by William Bebb
Part of him feared spotting Billy because if he saw him, the kid would probably be a short screaming homicidal monster. He shuddered, remembering his nightmare from yesterday when the little boy had become infected and attacked him. Billy's sharp little teeth, his missing arm, and guts spilling out were still something he clearly recalled. It took me almost half an hour to calm down after waking up yesterday and today the kid had wandered out into a trailer park filled with monsters to make a frigging phone call.
Josey had made a lot of screw ups when he was a kid, yet none of them compared to going outside into a real life nightmare. He remembered once when he was about Billy's age, when he tried to signal aliens and nearly burned down his parent’s house in the process. He smiled out the window as he recalled that night.
His parents went out to the country club for a New Years Eve party and he had the house all to himself. He'd just finished watching a movie about aliens that came to Earth and made friends with a young boy. In the movie, the aliens were nice and even took the boy for a ride in their spaceship. It was a bad movie filled with cheesy special effects, lame dialogue, and aliens that spoke with a Brooklyn accent, but he loved every minute of it.
To young Josey, the idea of hitching an intergalactic ride away from the trials and tribulations of fourth grade was nothing short of intoxicating; No more having to learn about the metric system, no more multiplication, no more long division, in fact, no more school at all! The more he thought about it the more he knew it would be perfect.
Young Josey went outside stared at the brilliant stars above and tried to think of a way to signal some aliens. He knew they were out there, somewhere. Perhaps hovering nearby just waiting for some brave kid, like him, to give them a sign that he was ready for an opportunity to join them in the exploration of the universe.
His parent’s yard, which he always had to cut when the grass got too long, was certainly large enough to be a landing site for a spaceship. If only he could attract their attention somehow. After thinking for a long time he gave up.
He felt depressed at not being able to think of a way to signal them. Walking back into the house through the garage he spotted the answer to his problem. Picking up the metal five gallon can of gasoline he carried it to the front yard. Young Josey took a pack of matches out of a kitchen drawer and ran outside, absolutely certain his ingenious plan would work. He poured a gigantic circle of gasoline around the front yard and set the can a few feet away. Not being the world's smartest kid, he struck a match and bent over to touch the flame to the gasoline.
His eyebrows that were burnt off eventually grew back. He didn't even feel where they'd been burned off, at the time, as the flames raced around the giant circle in his parent’s yard.
As the circle of fire caused the neighbor's dogs to howl in alarm, he jumped up and down and waved his arms up at the sky hoping an alien would spot him. He had been so excited by the prospect of never having to do homework again that he never seriously considered the disturbing possibility of less benevolent aliens being interested in him as a tasty preteen snack.
The flames shot up into the dark sky as he danced around waving his arms hoping they'd hurry up and arrive. He wondered if the aliens would come down in a ship or if they would use something like a transporter from Star Trek to bring him aboard. It didn't really matter which, as long as they hurried up. He was getting tired of jumping and waving his arms over his head.
Unfortunately, as he jumped around the smoke made him stumble and knock over the can of gasoline.
Much later, a fire fighter said it had been a miracle that the metal can hadn't detonated like a bomb. But instead of exploding, it poured flaming streams of gasoline that flowed downhill toward his parent's house.
He watched the small rivers of fire briefly then ran to get the garden hose. Even if he caught a ride with aliens he didn't want his parents to lose their house. He ran for the garden hose and found that it was put away for the winter. Running inside he filled cereal bowls and a large crock pot with water.
After several trips spent ineffectually throwing bowls full water on the fire, which continued to spread toward the garage, he finally spotted a brilliant white light in the sky moving toward his location.
The aliens are actually coming! Josey thought as he jumped up and down waving his arms more frantically. Ignoring the growing fire, he started hollering, “Hey, I'm down here. Come and pick me up!”
He was sorry about his parent’s house about to catch on fire, yet trembled in anticipation hoping the aliens would look more like Mr. Spock than some gooey green blob. He would probably have gone with either type of alien rather than see his dad's reaction to his latest report card. He had cleverly hidden it under his mattress that afternoon.
The life of a fourth grader who rarely studies is never an easy one.
A beam of pure white light shined down from the approaching unidentified flying object and he tensed up, hoping the aliens weren't the brain sucking type.
A loud voice came down from the sky and Josey smiled up at the bright light. At first he couldn't understand the words drifting down from the UFO.
Maybe they don't speak English, he thought. He hadn't considered that possibility.
The UFO came closer and the words were at last understandable. “Get away from the fire, you jackass!” The voice from the UFO commanded.
Josey stepped away from the roaring inferno that had once been his dad's prized lawn and stood in the road that went past his house.
A siren and flashing red lights heralded the arrival of a fire truck and two other emergency vehicles.
He looked up at the UFO and hoped they wouldn't fly away without him.
Within fifteen minutes the fire was extinguished and aside from some paint on the garage that was incinerated, a front yard that was a field of steaming ashes, and his missing eyebrows there was no harm done. Except for young Josey's butt which, after the spankings his dad administered, couldn't sit comfortably in a chair for over a month.
Had the police helicopter pilot not noticed the fire when he did not only would his parent's house have been reduced to ashes but probably most of the surrounding neighborhood as well.
A long guttural scream coming from outside snapped Josey's attention back to the present.
He watched as two men wrestled in the dusty road and considered the unlikely possibility the kid was still alive. Boris went with him so there was a chance Billy might be okay. Without the dog going with him he couldn't have made it very far. Maybe they're already somewhere safe. It would be stupid of me to go chasing after them. I'm no hero, he realized with a sigh, and stared at his crowbar.