That and I’ve been craving her lips.
The kiss is hungry and nipping and licking and tugging. Her lip ring is ice cold against our heated mouths as they mold to one another with a desperate need. I move my hands to her thighs, then the back of them. I glide them up and up, until I feel her warm skin underneath her tight band t-shirt. I push up until I see the warm sliver of her skin, and I tug at her bottom lip. She moans. Wanting more space, I blindly search the side of the car seat. When I finally find the lever to push the seat back, I yank on it and we’re flat down, and she’s grinding against me.
I find both of my hands on the hot skin of her lower back. I feel her sexy back dimples above her round ass, and then her actual ass and squeeze. She lifts her head and lets out a sultry moan. I’ve missed that sound so much, I grow hard instantly.
“We shouldn’t be doing this,” she mumbles and gulps for air. I look up as I’m laying a fat stripe of my tongue along her gracefully long neck. She is so god damn sexy. Her blonde hair is tousled and framing her flushed and glowing cheeks and neck. Lips bruised and red from our heated kiss are being bit, and her pink tongue is toying with her lip ring. I reach up and brush my tongue against hers before pulling us both into a world-crushing kiss.
“Why not?” I breathe when I pull away briefly. My skin is buzzing with excitement and need for more, but I need to calm down. I got her to listen, or at least open to listening. And I can’t wreck it just because I’m horny as fuck and am so quick to jump her bones at a drag racing party.
Her eyes have lost a little spark of her lusty fire, and her shoulders slump. “Because…I already told you. I’m not…I’m no good for you, Noah.” She uncharacteristically plays with a frayed section on the collar of my shirt. I’ve rarely seen her this vulnerable, this unguarded—that shocks me.
But then I take into consideration the situation and her puzzlingly strong assertion that she’s this big bad creature I should stay away from. But how can I when, in her own freaking insane way…she cares about me? Cares so much she doesn’t want to hurt me. However, what she can’t seem to understand is, her past nor anything she can do today can push me away from her. Nor can they take away how much I…how much I love her.
“You’re wrong, Red.” I thread my fingers into her hair and pull her closer. Her warm breath fans against my mouth; it tickles and makes me sigh and hold her even closer until there’s only a thin inch between us.
“No, I’m not.” She shakes her head, looking away from me. I see tears in her eyes and my heart melts, and I cup her face and force her to look into my eyes. I have seen her tearing up one too many times around me. I hate it; I want to see her smiling, not like she’s at a funeral all the time.
“Yes, you are.” I pause, and a glimmer of sadness flashes in her eyes. “I like you, Red. I like you a lot. And I would do anything to make you smile. To make you want me…why can’t you just want me?” I sound wimpier than I was going for.
She sniffles and looks confused. “What? I do want you. How can you possibly not see that I have never wanted anything more in my entire life? Noah, you are the only light I’ve ever experienced. The only thing that makes the days worth living…I’m sorry.” She brings her leather jacket sleeve against her nose and licks her lips. “I sound like a whiny chick that you’re probably used to.”
“No, you don’t. You sound like you’re opening up to me, and I appreciate it.” I brush the pads of my thumbs against her cheek. Surprisingly, she doesn’t pull away or look away, and I thank the heavens. She’s letting me study her without deflecting. “Red, you are by far the best thing that has happened to me. These last few days have been torture…please, don’t prolong this pain anymore. I need you in my life. N-need you.” My voice breaks, but I hold deep eye contact with her. Peer into her inner conflict of accepting me with open arms and letting us be a thing, and pushing away yet again, which seems to be her comfort move.
“You don’t understand the horrible things I’ve done—the things I do,” she emphasizes, her own voice cracking under pressure. Her head hangs and her voice is slow and painfully melancholy, devoid of much emotion except despair.
“I don’t care, Red.” Bringing her head down to meet mine gently, I tell her, “Nothing you can do can make me stop liking you as much as I do. I care for you more than I ever have before. You’re permanently on my mind, and I don’t wish for that to ever change. But you have to give us a chance. And I mean a real one. No…” I pause and forget about all the “manly codes” and murmur, “No more leaving me. I won’t be able to function the next time, God forbid, you leave me.”
