by Geneva Lee
“Stop making a fool of yourself. I’ll let you go when I choose to let you go,” he growled, his hand crushing my windpipe harder. “A few more seconds and everything will go black, Clara. I’m not here to hurt you. I only want to ask you a few questions. Check in on you.”
I went limp, placing undue faith in his promises.
“Good girl.” He relaxed his grip again but didn’t release me. “I’d rather thought I’d run into you earlier in London. I expected you to come to your senses, but it seems you found other things to come to instead.”
How much longer before someone would realize I’d been gone too long? People would be leaving soon. There was no way Belle would go home without saying goodbye. Where was she? Where was Alexander? I didn’t dare risk crying out. Not when Daniel had been so demonstrative of how far he was willing to take things.
“Are you fucking him?” Daniel asked, coldness coating his voice. In the moonlight his eyes were a black void that seemed to reflect his hate.
There was no way I was answering that. He’d accused me once of cheating at Oxford, and I had little doubt that he still thought he had a claim to me now.
“Are you fucking him?” he screamed.
I shook my head, knowing the truth would not set me free tonight.
“You lying bitch.” His other hand struck my cheek. Stars exploded across my vision and I cried out, but he squeezed my throat, cutting off the scream.
Footsteps clicked through the hall outside the door and I cried out again, overjoyed when they sped up. The doorknob to the bedroom jiggled, then shook before the pounding began. “Clara?” Belle’s voice shrieked through the locked door.
I took my best opportunity and yanked away from him, getting out one good scream before Daniel tackled me.
“Clara!” Everyone in the house had heard that scream. But as Daniel rolled me on my back and pressed his body against mine, I knew it was too late. He ground his hips against me as his hands closed over my throat again. I punched at his sides, aiming for the kidneys as I’d been taught in a self-defense class, but he was too strong. Stronger than he’d ever been when we dated, and I realized with a sinking feeling that he’d been training—preparing for this.
“Have you told him?” he asked as he throttled me. “About us? About the baby?”
I shook my head, confusion overcoming me as I struggled to breathe. There was no baby. Daniel knew that. He had to give me a chance—a chance to explain. But my thoughts jumbled and slipped away like sand through a sieve.
What did I need to tell him?
Why was I on my back?
Blackness crept into the corners of my eyes, seeping slowly across my vision. The unlit room grew darker. Somewhere in the distance a drum pounded. No, it was too erratic to be an instrument. It sounded like a storm—a cacophony of screaming and slamming.
A form slammed into Daniel, knocking him off of me. Air rushed back into my lungs and I gagged on the incoming oxygen, coughing as my hands flew to my liberated throat. Gentle hands helped me sit up. Belle’s concerned face swam into view, and I latched onto her, holding her as a strange mix of fear and relief rolled wet down my cheeks.
“Shh,” she soothed, but her efforts at calming me were undermined as Alexander and Daniel went crashing into the closet.
With each breath I took, the room came back to life around me until I could focus on the brawl happening only a few feet from me. Alexander’s fist smashed into Daniel’s nose. Blood spurted across his face, but Alexander didn’t stop as he made hard contact with his jaw.
“Stop him,” I implored Belle. “Alexander will kill him. Norris. We need Norris.”
“Philip’s gone after him. He drove your parents home.” A hysterical edge colored her words as she spoke, and I realized this nightmare was far from over.
I yanked away from her and forced myself onto my feet. Stumbling forward I tried to push myself between the two men, but Alexander shoved me out of the way. The momentary distraction gave Daniel the window of opportunity he needed and his fist jabbed into Alexander’s left kidney.
“Stop!” I screamed as they fell on each other, wrestling precariously close to the window. My cry scratched my throat, leaving it raw, but it had no effect.
