Beautiful Disaster

by C. J.

  Harley started to cut a path through the crowd using the gift box he had taken from Blimpy. The box had contained a cornucopia of edged weapons. He randomly pulled out the first thing he touched and drew it across the neck of anyone in his way. “My, oh my, it’s like cutting butter with this baby.” The “baby” was a combat knife with which Harley slit the throats of three unfortunates that came too close to him. Blood was still spurting from the last wretch’s throat as he grabbed at Harley’s shoulder like a drowning man. Harley gave him a mule kick and pushed on ahead. Despite the last dude’s arterial blood running down his forehead and into his eyes, Harley glimpsed something whiz past him. “I see you mother fucka!” Harley yelled, and ran toward Robin Hood.

  Jed and Bo had plowed through the masses and managed to get to the safe zone where there was a bar and violence was prohibited. They were taking copious notes amidst the mayhem. “Hey Jed, did you see where that first guy, um, Butch ended up?”

  “Yes, he lasted longer than I thought he would, charging in the way he did. He actually may walk out, but it’s doubtful,” Jed said, pointing toward the far corner of the bar opposite the entrance.

  Butch had crawled to the corner like a wounded animal and sat there quivering. He had three arrows in his chest and a bar stool leg sticking out of his thigh. He would grab hold of one, look as though he was going to pull it out, grimace and then fall back against the wall.

  “He might make it if he pulls them out one at a time and lets the wounds heal, but I could be wrong,” Bo commented while writing in a notebook. “I do owe you $20 though. I thought the other guy was going to scamper out the door as soon as he saw this, whatever this is. Instead, he joined the insanity. I didn’t see that coming at all.”

  “Mob mentality, I guess. And just think of all the bars and dives all over the world. That’s a lot of crazy.”

  “Well, its job security for us budding sociologists,” Bo said, clinking his beer bottle with Jeb.

  “Amen, brother, amen.”

  FORTY-EIGHT

  DANNY PACED BACK AND forth after the latest newscast regarding the formula’s continuing threat. The prevalent news, however, was the lack of food; food costs had skyrocketed. “Is it possible to reverse or stop the effects? It would have to done globally, and other than a pandemic that undoes everything, I don’t know how to come up with it or know how to spread it around once we theoretically... Oh my God, Melissa you look like you’ve just been stabbed!” exclaimed Danny.

  Melissa fell down on the couch and put her head between her knees.

  “What is it, baby?” asked Kevin

  “Is it something Danny said? I’ll kill him right now if it makes you happy. I’ll go right over there and smother him with a pillow. You just say the word. Baby, what’s going on?” Kevin asked Melissa softly putting his arm around her.

  “Nice, and you said you would never let a woman come between us,” whispered Danny to Kevin as he approached Melissa and sat down next to her on the couch.

  “We’ve been so stupid. Don’t you see they will stop at nothing? All these shows, all these new laws and taxes put in place. Social Security, bam! Almost gone. We had always heard that it might disappear, but instead, they pushed the collection age up to 90. Then before anyone knew it, the age you were eligible to collect became 95, then 100. They might as well as eliminate it. Of course, the IRS couldn’t stay out of this mess either. First tax breaks for couples that put off having children, then actual cash back for childless couples. Now I hear rumors that there are cash penalties for having children, and the penalties are based on how many children you have. No more Link, no more WIC, you are on your own. They weren’t even subtle about it. Just boom! Nationwide. Now they are handing out birth control pills in health classes and handing them out like Chicklets. You want to live longer, then it’s time to pay for it. Every extra mouth you add to the population, Uncle Sam has his hand out. There’s even a name for it.”

  “The Malthusian Catastrophe,” said Maggie.

  “Bingo,” said Melissa.

  “That doesn’t sound good. The catastrophe part tipped me off. Isn’t that about too many mouths, not enough food? And the world ends soon after?”

  “As usual you simplified it but essentially yes, Danny. The Malthusian Catastrophe is when the demands of a growing human population deplete the available agricultural resources, thus leading to mass starvation,” replied Melissa.

