Me: Momma, please don’t argue with me, and I’m asking you to please not tell anyone where I am. As your daughter, I’m asking you for this. I’m driving up there and I’m leaving now.
Momma: Now?! Emylie Sanchez! You won’t even wait to say goodbye to us! And you know I would never betray your trust, but I think you’re making a huge mistake.
Of course she did.
Me: I’ll check in often. I love you, Momma. Kiss Papá for me. Thank you for understanding.
I knew she didn’t, but I thought I would attempt to sugarcoat the situation.
Momma: Be safe, darling. We love you. Your daddy is going to be mad at you.
I shook my head as I let out a soft laugh.
Me: I love you too. Tell him I’ll make it up to him.
Wiping a tear away, I sent out the next text.
Me: Hey Jamie. If you don’t mind a last minute house guest … I’m headed your way tonight. Driving up and thinking of staying a week or two if that works for you.
Me: I know you won’t understand, but I’m going to be leaving town for a couple of weeks. I’ll call Debbie and Sam tomorrow. If they want to let me go, I’ll understand, but I really need to be alone for a bit. I love you, Mason. Please don’t worry, I’ll be okay. I need to figure out how to stand on my two feet and find the girl I know is in here somewhere.
Me: I’m heading out of town for a bit. Don’t be angry with me, Becca. I need to find some peace within and I can’t do it in Brady. Especially with Holden and Daphne here. I’ll check in when I get to where I’m going. I love you, Bec. Please explore this thing with Mason. Kiss my princess for me.
I slipped my phone into my purse, grabbed my suitcase and headed out to my car. It was less than a minute and my phone started going off.
Ignoring it, I started my car and headed out of town. I thought the further I drove, the better I would feel. It was the opposite.
With each mile marker I passed, I felt my heart break a little more.
“WHAT DO YOU mean she’s gone?” I asked Mason as he stared at me.
Becca cleared her throat. “She sent a text saying she needed some space and will be gone for a couple of weeks.”
My hand pushed quickly through my hair as I sighed.
“Fuck. I never got a chance to talk to her.”
“Because you talking to her would make it better,” Mason bit back.
Balling my fists, I knew he was only concerned for Emylie. Quickly glancing over my shoulder, I saw Daphne deep in conversation with her father.
“Let’s head outside, I need to talk to you both.”
“I need to make sure Sage is okay first,” Becca stated.
Mason looked at Becca and then me as he said, “Sam took her out to the barn to see the horses with Debbie. I think they needed a break from your future wife and father-in-law.”
Letting out a frustrated groan, I replied, “Same.”
Becca shot me a dirty look and I knew she was about to unleash on me. “Let’s go outside and you can bitch me out all you want, Becca.”
“Oh. I intend to, you jackass.”
Placing my hand on her lower back, I guided her through the kitchen and outside. Mason was following behind me. I could see the worry in his eyes. This wasn’t like Emylie to up and take off without saying anything to anyone.
The second the back door closed, Becca turned and slapped me across the face.
“What the fuck?” I said, rubbing the sting out.
“I’ve been wanting to do that since you showed your face back in this town. How could you, Holden? How could you hurt her like that?”
I shook my head. “Let’s head to the other side of the pool, in case Daphne searches for me.”
Becca spun on her heels and marched across the deck and down the steps. Turning to Mason, my eyes widened in surprise. “How long has she been itching to do that?”
He laughed. “Probably since the moment she met you.”
“Haha,” I mumbled.
Plopping in a chair, Becca folded her arms and lifted her left brow. Waiting for me to explain myself. There was nothing to explain. I fucked up. In a big way. More than once.
“Before you slap me again, let me start from the beginning. Then you can let loose on me.”
She flashed me a smirk as Mason sat next to her.
“So, you think you can try and explain your dickness away?” Becca asked.
I frowned as I took a seat. “The week I decided to stay at school and not come home was probably the biggest mistake of my life.”
“Ya think?” Becca spat out.
“Becca, he’ll never get through this if you keep interjecting your thoughts.”
She rustled around in her seat. “Fine. Talk.”
Pulling in a deep breath, I let it out. “I got drunk, and I’m almost positive someone slipped me something. I don’t really remember much of that night. I remember Daphne being there. I had met her before at a few parties and she had flirted big time with me. I never paid much attention to her before that party, though. I can’t lie and say I didn’t like the way it felt to have someone so completely different from my life here give me a bit of attention that night. I must have been feeling lonely, knowing I wasn’t going to be seeing Emylie and my family. I never would have acted on it. No matter how drunk I was getting. I knew the flirting was getting too much, and I pulled back.”
Becca opened her mouth to say something, but Mason cleared his throat and she snapped it shut again.
“Like I said, I started drinking pretty heavily, and the next thing I knew I was in bed with Daphne next to me. I immediately jumped out of the bed and started getting dressed.” Closing my eyes, I felt the sickness building like I was standing in that bedroom again. Looking back at Becca and Mason, I kept talking.
“I’ll never forget the look on her face. It was almost evil. She knew I had a girlfriend. I had talked about Emylie before. Even when she would come on to me, I would remind her I was with someone.”
