Her nose scrunched. “Girl, we’re living in a new age. Why wouldn’t a team consider you? If they don’t, then they’re discriminating.”
In any other type of job outside of an all-male sport, I would agree with her. “Baseball isn’t like a regular job that I can return to and expect to pick up where I left off. Teams don’t work like that. They plan their rosters. Sure, I could go on the disabled list. But would they let me return?”
“Then you need to decide what is most important to you—Kade or baseball.” Her tone was matter of fact.
“Why can’t I have both?” I asked more to myself than her.
She scratched an eyebrow. “Maybe you can. Change their way of thinking. If this Triple-A team wants you, then negotiate a pregnancy into the contract. Make sure the contract has caveats for what you want. If they want you bad enough, then they’ll meet your demands or meet you halfway.”
“While that’s great advice, I’m not sure a baseball organization will want me that badly.”
Her idea made perfect sense, but I didn’t think it was realistic. When the Dodgers were courting me right after I’d graduated college, their management team thought I was pregnant because I’d thrown up on the mound during a tryout. The end result was they went with another closer. At least that was what they’d told me. However, I believed they didn’t want to take a chance on me because I was a female who came with a little more baggage, so to speak, than my male counterparts. She rolled her eyes. “You won’t know until you ask.”
Maybe so. But first I had a tough conversation with Kade ahead of me. If I didn’t have him on my side, then asking for a pregnancy clause was a moot point.
Chapter 6
Kade
I found myself pacing the empty house again, waiting for Lacey. I’d dropped off Marcus after a two-hour conversation with him about how booze wasn’t the answer to his problems. I’d also explained to him what my brothers and I had been through when we’d lost our sister and how each of us had found an outlet. Kross felt that ramming his fists into a punching bag helped him. I would’ve suggested to Marcus that music might be one avenue, which had helped Kody, but Marcus couldn’t strum a guitar to save his life, according to Kody.
I peeked out the window in the living room, fuming. After Kross had told me what he’d heard about Lacey and a Triple-A team, it was all I could do to focus on Marcus.
Still, I’d told Lacey I would be a couple of hours. As much as I wanted to spend time with my wife, I felt Marcus needed help. I wasn’t sure my advice would stick or resonate with him. After all, none of what I’d counseled him on in the past had seemed to change his rebellious nature.
Storm clouds moved in, darkening the sky as tree branches swayed back and forth along the side of the driveway.
Just as I was about to call her, I caught sight of her Mustang pulling in.
I padded over to the sprawling staircase and dropped down on the third step as my pulse settled for a beat.
The door opened, and a gust of wind followed Lacey in. “Hey,” she said in a low voice, taming her windblown hair with her fingers.
I hopped up and rushed to her. “What happened?” Her eyes were red as though she’d been crying. I checked her arms and legs and everywhere skin was showing, but I didn’t see any cuts.
She blinked once before pulling away and walking toward the kitchen.
My heart fell out of my chest. The last time she pulled away from me, she’d wanted nothing to do with me.
I trailed on her heels. “Lace?” She wasn’t physically hurt, so someone had upset her.
She plunked her purse on the island and wiped the tears that had begun streaming down her face.
I had to touch her, hold her, console her, and tell her everything would be okay. At least I prayed like a motherfucker that we could get through whatever was bothering her. But when I approached her, she walked away again until she was on the other side of the island.
My heart stopped as memories bombarded me of the time in high school when we’d gotten into a major fight.
She got up and paced in front of the TV. “I’ve lived through finding the dead bodies of people I loved dearly. I’ve pushed hard in the last year to get where I am. I’m not perfect.” She stuck her hands on her hips and pinned a deathly look on me. “I’ll always have memories, nightmares, and symptoms of PTSD.” Her face reddened. “How can I heal or face my fears when the one person I love, who’s supposed to support me and help me, chooses to make the choices that are not his to make?”
