by Trilby James
•
Note how the playwright has chosen to write solely in lower case.
WHAT SHE WANTS
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To come to terms with what has happened.
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Reassurance that she did the right thing.
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To give voice to her feelings of abject sadness and emptiness.
KEYWORDS babbling dying leaving swore obtuse clear pure straight dead sadness heavy emptied hole strange massive
Lucy
nine minutes. and he was still mine. tell me, helen. what happened? […] those nine minutes. you stayed on the phone, didn’t you? you asked me things. you told me what to do. […] you asked me if he was agitated or aggressive. you asked me if i thought he could understand me, if he could speak. yes? […] you said i should see if he could squeeze my hand. […] you asked me if i thought he was finding it hard to breathe. you said to look at the colour of his lips.
and you told me to keep talking to him. ‘talk to jo; he can hear you.’ even though he couldn’t move or speak.
and i did? […] nine minutes. i had his hand. i held his hand. i said… what?
i can see his hand in mine. and i can feel us. and my lips are moving but i can’t hear the words. i’m babbling. saying nothing. saying everything’s going to be just fine.
you told me to keep talking to him because your hearing is the last thing to go, isn’t it? when you’re dying?
HELEN nods.
yes, i knew that. i’d heard that before somewhere. that’s why i kept talking. because he was leaving me.
i swore at him. […] i wanted to be good and say the best for us both. tell him what he needed to hear. i wanted to explain myself.
i said i was sorry for being obtuse, for being difficult. i never meant to be. i don’t mean to be. i want to be clear and pure and straight.
i should’ve said more. i wish i’d… i tried… this is really fucking hard.
i said ‘jo, listen. listen to this.’ i said ‘jo, i’ve kept what you’ve told me. it’s here. always.
i know only ever to use the freshest eggs for poaching. i know that hot milk makes your mashed potato fluffy. i know that a warm bowl makes for a better sponge.
i know that i’ve been loved. i know what you know. please know how much i love you.’
that’s it. god, is that it? […] jo is dead. you asked me how i am. well, i can tell you. i can tell you how i feel, cal. […] i feel full of sadness. full of it. heavy with it. and at the same time, i feel like i’ve been emptied out. dug out like a big hole.
isn’t that strange? isn’t it strange that jo’s not being here is so big, so massive, that it is here? it’s absolutely this. now.
there. this probably wasn’t the kind of evening you were hoping for. […] it’s okay. it’s fine, isn’t it? all fine. because here we are safe and well. and on we go.
has everyone finished?
they nod.
then i’ll clear this away. […] if you want to go, then please… there’s really not much to hang around for. […] i did make a pudding. […] but i doubt it’s any good.
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TRILBY JAMES
Trilby James read Drama at Bristol University before completing the three-year acting course at RADA. She graduated in 1990 and over the years has worked extensively as an actor in theatre, film and television. In 2000 she also began working as a freelance director and teacher at several leading drama schools including ALRA, Arts Educational Schools, Royal Central School of Speech and Drama, East 15, Mountview Academy of Theatre Arts and the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art where she is now an Associate Teacher. She continues to work across courses, directing third-year performances as well as teaching first and second-year students and running workshops for shorter programmes. She is a script reader and dramaturg for Kali Theatre Company and has directed several play-readings for their ‘Talkback’ seasons.
THE GOOD AUDITION GUIDES
CLASSICAL MONOLOGUES
edited by Marina Caldarone
CONTEMPORARY MONOLOGUES
edited by Trilby James
SHAKESPEARE MONOLOGUES
edited by Luke Dixon
SHAKESPEARE MONOLOGUES FOR YOUNG PEOPLE
edited by Luke Dixon
A NICK HERN BOOK
The Good Audition Guides:
Contemporary Monologues for Women
first published in Great Britain in 2014
by Nick Hern Books Limited
The Glasshouse, 49a Goldhawk Road, London W12 8QP
This ebook edition first published in 2014
Introduction copyright © 2014 Trilby James
Copyright in this selection © 2014 Nick Hern Books Ltd
Designed and typeset by Nick Hern Books, London
A CIP catalogue record for this book
is available from the British Library
ISBN 978 1 78001 379 4 (ebook edition)
ISBN 978 1 85459 564 5 (print edition)
CAUTION This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.