Natalie slapped a mosquito and surveyed the tightly woven greenery above her. She had to admit she was right to ask Anli and Cora to build the shelter. And Em and Onlo, while yet to recover consciousness, thrived under Jules and Charlotte’s care. They could Heal even better with Ismereld’s ley lines augmenting their mage powers. She’d put herself in charge of food; her stomach wasn’t complaining–too much–from its dinner of nuts, berries, and water from the small spring she’d found when they first arrived on shore. Natalie bobbed her head. “We’ve made do,” she whispered, proud of her team.
Natalie shook her head, covering her mouth with one hand. My team? I put people in charge of tasks … and they did them. Why in the Goddess’ good name would they follow my orders? I’m just a Healer from Ismereld who has no patience when things don’t get done fast enough.
Unable to lie there anymore, she eased herself out of her dugout bed of leaves and left the shelter; Jake followed close behind, making sure everyone seemed all right on their way out. It was time to check the trap lines she’d set yesterday evening. A fair amount of the shipwreck had washed up on shore. She’d salvaged lines from the ship, unraveled them, and used them to form the same spring snare traps Jules had taught her to make earlier that year.
She grabbed her makeshift short staff, checked her surroundings, and set off for the woods. Jake bounded through the brush, following scents only he could smell. Fortune favored her; two of the first three traps contained game. Lacking a dagger, she said a prayer of thanks and apology and broke their necks. Tucking a rabbit into her belt at the third trap, her head darted around when she heard a twig snap.
Jules stepped through the underbrush toward her. “Need help?”
Natalie swallowed. “Sure. I’ll show you where the rest of the traps are.” She wended her way through the forest, hyperconscious of Jules following behind her. As they collected animals to eat, questions burned in Natalie’s chest. Did their exchange of affection in the water yesterday mean anything? Why was he with her now? Did he ever love her?
Jules took a squirrel she handed him. “You’re quiet this morning.”
Natalie avoided his eyes. “There’s a lot we need to do if we’re going to survive. Just trying to stay focused.”
She turned to head for the last trap, but Jules captured her arm and spun her around. “Nat, talk to me.”
Natalie shook her head. “Jules, please don’t.”
He took a step closer. “Don’t what?”
“Pretend we’ve been friends since we’ve rescued you. We haven’t. You suffered a horrible trauma. I offered to help and you pushed me away. So I did. Please don’t expect me to come right back just because you say so.”
He put a hand on his hip. “But to be fair, Ms. Desmond’s Fever, you haven’t been the picture of a friend yourself.”
She tried to jerk out of his grasp but he held firm. “Hey, I tried to come to you during the nightmares, and—”
“So you said. And what about my mage powers raging out of control? Did you ever stop and think what that might be like for me?”
“I—” No. No, she hadn’t. Not until after they left Solerin. “I didn’t,” she confessed, swallowing past the thick wad of shame in her throat.
Jules breathed through his nose for several moments. “I still have nightmares. Aldworth and his men. He—they tortured me. They would … strap me to a table and … do things.”
Goddess, my nightmare was true. Tears streamed down her cheeks and sobs strained against her rib cage causing her to hiccup.
Eyes glued to the ground, Jules shifted from foot to foot. “Sometimes, during the day I … get stuck back there. And I can’t get out. I have to go off by myself until it passes. Before we left for Solerin, I thought about killing myself. I thought people—especially you—would be better off without me.” He let go of her and held up his hand. “I don’t say this to ask for pity or forgiveness. I want you to know what it’s like. To know where … how I am.
“I might never be able to talk about it. And the nightmares might never go away. But I think I can be here with you again. If you—that is, if you can stand to have a one-handed, mentally traumatized Healer mage at your side.”
Natalie laughed through the tears cascading down her cheeks. She cupped his face and pulled his forehead forward to touch hers. “I’m so sorry, Jules, I should have been more understanding.”
Jules caressed her cheek with his fingertips. “I’ll forgive you if you forgive me.”
