An Expert’s Quick Guide to Planetary Travel
Steve Matthew Benner
Copyright Steve M. Benner 2014
Chapter 1: My Best Quality is My Modesty
I have decided that, as one of the most widely traveled individuals in this section of the galaxy, I should put down some of my experiences and knowledge for posterity. The loss of my extensive knowledge and experience, should a fatal mishap befall me, would be considered by some to be equivalent to the burning of the library at Alexandria. So, to forestall this great calamity, I am documenting my experiences with extra-planetary travel to serve as a guide to those moles who would like to try interstellar travel or who desire to experience travel through the eyes of others. I should mention that the term "moles" is used to refer to those individuals who have never traveled to another planet and is used here in the most positive sense of the word.
Thanks to my profession as an exporter/importer, sometimes referred to by small-minded people as smuggler, I have been lucky enough to travel to a wide variety of planets, either for pleasure or business or both. This profession of mine may be dangerous, but it can also be very rewarding. If you are not disintegrated during a hyperspace jump, smashed by a wayward planetoid, compressed into a singularity by a black hole, vaporized by a nova, or maligned by any of the thousands of natural phenomenon that populate the universe, then you can still be arrested by authorities to be locked away forever, blown out of the sky by pirates, crash into a planet as a result of an equipment malfunction, be sliced into sushi in a bar fight, or die by any number of manmade disasters. However, the benefits can be very rewarding, hence the reason there is no shortage of people of my profession. Someone once said that the more one takes risks, the more one appreciates life. If that is true, then I must appreciate it more than anyone outside the military. And, due to the lucrative nature of my business, I have managed to save all that I need in life, one beat up spaceship and debts out the whazzoo. Which brings me to the reasons why I have decided to put down for posterity my vast planetary knowledge: my driving desire to further man's knowledge of the universe, and the money; not necessarily in that order.
Let's get one thing straight right off the mark. I was born and raised on Earth, so my viewpoint is Earth-centric. Of course all humans in this part of the galaxy are descended from colonists originally from Earth, but, since some have been on their new home for many generations, it’s no longer realistic and may even be risky, to call them Earthlings. There is no way I can look at a planet through the eyes of an individual that grew up on any other planet. If you want that viewpoint, write your own travel guide.
Chapter 2: Who Farted?
Moles that seem to think that a person can travel to another “Earthlike” planet and feel right at home always amaze me. It is not like moving from Cleveland to Calcutta on Earth. No matter how different the climate, geography, culture, etc., it is nothing compared to moving to another planet. Let me explain that the term "Earthlike" essentially means that a person from Earth, upon landing on this world, will not immediately explode or fall to the ground writhing in pain, turning purple before dying. Thus, Earthlike can be a very broad term.
One of the first things, literally, that a person exiting a spaceship encounters is the planet's atmosphere. Now, some aspects of the air are very obvious, such as oxygen content. Very few Earthlike planets have an atmosphere of exactly 21 percent oxygen. Some are higher and some lower, and yet they are still within a range acceptable to humans. There is, however, a small period of adjustment. One of the most humorous things a person can do is to go to an interstellar spaceport and watch the passengers disembarking from a ship. Those individuals from a planet with greater oxygen content begin gasping like a carp out of water. There are supplemental oxygen units available, which can be rented during a visitor's stay to alleviate the problem. Tourists frequently do not realize that their bodies can adjust sufficiently in a couple of days to the new oxygen level and instead end up carrying a bulky portable oxygen-generating unit around with them for their entire trip. And regrettably, there are unscrupulous individuals, such as myself, that are happy to charge these tourists for the rental of the equipment at an exorbitant fee. Even after adjusting for a few days, mild exertion can seem exhausting, which makes those of us that have already acclimated feel physically superior.
