Bad Cruz_L.J. Shen

by Shen, L. J.

  I felt like a complete jackass.

  Not that she didn’t know I’d tried to get off of this ship when we had just found out we were stuck together, but the timing couldn’t have been more horrible.

  To be honest, I didn’t even want to join our families at this point.

  Now that I had Tennessee all for myself, the prospect of rubbing and licking each other’s genitals for six more days seemed much more appealing than playing golf and bridge with Wyatt and Dad.

  “Thank you.” I caught my childhood crush standing straight as a ruler in front of the representative, wearing one of her trashy before outfits. “I appreciate it. We’ll make sure to check out on time.”

  After she closed the door, Tennessee began packing her things silently. I flipped on my back, my cock swinging up, ready to reacquaint itself with Turner again.

  Shut up, cock. We have bigger fish to fry.

  “It was before,” I said hoarsely.

  “I don’t care.” She was stuffing all of her old clothes into her bag but made no move to take the new ones I’d bought for her.

  “I had no idea we were going to hit it off. Or that you felt anything other than pure disgust toward me.” I sat up, running a hand through my hair.

  “Desire is not a good enough feeling to lose family time over.” She shrugged, trying to look unfazed. “And it doesn’t matter, anyway, because it was going to end in six days. So really, who cares?”

  I did.

  I cared.

  “We can forget this conversation happened,” I suggested.

  I meant the one with the cruise staffer.

  “Sure. Or the days before that,” Tennessee said, referring to the talk we were having right in that moment.

  There was no more talk after that when we checked out, got off the Elation, and boarded the Ecstasy.

  Some ecstasy it was.

  Later that evening, Tennessee and I were sitting around a large dining table, joined by the rest of our families. I sat in one row with Wyatt, Mom, and Dad, and she was with her own parents, Trinity, and Bear.

  Bear looked so much like Rob, I did a double take the first time I saw him. The kid was a replica of my ex-best friend, dimples, chestnut hair, and all.

  He wore a denim shirt and black jeans, and I had to say, he looked like a well-off kid from a good family. It made me feel guilty that it surprised me.

  I remembered Tennessee mentioned that she bought his clothes. Anger slammed into me. How could I not see it all those years I’d ignored her? How she always put her son first? How she prioritized making people (other than herself) look like a million bucks?

  “What are you playing these days, kiddo? Fortnite?” Wyatt asked Bear.

  “No flicking way.” Bear shook his head, munching on a tip of a French fry. “I’m more into the story of the game. Character-building. Stuff like that. Fortnite is all about running and shooting aimlessly. I need context.”

  “So what are you playing?” I interjected. I used to be big on video games before I became the town’s healer and saver full-time. “If not Fortnite.”

  Bear turned to look at me for the first time. I wondered if he knew about his mother’s deep dislike toward me, at least until a few days ago, but judging by his blank face, he had no idea.

  “God of War.”

  “Isn’t that the game where the characters are a father and son?” Wyatt shoved a whole rib into his mouth, smacking his lips together as he ate.

  “And so what?” Bear frowned defensively. “It’s still good.”

  “If you like God of War, you are going to love Assassin’s Creed,” I commented.

  “I know.” Bear’s eyes lit up as he turned to me again. “I’m saving up for it.”

  “I have it.”

  “You do?”

  Wyatt seemed relieved to be able to get back to conversing with my dad about football.

  I nodded, and because apparently, I was not above shameless manipulation, I added, “Anytime you wanna play, just let me know. I have a game room with every console you can think of. Air hockey table, too.”

  I shot a glance at Tennessee.

  Her neck immediately extended, and she put her hand on Bear’s arm.

  “Honey, Dr. Costello is just being polite.”

  “I’m not being polite.” I popped a piece of chicken into my mouth. “If he wants to come play, that’s perfectly fine with me. We’re practically going to be family now.”

  “That’s entirely unnecessary.” She shot me a faux-polite smile.

  “Just trying to be a good brother-in-law.” I flashed my teeth right back at her.

