by B. B. Hamel
If it’s just going to turn me into my father, I don’t want it at all.
I walk back to the house. More people are gathered in the living room but I blow past them. I head upstairs, ignoring questions. I push inside, grab my bag, and start packing all the unfamiliar clothes I bought just a few days ago with Casey.
I’m not letting her go. I can take the boat to the mainland, hop on another ferry from there, make it all the way back to the actual mainland. It’ll take all day at least, but maybe I can catch her before she gets on a plane. I can’t wait for Ash to come back, that’ll be too late.
The plan’s working through my mind when there’s a knock at my door.
“Fuck off,” I say.
I keep packing. I’m about to get dressed when the knock comes again.
I storm over to the door. “I said—”
I open it and my father’s sitting there in his chair, my mother behind him.
“Fuck off?” he finishes for me, and smiles.
“Dad.” I take a step back. “What are you doing here?”
“Heard about what’s happening.” Mother pushes him into the room. I close the door behind them.
“I know what you’re going to say,” I say before they can speak. “I didn’t know she was pregnant, but the baby’s definitely mine. She’s not using it against me, she’s not trying to blackmail me, and I’m going to—”
“Ryan.” My father cuts me off. “Ryan, this baby is the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
I stare at him, shocked. “What?”
“I said, it’s the best thing that ever happened to you.” He smiles at me. I look at my mother and she smiles too.
“Really?”
“Son, you’ve been aimless for a long time. Directionless. I know you work hard for the company and you do an admirable job, but life is about more than that.”
I stare at him for a long moment. “Life is… Dad, the job was your entire life.”
“I had a family,” he says.
“You did. But you didn’t… you spent all your time at that job. When you were home, you were trying to get us to fight each other in some sick game. Did you know that Joel took Casey out into the hedge maze out there and left her in the middle of it?”
Dad looks away. “I didn’t,” he says.
“Dad, you fucked us up. You know that, don’t you? That’s why my brothers are willing to do anything to win this little game of ours. It’s all to get your company. It’s all for the insane competitiveness you forced onto us. But I’m not playing anymore. I’m done with it. Casey and that baby, they’re more important than anything else. Give the company to Joel. Hell, if you were smart, you’d give it to Emily and Olivia. But I just don’t care anymore. I’m done.” I shake my head and grab a shirt. I pull it over my head, not looking at them. “I’m done, guys.”
Dad clears his throat. I look back and there are tears in his eyes, real tears. Mom kneels down next to him and gives him a tissue. He dabs at his face with it.
“Son,” he says, “do you know why that hedge maze is still out there?”
“I honestly don’t know,” I admit. “I assumed you were torturing local kids inside.”
He smiles a little. “No. It’s there to remind me of the awful things I did to you three as children. That maze is a symbol of my failures as a man and as a father. I didn’t…. I don’t want you to become what I am now. I want you to be a better man than I can ever be.”
I stare at him, heart racing. “That… I want that, too.”
“I think you’re already there, son, if I’m honest. You just have one last thing to do.”
“What’s that?”
He smiles. “Go after your wife and baby. Go make things right.”
I nod a little. “Yeah. I will.”
“Good.”
“I’m taking the boat.”
“Do what you have to.”
I shoulder my bag. My father watches me, my mother stands silent, and I look at them for a second.
“This doesn’t fix it,” I say. “You know that? Just because you see how shitty you were, it doesn’t fix it.”
“I know,” he says as I walk to the door. “I just hope you can fix it for me.”
I push it open and leave them in there.
I walk fast. My head’s spinning. Never in a million years did I expect to hear my father say any of that. I assumed he’d die thinking he was right, the way he treated us.
I meant what I said. It doesn’t fix any of it. I still think he’s a bastard. But it helps, a little bit at least, to hear him say those words.
Now though, I have one goal. I have one thing in mind, one thing I need to do. Everything else doesn’t matter anymore. The company, the family, my parents, it doesn’t matter.
I have a baby on the way. And I’m going to get my wife back.
That’s all I care about.
21
Casey
The trip back to New York is without a doubt the most depressing thing I’ve ever done.
No first class, nothing fancy. I buy the cheapest ticket I can on the first flight out of Alaska. It takes me to Dallas, Texas, of all places. From there, I book another cheap flight out to New York. I ride those planes in a fugue, barely aware of my surroundings.
It’s all over now. All that stress, that worry. The fighting and the heartache. Nearly dying in a damn hedge maze. It’s all over and it was for nothing.
I’ll get nothing. More importantly, my baby will get nothing. I screwed it up because I was careless with those tests. Joel found what he needed and now he’s going to win.
I ruined it for Ryan and for myself.
I can barely sleep. It takes nearly an entire day to make it back to the city, and when I finally find myself back in my own apartment in the middle of the night, I collapse into my bed and I cover my head with my pillow.
