“Yep.”
“Alright, put it back, just like you found it.”
Wolf untied the hangman’s knot and looped the rope in his hands until it looked like a lasso, and he returned it to the hook above his dad’s workbench.
“What about those spanners on the floor?”
“They were there,” Wolf said, pointing at the workbench.
“Put them back. And, they need to be in descending order, from big to small, with the bottoms lined up.”
He picked the metal objects off the floor and laid them on the countertop, side by side, from big to small just as Polly instructed.
In both the shed and his dad’s secret room, Wolf did just as Polly told him, returning everything to its original location until all the items were cleared off the floor, the books and magazines were in the same order as before, and both the shed and the secret room looked like they did when Wolf first entered.
“One last check, Wolf. Look at everything carefully. Is it exactly like it was when you came in?”
He looked around. “Yep. Except we still have to put the string on the latch.”
“Right,” Polly replied.
Wolf shut the door to the secret room and slid the bolt closed. “I’m never going to get this right,” he said, his arms limp as he stared at the door.
“Yes, you will. I’ll tell you how to wrap it because I’ve watched him do it,” Polly said. “First, unravel the broken fishline from the nail and stick it in your pocket.”
Wolf removed the old fishline, bunching it in his pocket.
“Grab the spool of fishline from the wall and use the pliers on the bench to cut off a piece. Make it the length of your lower arm,” she said.
When Wolf was done cutting the line, he returned the spool to the hook on the wall and brought the piece of fishline over to the door.
Polly put her index finger on the tiny round knob on the latch and said, “Wrap the string around this part six times, and make sure that you put the end underneath the wrapping so it’s held tightly in place.”
Wolf began wrapping the fishline around the stem of the small knob, making sure he pulled on the other end to keep the line tight.
“Okay, take the rest of the line over here to the nail,” Polly told him, “and make sure it’s tight, and then wrap the fishline around the nail. It should go from the nail to the latch like a tightrope.”
Wolf did as Polly instructed, and when he was done, he still held a small amount of fishline between his thumb and index finger. “Now what do I do?” he asked.
“Just do one more loop, but leave it looser this time, and then weave that little bit of line underneath it, making a small loop and pulling the end through it until it gets tight. You know, like that thing your mum does with the needle and thread when she sews?”
“Oh, yeah,” Wolf replied, copying what he’s seen his mum do with the needle and thread.
When he finished, he stepped backwards, admiring his work because the fishline attached to the latch looked identical to when he first arrived. He reached out and grasped Polly’s weightless hand. “I need you, Polly. Never leave me.”
“I found you in this lifetime. I’ll never let you go again,” she replied.
“Let’s go to my room now. I’m tired,” Wolf said softly. Wolf slid the tool cart back in front of the secret door and left the shed.
As he and Polly walked towards the house, she asked, “By the way, how did you know how to make a noose?”
“You know that man I see when I meditate, the one who wears all black? He told me how to do it last night in my dream.”
“He’s probably another one of your past lives,” Polly commented as the sunshine began forcing its way through the thick, grey clouds above their heads.
“Yeah. Probably,” Wolf responded.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Later that day, after he had covered his tracks in the shed, doing the best he could to hide what he had done, he left his bedroom carrying his backpack with his gi inside. His mother was in the kitchen sipping tea, and Wolf tried to pass her quickly so she wouldn’t see the red-purplish line of damaged skin just above the collar of his t-shirt.
As Wolf’s hand was on the doorknob, his mother said, “You going to karate? Do you want something to eat first?”
He stopped, turned, and looked directly at her. His breathing was steady, and he could feel a stinging sensation on the skin of his neck where the rope had squeezed it.
“Want a sandwich?” she asked.
“No, Mum. I just want to go.”
“Okay,” she answered, lifting her teacup to her lips, taking a sip as she stared at him. “Have a good lesson.”
He left and walked for twenty minutes to Master Kelly’s house. When he arrived, he entered the backyard and went to the dojo. He turned the combination lock on the door, and after it clicked open, he removed his shoes and bowed before entering. He put on his gi, bowed to the Soke’s picture on the wall, and began sweeping and wiping the tatami mats with a rag, waiting for his sensei to appear.
After thirty minutes, Master Kelly had still not arrived, so he began practising on his own. While he was moving on the bamboo floor, he heard the door to his teacher’s house open, expecting him to come inside the dojo. However, after several minutes, Master Kelly still hadn’t arrived, so Wolf looked out the open window and saw him in the yard.
