by Karen Klyne
Reece arched her eyebrows. “We don’t have any carpet, love.”
That seemed to do it. Drug and alcohol addiction, violence, child abuse, and self-harm could only lead to one thing.
“I really feel you’d benefit from a short time at St. Alban’s. I’m extremely concerned about your mental state.” Dr Raven looked like she was ready for an argument.
Alex wished she was talking about the golf club, but she suspected the St. Alban’s she was referring to was a psychiatric hospital. “Think again. No way. I’m not the one who’s confused here. I mean, not like you are.”
“Gemma, it would be much better for you if you go voluntarily.”
“And if I don’t?”
Dr Raven cleared her throat. “Then I’m afraid other arrangements would have to be made. I don’t want to have to do that. Believe me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me.” Panic threatened to choke the air from her.
“In that case, you’ll have nothing to worry about. You’ll be assessed by another doctor within twenty-four hours, and if he disagrees with me, then you can leave of your own free will.”
The last thing Alex wanted was to resist and be carted away in a straitjacket. There was that catch twenty-two again. “Then I’ll go voluntarily.” Maybe, with her gone, the woman who was supposed to be living the life these people expected her to be would show up. Then it would all be set right, and the world would go back to normal.
“Good. I’ll make some calls if you’ll excuse me. I won’t be long.”
When she’d left, Alex stared at the floor. She was trapped and couldn’t figure a way out.
“Honestly, Gemma, it’s for the best.”
She didn’t look up or reply. She’d just be repeating things they weren’t listening to. She held her hands tightly together and dug her nails into her flesh. She needed to keep this inner rage under control, otherwise she’d play right into their hands, although really, she’d already done that.
She didn’t know how long it was. It seemed like hours before the doctor returned. She sat back down and smiled.
“Okay. They have a place available. I suggest you pack a few things, just some essentials, and Reece can take you tomorrow morning.”
Christ. That meant she had to spend a night with the weirdos from Mockingbird Lane. “Why can’t I go now?”
The doctor looked at Reece and back again. “If you’re happy for Reece to take you?”
She shrugged. She didn’t care. She’d go by skateboard if she had one.
Reece touched her hand. “Do you want to go home and fetch some clothes first?”
She kept her head down. “You can drop something off sometime. Anyway, they’re not my clothes.”
“Fine. Shall we go?” She sounded more hurt than exasperated.
Alex stood up and walked to the door and Reece followed. There wasn’t anything more to say.
They drove to the hospital in silence and Alex shook inside when they pulled up in front of the enormous, imposing white building with barred windows that ran along three floors. When they got inside, there was a nurse waiting for her at the reception. She asked some questions which Reece answered for her, and the nurse made some notes. There was no point in providing a medical history Reece would simply refute so she let her provide details she thought were true. She wouldn’t have been able to speak anyway, given the fear and confusion clouding her mind. Then the nurse said she’d show her to her room.
When they got to the double doors, the nurse keyed some numbers into a box on the wall. She turned to Reece. “We have a coded entry system here. So, when you visit just press the bell, and someone will buzz you in.”
Reece nodded, her eyes wide, and when she looked at Alex, there was a mix of emotions in her big brown eyes.
The door opened. Alex followed the nurse down several bright white corridors and entered a room about halfway down. It was surreal in a dreamlike way, and she moved without feeling.
She sat on the bed and stared at the empty wall. At some point Reece said she’d go and return later with personal belongings. She bent down to kiss her forehead, and Alex moved her head away. It was more than she could handle, this woman caring for her, for the woman she thought was her. She’d never felt so lost and trapped at the same time.
Things could hardly get worse. This Gemma, the one she suspected of stealing her life, was one sick lady. She clearly had a host of problems other people had been dealing with for some time.
Who was she? Could she be wrong? Was the life she remembered, the person she was, some kind of fantasy? Surely all these people couldn’t all be wrong, could they? But Alex knew who she was. She had her own memories, her own family, her own…life. Didn’t she? At least she was in the right place, because right now, she thought she really was going insane.