  “So how did you survive Nessy for four days, anyway?” Mrs. Turner twisted toward me in her seat, chuckling lightly. “I hope she didn’t give you too much trouble.”

  The only trouble Tennessee was currently giving me was the fact that she was back to wearing Pretty Woman clothes and was drawing attention from every male in the dining room of the Ecstasy.

  “We were perfectly civil.” I shot my childhood crush a look, daring her to defy me.

  “Perfectly,” she said with a sweet smile.

  “Well, I apologize if she caused you any…discomfort.” Trinity shifted in her seat, looking boring as white paint drying on a wall in her nun-like black dress. Had she always been this…yeah, come to think of it, she had.

  Anger began slithering its way back into my system.

  I didn’t like the way Tennessee’s family was bringing her down. Or the way she shrank like a wilting daisy, even with all of her hair and bright colors and red lipstick, when they spoke.

  “No discomfort whatsoever.” I pinned Trinity with a dry, casual look.

  Trinity visibly winced. “Of course. She is great. My favorite sister.” She laughed, resting her head on top of Tennessee’s shoulder. “My only sister, too.”

  Hilarious.

  Also, she should definitely not quit her day job, which she was at risk of losing anyway, because her boss—me—had her ass in a sling.

  Tennessee stiffened, looking the other way.

  “Everything went fine?” Now her dad asked her directly, like I was covering up for her. He seemed to be the type to repeat whatever his wife was saying.

  Still. Tennessee was twenty-nine, for goodness’ sake. What kind of bullshit was that?

  “Cruz already told you, it was fine,” Tennessee drawled in barely-contained anger, pushing her food around her plate with her fork.

  I noticed she didn’t drink wine with all the adults. Rather, that she wasn’t offered wine in the first place by her family, or mine. Another telltale sign that in her family’s eyes, she was still the kid who’d messed up.

  “Anyway, Dr. Costello, we are so sorry about the mix-up,” said Donna Turner.

  “Tennessee already apologized. Several times, in fact.” I leaned in on my chair, my jaw ticking with irritation. “No need to make a big deal out of it.”

  “That’s my Cruzy,” my mother cooed, resting a hand on my shoulder. “So wonderfully forgiving.”

  This went on and on for the entire three-course meal.

  The conversation seemed to go in circles:

  Wyatt and Trinity’s wedding.

  When was I going to finally get married to Gabby?

  Messy Nessy would need to learn how to settle and give Tim Trapp a chance if she wanted to get married, even though he had a BO problem, two ex-wives, and a sinking business.

  All throughout, the only thing I cared about was that the older Turner sister looked miserable. So, when everyone retired to their rooms (both Tennessee and I got our own separate bedrooms), I immediately made my way to her stateroom to check if she was okay.

  I didn’t care if she didn’t want to see me. Someone had to show her they didn’t see her as a royal fuck-up—because she wasn’t. She was the best of the bunch of them.

  I raised my fist to knock on her door just as it swung open and her mother came out. Donna Turner’s eyebrows arched in surprise.


  “Dr. Costello! This is Nessy’s room. I’m guessing you are looking for Trinity and Wyatt’s room?”

  “You’re guessing wrong.” I flashed my teeth in what I hoped was a smile. “I came to see Tennessee.”

  “But…why?” She looked genuinely surprised.

  “She seemed a little quiet over dinner. I wanted to make sure she was all right.”

  I could spot my object of desire behind her mother’s shoulder, inside the room. She was hugging her arms and looking out the window. The room was pretty crappy. Not as spacious or new as mine.

  “Oh, well. Just be careful. I can’t imagine Gabriella would be thrilled to know you’ve been spending so much alone time with another woman lately.”

  Donna flashed a ditzy beam before strolling down the corridor, back to her room. I watched her go, reminding myself I wasn’t going to give up my good-guy reputation, and all the power that came with it, because of someone else’s problems.

  I pushed the door open, not waiting for Tennessee to invite me in. I propped a shoulder against the wall, shoving my hands into my front pockets.