I hopped off the couch and moved toward her. She backed away. I was about to lose it. I hated that she wouldn’t let me touch her. I grabbed my hair with both my hands.
At that moment, I wasn’t pulling on my hair. But I was tempted to punch my fist into our shiny stainless-steel fridge.
I inhaled through my nose, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans so Lacey wouldn’t see me shaking. I wished I could say I wasn’t a bundle of nerves, but the truth was I was fucking angry and gutted at her sudden coldness.
“If our marriage is over, tell me now.” The words rolled off my tongue easily, which was stupid because I couldn’t fathom why I would even think something like that. And we hadn’t argued. We hadn’t even spoken about her call with Tara yet.
Her jaw hit the granite top. “What!”
I pursed my lips as I settled against the copper sink. I had to have something to keep me upright because my knees were shaking. “You heard me.” My voice didn’t sound like my own.
She shuddered, licking her lips. “Why would you even think that?”
I shrugged. “Why won’t you let me touch you? If you recall, the last time you wouldn’t let me touch you, you stormed out of my house, and not long after that, you broke up with me.”
Her eyes went wide. “You don’t forget the smallest of details. Do you?”
“Not when they stop my heart from beating and surely not when it comes to you.” I knew every single detail about Lacey Maxwell.
Her eyes slid shut for a second. “I’m sorry. I have something to tell you that will make you upset.”
“About you playing Triple-A,” I said.
She reared back. “How do you know? Did you talk to Tara?”
“Kross told me. He overheard some players from the Pawtucket Red Sox who were at the gym. They dropped your name and Triple-A.”
Her beautiful features were scrunched in every direction. “But only Tara knows.”
“Apparently not. But the bigger issue is what does this mean for starting our family?”
Shaking her head, she dashed a tear away with her fingers. “I don’t know.”
I pushed off the sink and planted my hands on the island that stood between us. “Lace, I’m not waiting another two years or three or five or ten to have a family. I’m sorry, baby. I’m not budging on this.” Somehow, I’d managed to say all of that in a calm tone.
She jutted out her chin defiantly. “So you’re not supporting my career any longer? Is that what you’re saying?”
I dragged my hands through my hair as thunder boomed outside. I felt as though my heart beat with it. “We have a plan, Lace. That plan starts next year. That’s as long as I’m willing to wait.”
She sucked in a sharp breath. “Or what?” Her nostrils flared, anger jumping off her by leaps and bounds.
“Then I guess you need to figure out what’s more important—us or baseball.” Again, my tone was even. My pulse, not so much. The damn beat of my heart was pounding in my ears.
She worried her bottom lip. “And if I choose baseball?”
I pushed out a shoulder. “Then I guess we don’t want the same things.”
Her lips trembled. “So you’re saying we’re done?”
I sighed heavily before clenching my teeth. I would die a quick death if I ever lost Lacey. She’d been my rock since I’d met her. I couldn’t imagine life without her. But if kids and a big family wasn’t something she wanted, then I wasn’t sure what
I would do.
“You’ve always said you wanted kids, Lace. Why the shift in that?”
She puffed out air. “I do want kids, Kade. But I also want to play baseball. I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am today. You know as well as I do that the older I get, the fewer chances I’ll have to play ball. I can’t take off a year or two to have a baby and then expect to return and pick up where I left off. Teams wouldn’t support that or sign me.”
I locked my jaw. “Do you want to have a baby at forty years old?” My voice was no longer calm but shaky. “And we decided on at least four kids. When will that happen?”
A tear slid down her cheek. “I don’t know. I just don’t know.”
Silence filled the spacious kitchen as she stared at the counter and I stared at her.
Thunder crashed, followed by the crack of lightning.
My gut twisted in several directions at the thought that she would pick baseball. I would die instantly if she did. Sure, I was being dramatic. But I loved the woman more than I loved anyone else or anything in this fucking world.