Becca leaned forward. “Are you sure that baby was yours?”
Staring at her, I pinched my brows together. “I’m not that stupid, Becca. The moment Daphne told me about the pregnancy, we arranged to have a DNA test done. They can do a non-invasive procedure.”
“And?”
“Well, of course it turned out to be mine. I wouldn’t have stayed if the baby wasn’t mine.”
She sat back and sighed.
“Anyway, once she agreed to the DNA test, I knew she wasn’t lying about the baby being mine. It was then I called Emylie and told her I had met someone. I didn’t have the guts to tell her what really happened. If I could go back and change how I handled it all, I would.”
Mason cleared his throat. “Why did you give up Emylie, though? Why not tell her what happened and see where things went? She would have been hurt and pissed. But I think she loved you enough to have maybe have tried to work through it.”
I lifted my eyebrows. “I knew how much Emylie hated cheaters. I knew the moment I told her, we would be over. And how would I make it work with a baby in California and me in Texas? I wasn’t about to ask Emylie to give up her own dreams because of my stupid-ass mistake. I cheated on her and got a girl pregnant. She would have kicked me to the curb, I’m sure.”
“She would have,” Becca said. “But she would have made her way back to you, that I don’t have any doubt. She loves you, Holden. Even now, she loves you so much she had to leave.”
My head dropped. “Well, we’ll never know because I didn’t tell her the truth when I should have. Daphne had a hard pregnancy from the get go. She was terribly sick and bled some. She was stressed, and I guess a part of me didn’t want to stress her anymore by saying I was going to try and make things work with Emylie. I did what I thought I should do. But then she ended up losing the baby and she fell into a serious depression. So much so she ended up leaving school. She would lay in bed for days without getting up. Her parents were no help. Good ol’ daddy dearest wante
d to keep it on the down-low. Heaven forbid that it gets out that his daughter had gotten knocked up in college and then lost the baby. Worse yet, she was depressed because she lost the baby. Daphne’s father told her the day she had the miscarriage it was for the best. She could now focus on a career in the movies.”
Becca covered her mouth. “How terrible.”
I nodded. “Yeah. It was, and I did everything I could to help her through it. I knew I was to blame.”
“You? Why?” Mason asked.
I felt my chest squeeze as I thought back to the day she lost the baby. “We got in a fight the day she lost the baby. I came home from class and she was there in my apartment. She was changing everything around. Then she informed me she was moving in. I had been honest with her and told her I didn’t have the same feelings for her that she did for me. I told her I loved Emylie. That she was the love of my life. The only thing she kept saying was I would forget Emylie and fall in love with her. Once the baby was born, I’d grow to love her.” My hands scrubbed down my face as I thought about what happened next.
“What happened?” Becca asked.
“I got pissed she was moving my furniture around. Honestly, I was still reeling over losing Emylie. The last thing I wanted was for Daphne to move in. She started getting upset and asking why I didn’t love the baby. It all kind of hit me at once. I yelled at her. Told her I didn’t love her and I never would. That the only reason I was with her was out of obligation to the baby she was carrying. I know it was a terrible thing to say, but I had reached my breaking point. She got upset and started crying. Then she started cramping. She went to the bathroom and started screaming. I ran in and stopped when I saw her. There was a lot of blood.”
Closing my eyes, I thought back to that moment. My voice trembled. “So much blood.”
Becca dropped in front of me and took my hands as I looked at her. “Holden. I’m not trying to place blame, but was she moving large pieces of furniture around?”
I stared into her eyes, the haze over my brain lifted. “Um, yeah, she had been moving the sofa and coffee table around. She said she liked the arrangement better. It was what set me off.”
“Holden, moving the heavy furniture could have caused the miscarriage. It’s a possibility. You can’t blame yourself for that. It could have been a number of things that went wrong.”
A heaviness moved across my body. “I know, but I still can’t help but feeling responsible. It didn’t help matters any that Daphne fell into the depression. By then the guilt had torn me apart and I couldn’t even begin to think of leaving her or trying to reach out to Emylie. I was truly worried Daphne would take her own life.”
“So you decided you’d stay with a woman you didn’t love while the woman you did love was barely making it.”
I glared at Mason. “I wouldn’t say that. After all, you two seemed to fall right into place.”
Mason stood and made his way over to me, but Becca jumped up and stopped him. “This isn’t going to help any with you two fighting.” Turning to me, she pointed. “You have no right to say anything to Mason. He was there for Emylie when she needed him. You didn’t hear her crying for days on end and asking both of us why over and over again. Your only reason was that you met someone and fell in love. Then, being the coward you are, you stayed away so you didn’t have to face the cold truth of what you did to her.”
My eyes filled with tears. Clinching my jaw tightly to keep my emotions in check, I replied. “You’re exactly right. I’m sorry, Mason.”
The anger on his face was something I wouldn’t soon forget. No matter how much he and Emylie claimed there was nothing between them, there was something there. Even I could see it.
“So you stayed with her and what, decided to bring a child into a loveless relationship?”
