He has a steak sandwich. I insist on one with a cheese salad.
She’s still bent low in front of him, only now she’s twisting toward me in a way that just happens to show him her ass.
I tell her, “Get our order and back off. And be quick about it.”
She immediately looks doe-eyed at Arkady. He tells her, “You heard the lady.” His thin hint of a smile could cut glass. She flinches and hurries away.
There’s a sharp gleam in his eye.
“You’re coming out of yourself. I think a little danger is bringing out the best in you.”
Chapter Fourteen
Her
I tell him, “I didn’t mean to be rude to her.”
“Then she shouldn’t have been rude disrespecting you.”
“I’m not used to being harsh with people like that.” Still, she returns with our drinks pretty smartly. When she’s set them up for us, she has an apologetic tone. “I’ll get your sandwiches right away.”
Arkady says nothing. I’m icy cool thanking her. I find that I haven’t forgiven her.
We clink our glasses. He says, “It’s very good to meet you, Saskia.” I think he was going to say something else. I cut him off.
“Why vodka?”
“It keeps you sharp. Whiskey is better after the dangerous parts.”
“You think the dangerous parts will be over soon?”
“Probably not. What were you thinking about?”
“When?”
He looks at me. I know what he means. He knows that I do. I’m playing for time. Deciding what to tell him. The sandwiches arrive. I thank the waitress and tell her, “Like my companion told you,” I’m enjoying this, maybe a little too much, “Stay nearby.”
The look on Arkady’s face tells me for sure that he’s enjoying watching me. I’m excited to see him watching me.
He says, “As we sat down.” I look up. “What were you thinking about?”
I take a sip of the vodka. It slips, cold and sharp across my tongue. Its cold sharpness sears all the way down my throat. “Daddy.”
How long since I even said that word? If I’d thought about it, I’d never have expected to hear myself say it again.
He waits. He leaves a space and I feel myself, eager to fill it. Can’t think why. I never talked to anyone about him before. Not even to Momma. Especially not to Momma. So, the night of firsts continues.
“Daddy drank. He took drugs. Momma never said it but I think he was fooling around with other women, too. He was always sweet to me, but he made her life a living Hell. Even at that young age I knew it.
“How old were you?”
“Was I when?”
“When he left.”
“How did you know?”
He shrugs. I hadn’t noticed the server bringing the sandwiches. I guess she found enough grace to do it without interrupting.
I take a bite of the sandwich before I go on. It’s good. I’d forgotten how hungry I was. “I know that he always wanted to be a good man. I think about him a lot, even now. When I think back, I’m sure that he wanted to see himself that way. As a good man, struggling against impossible odds. It may even have been true, I don’t know any more.”
He’s quiet. Still. Listening. “All I know is, if that’s what he wanted, he didn’t struggle hard enough. He let the odds beat him. Every single time.
“The worst of it was, he was Momma’s rock, if you can believe that. He was the whole center of her universe. He meant everything to her. However badly he treated her, she always saw the man who was trying to be better. She hung on by the thinnest of threads through his episodes and his calamities.
“When he finally left–he just went out one day and never came back–that day, Momma’s world fell apart. It just broke in two. She hasn’t begun to be over it, fifteen years later.”
I see his eyebrows twitch. He’s doing the math. He asks me, “How do you feel about that?”
“I feel conflicted, Arkady.” I take another nip off the vodka. “On the one hand, I think she has a life to live, and it’s like she’s drifting through it, unconscious. One day, it will be over and she won’t know where it’s all gone. Hell, she had a child to look after and bring up. She needs to shake herself back into the light. Straighten up and get a grip. Her life is just crawling by underneath her and she’s drifting on in a miserable daze.“ I take another sip for comfort.
I’m on a roll now. I don’t know if I could stop. And I don’t want to. “At the same time, I see it. I understand. She lost everything she had, and she doesn’t know how to go on. All she had for help and support was a child. An infant. Nobody came close to help her to pick up the pieces.
“Poor Momma lurches from crisis to disaster. She drinks, she self-medicates, she has mental health issues, and she makes the most unbelievably bad choices in men. The only good thing you can say about any of them is that they never stay around long. It’s kind of a miracle she’s still alive at all.” I never talked to anyone like this before.