She’s silent for a long while, busy thinking, I presume. I give her the time but not the space. I need her closer. I’ve spent so long without her, it felt as though I were missing a limb. My cells are currently re-familiarizing the feelings she brings to me, how my body used to react. I can see her leaning toward the prospect of us, but there’s that thread holding her back.
Oh God.
I have to cut that thread, pull her to me.
I lean forward and brush my lips to hers, looking up at her under my lashes. “I’d never leave you, Red. Say yes to me…” I peck her lips, leaving our lips molded and gentle. Still, fire simmers under my skin and my heart rocks in the nearby atmosphere. “Say yes to us,” I plead softly. My voice is raspy and hopefully persuasive.
Her throat bobs slightly as she gulps, and she cups my face. “I don’t want to hurt you again.”
“And I don’t want to live another day without you by my side,” I whisper back.
Her brows furrow, lips suck into her mouth, and she looks into my eyes. That conflict battles in her vivid blue eyes, and I nudge her nose with mine. “Noah…” she groans.
“I need you, Red.” I kiss the top of her upper lip, her cupid’s bow.
She sighs a melting sigh and timidly nods, then melts into the rest of my body, relying on me physically and emotionally. “I need you, Noah. So much.”
My heart soars, and I grin against her mouth. “Then have me,” I murmur before pulling her on top of me in a mind-blowing kiss that surely splits the planet down the middle. Well, it splits our own planets, but I don’t care about the wreckage.
Just her.
Only her.
Only ever her.
Chapter Forty-Three
“I do not appreciate this obvious conversion you’re forcing on me,” I claim with a voice of authority and annoyance, but also loads more humor.
Red spins around. “It’s not conversion if it’s the better option,” she says with utmost sass. I can only smile and watch her from my bed. She’s wearing one of my dress shirts I almost never wear unless my mother decides to pay her only child attention and drags me along to charity events or my father wheels me around one of his many offices.
I can’t even be modest or chivalrous and look away; she is too damn sexy for this god-awful world. The shirt stops around her mid-thighs and hides her curves, but the many buttons unbuttoned in the front makes up for it. No, we did not have sex. We fooled around earlier, but not full-on sex, which makes me hot to think about and imagine but also hesitant.
Neither of us are virgins. At least, I’m not. And I’m pretty sure she isn’t either. I don’t want to make any assumptions, but I’d be extremely shocked if she is. I mean, just look at her. She’s the most beautiful creature on this planet. The way she carries herself is graceful, but you wouldn’t notice if you hadn’t been paying attention. She tries to put up a tough front, but I see past it—I see her. I see her vulnerability and beauty and her intelligence and sass and everything in between. I see it all, and I can’t get enough.
“Did Kurt’s heavenly voice put you in a trance?” she teases as she turns to face me. My heart aches at the genuine smile on her face. Sometimes it’s hard to pull her from her tough appearance and get her to warm up to me. Keyword: sometimes. Now, she’s lighter, and I don’t see any inward attempt to pull her back behind her barrier. I want to take adv
antage of her freedom for a little while longer.
“Nah. It was more like the sexy girl wearing nothing but my dress shirt.” I let my lips curl up in a smirk, and she rolls her eyes, but I see the blushing in her cheeks. My heart and arms yearn for her. I reach out for her, and she pads over to me before jumping into my arms.
I laugh as she kisses underneath my chin. I love this side of her so much, it makes my heart hurt. But in a good way. A very, very good way. I lock my hands around her, and she melts into my chest, toying with the collar of my t-shirt. Kurt’s raspy voice singing about coming as you are fills the room. Mostly everyone in the house is out doing who knows what, leaving us the chance to turn the volume all the way up. But he can’t possibly be any louder than my heart.
It’s been days since the drag racing party, and we’ve been in a peaceful limbo I’m afraid will dissolve, so I am holding onto her for dear life and praying that we don’t hit any more icebergs. I don’t want us to go down like the Titanic. I need our ship to stay alive—my life depends on it. But in a less dramatic way.
