“Th-that would be great,” Annie said, charmed anew. How come every time she thought she had their relationship—or lack thereof—figured out, the man had to go and confuse her?
Jed flashed Annie a smile so handsome that she had trouble finding her next breath. “So?” he asked. “You gonna give me another shot at reclaiming my Scrabble honor?”
“Sure you’re up for it?” she teased.
“Damn straight. Last night, I didn’t even try. Tonight, you’re toast.”
AN HOUR LATER, seated in front of a crackling fire, Jed groaned. “Please tell me I didn’t just get whomped again.”
Grinning as she slid the letter tiles into their bag, Annie said, “If that’s what you want to hear, that’s what I’ll tell you. But there’s no way you’ll ever beat me. I’ve got too much of my grandmother’s Scrabble blood pumping through my veins.”
He rolled his eyes, then surprised her by taking her hand. “Thanks,” he said, his voice a throatier version of its normal timbre.
“For what?” She gave his hand a squeeze, releasing it to tuck the game board into the box.
“For making me forget—at least for the past hour—what an unbelievable fool I’ve been.”
She made a face. “I wouldn’t go that far. Over-the-top concerned, sure, but not foolish, Jed. You love your sister. Because of that love, you put your own life on hold to search for her. What’s wrong with that?”
“Anyone ever tell you you’re too good to be true?”
“Nope. But I do get told to mind my own business. To get my own life. My girlfriends at the school where I used to work got tired of me always giving my two cents’ worth about their relationships with their husbands or how to discipline their kids when I didn’t have either.”
The fact that she knew almost everything about Jed, but had told him precious little about her own rocky past, gnawed at her conscience. He deserved to know. Everything. But she couldn’t open up. Not quite yet.
Jed brought her hand to his mouth, palm up, and kissed the sensitive center.
She shivered inside.
“Do you ever want any kids, or a husband?” he asked, his warm breath on her hand causing even more internal distress.
She nodded. “It’d be awfully lonely living the rest of my life alone.”
“What kind of guys do you date?”
“What is this?” she asked with an easy smile. “The Dating Inquisition?”
“Sorry. Guess that’s just my knuckleheaded way of asking if I’m your type.”
“Stop!”
“What?”
“Putting yourself down. For the record, yes. At times on this trip—namely in unsanitary fast-food restaurants—you got a little domineering. But aside from that, you’ve been thoughtful and caring and—” She stopped just short of adding wickedly handsome to the list.
She traced the worried furrow of his brows. “Let it go, Jed. Whatever’s bothering you about Patti, forget it. I can see it’s still eating you up inside.”
“That’s just it,” he said, leaning against the sofa and staring into the fire. “Sometimes I’m afraid that this compulsion to control everything is all I have…Remember how I mentioned that our house burned down when I was a kid?”
“Yes,” she said quietly.
“I was sound asleep when Mom screamed at me to get up. Not many people had smoke detectors in those days, but my parents woke up because Mom had bad asthma and the smoke made her cough.
“Their room was at the top of the stairs. Next came Patti’s, then mine, and my little brother Ronnie’s room was all the way at the end of the hall. By the time Mom grabbed Patti, she was coughing so hard she could hardly breathe. Dad yelled at her to get outside. Dad got me and held my hand till we were outside. There was snow on the ground and I can still feel the icy-wet ground soaking my socks.”
“Oh, Jed…” Annie placed her hand over her mouth. “I’m so sorry.”
“Oh.” He laughed sharply. “That’s nothing. It gets better. After leaving me with Mom and Patti, Dad ran back in to get Ronnie, but it was too late. The stairs were gone. The firemen weren’t there yet. I remember hearing their sirens, but they were still far away. Dad ran around the side of the house to get a ladder and prop it up against Ronnie’s window, but the ladder was buried under the snow. He dug and dug screaming for me to help. I did the best I could, but it wasn’t enough.”
Jed started to cry.
Tears hadn’t helped him that night any more than they did now.
“I kept waiting to hear my little brother crying. He was only four. He cried a lot. But the only sound was the wail of those sirens. By the time firemen got there and busted through Ronnie’s bedroom window, he was dead. Smoke got him—not fire. I just stood there, staring. Dad said, ‘Why didn’t you help me dig, Jed? Why didn’t you help?’”
Annie sat on the floor beside him, slipping her arm around him. “What a horrible thing to say. But Jed, you know your father didn’t mean it. He must’ve been out of his mind with grief.”
“Yeah, that’s what he said later when Mom yelled at him, but it didn’t matter. It was already too late. Things were never the same after that. The house I’d lived in my whole life was gone—along with all the memories of good times. Dad started drinking. Mom’s asthma got worse. I began to help around the house more and more until I felt like I was the parent and my folks were the kids. Hell, maybe a part of me was a little relieved the night they died. How sick is that? At least after they were gone, I stopped having to make excuses for them to Patti. I used to tell her Dad was too sick to come to her softball games when, in reality, he was soused. I didn’t even tell him about her games for fear he’d embarrass her in front of her friends. And Mom…she could’ve tried to get better, but she wouldn’t take her medicine. I wanted so badly to fix it. Them. Me. To make everything better. Nice. Happy. The way it was before Ronnie died.