The opposite condition, where tourists encounter a higher oxygen level, is actually funnier. A traveler who comes from a planet with a lower oxygen level will usually begin to stagger after about a dozen steps. Their speech will become slurred, and they will begin to exhibit all the symptoms of someone on a three-day binge. There is not a lot that can be done for this condition; there are some portable units available that provide diluted oxygen content air, but again, it only takes a few days to adjust, and one has to be careful of overexertion during this time. A person can feel capable of leaping tall buildings with a single bound and some have tried. Once a person has lived on a planet for about a year, the body has fully adapted to the new levels, usually by adjusting the hemoglobin in the blood to a higher or lower level. At this point, a person can operate normally, without exhaustion or drunkenness, which means they are no longer fun to pick on.
While on a planet with a higher oxygen level, another thing to watch out for is flammables. I have seen tourist operate a lighter and be confronted with something similar to a flamethrower, usually resulting in the loss of most of the facial hair. Of course, I sometimes tell the person that they may wish to use locally produced incendiaries, but always after I have gotten to watch the initial fireball.
Even if the oxygen level is the same as that from a person's home world, a difference in atmospheric pressure can exert an effect similar to that of oxygen content. A visit to a planet with low atmospheric pressure compared to Earth's would have the same effect on a person as encountering low oxygen content. The same is true for high pressure and high oxygen level. In addition, because of the pressure difference between the inside and outside of the body, one can experience other problems, such as ringing in the ears, earaches, headaches, loss of balance, popping, ruptures, farting, and near death experiences. Again, it boils down to tolerating the change until one gets used to it, goes insane, or leaves, which ever comes first.
Without oxygen, your vacation would be considerably shortened, and even moles are aware of this minimum requirement. But, they sometimes forget that atmospheres can be made up of many gases, some of which, although not harmful, can have some weird effects.
By definition, all Earthlike planets have oxygen and nitrogen as their major constituents. Where the differences come in is with the one, two, or three percent that is neither oxygen nor nitrogen. I have been to planets that have considerable volcanic and/or natural gas activity. When exiting the spacecraft, the first thing you notice is the odor. It smells like every living creature on the planet had a collective bowel movement. The human nose is capable of detecting gases in the parts-per-million range, which is pretty sensitive. A little hydrogen sulfide or similar gas in the air, and you have a major odor problem. As you would guess, this does not help the tourist trade. It is hard to enjoy eating a wonderful meal when all you can smell is something like an open sewer. Surprisingly, you will get used to the smell, if you can tolerate it long enough.
There are planets that have trace amounts of ammonia in their atmosphere, which not only gives the air a distinctive smell, but can bring tears to your eyes, literally. It also makes for some very interesting rainwater, because ammonia is highly soluble. At least the windows are very clean on these planets. If you would prefer the opposite end of the PH scale, there are numerous planets, i
ncluding Earth, that have nitrous or sulfuric oxides in the atmosphere. These produce acid rain. This is always nice for reducing any metal you have to pieces of junk, not to mention its effect on your skin.
My all-time favorites are planets where there are traces of a noble gas such as helium in the air. Helium has the interesting effect of altering the vocal cords in such a way as to change your voice. On occasion, I have heard grown men talking in high squeaky voices. I have found over the years that the squeaky voice is frequently accompanied by a bad temper. And let’s not forget Earth’s favorites, greenhouse gases such as carbon dioxide and methane that can give a planet that warm sauna feeling.
The variety of trace gases in a planet's atmosphere and their effects on humans are as diverse as the types of planets. There are gases that are toxic if breathed too long, that have physiological consequences from nausea to nerve damage, and that have psychological effects that can rival the best recreational drugs. Which is why, before I ever visit a planet, I get a very detailed analysis of the planet's atmosphere down to the parts per million. Even then, I have still had some very uncomfortable planetary visits.
Chapter 3: Hey, Somebody Turn on a Light!