His voice is quiet but it’s strong. Like I could sit in it. Like it would support me. “I’m struck by how you don’t give yourself any credit. You were there for her. You were so young when your father ran out. She leaned on you almost totally. She could have lightened your load.”
I straighten in the seat. “I don’t need it. I was able to look after myself and I cared for her the best that I could. Momma didn’t owe me anything. She gave me life. What more could you ask for?”
“But you see how she needed help. How about where you could have had someone to lean on? Who was there for you?”
“I was there, Arkady.” I’m annoyed and I don’t know why. “I was there for me. Seeing Momma the way that I did taught me everything I needed to know. I didn’t want to grow up to rely on a man. A man like my daddy. You work with your own resources and you’ve got all you need. You look out for those around you, but if you don’t take care of yourself first, you can’t do anything for them.”
“So, don’t you ever want a man in your life, Saskia? A life partner?”
“Maybe. If I ever find anyone I can trust enough. I think that’s what I would want more than anything, Arkady.” I finish the cold vodka. I wonder for a moment if I should have another. Deciding, I raise the glass and show it to the server. She nods. As she heads for the bar, it looks like she’s glad to be able to do something to make up.
I tell him, “That would be one hell of a man though.”
“How did you even get yourself through school?”
“I’m not through yet. I have at least another three years to go. Or I did. Now, maybe not.” I’m thinking with my career in the State Department going down the can, I may have to reconsider my options. I tell him, “I just did what I had to do. that’s all.”
“I know that you’re the woman I’ve been looking for my whole life.”
“You’re looking for someone like me? I don’t believe you. You’d have to be crazy. And whatever you are I don’t think you’re that. Not for a moment.”
“No, I’m not looking for someone like you. Not at all. My whole life, Saskia, I’ve been looking for you.”
“Why? I can’t make relationships. I hardly even try. I never focus on anything outside my studies and my work. That and taking care of Momma. What do you think I could have to give you?”
“Your momma,” he says, like he remembered something.
He reaches into his pocket. “Was this your momma’s ring?”
Across the table, he hands me my chain with Momma’s engagement ring.
He must have found it in the apartment. Found it and recognized it. I think back to remember how many times he could have seen it. Once, in the dark in the hallway of the State Department Annex. My eyes brim. “How did you know that it was Momma’s?”
He shrugged. “The chain is too thin for you and too small, so you must have had it a long time. Since you were smaller, actually. The ring is even older than the chain, and it’s a woman’s size, not a
small girl’s.” I put the chain back on and it feels strange. I listen as he continues, “That would have been enough. But I saw the sentimental look when you touched your neck, and it wasn’t there. The look was the same as the look you had when you started to talk about your momma just now.” He shrugs again, like it’s nothing.
I have no idea whether that’s love, but it certainly means he was paying a lot of attention. He was thinking about me with a lot of care. In ways that are pretty tender. This man is full of surprises.
He drains his coffee and says, “I want babies. Lots of babies.”
“Maybe. But why would you want them with someone who is as unavailable as I am?”
“You’re the woman I need. I don’t want you for what you can give me, Saskia. I want you for who you are and what I can give to you.”
“Why me?”
He shrugs. Smiles. “You are my destiny.”
I can’t help chuckling. It seems so absurd.
His voice sounds absolutely serious. There’s no doubt at all that his eyes are deadly serious. “You’re mine. I’m here for you. It’s settled.”
“What if I don’t choose you?”
“You will. When you are ready. I can wait.”
I can’t really take it in. He asks, “Do you believe me?”
I think about it. “Yes, Arkady. I think you mean every word of it.”
“Good. Belief is a very important part of trust. So you are at least beginning to trust me.”
I think about that while we finish eating and drinking. I’m feeling warmer toward him, that much is for sure. I admire his strength and his skills. He’s hot as hell. He has looks and a body to die for. He would tick all of my boxes. If I had any boxes.
He insists we get strong coffee. I’m not a great coffee drinker, but he tells me it’s important that we both stay sharp.