“I thought that if I worked hard enough, I could bend life to my will. For a while, with Patti, it worked. But everything went bad when she hit her teens. I wasn’t her parent. Tupac was. Hellhammer and Black Flag. I was just the guy who kept her from doing what she wanted. The more I tried to control her, the more out of control she got. That’s why I came up here now. I had to drag her back. I had to at least try.” He covered his face with his hands. “That’s the only way I stay sane.”
Annie sighed before pulling him into her arms. “I’m so sorry,” she said, stroking his hair. “So, so sorry.”
“I didn’t tell you so you’d feel sorry for me,” he said. “I can handle it. All of it. I just need a breather, you know? Time to catch my breath.”
“I know, Jed, I know.” Cradling his face in her hands, she kissed his forehead and cheeks and nose. “What you have to realize is that Patti’s a grown woman now, not a wild teen. No matter how hard you try, you can’t control her any more than you can the weather or a flat tire or a dead battery.” Smoothing his hair back from his forehead, she said, “Once you understand that no one—not even a man as strong as you—can control every aspect of his life, you might be able to conquer your fear of losing control.”
“If only it was that easy,” Jed said with a pained laugh. “Do you think I haven’t tried?”
“Listen,” she said, watching his tearstained face. “As an experiment, try controlling me like you have every other aspect of your life.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know what you mean. I wouldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t. I respect you too much.”
“That’s good news,” she said with a wavery smile, tears pooling in her eyes at the fear that she might lose her nerve and not follow through on the outrageous act she had in mind. “Because if you try to stop me, we won’t have nearly as much fun.”
She unfastened the top button of her blouse, then the next and the next.
He groaned. “Annie, please. You don’t know what you’re doing. I didn’t tell you all this to make you think I’m some charity case.”
; “Did I say you had?”
“No, but—”
She pressed her lips to his—hard. She forced his mouth open, nipped at his tongue. She was unbuttoning the rest of her shirt when he put his hands on hers.
She thought he was helping at first, but then she saw he actually intended to stop her.
“Good boy,” she said softly.
“Excuse me?”
“You just proved my point. The experiment failed. I want to make love to you, Jed. No matter how hard you try, you can’t control that.”
“Are you sure this is what you want to do?”
“You don’t want me to have my way with you?”
For the first time in a while, he grinned. “I didn’t say that. I’m just, you know, not accustomed to a woman taking the lead.”
“Yeah, well, get used to it. I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but Jed Hale, from the first moment I saw you, all I could think of was how good it would feel to be held in your arms. I’ve got a past, too. And deep down, something’s telling me that only a man as honorable as you can heal me. Make me whole.”
Cupping her face, he asked, “What happened?”
She was suddenly laughing—and crying. Kissing him. Burying her fingers in his hair. “Heal me, Jed. Please.”
Aside from the time it took to tug off his T-shirt and help Annie lose her top, Jed never broke her stare. At least not before muttering, “Oh, crap.”
“What?”
“Protection. I mean, I know I’m clean, but I’m not the kind of guy who carries condoms in my wallet.”
“It’s okay,” she said. “I’m on the pill—and I’m also clean.” Feet tucked beneath her, she reached around to her back to unfasten her bra. When her breasts were free, she watched in wonder as Jed sucked in his breath.
“If I’d had any idea you were hiding all that under those T-shirts of yours,” he said, “I would’ve seen about getting them off you a long time ago.”
She giggled. “We’ve only known each other a few days.”
“Right. A few agonizing days.” He nuzzled her neck, starting a delicious new batch of shivers. “You think I haven’t been wanting you? If we hadn’t been saddled with my sister’s kids, I would’ve put the moves on you in that smelly old beer-can cow.”
“You did.”
“Did what?”
“Put moves on me in there.”
“Are you talking about that measly kiss? Honey, that was nothing. You’re not going to believe what else I have in store.”
“Mmm…I can’t wait.”
And she didn’t have to.
Jed stood, then scooped her into his arms, carrying her to the bedroom where he eased her onto the bed and settled beside her. “Wanna know why I was up so early this morning?”
She nodded.
“Because lying next to you got me so damned hot I thought I was gonna explode. It was easier to just get up than lie there rock-hard.”
“Wanna know why I didn’t want to wake up this morning?” she asked, straddling his waist, then raining kisses on his chest.
“Oh, hell, yeah.”
“Because I wanted to snuggle up next to you, but knew I shouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“I wasn’t sure if you liked me for me, or if you were afraid you couldn’t handle the babies without me.”
“Are you crazy?” Jed asked, flipping Annie over so that he was on top. The room had been dark, but he switched on a bedside lamp. “I want you to look into my eyes when I say this. Annie Harnesberry, you are the total package. Sweet, gorgeous, funny. The fact that you also happen to be great with kids is just a bonus.”
“Really?” she said, scarcely able to trust her ears. “Do you mean that?”
“Hey,” he said, toying with one of her curls. “What’s this sudden insecurity? Does this have to do with the creeps you used to date?”
She nodded.
“Well, you’re with me now. And I promise, you’ll never have to worry about another single thing ever again.”