When a life form evolves on a planet, it is obviously well suited to the environment in which it has developed. For Earthlings, their eyes have evolved over millions of years to see optimally in the light of Earth's sun. Visible light for Earthling eyes is optimized on a wavelength that is centered on the maximum emissive energy for the sun's surface temperature of 5,700 degrees Kelvin. In other words, our eyes are perfectly adapted to our sun; no surprise there. Now, when you travel to another planet, its star may have a surface temperature of something other than 5,700K, such as 4,500K or 7,500K. Stars can give off a variety of different wavelengths and intensities. This means that the star may be giving off the same amount of radiant energy as the sun, but you cannot see it. I have been on planets that high noon looks like dusk, and nighttime is total visual deprivation. At the opposite end of the spectrum (excuse the pun), there are planets that seem so bright that nearly opaque sunglasses are required at all times. There are optical devices that tourists can wear to compensate for differences in star wavelength and intensity, but they make it very hard to blend in with the local population.
Of course, not being able to see too well may be the least of your problems on one of these planets. Some stars give off more ultraviolet or infrared radiation than our sun, which can mean either great tans or major sunburns and skin cancer. I remember having a bright red, painful face for an entire week after just walking from my ship to the station on Antares 4. Some of my friends said that it was an improvement. To correct the problem, I have since found new friends.
Another problem is that the atmosphere may not absorb or reflect as much infrared radiation as Earth's does. Tourists can feel like they are being slow roasted, which in fact they are. Gamma radiation can also be a problem, but, due to its lethal effects, the problem is resolved fairly quickly.
The difference in starlight wavelength can also have an interesting effect on colors. I have been to worlds where everything looks the same color. Unless you are already colorblind, it is hard to realize how dependent you is on color until you are completely colorblind. It sure reduces the beauty aspect when everything you see is in various shades of one color or things that are normally one color are now another. Optical compensators can correct for this as well, and most good lodging establishments can duplicate your planet's lighting for your room. I have to admit that I usually end up at the lower end of the lodging food chain and am frequently forced to live in a monochromic world. I have heard that after a few generations, colonists’ eyes become more adjusted to the change in light, and they begin to have their color vision restored. However, this does not do much good for tourists unless your trip is very, very long AND you are very, very patient.
Chapter 4: Homicidal Vegetables & Man-Eating Gerbils
As you might guess, the flora and fauna of the various colonized planets are tremendously varied. Luckily or unluckily, depending on your religious and political beliefs, mankind has not located any other sentient beings in this small section of the galaxy, so a visitor does not have to worry about crossing paths with some weird being with a mushroom for a head, though, after meeting some of the locals, you may wish to meet another race of beings. It is best to read as much as possible on a planet before visiting it, in order to understand what to avoid in terms of native life. For example, on Satralt 6, there are plants that have beautiful flowers, which, if you happen to touch them, will bite your finger off (or worse, your nose if you try to smell them). There are plants that are poisonous to touch or eat, much like on Earth, and plants that shoot spines, gases, spores, fluid, or whatever, to incapacitate their prey, which in some cases is you. As far as I know, there are no plants that are actually able to eat a human whole, like a giant Venus flytrap. But there are several primitive planets that I never got around to visiting, and you hear rumors of plants that view humans as a good source of protein. However, the plant life on most planets can be an important part of the ambiance of the visit, especially if you are forced to visit the planet to pay off a debt.
Of course, there are magnificent flowers, trees, bushes, etc. that are completely different from anything you can see on Earth, and these are well worth the visit. There are many plants that would not fit into any genus or species on Earth and, even today, defy classification. I have seen trees that stand 80 meters high, with canopies that stretch to the ground in all directions for 50 meters or flowers so colorful and large that you can see them from half a mile away. I have seen mosses finer than the finest animal fur. There are carnivorous plants that rival anything on Earth for ingenuity and are capable of eating animals the size of woodchucks. Which reminds me that you should watch children very carefully on trips to these planets.