  “Wow, you have so many layers to you,” said Kevin, impressed.

  “Hey just cause I’m the Five-O doesn’t mean I don’t pick up a book once in a while.”

  “You know what this means, don’t you?” Danny said, looking at Kevin.

  “Soylent Green!” Danny and Kevin chorused as they turned and high-fived each other.

  “Oh Lord please help us despite these imbecilic goofs,” Maggie muttered, looking upward toward the heavens.

  “We have strayed from the point as usual. What I am trying to say is that the government or whoever the shadowy people are that are coming up with these kill as many people as possible schemes, are not going to stop at game shows. You said it, Danny” Melissa said softly.

  “I said what? I say a lot of things, most of which I forget immediately after saying them,” Danny rambled, confused.

  “Pandemic, Danny. You said pandemic. We had mentioned it before, sort of as an abstract idea. Like a crazy supervillain type who might try something insane. But now I believe this really may be more organized. More governmental.”

  “God, you mean... a real pandemic? Oh, I don’t feel well.” Danny collapsed on the couch and curled into a fetal position, clutching a pillow to his chest.

  “Well, Danny’s taking this well. Do the rest of you agree that the next step may be an extremely horrific one?” Melissa asked.

  “I for one am wondering how we can make this place airtight,” said Kevin, staring at the air vents.

  “Well, Melissa, you can count on me as the sane member of the team, and also the one who will actually get off the couch and do something,” said Maggie.

  “Excellent, I knew I could count on you, Maggie. We just need to man up the remaining bodies in the room. What we need are people on the inside, within the government who haven’t been totally corrupted. There must be some who can see what’s coming down the road and want to stop this before it’s too late and want to put the genie back in its little bottle.”

  “Melissa, honey, you’re talking in movie clichés. You’ve been hanging around the boys too long. I may have to spray you with water until the moment passes,” Maggie threatened.

  CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

  HUMBERTO HAD ALREADY formulated an idea similar to Melissa’s, except he had gone several steps further as he paced in his motel room approximately 25 miles from Danny and Maggie’s house. Humberto was definitely outside his comfort zone, but if the end of the world was nigh, and he could prevent it or at least make it not so nigh, he would have to tolerate the awfulness of the outdoors. He had prepared his motel room to his acceptable standards and was now looking at his checklist. Changed sheets, check. New clean drinking glasses from home check. His own soap, shampoo, and conditioner, check, check and check. Of course last but not least, his own towels. Check. Now, how to contact them. Phone? No, that’s no good, phones are traceable. Same with the internet. Best do it in person. That means going outside. Outside in New Mexico. Maybe I should have decompressed myself by driving through the Midwest first. Corn flakes, wait, that’s cereal. Corn dust, or whatever corn does, then desert sand. Calm yourself, Humberto, you can do this, you are the head of a well-trained government team. Of course we train inside, with computers, but still, there is training involved. Get a grip on yourself. Get into your vehicle, head on out, and make contact with the people who will hopefully change the world for the better. With that Humberto grabbed his laptop and strode out of the Holiday Inn Express, and with a purposeful stance bleeped his key fob at his rented, silver, Chevy Spark. Careful reversing out o
f the parking lot and checking both ways to merge onto the expressway, Humberto drove into history, but not over the speed limit.

  CHAPTER FIFTY

  “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED to my laundry counter?” suddenly echoed throughout the house.

  “Uh oh, I thought you fixed that,” Danny said as he poked Kevin in the chest.

  “Well, I filled the hole with that expanding goop, and you know sometimes that stuff gets out of hand and.”

  “Yes, yes I know, so sand it down or something, dummy.”

  “Hey, I wasn’t the one who spilled that stuff while putting it away, and I didn’t jostle your arm either. You are just a klutz. What the hell is she doing over there anyway? Hey who the hell is that?” Kevin pointed to a video monitor that had just turned on along with an alarm and a flashing light.