Chapter Three
Reece made her way home. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she could hardly see the road. She pulled into a layby and switched the engine off. She found a box of tissues on the back seat and pulled a few out. To think it had come to this. The signs had been there, sure, but something had tipped Gemma over the edge onto a totally different level.
Perhaps in the long run it was for the best. Something had to give, and she couldn’t see herself living as they were for the rest of their lives, but she should have acted sooner. She knew about the therapist and the antidepressants, and then she’d found other things she’d ordered from the internet. As far as Reece had known, Gemma only had a glass of wine with her meal, but then she’d found the empty litre bottle of vodka in her bedroom. And God knows how long that had been going on for. But she hadn’t asked, hadn’t had the energy for the fight it would bring on. She’d buried her head in the sand, and it was too late to turn the clock back.
The fact that Gemma wasn’t happy wasn’t news. Neither Reece nor the children had been enough for her for a long time. But it seemed like neither of them had been willing to throw in the towel either.
She rubbed at the knot in her stomach. Oh, how she wished she could go back and change what had happened. Fancy leaving her there, in that place with its cold walls and sterile rooms. How would she feel if it were the other way around? Deserted. She tried to shake off the doom and dread. She had to get a grip. She had to be strong for Callum and Mattie, who she loved more than life itself. She pulled her shoulders back and took in some deep breaths. She started the car up and headed home.
She parked the car and sat for a few minutes as she tried to compose herself. Ready. She’d no sooner got in the door before her mum came rushing toward her. She held her tightly…so tightly that she was almost suffocating. She pulled away slowly.
She stroked Reece’s arm. “What’s happened?”
“Where are Callum and Mattie?”
“They’re fine. They’re in their room playing snakes and ladders. You must feel dreadful. Come and sit down.”
Reece nodded. “Right now, I need a hot, strong coffee.”
She followed her mum into the kitchen. She made her a coffee and Reece sat down at the table. Her dad hovered and eventually sat down beside her and asked what had happened.
She related the story. They both looked surprised, but there was also a look of relief in their expressions. She was sure, like her, they were pleased to hear that the damn had burst, and now things had to change.
Her mum got up and paced around the kitchen, fiddling with things, and washing things that were already clean. “I hope they’re going to keep her in.”
Reece stared down at her hands. “She’ll be assessed tomorrow. She went voluntarily, but she didn’t really have a choice.” She looked up. “Oh, Mum, I feel awful. Was it me who drove her to this? The doctor said amnesia, but that’s not what it feels like. Maybe she was so miserable—”
“Don’t be stupid, Teresa.”
“Mum, please don’t call me Teresa. My name is Reece.”
“We christened you Teresa, and that’s how I’ll always see you.”
Reece gave a small laugh. “I wish you’d have consulted me first. It doesn’t suit me, and everyone knows it. Except you.”
Her mum rolled her eyes. “All right. I’ll try to call you Reece.”
“Thanks.” She turned to her dad. “What do you think, Dad?”
“I agree with your mum. You were christened Teresa.”
Reece rolled her eyes. “You know full well what I was asking.”
“Well, if you want my opinion on that, I hope they lock her up and throw away the key.”
Reece looked toward the kitchen door. “Please, Dad. Not so loud.”
“You know my feelings. You always have.”
Reece looked down at the table. “I loved her.”
“Yes, I know. You were always a big softie. You only saw good in her. You saw what you wanted. Sadly, all she saw in you was a meal ticket.”
Reece pushed her chair back. “Dad, that’s not fair. It’s uncalled for, and I don’t want to hear those negative comments.”
“You did ask me.”
“Gemma gave me her all. She gave birth to my two wonderful children. That’s not a meal ticket.”
“But she made you marry her before she agreed to it. Didn’t she?”
“I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I wanted to marry her, and it’s not like wanting to be married before you have kids is weird. She gave up a lot for me.”