Warmth spread through her belly at the sound of his husky voice. Hypnotized by his emerald eyes gazing into hers, she brushed his jaw with her own fingertips, reveling in the feel of the rough stubble.
“Deal.”
Returning to camp with that morning’s bounty from the trap lines, Natalie could cut the tension in the air with a knife. It baffled her that six people living outdoors for three days could get cabin fever, but somehow her friends managed to do it. Onlo and Em were now conscious and healthy enough to partake of the meals Natalie, Jules and Anli brought back. Charlotte hovered over both patients, which pushed even Em’s temper to the limits.
“Nat, can we leave for Obfuselt today?” Charlotte asked over lunch.
“Oh, enough.” Anli rounded on her. “So eager to kill your parents, are you? Look where it’s gotten us. And why are you asking Natalie? No one put her in charge.”
Onlo stared at the fire. “Anli, please. It’s not Charlotte’s fault we’re here, it is mine. I was so busy expecting to be boarded, I didn’t take the time to look closely at the gun ports to identify the cannon they were using; it was Obfuselt technology.”
Anli put a hand on his shoulder. “Me either, Onlo. And what about you two?” Anli rounded on Jules and Charlotte. “Someone knew we left Solerin that day. Did you observe anything or anyone unusual during our time there?”
Jules held out his hand. “Anli. Of course we didn’t. We would have said so if we did.”
“Oh, so it’s ‘we’, now, is it? Well, let me tell you something. She”—Anli jabbed a finger at Em— “almost died, and I want to know why. Who knew we left that island when we did? And how in the goddess’s bloody bloomers did they ever get their hands on our weapons technology?”
Em put a hand on Anli’s arm. “Sweetheart, please—”
“Not now, love. We need answers to why this all happened. It’s not the time for the princess’s fool quest.”
“I am not a fool.” Charlotte’s temper snapped. “For all we know, the people my parents betrayed the Isles with are the same people who blew us out of the water.”
“She’s right,” Jules put in.
“Who said I was talking to you?” Anli retorted.
Natalie pinched the bridge of her nose. “Everyone, please.” But her plea went unanswered. The group went on squabbling. Is this how Headmistress Gayla felt when students got out of hand? Or, even worse, when professors or counselors had a hundred different opinions and started arguing? What would she have done?
Summoning the memory of her beloved headmistress, Natalie stood, driftwood short staff in hand. “Enough!” Silence fell around the campfire, and she leveled her gaze at every one of her companions. “We have a spy on Solerin, brand new mages springing up untrained around the Isles, a corrupt monarchy, the New Mages Guild hunting us—and these are just the things we know about. Conquering all this alone is impossible; we need a plan and to set out from a place of strength. Only the Special Operations guild can help us do all of this. We’re going to find a port, get disguises and sail for Ebenos Point as soon as possible. Understood?”
Despite the tiny voice inside her mind insisting they would never listen, Natalie glared at them all, daring them to defy her. One by one, they all nodded their heads. “Good. Gather what supplies we have. We’ll set out tomorrow to find the nearest port town.”
Natalie strode away from her companions, head held high. They listened, Gayla. She bit her lip. What do I
do now that they’re all looking to me?
Chapter 19
P
ushing the door closed in her room in Ebenos Point Keep, Natalie let all of her facades slip away and sank to the floor, putting her arms around Jake. She’d done it; everyone who survived the shipwreck was back on Obfuselt, safe.
Once they left their temporary camp, she’d led her companions through the forest, keeping Anli’s temper in check, dealing with Onlo’s all-encompassing guilt, and somehow keeping the whole group from killing each other. Two days later, they found a small coastal town nestled in the marshes. They sought the Healer assigned to the area—a stout, balding fellow who helped them get new clothing.