As if on cue, Norris darted into the room and caught Daniel’s arm, twisting it violently until there was a sickening crack. Daniel faltered, and Norris took the opportunity. Within seconds, my attacker was pinned to the floor. Alexander paced nearby, fury radiating off him like heat from an inferno. Daniel might have been incapacitated but he was far from safe. Fighting against a sudden wave of nausea, I made my way to Alexander. My arms threaded around him as I pressed myself against his back. I had to calm him down. Alexander stilled in my embrace, but his muscles were still tense. He was on alert, waiting for the slightest movement.
“Police are on the way,” Philip announced from the doorway. He glanced around the room, choosing not to step inside.
“What the fuck is your name?” Alexander demanded.
A laugh bubbled from Daniel and turned into a cough as blood caught in his throat. Norris pushed his face to the side, so he wouldn’t choke.
“It’s Daniel,” Belle said quietly.
Alexander stiffened in my embrace as realization dawned on him. “You came into my home which is enough of a reason for me to kill you.” His voice was eerily calm as he spoke. “But that you dared to touch her means you’re as good as dead.”
“X!” My hold on him tightened. “No.”
Alexander pulled away, agitation triumphing over my attempt to soothe him. “He attacked you. He desecrated our home.”
“And he’ll pay for that, because I will be pressing charges.” I spoke to Daniel now. It was time for him to realize I wasn’t the girl he used to demean and order around. Things had changed. I had changed.
“He doesn’t deserve to walk out of here,” Alexander seethed.
Norris tilted his head, regarding his employer before shaking his head. “I have this under control. Alexander, take Clara somewhere safe.”
I tugged at Alexander’s arm, as anxious to remove him from the situation as I was to be out of it myself. He didn’t budge.
Daniel’s eyes flickered around the room like a caged animal before they locked onto Alexander.
“Has she told you?” he wheezed. “Has she told you she was no innocent virgin when you met? I saw to that.”
“Shut up,” Alexander commanded. “I have no interest in anything you have to say.”
“But I have such interesting things to tell you,” Daniel pressed. “About the things I used to do to her. About how she used to beg for it. About our baby.”
“Get him the fuck out of here,” Alexander ordered Norris, who responded immediately, dragging Daniel to his feet.
But Daniel wasn’t through yet. “Tell him how you murdered our baby, Clara. I wasn’t good enough for her. She wouldn’t even let me see her after she did it.”
A silence fell over the rest of the room as he continued to babble on, sounding crazier with each passing second.
Norris shoved him toward the door, forcing him out of the room and down the stairs. Alexander followed him and I lunged for him. He held up a hand.
“I need to see to this. Belle will stay with you.” Alexander brushed a finger softly across my jaw, the muscles in his own tensing as he really looked at me for the first time.
Then he was gone.
“Go with him,” I begged Philip. “Make sure…make sure he doesn’t do anything rash.”
Philip bobbed his head and disappeared into the hall. I didn’t have much confidence in his ability, or rather willingness, to step in based on his passive participation earlier, but I couldn’t be certain that Norris’s loyalty wouldn’t be swayed in favor of retribution. I had no clue what Alexander was capable of, but I suspected he’d meant it when he had threatened to kill Daniel.
I looked to Belle and collapsed onto the floor. She was by my side in an instant, wrap
ping me in a warm embrace. There were no tears left. I’d cried them all. Now there was only the numbness overtaking me like that day on Portobello Road. I sucked in a breath as it hit me. I had seen Daniel that day.
“Clara, what is it? What’s wrong?” Belle drew back, searching my face for signs that I was more injured than I’d let on.
“He knows where I live.” My thoughts tumbled out unfiltered. I sounded hysterical. I probably was hysterical. That didn’t matter. I just needed someone to hear me. “He’s been following me. He’s crazy.”
“I think that’s established,” Belle reached up and touched my forehead as if expecting to discover I’d developed a fever.
“I saw him,” I confessed in a low voice. “The first day I was here with Alexander. I thought it was my imagination or a coincidence.”
“And you didn’t tell Alexander?” she guessed.