“What are you going to do with Richard Drinkwater?” I ask him.
“Do you care?”
“I care what you’re going to do.” He looks up. Waiting. “I care if you’re going away.”
He almost smiles. And inside I have a reaction that is bigger and better than I believe is good for me.
“I should interrogate him, although I don’t think there’s much point.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know what questions to ask.”
“What do you want to know?”
“What information he’s been feeding to the Chinese. And who his handler is. We’re pretty sure he’s being run by someone inside your department, but we don’t know who.”
“You can’t just ask him?”
“I can but it’s like a poker game. Ask a question, watch the eyes, hands, the feet and the mouth. Only, I don’t know enough to know what I’d be looking for.”
I tell him, “I might know.”
He says, “You might. He’s due on a plane in the morning.”
“And will you go with him?”
“If he goes, I’ll be taking him.”
I’m not ready to hear the answer to the next question. So I don’t ask. A knot tightens in my stomach. I tell myself it’s the coffee.
Outside, before we get in the car, I notice a very shiny black SUV, parked up about a block to our left. Then I see another identical black SUV a block to the right. I tell him.
He seems pleased. I ask him why.
“How did you spot them?”
“I don’t know. I guess they’re too identical.”
“That’s a huge talent you have for spying.”
Chapter Fifteen
Him
I tell her, “Well done. You drive.” I get in the passenger side.
She looks panicked. “Won’t it be dangerous?”
“Extremely.” I pull my gun out.
“I can’t do it. Not pursuit driving. I don’t know how.”
I look hard in her face. We don’t have much time, but she has to understand. “Do you trust me?”
“Some. Not completely.”
“Good. That’s truthful. And you will learn to trust me better. Starting right now. Put on your seat belt.” As she pulls on the belt, I tell her, “Do exactly what I say. No question. No hesitation. It will be simple. And easy. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“When you start the car, or soon after, the one in front will pull out. Floor the throttle. Drive straight at them. Flat out. Don’t brake. Don’t turn. Don’t swerve, and don’t stop.”
She starts the engine. Both of the SUV’s start to move. She says, “I guess the airbags will save us.”
“Unlikely. I had them taken out.” I check that the SUV’s have both pulled out. “Go.”
She does what I told her. The Mercedes roars and leaps forward. She holds the course. There’s fire in her eyes. If we survive this, it will marvelous.
She shouts. “What if they don’t get out of the way.”
“They will.”
Of course, they think she’ll flinch, so they leave it too late. The SUV swerves and slams into the line of parked cars to get out of the way. Saskia holds her nerve brilliantly.
We miss the SUV by inches. Our van shakes hard to the side as we pass.
“Good.” I tell her. Her eyes flash, and she glows with exhilaration. “Don’t slow down. That was the easy part. Take the next right, as fast as you can.”
We veer and the tires shriek at the turn. She holds it together, though. “Keep going. Don’t slow down.” I’m thrilled that she’s taking instruction so well. The next part is a lot harder.
We chase two blocks down a wide street. Luckily there’s almost nothing else on the road. I lean over the seat to look out the back. The black SUVs are making the turn now, coming after us.
“When I say, pull up the parking brake hard and turn the wheel just ten degrees,” I hold my finger and thumb up. “This much.”
Her eyes are wide. “You’re going to make me do a bootlegger’s turn?”
It would be better fifty yards later, but I can’t risk her having time to think about it.
“Now,” I bang on the dash, “Take your foot all the way off the gas.” The car spins. The tires smoke and howl as we slide around and backward.
The back slews. We lurch hard to the side.
“Now, jam your foot back down.”
With a screech, the van kicks forward. I could kiss her. We made an almost perfect one-eighty-degree turn.
The SUVs are coming at us, side by side. She shouts. “We’re going straight at them.”
“Keep your foot down. They know you won’t flinch.”
She gasps. I tell her, “So do I.”
I know she’s terrified. She stays cool and does exactly what I told her. Right at the last moment, the SUV’s peel left and right. They both slam and scrape along the lines of parked vehicles, grinding to a halt.
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