“Did you turn in your submission for the art thing?” she asks softly, breaking the comfortable silence.
I rest my chin on her hair. “No.”
She looks up, puzzled. “Why not?” she asks. She glances at the mural over my shoulder, then back at me. “You finished it, and it’s a freaking masterpiece.”
“I dunno.” I shrug.
I do know, though. I’m terrified that I’ll fail. Who would have guessed years of being judged and criticized by your parents could make you insecure?
She pinches my arm.
“Ouch!” I yelp and look down at her incredulously. “What was that for?”
“Being a douche-wad. A dumb one at that.” She hops up onto her knees and straddles my sitting position, arms looped around my neck. She tugs on the bottom of my hair, pulling my head back, and leans over like a dark, intimidatingly gorgeous angel of common sense.
“You can’t not put yourself out there because you’re a pussy. Man up and press that damned SEND button.” Then, in a softer tone, she pecks my lips and says, eyes smiling, “You’ll blow away the snobby assholes. So much they’ll pick you over the million other artistic assholes out there.”
I laugh and hold her hips. “Wow.”
“What?” she snaps.
“Nothing. It’s just…” I laugh some more. “I never realized how hardcore you are. Cursing at me in an attempt to persuade me to do something.”
“Did it work?” She raises her pierced eyebrow.
“Big time.” I peck her lips but linger, enjoying the sweet, calming taste. All I can taste is the softness of her lips. Her nimble fingers latch around the back of my neck. We find ourselves falling back on the bed, and I’m on top. She moans, and her slender legs drag up my thighs. I hold the back of her knees and press into her. Her breathing becomes heavy and she’s saying something I can’t quite make out. I move my lips to her jaw and suck lightly, then kiss tenderly. She moaning more, mumbling too.
What is she saying?
But before it can go any further, she pulls away. Her eyes scream out the want her voice doesn’t say. “You should submit your thing now.”
Stung, I nod and reluctantly sit back. “You’re right. I, uh, already took pictures of it. Just gotta send it in…” I stand up and stare at her, confused by her avoiding my eyes. She gets up and walks over to Ty’s radio I’m using for the music, and she doesn’t acknowledge my confused stare.
Did I do something wrong?
Sighing, I walk over to my study desk and drop onto the chair. I log into my email and type in the email address I’m supposed to submit it to. As I write the subject and a bit of a description in the text box, I think of what just happened. She and I were just kissing when all of a sudden she interrupted, pushed me away. But why? I didn’t force myself on her, right?
My heart drops at the thought.
I don’t ever want her to feel that way, or any of the girls I’ve been with in the past. I never got any complaints, and I always always ask if they want me. I’ve never taken a drunk girl, except for Beth. But even then, I asked repeatedly and she said yes repeatedly. If anyone said no or anything like that, I pushed off immediately, apologized, offered them some sort of consolation or just left altogether, once again apologizing.
Cursor over the SEND button, my heart thumps wildly in my chest. It’s now or never. So, with a heavy heart, I click SEND and take a step back.
I turn to Red and catch her eyes in the mirror in the corner. “Did I make you uncomfortable?”
She turns around, frowning. “What?”
Sheepishly, I point to the bed. “Did I…I’m sorry, Red. Truly. If you didn’t want that or me…”
She looks confused before something clicks in her head and she rushes over frantically. Gripping my biceps, she assures me, “No, no, no! You didn’t…no, Noah.” Then her lips fall into a sort of soft, conflicted smile. “I wanted that. You make me insatiable, believe me.”
I smile, relieved. “Great. Because trust me, I would never make you feel that way. At least, I hope not. And please tell me if I do make you uncomfortable.”
“Noah, you sound insane.”
“How?”
Her mouth drops open, then her tongue pokes inside of her cheek. “Because I kinda want to jump your bones ninety percent of the time I’m with you.”
My heart leaps, but I keep my expression calm. “Seriously?” I ask, and she hesitantly nods, watching me. “Then why are you so hesitant? Not that I’m rushing you or anything,” I quickly add. I don’t want her to feel any pressure.