His promise was another attempt to control matters that were completely out of his control, but for the moment, she chose to ignore his backsliding. Besides, it was kind of hard to scold him when his touch made it impossible to even think.
JED WOKE to a stream of sunlight warming his legs and a wild, wonderful woman warming his chest. Damn, how such a small person managed to hog such a large bed and all the covers he’d never know—not that he was complaining. As far as he was concerned, after the night they’d just shared, she could have anything she wanted. Including his heart.
He rubbed a night’s worth of stubble on his chin. Was he actually thinking the “L” word after only a few days?
He frowned.
Probably not. But in the meantime, he wouldn’t fight it.
For much longer than he cared to remember, he’d presented a happy face to everyone, while Patti’s antics shredded him up inside. Now, after hearing Annie’s take on the matter, he realized he’d given his sister all he had to give. And that was enough. She hadn’t run off and abandoned her children like he’d originally feared. She’d gone off to nurse her sick husband.
How could he fault her for that?
The beauty beside him stirred.
“Good morning,” he said, running his open palm along the rise and fall of her back.
“Yes, it is.” She grinned.
Good Lord, what the woman did to him with just that smile. Part of him wanted to stay up here forever, never giving the outside world a chance to intrude. Another part of him wanted to slide a ring on her left hand and show her off to all his friends.
“Am I holding us up again?” she asked, her voice sexy-husky with sleep.
“Nope. I figure with Patti not due home for a few more days, there’s no hurry. We can eat Marthe’s leftovers for breakfast, then leisurely pack up and get the babies.”
She pouted.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, tracing her downturned lips.
“I was hoping for a repeat performance.”
“Already?”
“Not up to the challenge?”
He laughed. “Them’s fightin’ words. Prepare to be dazzled.”
DAZZLED? Lounging in bed, waiting for Jed to deliver her breakfast, Annie decided that what they’d just experienced was more in the realm of miracles.
She stretched and yawned, utterly content and as pleased with her cozy knotty-pine surroundings as she was with her companion.
They’d been without the babies for a whole night and morning, and look how well they were getting along. All her doubts about him not liking her for her were just silly insecurities. Leftover baggage from Conner that she needed to get rid of. As for her failed marriage to Troy, never had she been more determined to banish that disaster from her mind.
This was a morning for fresh starts.
“Hungry?” Jed asked. He carried a meagerly filled plate of leftover ribs and potato salad.
The sweet scent of Marthe’s barbecue sauce made her stomach growl.
“Guess so,” he said with a lazy smile while Annie put her hands over her noisy belly.
“Excuse me,” she said. “I’m hungrier than I thought.”
“What time do you usually eat breakfast?” he asked, setting the plate at the foot of the bed, then helping her sit up, bunching pillows behind her back.
“Six. I hardly ever sleep this late.”
“Yeah. Me, neither.”
“What do you eat?”
“You mean like am I a cereal or oatmeal kind of guy?”
“Right,” she said as he set the plate on her lap, helping himself to a plump rib.
“I like bagels and cream cheese,” she said. “Scrambled eggs, too. But believe me—” she said, grabbing a rib “—these work just fine.”
“Good. Well, I’ll leave you in peace to finish up.”
Stay.
She wanted to say the word, but how could she when he was evidently eager to make his escape?
Still, she had to say something. “Don’t you want more to eat? I mean, there’s not much, but we can share.”
He shook his head. “I’m fine. Really, you take your time, and I’ll start packing.”
So this was it?
Fate’s little kick in the pants to remind her not to get too comfortable?
Suddenly no longer hungry, Annie looked at her plate and wanted to cry.
After last night…
This morning…
Jed had been such a perfect lover. He satisfied her every need and deeper desires she hadn’t even known she’d felt. How could she have misread him so badly? How could she have ignored all the warning signs that’d raged through her mind?
Her conscience laughed. How could you have been so stupid? Do the names Conner and Troy ring any bells?
Jed was nothing like them, but that didn’t mean they’d make a perfect couple. Or that being with him was a magic ticket to happiness.
If anything, it could be just the opposite.
Chapter Twelve
Jed slammed the cupboard door above the sink.
Dammit.
What was wrong with him?
Why wasn’t he in that bedroom right now, sharing ribs and more kisses with the woman of his dreams?
Because he wasn’t good enough for her.
God, look at the way he’d rambled on in there about stupid stuff like what she ate for breakfast.
What could he offer a woman like Annie?
A lifetime of dealing with his neuroses?
Ah, now those he had plenty of. Searching for his sister had turned into a total disaster. If he’d just stayed calm the way he did at work, instead of getting all freaked-out, they wouldn’t have made this trip.
And then what?
He would never have gotten to know Annie beyond neighborly waves across the breezeway.
Frowning, Jed worked double-time packing the rest of their stuff.
Maybe never knowing Annie would’ve been best….
“SURE YOU’VE GOT everything?” Jed asked, glancing at Annie. He climbed behind the wheel of Marthe’s red Jeep, then pulled his door shut.
No, Annie wasn’t at all sure she had everything.
In fact, she was pretty certain her heart was being left behind.
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