Her mum hit her dad on the shoulder. “This isn’t getting us anywhere. We’re supposed to be pulling together and supporting our daughter and grandchildren.”
Her dad nodded. “Sorry. I can promise you with hand on heart that we’ll always be here for you. No matter what. What do you want us to do?”
Reece took her dad’s hand. She turned around and took her mum’s hand too. “Come and sit down, Mum.” Her mum joined them. She looked from one to the other. “Will you look after the children over the summer holidays, and maybe even when school picks up again? I’m not sure I can do this on my own.”
“We’d be damned offended if you didn’t ask us. We’re retired. Isn’t that what grandparents are for, free babysitting?”
“This is so much more. It’ll be all day, and then when they go back to school, it’ll mean taking them, picking them up, taking them to their sports and dance classes, preparing dinner, doing the shopping…the list is endless.”
“My word. Did Gemma do all of that?”
Reece laughed. “She did her best.”
Her mum and dad stared across at each other. Her dad nudged her. “Do we get the weekends off?”
“Yes. I only work a five-day week, but sometimes I have to work late. And I do go away on the odd conference.”
Her dad chuckled. “Only occasional weekends. Hell, Val, what are we going to do on the other weekends?”
Reece kissed them both. “I’m afraid your duties aren’t over yet. I have to take some clothes and bits and pieces to the hospital. Do you mind?”
Her mum rubbed her hands together. “You go and tend to that. When you get back, we’ll all sit and have a nice dinner together.”
Reece kissed them again. She only hoped they’d find enough ingredients in the fridge to carry that out. Gemma wasn’t known for her shopping expertise…or cooking. Things tended to be pretty basic.
She opened Gemma’s bedroom door. They hadn’t shared a bed for years. When was it, exactly? It all started when Callum was born, and that was seven years ago. Back then, it was only for the odd night. Gemma was worn out, and she was grumpy without sleep. Reece looked after the feeds in the middle of the night whilst Gemma caught up on sleep. Generally, it was at the weekends when Reece didn’t have to work the following day. She didn’t mind at all. He was her child too, and Reece was the one who desperately wanted to start a family. She’d convinced Gemma that Callum needed a sister and that having a bigger family would bring them closer. And so, Mattie came along. By that time, Callum was sleeping through the night. So, it began again. Gradually the odd night apart turned into five out of seven. Gemma was having trouble sleeping every night. And then it became a permanent arrangement, and they’d never even talked about it. Reece sighed. What went wrong? One day, she hoped she’d find out.
She knelt on the floor and pulled a suitcase from underneath the bed. She popped it onto the bed, then she sat on the bed, covered her face, and began to sob.
The door creaked slowly open. She looked up and saw Callum and Mattie standing in the doorway. God. She’d forgotten they were upstairs. They must have heard her.
Callum was holding Mattie’s hand. “Are you all right, Mum?” The children always called Reece, Mum, and Gemma, Mummy and that’s how they differentiated.
Reece wiped her eyes with the back of her hands and cleared her throat. She held her arms out. “Come here, my darlings.” They ran into her arms, and she hugged them tightly.
Callum stared at the case, frowning. “Are you going away?”
“No, Callum. I’m staying right here. But I have to pack a few bits and pieces for Mummy. She’ll be away for a few nights.”
Mattie looked up at her. “Where is she?”
Reece wasn’t about to start lying to them. It was better they knew the truth, or a version of it, anyway. “Mummy is in a special hospital. The doctor thinks she may have had a bang on the head at some point, and her memory has disappeared.”
Mattie nodded. “She was acting really strange. She didn’t know any of us. Will they make her better?”
Reece wasn’t sure. Even if Gemma did regain her memory, she’d still have the same problems she had before. As far as the children were concerned, she was their mummy. She’d never been overly affectionate, but she did take care of them, and they didn’t know any different.