I want to cry. I wish I could. Instead, I lie there in pitch blackness, breathing in the smell of my own sheets in my own house.
I close my eyes. I’m a failure. I’m so stupid. I ruined it all and now I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t afford this baby, not as a dog walker, not in this city. I’ll have to move somewhere cheaper, find a better job, do something.
My whole life changes before my eyes.
For now though, I sleep.
I wake up early to the sound of banging. I groan and roll over onto my back. It’s a little past six and the sun still isn’t up yet.
“What the hell,” I grumble, pulling myself up and out of bed. My hair’s a mess and my mouth tastes like an airplane. It’s dry and scratchy.
The banging keeps going. I sit there on the edge of my bed until I realize that it’s someone knocking on my door.
“What the hell,” I say again. I get up, pull on some sweats and a shirt, stumble into the hall. I walk over to the door and the banging continues.
I grab the doorknob and whip it open. “What the hell—” I say then stop.
Ryan stares back at me. “Hey. You left without saying goodbye.”
I stand there, shocked. I can’t believe he’s here. I only got home a few hours ago, which means he must’ve followed me right away. “I thought… you know, right?”
He nods. “Can I come in? I think your neighbor is gonna come out and murder me.”
I step aside. He comes into my apartment and glances around before his eyes end up on me. I flip on the light and bite my lip. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
Neither of us moves. Everything hangs in the air between us, everything that happened, everything that’s going to happen. We’re so entangled down, so deeply pressed together.
I look down at my left hand. I’m still wearing the ring he gave me. “I guess I should give this back.”
I go to take it off.
“You’d better not.” He stares at me. “Casey… why didn’t you just tell me?”
I look away. I push the ring back on, feeling oddly relieved. “I’m sorry,�
�� I whisper. “I’m so sorry. Everything was happening so fast and I wanted to tell you but god, oh, god, I ruined it all, didn’t I? Joel’s going to win now, isn’t he? That fucking—”
He steps up to me, grabs my hips, and pulls me against him. I’m too surprised to do anything. He looks down at me and kisses me hard.
I kiss him back. Relief and desire flood through me in equal measure. He runs his hands through my hair and I wrap my arms around his neck. The kiss lasts a long time, stretching longer and longer. I love his taste, the way he touches me, the way he looks at me. God, I love this. I never thought I’d feel it again.
Slowly, the kiss breaks up. “You should’ve just told me,” he whispers. “But I don’t care. It doesn’t matter.”
“But—”
“Casey. You’re pregnant with my baby.”
I nod a little. “Yeah. I am.”
“I love you, Casey. I need you to know that. I’m going to be here for you and for the baby. And if you don’t feel the same, that’s okay, I’ll still—”
“I love you too,” I say in a rush of emotion. “God, I love you too, Ryan. It’s so sudden but it’s so right, isn’t it?”
“It is,” he whispers. His hand grips my hair and our foreheads touch. “I can’t believe it.”
“Yeah?”
“You’re pregnant with my baby. I’m going to be a father.”
“Are you… happy?”
He laughs. “God, I’m so happy. I’m so fucking happy.”
He kisses me again and I return that kiss, melting into him.
All the stress and worry and heartache of the last few days disappears into ash.
We’re back in the real world now. We’re not on some insane fantasy island for rich people. We’re in the city, where we first met, where this baby was conceived. And this is reality, this is really happening.
I love this man. The father of my child, my baby daddy. I love him so much it almost hurts. And he loves me. I know he does. He came after me right away, came right here from the airport. He’s still wearing the same sweatpants he had on when I left him.
This man, this gorgeous man, he loves me.
“What now?” I ask, a little breathless.
“I don’t know,” he admits. “I guess, first of all, we find a place together.”
I giggle, feeling giddy and dumb. “You don’t want to live here?”
“No offense, Casey, but there’s just not enough room.”
“Also, it’s a dump.”
He laughs and grins at me. “That too.”
We kiss long and slow again. “I do have a bed, you know.”
“Yeah?”
“It hasn’t gotten much use lately.”
“We can probably take care of that.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
I tug his hand and lead him back toward my room. He stops me halfway there.
“I love you. I mean it, okay?”
“I mean it too.”
“Good. I just… you should know, I probably won’t get the company. I told my dad that I didn’t want it anymore.”
I bite my lip. “Really?”
“Sure. But don’t worry. I’m still rich.”
I laugh despite myself. “I wasn’t worried.”
“Good. I’ll always take care of you, Casey. You and our baby. I promise.”
“I believe you.”
We kiss again, and this time, when I pull him toward my room, he comes willingly.
My baby daddy, my love. I can’t believe this is how it happened. I thought we’d never get off that island together. I thought I’d raise this baby alone, broken and sad, wondering about a life that could’ve been.
Instead, I’m getting the life I’ve always dreamed of.
My gorgeous man, my perfect husband, my future baby.
I don’t know what else I could ask for.
