by William Bebb
Before adopting his profession as a septic tank drainer, Josey briefly attended a university and knew all too well the unpleasantness associated with throwing up while drunk. A Toga party hosted by the football boosters was both the first and last time he'd ever gotten seriously drunk. He spent the afternoon at practice and by the time the coach let the team go the party was already in full swing. Most of the players went straight to the festivities, but the smart ones ate something before they began drinking.
Josey had not been one of the smart ones.
As a result of being raised in a strict Southern Baptist family, he was denied an education in alcohol that most of his Methodist friends were privy to. When he was a teenager, a big time with alcohol was limited to occasionally drinking a mixture of cough syrup and ginger ale.
His friends called the vile tasting concoction a Dr. Shirley Temple.
It was a nasty excuse for a cocktail, but on the plus side he never minded being home sick with a cold when he was a kid.
At the toga party he wore a large, mostly white, bed sheet with a few stains- the origins of which were best not considered. Josey made up for a 'wasted' nonalcoholic childhood and tried a little bit of everything. The football boosters set up tables with nearly every kind of liquor he could imagine and not a single cough syrup bottle was in sight. It was paradise.
A large mug of white wine was followed by a few shots of tequila, vodka, scotch, and gin, plus several plastic cups of beer from a keg were the last things he vaguely recalled about that night.
It wasn’t until several hours later that he realized drinking vast quantities of different types of alcohol on an empty stomach was not a particularly good idea. The next day, his friend Al Thompson showed him a video of his exploits from the night before that he'd uploaded to the Internet. Josey didn't remember standing on a table shouting that he was Zeus, but the video didn't lie. The vivid color quality was quite impressive as it showed him projectile vomiting on various football booster businessmen (most of whom were wearing very expensive looking suits) that also attended the toga party.