“I don’t know.” She sighs, flinging her arms around my neck. “Sex is intimate as hell. Something you can’t take back. You’re just as close as possible with a person and there’s feelings and shit attached and…” She draws short. Her eyes are zoned on my chest, her head not in the moment, like she’s looking into another world and she’s stuck there.
“And you’re afraid you’ll fall madly in love with me?” I joke, and it seems to bring her back into this plane. She thumps her hand into my shoulder, lips tugged upward, but she doesn’t say anything. I sigh and cup her face, brushing flyaways of her hair out of her eyes. “We don’t need sex for me to know that I…” I stop, and she sucks in an expectant breath. “That I have feelings for you. And believe me when I say they’re deep. So, we can wait a week, a month, a year—fuck it. However long you want. I don’t care as long as I have you in my life.”
Her smile is contagious. “I really have you wrapped around my finger, don’t I?”
I lean my forehead against hers. “You have no idea.”
She huffs out a deep breath and scrapes her fingers underneath my chin, causing me to chuckle deeply. Pulling back, she looks up at me with the sort of smile that lights up her eyes and makes my whole world spin. “How about for now, we just dance?” She holds out a small hand, and I take it and spin her into my chest.
“I should warn you, I’m a fantastic dancer,” I say in a mock Spanish accent. Her laugh is hearty and makes me smile as I spin her around the room. With her pressed into my body, I twirl us around the room. The ground is our dance floor and the music is my heartbeat, crooning my love for this amazing, beautiful, incredible girl with golden eyes and tattoos that make me spin.
She regards me with amusement as I twirl her around the room to Nirvana: not the most ideal song choice for our technique of dancing, but who cares? I get to hear her squealing laughter as I pick her up and spin and spin until we’re both dizzy. But as she shouts facts about the band between screaming the lyrics and dancing like a loose wire as I twirl her around, I find myself in trouble—I find myself even more in love with this girl.
Chapter Forty-Four
I promise to take her out on a date on Friday, and the two days can’t crawl any slower. When I’m not nervously tapping my pens in classes and pushing through grueling football practices and painting projects in art club, I am planning
our date.
Our last one was extremely classy, fancy, and obviously not her thing. Not that I’m typecasting her or anything. She said she had a great time. But I could tell she felt a little…out of her element. And although she looked drop-dead gorgeous in her little black dress, makeup done, I could tell she was uncomfortable. She tried not to appear that way, but I could see it in her slightly dimmed, wandering eyes. And when people looked at us a beat longer than necessary, even I felt out of place. And very pissed off with a rage bigger than Hades.
So, this time, we’re slipping into her world. No matter how loud her music and movements are, I love her for the way she is. She shouldn’t have to change for me, even if it’s just for one night. I want her to be totally comfortable and able to put her hair down and run from security guards that are on her heels, or rather, combat boots. Where no one looks at us weirdly.
To be fair, I do forget how different in appearance we are. Standing side by side, you would never be able to tell how much of my heart she holds in her fists or that we even know each other. I want to hold her in my arms and make her hold up a sign that declares our whatever-the-hell-we-are relationship. And in parentheses at the bottom: KINDLY FUCK OFF AND FIND SOMEONE OF YOUR OWN. BITCHES.
I stare into the mirror and search for a fault in my outfit. I’m wearing a plain black t-shirt, black pants that are tighter than I expected, black Converse, and a dark denim jacket. I slip on a dark gray beanie, play with my curls, and run a thumb against my nose. I cock my head to the side. Something’s missing…I spin in a circle, looking for the puzzle piece. When I spot it, I smile and slip the silver chain around my neck. It has a cross on the end, and I thank Ty for wearing shit like this.
I hear a whistle behind me, then Ty appears in the mirror behind me. “Fancy. Going out with Ms. Thang?” He waves his finger and shakes his shoulders at me as he walks up to me. He’s holding a Hot Cheetos bag, and his fingers are dusted with the snack. Stopping next to me as I laugh, he looks me over and pops a finger in his mouth like the slob he is.
Red: Burning Desire (Spectrum Series Book 7) Page 29