22
Casey
Two Years Later
“Excuse me, Mrs. Boulton?”
I look over. Peyton’s standing in the doorway, this young blonde girl with rosy cheeks and a bright smile.
“Hi, Peyton. What’s up?”
“Well, ah, uh. Your daycare.”
“Yes?”
“They called.”
I sigh. “Okay. And?”
“Apparently Ashley… she needs a change of clothes.”
I smile a little bit. “Was it bad?”
“Paint-related, fortunately. But a lot of paint.”
I laugh and shake my head. “Typical. Can you take care of that for me?”
“Of course. Is there anything else I can do?”
“Drop off new clothes downstairs for Ashley and bring back some of that fancy coffee I like from that new place, you know the one?”
“Sure, makes it really hot, right?”
“Exactly. And tell her I’ll be down in a little bit to check on her, I just need to finish up this account.”
“You got it.” She bounces out and I lean back in my chair. I can’t help but smile.
There are some perks to being married to the owner of a multinational corporation. For example, daycare is free and is in the building we work in. I check on Ashley whenever I feel like it, which is basically like once every hour. Sometimes I just sit down there and play blocks with her and lose track of time. Nobody says anything, since I’m married to Ryan, so it’s pretty nice.
But right now, I need to get to work. We’ve been busy this year. Ryan’s been making changes since his father died about three weeks after Ashley was born, and when he was left the company, all hell broke loose. Joel sued, Wayne sued, Harry sued. They were all laughed out of the various courtrooms.
And Ryan hired Emily, Connie, Mia, and Olivia into upper-level senior management positions then began to run the company his own way.
It’s been hard. It’s been a lot. Raising a baby and working full-time is no joke. Well, I shouldn’t say “full-time” exactly, considering I spend half my time in the daycare center with Ashley. But still, I’m technically the new account lead for the East Coast offices, so I’m pretty slammed like every single day.
As I type, I spot an email pop up. I pull it open and a smile slips across my face. Casey, big boss wants you. Urgent business. Apparently, our daughter is covered in paint? Ryan.
I get up and walk out into the hall. Peyton’s gone, taking care of Ashley for now. I walk around the corner and knock once on Ryan’s door before opening it.
He looks up at me with a grin. He’s wearing that suit I love, the one that fits him perfectly, and the tie I got him for Christmas this year. I walk over and he pushes back from the desk. I sit in his lap, arms around his neck.
“Hi, big boss,” I say.
“Hi there.” He kisses me softly. “Is this inappropriate in the workplace?”
“Yep.” I take his hand on put it on my breast. “Now I’m going to sue.”
He grins and touches the other one. “Worth it.”
I laugh and kiss him again. “So you heard about our girl?”
“Yep. I’m more concerned about why they even have that much paint around her.”
“They’re always doing crafts and stuff, and you know how she is.”
“Little terror. Gets that from you.”
“Yep.” I kiss him. “You love it.”
“How are the accounts?”
“Accounting.”
“Wonderful.” He hugs me tight against him. “I’m bored. Can we leave?”
“Sure. What do you want to do?”
“I was thinking I’d fuck you in the copy room.”
“How about right here?”
He grins at me. “Didn’t we do that yesterday?”
“You say that like it’d be so bad to do it again.”
“Oh, darling, I just want to spice it up a bit.”
“You’re so kind.”
He laughs, we kiss again, and I finally get up. “Honestly, I’m slammed. And I know you are too.”
/> “Always.”
“I’ll get Ashley after work and bring her over, okay?”
“Works for me.”
“I love you.”
“Love you too.”
I walk to the door, smiling to myself.
“Hey, Casey.”
I stop and look back. “Yeah?”
“Let’s try for another one.”
I cock my head. “You mean… what now?”
“Another baby. Let’s try for another one. Do you think you’re ready?”
I nod slowly. “Yeah. I think so.”
“Good. Let’s do it. What do you think?”
“I think I love you. Don’t wear a condom tonight.”
He snorts. “I’m supposed to wear a condom?”
“Bye, idiot.”
“Bye, darling wife.”
I walk out of his office, smiling and floating on a cloud.
We work together, live together, make love together, raise our child together. And soon we’re going to make another baby together. It’s joy, it’s bliss. It’s my family.
This isn’t how I pictured it working out. I never imagined I’d be some high-powered corporate woman, but I love it. I’m just as much a mom as anything else, picking up my baby from daycare, spending all that time down there, but I also love my work. I love my husband. I love my family.
They’ve mellowed out a lot ever since Alexander Boulton died. Or maybe now that Ryan’s in charge of the company’s purse strings, they’re kissing our asses more. Either way, I actually like them.
Except Uncle Toby. He’s still a total creep.
I whistle a little tune and sit behind my desk. There’s a text from Peyton. Ashley all good. Coffee coming soon.
I smile and turn to my computer. All good, all perfect.
My life in a nutshell.
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