“It upset me, but I dismissed it. Things were over between us. I had no reason to believe…” My words trailed away when I saw guilt flash across Belle’s fair features.
“I saw him, too. Near the flat a few weeks ago. I should have known something was up.”
“No,” I stopped her. “Daniel was a first class asshole, but there was no reason to suspect he’d gone off the deep end.”
“None?” she pushed.
I started to shake my head but then hesitated. “He called a few times after I broke things off. I hung up on him.”
“He came to the hospital,” she admitted in a small voice. “I made him go away.”
I clapped a hand over my mouth, closing my eyes for a moment before I relaxed again. I’d been hospitalized for malnourishment, but at the time I’d feared it was something far worse. Daniel’s obsessive behavior had driven me to unconsciously stop eating. I’d been so desperate to control anything in my life during that time. “He said he came. He told Alexander. Oh god—” a sob racked my chest —“he thinks I was pregnant.”
“It doesn’t matter what he thinks,” Belle said firmly. “You weren’t pregnant and Daniel is clearly delusional.”
“I…I…” My eyes implored Belle. Would she understand? What would she think of me?
“Clara, you weren’t pregnant.” But this time her voice peaked on pregnant.
“I don’t know,” I confessed in a whisper.
“How can you not know?” Belle stared at me as though I’d sprouted a second head. No, it was worse than that. She looked at me like she didn’t know me at all.
“They ran tests.” The truth poured out. I hadn’t known how much I’d been holding in. “When the doctor came in, he explained that I was very sick and they needed to monitor me while they ran fluids. I asked him—I asked him if they’d run a pregnancy test and he…hesitated.”
“That doesn’t mean anything,” she said, but her eyes told another story.
“So I asked if there was a baby and he said no. I didn’t ask more questions. I didn’t want to be pregnant, so I let it go. Don’t you see? Maybe Daniel found something out. Something I didn’t even know and that’s why he snapped.”
“You’re going to drive yourself crazy trying to guess why Daniel did this,” Belle interjected. “But there’s no rationalizing it.”
“What if, though?” Couldn’t she see that this changed everything? If Daniel had found out what I’d refused to learn myself, there would be no stopping Alexander from procuring that information. “What if I was? What if Alexander finds out? He’ll think I lied.”
“Then tell him the truth.” Belle hesitated before giving me a reassuring squeeze. “Clara, I think you need to find out. You shouldn’t live your life wondering about something like that.”
She was right. I had to find out. Dread swirled through my stomach at the thought of revisiting past ghosts. Would it change anything if Daniel was telling the truth? Would it change how Alexander felt about me? Would it change me?
“Ghosts only haunt people who are scared to face them,” Belle said softly.
A man cleared his throat and we both jumped before we saw Philip waiting silently at the door. “Clara should rest,” he advised.
“I can’t leave her alone.” Belle’s harsh rebuke caught me off guard. Was it possible I hadn’t imagined the tension between them earlier?
“Alexander is finished. Daniel has been taken into custody, and I doubt Norris will budge from the front curb all night.” This should have been reassuring, but coming from Philip, it came off as dismissive.
I forced a smile, not wanting to add additional strain to the situation. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” Belle asked, and I could tell she didn’t buy my act.
“She will be,” Alexander said, striding into the room. He offered a hand to Belle and she scrambled to her feet before he scooped me off mine. “A hot bath and a glass of wine. Norris sent for something to help you sleep.”
“I don’t want to sleep.” I sounded like a petulant child, but now I understood why children fought the night. They knew that closing their eyes invited nightmares.
“You’re safe, poppet,” he whispered, pressing a reverent kiss to my forehead that seemed to wash away my fears.
Philip shuffled nervously, extending his arm to Belle.
Belle paused at the door. “Call me tomorrow.”
“I promise.” This time I would keep that promise. I could only imagine how hard it would have been to walk out of here if I was in her shoes. I didn’t trust Philip to take care of her. I knew that now. And I very much doubted that she trusted Alexander. Given all we had been through, I didn’t blame her.
