Love's Wall

by Karen Deen

  I wasn’t sure how long I laid in bed, staring out to the mountains and trying to sort out my emotions. Finally, I felt the heaviness of my eyes and sleep creeping in on me. What I wouldn’t give to have Emily here in my arms to comfort her. I would drift off to sleep thinking of her and hoping she was okay after tonight. I wasn’t sure what the morning would bring, but my first port of call would be to check on my angel and make sure she was okay. Sleep well, my beautiful angel.

  14

  Samuel and Sophia

  “SOPHIA, WAKE UP. Open your eyes.” Sammy shook her. “You have to get up and get dressed. We have to go away.”

  Sophia slowly opened her eyes. The sun was just starting to rise outside and the first light of the day crept across the farm.

  “Why did you wake me up, Sammy? Where do we have to go? Where is Mommy?” Sophia asked, rubbing her eyes.

  “You have to whisper, Sophia, because Mommy is still asleep. It is just you and I and we have to go live someplace else,” Sammy said quietly.

  “You’re silly, Sammy. Why would we live someplace else? I like Zach’s house with Mommy.”

  “Cause last night I heard Mommy crying. She was sad and said she didn’t want children, she just wanted to live with Zach. I don’t want Mommy to be sad and Zach makes her happy. We need to go live somewhere else so Mommy and Zach can be together and be a princess and prince” Sammy said, while putting on his clothes.

  “I don’t want Mommy to be sad, either.” Sophia looked at Sammy confused.

  “Get dressed, Sophia cause we have to leave while Mommy is still asleep.” Sophia got up and started to dress, just like she was told, but she didn’t know where they were going. Sammy got his little backpack and put in his blankie and his favorite toys. Then he got Sophia’s backpack and told her to pack Pinkie and some toys. Then they went to the kitchen to get some snacks and juice.

  “Sammy, where are we going to go?” Sophia stared at him with scared eyes. She was not sure this was a good idea. “What if Mommy gets mad because we went to live somewhere else? I don’t like to get into trouble, Sammy”

  “No, she will be happy because now she can live with Prince Zach in the castle and she can be a princess. We will just walk until we find somewhere to live. Mr. Zach said I am the man and have to look after you and Mommy, so it is my job to find a new house. I will protect you, Sophia.” Sammy dragged Sophia to the kitchen and got a piece of paper and a pencil.

  “You are better at writing than me so can you write a note for Mommy, Soph.”

  “What do I write?” Sophia sat at the table then got up on her knees, so she could reach the paper.

  “Tell her we have gone, and she can be happy and living with Prince Zach. I am being the man and looking after you.” Sophia started to write it all down.

  To Mommy,

  Sammy and I are going to a new house. You were sad. Sammy said you want to live with Prince Zach with no kids. So, we want you to be happy and be a princess in the castle. We will miss you, but Sammy is being a man. Zach said he has to be a man. He will keep me safe in our new house. Love, Sophia and Samuel.

  “Done, now what do we do?” Sammy took his sisters hand and helped her down from the table. Together, they walked out of the cottage and across the paddock towards the mountains. The birds were singing their morning song and you could see the steam coming off the cattle’s breath out of their noses. There was a slight dew on the ground that made shoes wet and left little tracks where the kids had walked. As the day was started the hearts of these two little souls were breaking as they walked away from their happy, safe place.

  Emily

  It seemed like I had only just closed my eyes and already morning was here.

  I could feel the warmth of the sun coming through the window. The curtains were still open from last night as I lay looking at the sky. I had no idea what time it was, but the house sounded very quiet. It must be early as the twins hadn’t woken up for breakfast yet. I stretched my arms above my head, remembering all the tension from last night. My shoulders felt rock solid. After stretching, I opened my eyes and rolled over to look at the alarm clock. The time read 9.30am which couldn’t be right. There is no way the kids would have slept that late. I sat up and reached for my phone to check the real time, only to see the same time on the phone. I jumped up, threw on some yoga pants and a shirt and headed to the kid’s room. When I stepped into the room, it was empty. I turned on my heels and headed back to the lounge room. Maybe they had snuck out to play on the equipment in the yard. The excitement from yesterday probably had them up early.

  Wandering out the front door, I noticed the front gate was open. I was sure Zach closed it last night when he left. Maybe the kids had gone over to see him. I will have to talk to them about leaving the house without telling me. I could understand Samuel doing it because he could get so excited that he sometimes forgot the rules. But it was unusual for Sophia to do this. I see Zach standing at the kitchen sink looking out at me as I approached his back porch. My heart skipped a beat seeing him standing there with no shirt on. It was going to be hard enough to face him this morning, but seeing him standing there like that my temperature rise like the sun. Zach met me at the door with a confused look on his face.

  “Morning, Emily. I wasn’t sure I would see you today,” spoke Zach softly as he stood trying not to look me in the eye. “How did you sleep last night after our talk?”

  I wanted to say I slept like crap, but I needed to get the kids back home and give them breakfast. Then I would come back and talk to Zach after that. “Not that well, actually, but that is not why I am here. Have you seen the kids this morning? They are not in the house and the gate was open. I thought they must have come to visit you.”