They took care to disguise features that might identify them: Jules wore a sling to disguise his missing hand, and a white cotton shirt and worn beige trews, so unlike his usual well-tailored clothes. Charlotte kept her silver hair covered with green cloth and Onlo did the same, tucking his thick cords of brown hair under a length of cloth he tied at the nape of his neck. Em wore a loose-fitting linen outfit, along with matching scirpa, that didn’t irritate her arm bandage. Anli, Onlo and Charlotte dressed in leaf-green leathers. Natalie decided upon a silk burgundy gown. The front of the bodice and skirt had an intricate embroidered paisley pattern, and dark brown lace trimmed the sleeves and waistline. The dress drew compliments from all her friends, but the lace itched and the silk threatened to bake her alive in the summer sun. Ugh, leave this finery to Charlotte, I’d rather have my armor and cape back.
That same Healer helped them find the boat that carried them across the Sionainne to Ebenos Point Keep. Natalie leaned against Charlotte sipping ginger tea, which her former student Activated with ease. Natalie smiled with pride; her trainee had come a long way. It was a relief to only be sick once or twice during the voyage.
The tension between her friends had been palpable, and it set Natalie’s teeth on edge. Onlo sat, lost in his own thoughts; Anli hovered over Em, who rested; all of them were too worn out from their journey to find a town. Natalie stood on deck answering any questions the boat captain had as she scanned the horizon for ships. Jules acted as her second-in-command, taking over whenever she was ill. Her eyes caught his gazing at her from across the deck, his expression soft and unfathomable. Haven’t you seen him looking at you? Em’s words haunted her. She stared back. Time in the sun had made his hair lighter. She admired how the wind tugged at his short waves. Blinking and looking away, she blamed the water at the corner of her eyes on the sea winds. She and Jules danced around each other, drawing ever closer, but she wasn’t sure if her heart was ready.
Alone in her room at Ebenos Point Keep, she could let go of all the things she’d needed to be since she’d stood up that day around the campfire and taken charge. She didn’t have to be a leader, keeping tempers, guilty consciences, and personal agendas in check. She could just be herself.
Somewhere, Natalie needed to find the strength to put her personae on for the meeting Guild Master Summerwood had summoned her to tomorrow—and to attend the memorial service for those lost at sea.
She pounded a fist on the floor. Those people didn’t deserve to die. All they’d done was sign up to take her and her friends to Solerin and back. It should’ve been an easy mission. Straightforward. And now people were dead.
I hope the Special Operations Guild hunts them down and arrests them. There should be consequences; justice for the families of the dead.
Knuckling away a few tears, she grabbed clean clothes and went to the bathroom and cleaned all the salt and sand off with lovely lavender-scented soap. Feeling cleaner than she had in weeks, she fell into bed, wet hair splayed across the pillow. She slung one arm over Jake, and was asleep as soon as she closed her eyes.
Natalie shot out of bed, reacting before she was even awake. But why? What had woken her up? A cry of pain echoed in the darkness. Jules.
Running on her tiptoes, she dashed down the hall and stopped outside his door. “Jules, it’s Nat, may I come in?”
Another cry rang out. “To hell with this,” Natalie muttered and tried the door. Finding it unlocked, she stepped into Jules’s room. He thrashed on his bed. Certain his mind was back in Aldworth’s prison, Natalie clutched her fingers behind her back to keep from touching him. “Jules,” she said in a clear, calming tone, “this is Natalie. You’re at Ebenos Point Keep. You’re in a room with gray stone walls and a bed with white sheets. I am standing by your bedside on your left.”
The thrashing stopped followed by deep, raspy breathing.
“You are safe now. You are no longer under Aldworth’s control. Your imprisonment is over. I will light a candle so you can see where you are.” Padding over to the bed, Natalie lit his bedside candle, setting it far from the bed in case he started thrashing again.
“Nat,” Jules’s voice was raspy.
“Yes, I am here.”
“I can’t see you.”
She walked around the bed so she was in his line of sight. Pain and fear etched lines on his face, making him appear so old and careworn. He clung to his sheets, sweat soaking his face and chest. “I’m here.” Heart broken in a million pieces, her fingers itched to touch him, but she wasn’t sure he was entirely back in the present. “Why don’t we change your shirt so you don’t get a chill?”