It’s simple, man. If she picks baseball, then she doesn’t want a family.
That scared the fuck out of me. Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. I felt as though fire streamed down my throat and burned a hole in my stomach.
I needed air… or a shot of hard liquor. I wasn’t one to drown my sorrows or problems in booze like Marcus. But I was beginning to realize maybe booze was the key. My way of channeling my emotions had been working on old cars, which I rarely did. I’d barely had time for much as a teenager. I’d been the brother and son who took care of my siblings and mom. I’d been the one to shove all the pain and heartache down a dark hole and lock it up tightly. If I were being honest, Lacey had been my outlet. She’d been the one to make my heart whole again. But at that moment while we were both in our own heads, my heart fucking hurt.
“I need some time alone,” she whispered, still not meeting my gaze. “I’m going to see my dad.” She started to walk out.
I rushed up to her and cocooned her in my arms. No way was she walking away from me.
She struggled to get free, albeit weakly.
“Lace, please don’t break my heart.” My voice cracked.
She stiffened and looked up at me with so much turmoil swirling in those meadow-green eyes that I thought I would lose my shit right then and there.
“I’ll be back later tonight.” She pushed out of my hold and left, taking my heart with her.
Chapter 7
Lacey
I curled up on a chair in the sunroom, listening to the rain pitter-patter on the glass roof, a sound that was soothing. I let my mind wander as I stared out into the backyard.
The copse of trees swayed from side to side.
Thunder boomed.
Lightning split the sky.
Suddenly, déjà vu hit me out of nowhere. I couldn’t help but remember the time I’d sat in that very room with a thunderstorm in full gear, brooding over a fight I’d had with Kade. Back then, I’d been so angry with him, just like I was now. He’d made me so darn mad thinking I would leave him, and I couldn’t see past that. I was also confused and angry with myself. I didn’t want to break his heart.
I tried to put myself in his shoes, but if he were playing baseball, we wouldn’t be arguing over when we would start a family. Sure, I wanted kids, but I also wanted to play ball.
Argh!
I would ruin my marriage if I didn’t come to a decision. But if I did what I wanted, then I had a strong feeling that Kade wasn’t going to hang around.
Nonsense. The man loves you to death. The man would die for you. You just have to come to a mutual decision. Maybe if the Triple-A team is interested, then only sign a one-year contract.
Surely, Kade would agree to extend our plans by one more year. The problem, though, was that I knew myself. I knew if I played, I wouldn’t want to stop.
I tapped on Tara’s name.
She answered on the first ring. “Lacey, aren’t you supposed to be loving on that man of yours?”
I didn’t share my personal life with Tara all that much. We talked but mostly about my career, although she knew family was important to me. “Do you think we can negotiate a pregnancy or two into a contract with the Iowa Cubs?”
Silence reigned over the line as the rain outside came down in sheets.
“Tara, are you still there?” I checked my screen to make sure the call hadn’t dropped given the storm raging outside.
“I’m here. But…”
Yeah, I’d figured there was a “but” coming.
“You’re forging a new path in this industry,” she said. “But you knew going in that teams are frigid about a woman. I don’t know that negotiating anything other than time and money is prudent with a new team.”
I threw my head back. “Why is it so difficult to want a family and play ball? Don’t answer that.”
“Lacey, enjoy your break. Love on your hot husband. Let me do my job.”
“Does that mean you’ll talk to the Cubs about adding in a pregnancy clause of some sort?” I didn’t know how it worked or how they would even word it. After all, there was a Pregnancy Discrimination Act. So maybe we didn’t have to bring up the subject at all.
“It means not to worry about the Cubs. And I’ve told you that if you got pregnant in the middle of a season, then it’s not going to end your career.”
She had told me that in one of our meetings, but I hadn’t believed her then, and I didn’t now. Besides, I wasn’t ready to find out how a team would react, despite a contract, which wasn’t ironclad anyway.
