bar, pouring myself a drink, when she finally catches up to me.
"What do you want?" I ask, gulping down her dad's very expensive scotch.
"Aubrey wants to talk to you. I know you guys are fighting but just give her a few minutes before you blow her off. You at least owe her that."
"I don't owe her anything. And we're not fighting. We're just no longer dating. If she wants to talk to me, she can. Doesn't mean I'll listen."
Scarlett rolls her eyes. "I don't know why I even try with you. Or why she wants you back. She could have any guy she wants."
"I agree, so go tell her that. Tell her to find someone else."
"You're such an ass!" Scarlett huffs as she storms off.
I finish my drink, then refill my glass before going back to the party. Parker and Finn are talking to some girls on the other side of the room. Parker notices me and nudges Finn and th
e two of them ditch the girls to come talk to me.
"You actually showed up," Parker says.
"We have a deal." I take a drink, already feeling more relaxed as the alcohol hits my brain.
"He does, I don't," Finn says.
"What the fuck?" I shove Parker's shoulder. "You said Finn agreed to this. If he's not part of this, we don't have a deal." I set my glass down on a table. "I'm out of here."
"You can't leave!" Parker says as I walk off. "You just got here."
I walk back to him. "I only came because we had a deal, and now I find out you were lying."
Parker looks at Finn. "Tell him you'll do it."
"Why? What am I getting out of this?"
"You're saving yourself from jail," I say.
"It's gonna happen anyway. Why keep putting it off? Let's just end this shit."
"You're so fucking stupid," I say, shaking my head.
"You're the stupid one," Finn says. "Doing whatever the text tells you to. Following his orders. That's bullshit. The guy's turning us in no matter what we do, and I don't fucking care. I'm sick of this shit." He walks off, pushing people aside as he heads toward the bar set up on the side of the room, the one with the beer and cheap liquor.
Picking up my glass, I finish my drink. "Guess we're done here."
"Briggs, just listen to me," Parker says, his voice urgent. "I'll still do it. I'll do whatever he tells us. That's gotta buy us some time, right?"
"The text said we all had to do it, not just two of us. If Finn refuses, whoever this is will go to the cops."
"Do you really think it's Ms. Higgins? Because if it is, maybe we could talk to her, or you could. You're in her class. She likes you."
"She doesn't like me. She likes Ella."
"So tell Ella to talk to her. See if she can find out anything."
"I'm not talking to Ella, and even if I was, she wouldn't do this for us. We're on our own. We need to figure this out ourselves."
"You're really not talking to her?"
"I talk to her at class, but only because I have to."
"You guys have a fight or what?"
"We didn't have a fight. I just don't need to talk to her." I look around the crowded room. "I'm leaving. I don't feel like being here."
"Just stay for an hour. If you leave, the deal is off. I won't do what the text says."
I pause to think. If Parker does what the texter tells us to, there's a small chance it'd buy us more time. If he doesn't, the video will definitely be sent to the cops, and then it's over. Our lives are forever changed.
"One hour," I tell him. "I hope whatever Scarlett's got planned for you is worth it."
He smiles. "It will be. She gave me a little preview before the party. I'm gonna get another drink. You want one?"
"Yeah, but not from there," I say, nodding to the makeshift bar. "I only do the good stuff."
"Scarlett doesn't want us taking from her dad's stash."
"I just did, and she didn't say anything, not that it would've stopped me if she did."
"She let you take from her dad's bar? What the fuck? She won't even let ME have that."
I laugh, patting his shoulder. "You might want to find a new girlfriend. I'll see ya later." I take off, going back to the dining room to get more of the good liquor.
As I'm filling my glass, I hear the door shut. I turn and see Aubrey standing there, her long, blond hair in soft waves and her makeup natural, not overdone. She has on a black wrap dress and black high heels. She looks gorgeous, and yet I'm not attracted to her, not even a little. Spending all that time with Ella made me see Aubrey in a different way. I saw past her looks and realized what she's really like. I never paid attention to that before. When we were dating, all that mattered was that she was hot and that we looked good together.
"Hey, Briggs," she says, slinking up to me. "I was hoping you'd be here."
I face her, my drink in my hand. "What do you need?"
"You." She smiles and her hands go to the fabric tie around her waist. She undoes it and her dress falls open, revealing nothing underneath. I'm still not turned on. I used to think she had a great body, but now all I see are bones. Her bony ribcage. Her hip bones sticking out. She has big tits, but they're not real. They were a gift from her parents for her sixteenth birthday.