He nodded, shaking. “The top drawer.”
She fetched a shirt and handed it to him and turned her back while he changed, feeling flame in her cheeks despite the privacy she gave him.
“I’m done,” he mumbled.
She turned, and with the efficiency of any Healer, took the soaked shirt, and hung it on the back of his chair to dry.
“How else can I help?”
Jules turned away from her. “I don’t need help. Thank you.”
“Oh, no you don’t,” Natalie strode around the other side of the bed. “After the shipwreck, when we were collecting game in the forest, you told me how you were mentally. You said you were ready to be by my side again. Did you mean that or not, Juliers Rayvenwood?”
“Yes, but … I never wanted you to see me like this.”
Natalie huffed. “Jules, you and I have been through a lot together. You’d have to work very hard to scare me off. The only thing that could move me from your side is—” Natalie paused, not believing what she was about to say. She prayed she knew the answer; she just needed to be sure. “if you told me you prefer Charlotte over me.”
Jules’s eyes widened. “Charlotte? Why would you believe I prefer Charlotte?”
Good Goddess above, men could be so dense. “You’ve spent every waking moment since you got back with her.”
“She needed my help, Natalie.”
Natalie bit her lip. “That’s all it was?”
“That’s all it was. There was never anything between Charlotte and I. I never meant to give you that impression. It was just so hard to be near you. I couldn’t bear to hurt you with how I am now. I’m not the man you used to know.”
Natalie lightly brushed her knuckles across his rough cheek. “Did it ever occur to you I’d like an introduction to this new man?”
“No. I’m sorry. I’m a disaster—”
“Shh,” Natalie crawled into his bed and cradled his head under her chin. She felt his breath hitch, which became several sharp inhalations, and then full sobs. She held him tight as the emotions wracked his body, humming comforting songs under her breath.
Once the worst of the emotions had worked their way out, she pulled a sheet over them both. “Go to sleep,” she whispered. “You’re safe now.” She stroked the side of his face until his breathing deepened. Exhausted herself, she snuggled close to him, lulled to sleep by the warmth of his body.
Blinking in the blue-gray pre-dawn light coming through the window, Natalie couldn’t tell where her limbs ended and Jules’s began. Today’s events would change all their futures. But for right now, she wanted to stay here and pretend the world didn’t exist
.
Jules hummed, bent his head and kissed her forehead. “What time is it?”
“Right before the sunrise.”
“Mm.” He squeezed her tighter. “Stay with me again tonight. I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too. I drove everyone here crazy trying to get to you. Onlo wanted to kill me at least five different times, I think.”
Jules laughed into her hair. “You are a force to be reckoned with.”
“Don’t you forget it.”
“I won’t.”
“So will you?”
“Will I what?”
“Stay with me tonight?”
Natalie pushed herself up on her elbow, her eyebrows knitted as she blinked at him. “Why do you want me to stay?”
Jules put out a hand. “Nothing … intimate. We’re still getting to know each other again. I sleep better with you here. With me. You help keep my demons at bay.”
She lifted her hand and ran her knuckles down his cheek. She’d given up on this, being close with Jules. But here, as the sun rose on a new day, anything seemed possible. “Yes, I’ll stay with you.”
Natalie sat in the Special Operations Guild chambers listening to ten people argue at once. Guild Master Summerwood had stunned everyone with the latest intelligence: Aldworth had found a mage, built a new emerald megalith on Lorelan, and had returned to the palace at Roseharbor, Ismereld. He, along with the King and Queen, was even now plotting to invade Lorelan’s north-eastern coast—but the Isle’s spies hadn’t been able to determine where they planned to attack. This news, on top of the attack on Natalie’s team, sent the guild into an uproar for a full fifteen minutes.
Natalie pinched the bridge of her nose. This is impossible. No wonder it took so long for them to organize the effort to find Jules. It’s like sitting in a room full of eight-year-olds. Why doesn’t Guild Master Summerwood put a stop to it? It was just a matter of prioritization, like triage. Address the worst thing first and go on from there.
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