Now, animal life is a whole new game. Earth has its share of predators that can prey upon humans, including wolves, bears, sharks, tigers, and women. Other planets have predators that can view humans as an excellent change of diet or even a delicacy. While you are looking over the cuisine, keep in mind it may be looking you over as well. The colonists have usually driven the predators posing the most serious threat to humans out of an area before the tourists start arriving. For example, the Red-Tongued Dragons of Belarus 3 were driven into very carefully controlled wildlife areas. The dragons welcomed humans with open arms and mouths and seemed to have no trouble adding an alien to their diet. In general, visitors do not have to worry too much about the large predators of a particular planet as long as they stay near the center of highly developed areas. But some threats come in small packages. I remember on Jalluma 9 there was this cute, little furry thing that resembled a gerbil but had half-inch teeth and the disposition of a junkyard dog. I saw one of these things one time when I was walking with a local, and he immediately began moving away. I was poking fun at him for being afraid of a gerbil when the critter attacked me. I ended up running in circles with a small, voracious animal latched onto my rear end. I think my blood-curdling cries must have finally scared it off, but not before I needed twenty stitches. I learned two important lessons from that encounter: one, always listen to the locals when it comes to wildlife, and two, scream a lot when attacked.
In addition to animals high up on the food chain, there are numerous animals that can be put in the category of “bug.” These are usually the most annoying, because colonists generally don’t try to eliminate the local insect-life for ecological reasons. On most planets, there are bugs that can match in nuisance factor anything on Earth, including ticks, fleas, lice, and chiggers. These look upon humans as large, juicy filling stations. Luckily, there are electronic bug repellers that will keep the bugs away as long as the device is working. Take it from an experienced traveler, be sure to carry a backup energy pack for your repeller. It can be the difference between comfort and extreme anemia. For example, on Axatal 6, there are so ma
ny bugs that they will swarm around a person like a cloud. Even with a repeller, you can get a creepy feeling from being surrounded by thousands of these little animals just waiting for a chance to get you. Bugs are a fact of life and, though they can be bad on some planets (even poisonous), there are usually counter measures that can be taken. Anyway, if the bugs are that bad, don't go there.
One planet is unique to this part of the galaxy: Meso 5. This planet has an environment similar to that of Earth during the Mesozoic Period. In other words, it is full of dinosaurs. Although an Earth paleontologist might not recognize the species, he or she would definitely recognize the types; bipedal carnivores standing ten meters tall and quadruped herbivores thirty meters long. As you might guess, this is not the best place to spend a vacation, as more than likely you would end up as dino droppings or toe jam. Access to the planet is restricted to scientists and to those of us with lots of pull. I managed to wheedle my way onto the planet with a group of scientists by convincing them I was an expert on the planet’s fauna. We had to wear suits that completely isolated us from Meso's environment. This was to not only give us some protection from the plant and insect life but to protect the ecosystem from our germs. We had to be accompanied by soldiers carrying laser weapons, just in case a large carnivore mistook us for meals on wheels. Around these behemoths, you realizes how insects must feel when confronted by humans; of course, bugs really don’t feel anything. A major danger was being stepped on by large herbivores. They wouldn’t even notice that they had turned you into a red splotch on the ground. However, I guarantee it is well worth the trip if you can get permission. The wildlife can definitely be important part of the ambiance.
Chapter 5: New Year's Again?
There are a number of aspects of a planet that do not fit into the definition of Earthlike and yet are not life-threatening, just merely annoying. These include diurnal and yearly cycles. Having spent most of my formative years growing up on the planet Earth, my internal clock is set to run on a 24-hour period. Obviously, this is the amount of time that it takes for the Earth to make one revolution on its axis. Now what are the odds that a planet in another planetary system happens to rotate on its axis once every 24 hours? Apparently they are slim to none. I have been on planets that have days as short as five Earth hours and as long as several months. Earth days are divided up into 24 one-hour increments, which gives you the option of dividing the new planet's days into 24 shorter or longer hours, or continuing to use Earth time as the standard. As most travelers know, standard time is based on the Earth time of hours, minutes, etc.
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