“It’s not like that, Becca. I truly care about Daphne and would never want to see her hurt, but I don’t love her. I tried to love her. Tried to give us a chance. We started drifting apart and we would go weeks without even sleeping in the same bed. It was almost like she could tell when I’d grown tired of it, and she would spend the next few weeks being someone totally different. I mean it was her, but she did things like go camping and take hiking trips. She really put an effort into the relationship, but in the long run, I couldn’t make myself fall in love with her.”
Shaking her head, Becca regarded me with pity. “Holden, that’s not a relationship, it’s a prison. You’ve stayed with this girl out of guilt.”
“A few months back I called my boss. Told him I was thinking of moving back to Texas. Daphne must have heard me because that night she talked me into going out. We drank, had a good time with a few other friends, and she did all the right things. We ended up fucking in the bathroom of the restaurant. I hated myself because the only way I could get through it was to think of Emylie and that tore me even more apart. Here I was staying with a woman I didn’t love because I was too much of a coward to face the woman I did. Then, being with Daphne and thinking of Emylie the whole time made me feel like a real dick. We hadn’t slept together for months before that night. A month later I was so miserable I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I told Daphne I was leaving, and that’s when she told me she was pregnant again. It was the night we were together in the restaurant. The night I pretended it wasn’t her I was with … but Em.”
Becca slowly shook her head. “That’s some serious fucked-up shit right there, Holden. I’m not going to lie. Like, if I hadn’t known you for as long as I have, I’d probably tell you to take your ass back to California and that Emylie was better off without you.”
My stomach felt sick. I knew she was right. It was more than fucked-up. “I keep fucking up. Every time I say I’m going to leave her, I mess up. I really don’t even know how she got pregnant because she was on the pill. She said the doctor told her these things happen.”
“You didn’t go with her to the appointment?” Mason asked.
With a shrug, I turned away. “No. As much as I want to be excited about this baby, I can’t. I feel nothing.” Turning to my two best friends, I felt the tear slip from my eye. “How much of an asshole does that make me that I can’t even feel joy for my own child? All I feel is a void.”
Becca leaned forward. “How far along is Daphne?”
Mason let out a frustrated groan. “Who really cares. I think what we need to be talking about is Emylie and the fact that she left. She’s gone y’all, and we have no idea where she’s heading.”
Becca stood. “I care, because I have a really weird feeling something is not right here.” She shook her head before turning back to me.
“How is the morning sickness?”
“Um, she hasn’t had any this time around.”
“Mood change? Is her body changing? Are breasts getting bigger?”
I shrugged. “Not that I can tell, but we’re not that intimate.”
“No condom?”
Mason gagged. “Gross. Why are we talking about this?”
Becca held her hand up to Mason and said, “Shush. This is important, Mason. You don’t understand women. I do. Some of them will go to the ends of the earth to keep something they think is theirs.”
Daphne’s words replayed in my mind.
“Maybe now she’ll stop sniffing around what’s mine.”
“I’ve always worn condoms. Even when she was on the pill, except for the night in the restaurant. It was unplanned and I didn’t have one. The other night at the cabin we got in a fight because I wanted to wear a condom and she said it was pointless because she was pregnant.”
“Ugh,” Mason said as he walked to the other side of the pool.
“Did you wear it anyway?” Becca asked.
“Yeah and it caused a huge fight.”
An evil smile moved across Becca’s face. “Not trying to be personal here, Holden, but why are you still wearing one?”
Shaking my head, I answered her truthfully. “I don’t know. Something tells me I need to.”
She looked at me with understanding. “I may be really off here, and you may be really upset with what I’m about to say, but I’ve been watching your future wife. Did you know she has been sneaking in alcohol?”
My stomach lurched. “What? That can’t be good for the baby.”
Mason laughed. “You daft son-of-a-bitch.”
My chair knocked over as I stood. “What is your fucking problem, Mason?”
Walking up to me, he gave me a push. “You. You are my fucking problem. You walk back into our lives and expect everything to be fine. It’s not fine. You made Emylie run. You caused her to leave and none of us know where she is. You are my problem, Holden.”
Becca walked between us. Her expression seemed like a mix of sad and angry. “We are all upset here, Mason. You’re not the only one. But I have a hunch, and I think you caught on to it.”
He nodded and turned to Holden. “Too bad you can’t open your eyes a bit more and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Maybe then you’d see Becca is trying to say Daphne probably isn’t even pregnant. She’s playing you.”
My head jerked back as my breath caught in my throat. A sudden coldness hit my core and everything began running through my mind. Everything about this pregnancy was completely different. Maybe I didn’t want to see. Maybe deep down, I knew.
“Holy shit,” I whispered.
“What?” Becca and Mason asked at the same time.
I shook my head and pushed both hands through my hair in frustration. “She never wants me at the doctor appointments. I asked her about the sonogram and she said the machine was broke and they’d do it next time. She keeps doing things like she forgets she’s pregnant. They announced her in a film that they start filming in two weeks! I asked her about the pregnancy and she told me to let her and her father worry about it.”
Pacing back and forth, it all hit me when I thought back to the other night in the cabin when she got so pissed because I wanted to wear a condom.
Stopping, I glanced between Mason and Becca. “She’s trying to get pregnant.”
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