  Zach could tell by the tone in my voice that I was a bit on edge. I expected them to come running out the door after Zach, but now that there was nobody behind him, I started to worry.

  “No, Em, the kids haven’t been over here. Are you sure they aren’t in the house, maybe just hiding from you?”

  “No, I only just woke up due to being awake all night. The house was quiet and still tidy from last night. Something is just not right. Thanks, I will head back and check. Sorry to bother you.” I went to turn around, but Zach grabbed my arm.

  “Wait, let me grab a shirt and shoes and I’ll come with you. I’ll just be a second.” Zach turned and rushed back inside. I could hear him running upstairs and back down again. He shoved his feet into his boots as he was came out the door. “I am sure they are fine, don’t worry. They are probably just playing and didn’t hear you get up. I did bribe them last night. If they were good they would get to ride the horses today. Maybe they were trying to stay quiet.”

  “No Zach, you know Sammy. It is impossible for that little boy to stay quiet. Something isn’t right, I can just feel it in my gut.” By now we were rushing across the yard and I was calling out for the kids. My heart raced a little waiting for them to come running from the cottage or the yard, but it was still all quiet.

  “Sammy, Sophia. No more playing now, Zach is here to ride the horses, come out from hiding now,” I ran into the house, yelling. Still no sign of them. I stopped dead in the kitchen when I spotted a note on the table.

  “No, no, no Zach!! God, Zach, no. What have I done?” Zach came to my side and grabbed the note from me as I trembled.

  “Fuck!” Zach yelled. “Sammy must have heard us talking last night. Shit, Emily, I am sorry I have fucked up. I never should have talked with the kids around. Fuck, where the hell are they? What time do they normally wake up?” I was frozen and couldn’t function to answer. “Emily, listen to me I need you to help me. We will find them. I promised to always protect them and keep them safe. I will do that, but I need your help. What’s the time?” Zach grabbed my face in his hands, trying to get me to focus.

  “It’s all my fault, Zach. I should have never let down my guard. I should know they come first and I don’t get to think about myself yet. I was
being selfish. It is all my fault. I will never forgive myself if something happens. They are my babies, I can’t lose them. Please Zach, please. Help me, please.” The tears were flowed fast down my face. I was frantic. Zach placed his hands on my shoulders and gave me a shake.

  “Emily, stop it. Stop it right now. I need you to be strong to help find them. You need to hold it together. After we have them back home we can worry about what the hell happened. Now, what time do they wake? I need to know how long they have been walking for.”

  Zach was right. Pull yourself together, Emily, the kids need you. You need to be strong.

  “Um, usually around 6.30 to 7.00am. They could have been gone for three hours. But where do we even start, Zach? I am so lost and scared.”

  Zach already had his phone out of his pocket and was talking to his Dad, explaining what had happened. I could hear his Dad yelling to his Mom to get dressed in hiking gear and that they would rally the family. Zach hung up and dragged me outside to look around. He hadn’t said a word to me, but seemed to be assessing the farm.

  “There has been a heavy dew this morning. Luckily for us, because I can see two faint sets of little foot prints heading towards the back of the farm, the mountains and the creek.” Zach started to march forward and was yelling out to the kids. I was right beside him, screaming for my babies and frantically looking from side to side for any sign of them.

  “Zach they could be anywhere. How are we going to find them?”

  “My family will be here within thirty minutes and we will all be out looking. We will find them, they are only little kids. They can’t get far on their little legs.” God I hoped he was right. I felt sick and dizzy from worry but needed to keep looking.

  Samuel and Sophia

  “Sammy, I am tired and scared. Can we stop? I want to sit down and rest,” Sophia quietly asked as she tugged on Sammy’s hand to stop.

  Sammy turned around to look at her. “But we haven’t found a new house to live in yet. We have to keep looking. Come on, Soph. I have to find a house to look after you. I am the man and that is my job.”

  Sophia started to cry and sat down where she stood. “I am scared, Sammy, and I want Mommy. I want to go home. Please Sammy, can’t we go home to Mommy and Zach?”

  “No, we can’t because then Mommy will be sad and won’t be happy with Prince Zach. I want my Mommy to be a princess.” Sammy stroked Sophia’s back giving her a cuddle to stop her from crying.

  “Okay, but I want to rest because I am hungry and thirsty. Can you sit down with me for a rest, please?” Sophia’s little eyes looked up at Samuel. No one could resist those eyes, not even Samuel.

  “Alright, but just for a little while because then I have to find a house for us.” Sammy plonked down next to Sophia and they both took a snack out of their backpack and started to eat.

  Zach

  I hated myself right now.

  It was all my fault the kids were missing. I was not suitable to be around kids. Once again, I had failed to protect them and keep them safe. First my daughter and now Sammy and Soph. I will never forgive myself if anything happens. I loved those kids like my own and I needed to find them. For Emily’s sake. She can’t lose anyone else she loves. The kids are all she has and, of course, me, but that was different.

  “Zach, where are they, we should have found them by now? Sophia, Samuel! Where are you?” Emily was getting frantic, screaming out for the kids. The longer it was taking, the more hysterical she was getting. I needed to try and keep her calm. My phone started ringing, making us both jump. I grabbed it out of my pocket and swiped to see it was my Dad.