  Danny hit the intercom button that Maggie had just used. “Um, we have what ordinarily I would call an intruder, but just looking at him, I wouldn’t put him in that category. I’m not sure what to call him other than some geeky guy hanging around the front gate, looking very uncomfortable and sweaty,” Danny announced over the air.

  “I’m on it,” Melissa announced behind them and ran out of the room.

  Then they heard, “You guys are in so much trouble. Maggie sounded pissed.”

  Unbeknownst to Kevin and Danny, Maggie had joined Melissa in their Jeep and they were en route to check on their visitor.

  “How long before the guys realize we have gone out to meet our mysterious stranger,” asked Melissa as she carefully drove through the desert, trying not to kick up any dust along the way.

  “Oh, I figure until they won’t have a clue until they see us on the monitor,” answered Maggie

  Melissa carefully made a turn around an outcropping of rocks to avoid being seen from the gate, and asked Maggie “I know I’m a glutton for punishment, but how did a smart woman like you fall for Danny?”

  “I met Danny when he audited one of my classes. He was so different from any of the other guys I had dated or even met. He didn’t have that predatory vibe about him. He had such a smart, funny personality, I fell for him almost immediately. Danny’s got that lovely blonde hair, not to mention he is very easy on the eyes. Of course, there are drawbacks to such a combination of intelligence and weird sense of humor.”

  Melissa grinned, “I hadn’t noticed. It’s amazing those two are best friends. Kevin is a super neat freak and Danny is sort of a whirlwind of chaos.”

  “Better opposites than carbon copies of each other. I couldn’t imagine two identical Dannys or Kevins. Here we are. Shall we meet our geeky stranger?” asked Maggie as Melissa pulled behind some natural cover alongside their front gate.

  Back inside the house, Danny and Kevin were still staring at the monitor.

  “What kind of car is that and which gate is he at?” asked Kevin.

  “What do mean which gate, how many gates do we have? Oh, right, the North gate and a smugly one.”

  “Smugly, ha! That’s a good one. It is tiny.”

  “Where did Melissa run off to? Let the ladies know that, we will go out and meet this guy.”

  “Too late.”

  “What do you mean too late? Shit. The ladies beat us to it, didn’t they? Oh well, should we join them or sit and watch from here?”

  “I think we should head on out and make sure he didn’t bring any friends.”

  “Oh yes, good idea, I was just about to think, I mean, suggest that,” Danny quickly added.

  Danny and Kevin soon roared up to the North gate in their Land Rover, completely forgetting they were supposed to have been Maggie and Melissa’s cover from a distance.

  “Imbecilic, morons” muttered Melissa.

  “Pardon?” Humberto asked.

  “Not you,” replied Melissa, “at least I don’t think so. I haven’t gotten to know you yet, so I’ll reserve judgment for now. Guys, this is Humberto, Humberto these are the guys.” She edged closer to Humberto and whispered, “Just ignore them, and maybe they will go away. I’m praying they will.”

  Humberto looked confused, but before he could utter anything, Melissa continued.

  “You are under the impression that someone in this area had something to do with that formula that changed everything. Is that correct?”

  “Yes, as I already explained I have access to, well, information that no one should have access to, and I was able to trace the footprint so to speak of the formula back to three individuals: a Ms. Maggie Penny, a Daniel Kensington and finally a Kevin Montgomery. Oh, and I can’t forget the invaluable assistance of Kevin’s friend, Zhang Lei or should I say Bond, James Bond Ha.”

  “EEEP.”

  “What was that?”

  “Nothing, just a road runner. They are all over the place, aren’t they, Marvin?”

  “Who? Me? Yes, they are swarming all over the place!” Danny yelped.

  “Listen, I am not a fool, I know it was you three. Specifically, Danny and Kevin who invented the formula and Maggie who sold it to the Chinese for a hefty profit with Lei acting as the middleman. You guys think you were careful, but you weren’t as smart as you thought you were. You left traces of yourselves everywhere,” Humberto said in the most authoritative voice he could muster. He almost pulled it off except for a sudden gust of wind that blew dust everywhere, sending Humberto into de-dusting frenzy as he tried to rid himself of every particle of dirt that blew onto his new LL Bean ensemble.