“Lacey, don’t let baseball ruin your marriage. We’ll talk when you return to Portland. And if I speak with the Cubs before then, I’ll call.”
I sighed heavily. “I need both baseball and Kade, Tara. The last thing I want to do is disappoint my husband. But I don’t want to lose all the blood, sweat, and tears I’ve put into baseball.” I had to say that one last time even though she knew.
“We’ll talk soon.” The line went dead.
I rested my head against the chair when footsteps clobbered on the wood floor in the hall. I flew upright, my pulse off the charts. “Dad,” I called.
The closer I crept toward the door, the harder my heart rammed against my ribs, and the faster my past reared its ugly head. The air left my lungs as a buzzing sound started in my ears. My PTSD was kicking in, something that hadn’t happened since college. But I shouldn’t have been surprised. The house held some dark memories with break-ins and even someone chasing me through the woods out back. Barry Weeks, a boy who’d befriended me, had thought I’d killed his father. But that feat had gone to the Boston SWAT team when Barry’s father was a beat away from driving a knife into me.
I quickly poked my head out into the hall. A nightlight illuminated the dim space, but no one was there.
Icy fear washed through my veins. “Dad,” I called again. He’d gone to Florida on business, but maybe he’d come home early.
“Lacey.” Kade’s voice dried the fear dripping from me, even more so when he came around the corner from the family room.
I’d never been so happy to see him in all my life.
He strutted toward me as though he was on a mission. I imagined he was. Kade Maxwell was always on a mission to make sure I wasn’t hurt or being chased, kidnapped, or killed. I couldn’t blame him. We’d had some tense times when my grandfather, who’d been head of the Italian Mafia in Los Angeles, had put a hit out on me. His reason had been to use me as bait to get a ledger that he’d thought my dad had.
I slapped a hand over my heart, hoping to slow it down.
Kade’s eyes were wide. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” My voice cracked.
He wrapped his arms around me. “You let me be the judge of that.” Then he lifted me in his arms and carried me into the sunroom. “You’re not walking away from us.” He set us down on the chair with me in his lap.
I hooked an arm around his neck. “Who said I was walking away? I just wanted a moment to think.”
“Then think in a room in our house. Fuck, it’s big enough for you to hide.” He waved his hand outward. “You don’t need to be driving in this crap weather.”
I traced the pad of my finger over his lips as my anger started to wane. I couldn’t stay mad at him, and he was right—our house was big enough to find a quiet spot to think, but I’d wanted to see my dad. He always gave me great advice. But I hadn’t known he was out of town until I’d gotten there.
“Careful, Lace. I bite.” Kade’s tone was hard and serious.
“Then bite. I’m not afraid of you.”
“But you are afraid to talk about kids?”
I stiffened.
He raised an eyebrow. “See? I mention kids, and you go ramrod straight. Look, we’re not leaving here until we talk or yell or shout. I don’t give a fuck what.”
I slumped. “You’re bossy.”
He chuckled, losing all that tension in his jaw.
I placed my fingers on his chin and guided him to look at me. “I’m sorry. I’m scared. I’m confused, and you can’t be mad because I want to play ball and spit out kids.” Not exactly a nice way to say that last part, but I wanted to get a better smile from him. I wanted us both to relax before we talked about anything.
“I’m an idiot for thinking you would walk away from us. Please forgive me.” So much emotion swam in his copper depths. Those same eyes had sucked me in when I’d met him for the first time seven years ago.
I would never forget that day. The bright lights in that high school parking lot had hit his face just perfectly. His copper eyes had sparkled. His long lashes had fluttered, and I remembered wondering how it would feel to have his long lashes skimming over my face or anywhere on my body.
Butterfly kisses.
He traced circles on my bare leg, eliciting a string of goose bumps. “Penny for your thoughts.” His voice was husky and downright panty-melting.
Dare to Embrace: The Maxwell Series Book 7 Page 4