Alexander didn’t follow them downstairs. Instead he cradled me against him, whispering reassurances to me. From the foyer, Norris’s reassuring baritone echoed as he showed them out.
“Norris has checked the house,” Alexander informed me. “There’s no sign of how he got in.”
“Which means he walked right through the front door.” I felt sick all over again. “This is why I hate parties.”
But neither of us laughed at my weak attempt at a joke. Our privacy had been invaded before by hackers and paparazzi, but this was different. It shook through my skin and down into my marrow, contaminating my very being. I told myself I didn’t know how far Daniel would have gone. It was easier in this instance to swallow my own lie than face the truth.
Alexander carried me to the bathroom where he lowered me to my feet, waiting to ensure I could stand. A few minutes later the tub had filled halfway with water and bubbles and he stepped around me. Brushing my hair over my shoulder, his fingers found my zipper. He tugged it down slowly, his lips kissing the back of my neck as he slipped the straps of my dress off. It fell, pooling at my feet. Unhooking my bra, he ran his hands over my breasts as he removed it. He continued, unclipping my garter belt and unrolling my stockings until I stood stripped before him. Vulnerability overcame me and I folded into him, fumbling for his buttons. I didn’t want to be alone. Not for a moment. I met with no resistance as I undressed him. We faced each other, exposed and raw. Alexander lifted my hand to his lips and kissed the tip of each finger before gesturing for me to step into the bath.
I sank into the water and he followed. We settled against each other and I relaxed into him. My eyes closed as he soaped up my arms and back, washing away all but the memory of what had transpired this evening. Neither of us spoke for a long time, finding solace in the silence of each other’s company.
“Clara.” My name was a prayer on his lips. “I’m sorry.”
My throat went raw, and I swallowed against fresh tears. “You did nothing wrong.”
“I didn’t protect you,” he said in a strangled voice.
“You did protect me, X. I’m right here.”
“When I came in and found you…” The thickness of his voice said what he couldn’t.
I could barely process it myself. How must it have looked to him?
“What he said,” Alexander continued, “about the baby—he assumed you hadn’t told me. Why?”
Somewhere deep inside myself I found the last remnants of strength I had left. “I told you about the hospital, but I wasn’t being entirely honest with you. Or myself.”
I expected him to pull away or tense up. Instead he held me closer, giving me the last bit of strength I needed.
“I don’t know if I was pregnant,” I admitted. This time the confession came slowly as I tried to work through the muddle of emotions it provoked. “The doctor said there was no baby.”
“Then you weren’t pregnant.” The relief in his voice stung.
“I don’t know.” Belle was right. I had to be honest with him about this. I had to face it myself. “I asked if there was a baby and the doctor said no, but he didn’t answer when I asked if I had been pregnant and I didn’t push him. I was too scared to know the truth.”
“Would it change things for you if you had been?” he asked.
It was such a simple question, but one loaded with meaning. “Would it change things for you?”
He didn’t answer and my heart sank.
“There’s no baby now.” It was the best—and only—answer I had. What-if’s had nearly driven me crazy in the past. I was unwilling to go down that path again. “What’s past is past.”
“You don’t want to know?”
“No,” I said confidently, “and I don’t want you to find out. I want everything about Daniel to be in my past.”
“I can respect that.”
Could he? Did he? “If I was pregnant once, how would that make you feel?”
“I’m the last person who can judge you,” he reminded me in a gentle voice.
“It’s not about judgment. How would you feel?” I wasn’t sure why it was so important for me to know. Perhaps it was needing something concrete after being caught in an invisible web.
“It would worry me but not for the reason you think,” he added quickly.
“For what reason?”
“If you had lost a baby, I would be concerned you might regret that. That you might want to have a child someday, which is something I can’t give you.”
“Oh.” This was news to me. I’d never really considered having children. Not yet. But now I found this information difficult to digest. “I didn’t know you couldn’t—”