"Not interested," I say, going past her.
"Briggs!" she yells. "What is wrong with you?"
"Nothing." I turn back to her. "I'm just not into this anymore."
"Are you kidding me?" She points to her body. "You're not into THIS?"
"No," I casually say. "But I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there who would be." I continue to the door.
"Who is she?" Aubrey demands, her voice filled with rage. "Who are you sleeping with?"
I ignore her and leave the room. As I'm going down the hall, I hear her slam the door.
I don't know why she's so obsessed with me. She could easily get another guy. I wasn't even a good boyfriend. All we did was have sex. I rarely took her out, almost never called her, and took forever to answer her texts. She should be happy to get rid of me.
Back at the party, girls come up to me, smiling at me, touching me, giving me that look that they're mine for the night if I want them. I ignore them and finish my drink, and although I want another, I decide to sober up so I can get the hell out of here and drive myself home.
Exactly one hour later I leave, not bothering to tell Parker and Finn. When I get home, I hear my father in his office. It sounds like he's on the phone, or maybe he's talking to himself. He's cursing and throwing shit around. I race to my room and lock the door, hoping he didn't hear me come home.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad being in jail. It'd be better than being here. But it'd ruin my future, and I'm not giving up on that. I almost did, right before the accident. I was thinking of just ending it, not even trying anymore. But being with Ella gave me hope. She made me realize I could actually feel good, maybe even happy, despite my shitty life. I didn't think that was possible. I was ready to give up on the idea that I could somehow escape this and be on my own. I didn't even want to fight for it anymore. But Ella, and the way she made me feel, made me believe I could get through this and maybe have a life where I'm not miserable all the time.
God, I miss her. I want her back. She was the only person keeping me going.
But my father ruined it, like he ruins everything.
Chapter Seven
Ella
"Hey, Dad," I say, answering his call. "You coming home soon?"
It's Sunday and my dad gave me the afternoon off so I could catch up on homework. I didn't get much done. My mind kept going to Briggs, missing him and hating him at the same time. I'm so conflicted about Briggs. He goes from being the guy I could fall in love with to the asshole who lies to me and threatens me and turns down my very generous and forgiving offer to be friends again. I still can't believe he turned me down. What a jerk. Why did I even ask? And why do I miss him? I should never want to see him again.
"I was thinking of going over to Susan's place," my dad says, "but I wanted to check with you first. I know we talked about going to dinner but—"
"Dad, don't worry about. I'll just eat leftovers. Are you going to be out late?"
"Probably not, unless we go to a movie. I'll let you know."
"Are you coming home to clean up before going over there?"
"I'll clean up at her place. I left some clothes there I can change into. You sure you're okay with this? You've been alone all afternoon."
"Dad, I'm fine, and you don't have to keep asking my permission to see your girlfriend. I think it's great you're spending time with her."
"Okay, honey. I'll see you later tonight."
He's been going to Susan's place a few nights a week, but I didn't know he was keeping some of his stuff there. It's like they're already moving in together. I like that he's happy, but I didn't think he'd move this fast with the first woman he's dated since my mom died. He took
some of my mom's pictures off the shelf, the ones with just the two of them. He left the ones of my mom and me and all of us as a family, but I wonder if those will go away soon too. It's probably good he's finally letting her go, but I'm not ready yet. I don't know if I ever will be.
A knock on the door startles me. It couldn't be Charlotte. She's out with Asher.
The knocking continues. I look out the living room window but can't see to the front. I sneak to the door and peek out the skinny window that runs along the side of the door.
There's a guy walking away. It kind of looks like Briggs, but what would he be doing here?
I open the door. "Briggs!"
He turns around. "I didn't think you were home."
"I just took forever to answer. I thought it might be a serial killer."
He smiles and I feel a flutter in my chest. Dammit! He just smiled. He didn't even touch me and my heart goes crazy.
"It's not a serial killer," he says, walking back to me. He stops at the door. "I just wanted to ask you something."
He could've just called. I almost tell him that, but then decide not to.
"You want to come in?" I ask, stepping aside.
He hesitates. "Is your dad home?"
"No."
Briggs' eyes lower to my body, then return to my face as he scrubs his hand through his hair. "Maybe we should just talk out here."
"It's hot, and I just took a shower. I don't want to get all sweaty."
He comes inside and I shut the door.
"You want to sit down?" I ask.
"I'm good," he says, looking around. He's acting really strange.
I stand in front of him. "So what do you need to ask me?"