For all Reece knew, this could be Gemma’s way of getting out of the family situation. Perhaps it was all a plan, and this was step one. Maybe it was for the best, if a bit over the top. “I hope so, darling.”
“Will we be able to see her?”
“Let’s give her chance to settle first, Mattie. Then we’ll see what the doctors say.”
Callum and Mattie nodded.
“Now, you two can help me choose some clothes and other things to take to her. She’ll be pleased that you’ve helped me.” Reece went over to a set of drawers and opened the bottom one. “Which pyjamas do you think she’d like?” She put a selection on the bed.
Mattie picked two pairs up. “She loves the blue ones and the cream ones.”
Reece folded them and put them to one side. She was sure Gemma would just throw an assortment of knickers, bras, and socks into the case ad-hoc. But she went to her room and fetched some travel luggage organisers. Knickers in one, bras in one, and socks in another. She placed them on the bottom of the case. Around the edges, she put a pair of trainers and a pair of slippers. Then they went to the wardrobe.
Callum pulled at a track suit but couldn’t reach the hanger. “She likes that one, and she’ll want some jeans and sweatshirts.”
“And T-shirts,” Mattie added. “The yellow one is her favourite.”
She took them all down, folded them, and put them into the case. Her children seemed to know Gemma better than she did.
Next were toiletries, so they all headed for the en-suite. Sponge, shower gel, shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush, and comb. It felt so impersonal, like she was helping a stranger pack for a holiday, and going through Gemma’s things felt intrusive. She held in the deep sigh and tried to keep her tone light.
They left the bathroom. “What else?”
Callum went to the bedside table. “Kindle, phone, and ear pods. If she doesn’t have her music, she’ll go crazy.”
A bit late for that. She pushed away the unkind thought. When they got downstairs, she added a pen and notebook. Gemma didn’t like to write, but this wasn’t exactly Gemma, was it?
She crouched down. “Okay, my lovely children. You be good for Nan and Pops. I’ll be back soon, and then we’ll all have a
nice meal together.” She kissed them on their foreheads.
They both nodded. “Tell her we love her,” Callum said solemnly.
It nearly ripped her apart, hearing those words. She had to take a deep breath and put on a happy smile. “Of course I will.” She picked the suitcase up and nearly burst into tears.
Her mum came to the rescue. “Here, let me take that. I’ll walk you to the car.”
They got outside, and she put the case into the boot. Her mum hugged her.
“Don’t worry, love. You’ll get through this. We’ll get through this together.”
She nodded, though she wasn’t sure if it was true. She got into the car and drove back to the hospital.
When she got inside, the receptionist called for a nurse to escort her to the ward.
The nurse smiled. “Hi, I’m Erin. I’ll be working with Gemma.”
Reece introduced herself. “Is she allowed a mobile phone?”
Erin shook her head. “Sorry, no. It’s hospital policy. We find it distracts the patients, especially when we’re in group meetings. Then there’s the added problem of cameras on the phones. You’d be surprised what other hospitals have had to endure. Also, they could be stolen. She can make calls from the payphone.”
Reece nodded. She unzipped the case, removed the phone, and put it in her back pocket.
Erin tapped her on the shoulder. “No cables either…for obvious reasons.”
Bloody hell, she’d never given that one a thought. “She can have her kindle though, can’t she?”
“Of course. Someone in the office will charge it when necessary. There’s Wi-Fi in the lounge if she needs more books. Better tell her to either hide it away or carry it with her though, because the rooms don’t lock. That’s why we prefer paperbacks.”
Gemma hated paperbacks. Said they were too heavy and clumsy. Whereas Reece hated any kind of reader, even though she had one. Nothing could replace the feel of a real book. However, she could understand the advantages. They were portable, small, and light, and they could store thousands of books. She only needed one at a time, but Gemma needed loads. She was always downloading them and was quick to discard anything she grew bored with. It wasn’t a big difference between them and yet when added to the stack, it felt like one of a million things.