  “Listen, isn’t there some sort of inside area where we could talk and be out of all this dirty, dusty, overly bright outsideness?” Humberto asked as he attempted to clean his glasses on his shirt and only smeared more dirt onto the lenses.

  “Oh my God, is it me or is this guy scary and hysterical all at the same time?” Maggie whispered to Mellissa.

  “I was thinking the same thing, and trying to figure out if that makes him somewhat harmless, or on the edge of insanity or”

  “Makes him one of us,” finished Maggie

  As Maggie and Mellissa were trying to figure out their options regarding Humberto, Danny and Kevin were waving to the girls from Humberto’s Spark which headed toward the house.

  Maggie turned to Melissa. “What’s the penalty for murder in New Mexico”?

  “There usually has to be a corpus delicti for there to be a crime. No body, no murder. There’s a whole lot of desert out here,” replied Melissa.

  At the house, Danny and Kevin circled their new guest and questioned him about how he came to find them.

  “So let’s say for curiosity’s sake if we were who you thought we were, how did you come to find out where we were? Because if were who you thought we were, wouldn’t we have been extra careful about concealing our whereabouts?” Kevin asked.

  Humberto took a few moments to decipher what Kevin had just asked, took another few seconds to decide how to answer, and replied, “Well, Mr. Careful, what would you say if I said it’s a lovely time of year to visit North Yorkshire.”

  “Oh crap. Harrogate, North Yorkshire?” cried Kevin.

  “Yes, but what if we took steps to encrypt. I mean, that is if we had anything to do with anything” said, Danny.

  “BULLRUN,” answered Humberto.

  “Double fuck” moaned Kevin.

  “I suppose when you said you had access to information no one should have access to, you were referring to PRISM, DISHFIRE, ECHELON, etc?” asked Danny.

  “I have no idea what those terms mean or what you are referring to,” Humberto replied, nodding vigorously.

  Maggie and Melissa had just entered the room and heard the tail end of the conversation. “Okay, what the hell are you all talking about, and use regular English, not acronyms,” Maggie said to Danny and Kevin.

  “Shall I?” said Kevin. “In Harrogate, North Yorkshire is the RAF, sorry, Royal Air Force’s, Minworth which is similar to Area 51 in that it doesn’t exist, and you are not allowed anywhere near this place that doesn’t exist. It provides communications and intellige
nce support to both the UK and the US. It’s supposed to be the biggest electronic monitoring station in the world and holds the ECHELON system, a top-secret network used to intercept private and commercial communications. PRISM is through the NSA, sorry, the National Security Agency, which collects data from the nine major internet companies DISHFIRE is similar, but it involves text messages. BULLRUN is a highly classified decryption program run by the NSA. Apparently, Humberto has access to the highest level security clearance. But who is it that you work for?”

  “Kevin is right. Just who are you? What department do you work for? For that matter, what government do you work for and why are you here?” Melissa whispered this to Humberto mere inches from his face, and in very soft but scary voice.

  He paled noticeably, backed up until he felt the back of his knees against what he was hoping was a chair or something similar, and collapsed. He then started explaining his visit.

  He first explained his job description, what had transpired up to now, and how insane everything become in such a short period of time. He then mentioned TOTH.

  Maggie leaned in close to Humberto and asked in a slow, even tone that caused all the hair on Humberto’s neck to stand up, “TOTH? Stop talking government gobbity goop. What the hell is TOTH?”

  “Ummm, TOTH is Thinning of the, ah, you, know umm, herd,” mumbled Humberto.

  “Holy fuck shit!” Maggie yelped promptly sat down and stared straight ahead.

  “I can’t add anything to that, Maggie,” Danny whispered as he collapsed next to her on the couch and placed his arm around her shoulders.