  Everyone was at the farm. They were heading out in the trucks towards us so they could catch up. Luke and Grant were going to head along the creek towards the mountains. The girls were going to head in the opposite direction from us with Dad to see if they could see anything. Mom was going to stay at the house in case they came back. I breathed a little easier knowing my family were here to help. They knew how important the kids and Emily were to me. They had all become very fond of them, too. We had to find them soon. I didn’t want to get to the afternoon when the weather would start to change and the cold air would start to roll in. Emily looked up at me with those helpless eyes, begging for me to fix this. I just prayed I could.

  “Everything will be okay, we have lots of eyes out looking for them, Em. We will find them in no time now. My family are all looking in the other areas. We will have them home and sitting playing with their toys before you know it. Now keep strong and let’s press on.” I put my arm around her shoulder to offer her support. She had zoned out on me now and I was worried not only about the kids, but Emily too.

  Samuel and Sophia

  “I am thirsty, Sammy, I want a drink.”

  “I drank all the juice, Soph, but maybe we can find the creek. That has water. We can get a drink.”

  They stood up and headed towards where they thought the creek was.

  Zach

  Come on kids, where are you?

  I tried thinking like a kid and where I would head if I was running away from home. There were so many options. We just had to keep pressing forward. They couldn’t be far in front of us now.

  “Samuel, Sophia, where are you? You are not in trouble. Please call out so we can come and get you.” Still nothing. I turned to look at Emily who was starting to lose control. The tears were falling and she was starting to scream for the kids in a panic running in front of me. I needed to stop her before she fell and hurt herself. Then she would be no good to anyone.

  I took off after her and grabbed her shoulders, turning her around and wrapping her in my arms. It had all become too much and Emily collapsed into me, sobbing on my shoulder. The realization that the longer we were out here, the more chance that the kids could get hurt or lost we wouldn’t find them in time.

  “Let it out, Emily, I know you are scared. I am too. Let it, out then we can get it together and keep going. We will find them, we have to,” I whispered in her ear.

  Just as Emily’s sobs were subsiding, my phone rang. It was Grant.

  Samuel and Sophia

  “I think we are lost, Sammy. I can’t see the creek and I don’t know where we are. I am very scared and want Mommy and Zach. Zach keeps me safe.” Tears were falling down Sophia’s face and getting heavier.

  “Stop crying, Sophia, we are not lost. We are just looking for the creek. Keep walking.”

  That made Sophia cry louder. She was getting scared and didn’t know what to do. “I don’t want to walk anymore. I want to sit here and wait for Zach to come and get me. He said he would always help us. I am sitting here, waiting.” Sammy scowled at Sophia.

  “I am so thirsty, Sammy,” Sophia got out in between screams and sobs. “I want some water.”

  “Stop crying, Sophia, you are just being a girl. I am the man and I will look after you. Just like Zach.”

  “You are not a big boy like Zach, Sammy. I want to go home now!” Sophia yelled on the top of her voice.

  “Well how about I give you a ride in the truck then, you two little terrors.” They jumped and turned to see Grant standing behind them. Sophia rushed straight to him, jumping into his arms and sobbing. Grant wrapped her up tight and whispered in her ears. She would be okay now and he would keep her safe. Sammy looked down at his feet, kicking the dirt. He knew he was going to be in trouble and wasn’t sure what to do.

  “You okay, buddy?” Luke asked as he appeared out of the bushes. The familiar face of Sammy’s buddy was too much and he ran to him. He started crying as he wrapped himself around Luke’s legs. Luke lifted him up and gave him a big hug. “It’s ok, buddy, you are not in trouble. We are just all glad you are both okay. Now let’s get you both back to the farm where you can see your Mom and Zach. They are pretty worried and sad that they couldn’t find you. Let’s grab your bags and jump in the truck.”

  Sammy looked up, nodding his head. Sophia hadn’t even looked up from the spot where she had buried
her head on Grant’s shoulder. She had climbed him like a monkey and was not letting go for any reason. Grant rubbed her back as she cried quietly all over his shirt. He had never been one for kids, but there was no way he was letting this little princess out of his arms. He didn’t know why or how, but this little girl was so special to him that she had captured part of his stone-cold heart.

  15

  Zach

  “GRANT, HAVE YOU seen anything?” I blurted out before he even spoke.

  All I heard him say was he had them and they were safe and not hurt. “They have them,” I whispered to Emily who was still in my arms. She sobbed in relief and tears started to fall down my cheeks. Tears of joy and sheer relief. I grabbed Emily by the hand and started to run back towards the farm house. Luke was ringing Dad to pick us up in the truck to meet back at the cottage. As soon as we cleared the bush, I could see Dad’s truck racing up the paddock towards us. I picked Emily up, threw her into the back of the tray and jumped in after her. I grabbed her around the waist and hugged her with all that I had as Dad sped down the paddocks to get us back to the kids as soon as he could. Emily was desperate to get to them but, to be honest, every single one us was just as desperate. I wouldn’t believe they were safe until I saw them with my own eyes.