  “What the hell happened out there?”

  “What do you mean?” Her back was still to me, her timbre weak and idle. Like she’d mentally checked out.

  “They treated you like a kid.”

  “Maybe that’s how they see me.”

  “Well, maybe it’s high time it stops. Respect has to be demanded, no one’s going to give it to you for free.”

  “Is that what you came here to say?”

  She spun on her heel, still hugging herself. Even though her eyes were dry, the lights were out behind them. The same girl who threw sass my way on a weekly basis at the diner was gone.

  I wanted her back.

  Not the ghost of her, which was standing right in front of me now, pretending everything was fine.

  “Or did you come here to tell me how great Bear is, how you’d love to give him some guidance, to let him play your video games, or whatever this bull-blip was? Because I don’t need your assistance, either, Cruz.”

  Funny, she seemed to be at a loss for words when her family berated her but had no trouble busting my balls for the crime of breathing in her vicinity.

  “Nah, the kid’s got a dad who wants to be in the picture. I just know video games are expensive as hell.”

  “That still doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

  “To ask you out for a drink. Right now. You need it. I need it. Your kid is with his grandparents. Let’s be grown-ups again. Just for an hour or two.”

  She was tempted.

  I could tell, by the way her hand fluttered over her plastic necklace, rearranging it over her delicate neck.

  “You mean, at the bar? Our families could see us.”

  “I’ll try not to come on your bare chest, then,” I deadpanned.

  She suppressed a smile. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  “Not coming on your chest? Me, too. Publicly, anyway. But having a drink should pose no problem. Then we can go to my room and do all the fun stuff.”

  “No, I don’t think we should be seen together, period.”

  “Being my friend will give you a lot of pull in Fairhope. It’s the first step toward gaining respect.”

  “Lord, you really are a nice guy, aren’t you?” She sniffed, exasperated.

  “If it makes you feel any better, rumor has it we finish last.”

  “Not last night, you didn’t.”

  Touché.

  “And so, that’s my big, bad secret.”

  A couple of drinks later, at one of the Ecstasy’s many bars, I peeled off my inhibitions and told Cruz the truth. As it was, he seemed to be the only person other than Bear who was on my team at the moment.

  “I’m secretly a decent person. Or at least, I try to be. The reason I was late to the cruise on the day you picked me up was because I had to help Trixie, the new waitress. I just couldn’t leave her like that. And I guess your big secret is that you can be a jerk.”

  “Not all the time.” Cruz took a swig of his beer. He looked extra hunky tonight. Maybe because I knew what was waiting under his clothes. All that potent muscle. “But I can’t say I’ll miss the Warrens or Dalton and his wife, who by the way, looked like a melted candlestick with a wig.”

  “A bad wig.” I cackled. “I have a confession to make.”

  “If you’re about to tell me you faked it with me yesterday, don’t bother. I’ll just fling myself off the deck right now.”

  I laughed, hating that he was so darn irresistible.

  “The good news is…I definitely didn’t fake it.”

  “The bad news is that you’re lying?” He arched an eyebrow.

  “No. But I was kind of drunk. I remember everything but…things were a bit hazy.”

  The smile dropped from his face, and a blast of sorrow shot through me. Somewhere down the line, I’d started caring what Cruz thought, what he wanted from life.

  I didn’t want to disappoint him, even if I knew I was not equipped to give him what he obviously deserved.

  “Seriously?” he asked. “I haven’t seen you knock down more than a few.”

  “At the blackjack table. When you weren’t looking.” I gave him a sheepish look.

  He stroked his jaw, mulling this over. “Should I feel like a scumbag for taking advantage of you? Because I kind of do.”

  “Are you flipping kidding me? I basically mauled you in front of your old pal. I just didn’t want to…you know, lie to you. Or omit the truth. Or whatever.”

  “I’ll be sure to have you sober and present next time.”

  There won’t be a next time.

  “Yes, there will be.”

  Clap.

  I said that out loud?

  “You did. And you said that out loud, too.”

  Plucking my fruity cocktail from the sticky bar, I put it to my lips and sucked on the straw. “We promised each other no hanky-panky when we left the cruise.”

  “Exactly. And technically, we’re still on a cruise.”

  “A cruise full of our family members.”

  “Fortunately, we both have our own rooms and are of consenting age, in case your family really has convinced you you’re not an adult.”

  “It’s dangerous here.”

  “Tell me you don’t want me,” he challenged, his face growing serious and intense all of a sudden.

  “If our parents find out, that’s going to be the end of me. I—”

  “You’re a grown-up, capable of making your own decisions. Tell me you don’t want me, Tennessee.”

  “And don’t think I’m suddenly going to be okay with you putting your thing in me and getting me pregnant by accident…”

  “You’re not listening. I asked you something very simple: tell me you don’t want me.”

  “I can’t!” I flung my arms in the air, exasperated. “Christ, I can’t say that. Because it’s not true.”

  “Then let me do this for you. Let me be at your service, help you get over the uneasiness of getting into bed with a man. We’re a perfect match. It’ll be seasonal, fleeting, and great. Stop letting others dictate your life. Take charge. You earned it.”

  Afterwards, Cruz escorted me back to my room, but when we reached my door, he kept sauntering toward the end of the hallway, leading me with him across the burgundy and gold carpet.

  I didn’t ask where we were going.

  I knew.

  And I was game. He was right. It was time I unlocked my sexuality, and what better way to do that than on a ship named the Ecstasy?

  This time, when he undressed me, there were no jokes, no banter. He did so meticulously and slowly, keeping his gaze on mine the entire time, his fingers shaking a little.

  He kissed my bare shoulders first, then my breasts. My open palms came next—he licked between my fingers, his hot tongue swirling in and out of them—and when he reached between my legs, he licked every inch of me there, sucking and biting.
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  When I was sprawled in his bed, completely naked, feeling precious and powerful, he circled the mattress like a caged tiger, watching me from all angles. He flipped open his wallet, which was sitting on his nightstand, and yanked out a condom.

  “You were going to hook up with someone here, anyway, weren’t you?” I murmured, following him through half-lidded eyes.

  “Not one of them would have been half as memorable as you.”

  “I can’t believe we’re doing this.”

  “I can’t believe we’ve waited so long,” he replied.

  He made a show of rolling the condom over his penis, and I took a ragged, anxiety-filled breath when he poked my entrance.

  He kissed my eyelids, then my forehead, then my cheek.

  “I’m sorry you had to deal with so much bullshit, but I promise I won’t allow anything you don’t want to happen between us.”

  But I already knew it not to be true, because my heart flipped upside down every time he looked at me, and I knew I would never allow myself to have him.

  I was too scared.

  Too fragile.

  He kissed me as he entered me. At first, it hurt like hell, and I squeezed my eyes shut and held onto him for dear life. Even though I should’ve felt pathetic—a twenty-nine-year-old, single mom virgin—he made me feel beautiful, valuable, and rare.

  When he began moving inside me, my heart did dangerous, joyous, anxious flips inside my chest, and I was eighty-three percent sure I was having a heart attack.

  I rarely thought about it anymore, but what had happened with Rob truly screwed me up. Every time I closed my eyes, flashbacks would zip behind my eyelids.

  Rob sticking his hand down my panties and chuckling gruffly as Cruz spotted for us.

  Rob sticking it in me while I closed my eyes and tried to think pleasant thoughts, because I was his girlfriend, and I wanted to keep him, and Molly Hough told me he would dump me if I didn’t give him the goods before he went off to college.

  Rob telling me it’d be okay. That no one got pregnant their first time. And that anyway, I just finished my period, right?

  Rob shaking his head when I finally managed to corner him outside his house door, frantic and in hysterics.

  “Look, Nessy, it’s nothing personal. I’m just too young, okay? Do what you gotta do, but leave me out of this.”