His teacher positioned a wooden table with short legs right below the cherry blossom tree and was walking back and forth between the house and the tree carrying items on a tray, placing them on the table. Wolf left the window and began practising his katas again, trusting that his master would come to him when he was ready, and after several minutes, Master Kelly yelled, “Kohai, join me outside.”
Wolf bowed to the Soke’s picture and the interior of the dojo before leaving, walking barefoot to the cherry blossom tree.
“Sit,” Master Kelly said.
Wolf sat down on a square mat and folded his legs underneath the table, the blossoming tree above providing shade. After at least a day of having no appetite, Wolf suddenly felt hungry as he looked at the variety of different dishes on the table and the clay hibachi grill in the center heated by binchotan, or Japanese white charcoal.
Wolf had eaten with Master Kelly several times before and recognised the whole raw, medium size mackerel fish, or saba, on the table, as well as the shishito peppers and cabbage, flat sheets of dry seaweed, and pickled daikon radishes and carrots. However, he was unsure about certain sauces in small bowls, and the tiny, white fish in a bright cobalt bowl, each narrow fish not much longer than the nail on his pinky finger, and he didn’t recognise the slimy, tan-coloured beans, or the bowl of wet, brownish-green noodles.
“First, let’s cook the fish,” his teacher said. “Go ahead and put it on the grill.”
Wolf used his chopsticks and lifted the mackerel by its tail. He set the fish down on the metal grate and its skin began to sizzle.
“What happened to your neck?” Master Kelly asked, pouring two cups of green tea.
Wolf took his chopsticks and lifted the tail of the fish, inspecting its underside, hoping to avoid answering the question.
“Kohai, tell me.”
Wolf looked at his teacher. “I tried to kill myself,” he sighed.
“I see,” Master Kelly replied, handing him a cup of tea. He gave Wolf the bowl full of the slime-covered beans and said, “Try these.”
Wolf’s nose cringed at the smell, but he went ahead and clamped a small portion of the beans with his chopsticks. He noticed the beans were connected by stringy threads like those found in a spider’s web, and that the entire dish looked like mucous had been added. When he put the beans in his mouth, they tasted soft and had a texture like raw egg, and the entire mouthful was slightly sweet and bitter on his tongue. Though he disliked the first bite, he picked up another clump with his chopsticks, willing to give the dish a second try. “Yuk,” he stated, swallowing the second bite. “I e
ven tried it twice like Mum says, and it’s still disgusting.”
“It’s called natto,” his teacher said.
“Whatever. It’s gross,” he said cringing. “What is it?”
“Fermented soybeans. I think you’ll grow to like it someday. Anyway, enough about the natto. Kohai, why did you try to kill yourself?”
Wolf’s throat tightened. He looked into the liquid blue eyes of his teacher and the muscles in his neck relaxed. “Sensei, I was making a choice because of my dad. When he’s drunk, he hits me and forces me into a box, and yesterday, he drove me into the hills with a gun in the boot and I thought he was going to kill me,” he said. “I’m scared all the time, and I just didn’t want to be here anymore. And, you know that bloke that I’ve told you about when we meditate, the giant man that wears all black? Last night he spoke to me in my dream and told me how to make a hangman’s noose. It was weird, too, because when I was talking to him, I felt like I knew him; the same feeling I get when I’m with Junsaku. I think I was him in a past life. Anyway, today while I was strangling myself, Polly finally showed up and talked me out of it,” Wolf finished, trembling slightly.
Master Kelly stood up, closed his eyes, and placed his hands at the center of his belly. His teacher took deep breaths in through his nose before pushing the air loudly out of his mouth. Wolf knew this breathing exercise and stood up, mimicking his teacher, gaining control over his energy as he took deep breaths. After several minutes, teacher and student were breathing together, their rhythm becoming one as the wind rustled the cherry blossom tree above them.
After ten minutes, Master Kelly said, “Good. Let’s sit again.”
Wolf sat down and picked up the teacup with both hands.
“Kohai, all our emotions come from within. Happiness, calm, and love come from the same place as unhappiness, fear, and hate, and the emotions you feel are dependent on how you react to things. Just as you have embraced joy with passion, you must embrace fear with courage. Admittingly, you are only ten and can’t completely protect yourself from your father, but you have strength in your mind and you’re growing stronger in your body. Running away when you feel scared or helpless is not the answer. Instead, you need to face your fears and balance your chi to win. Wakarimasu ka?”
“Hai, Sensei. I understand.”
“Good. Let me ask you a question; who is it that can protect you?”
He began looking around for Polly, and realised she couldn’t physically protect him, so he looked at his teacher.
As Master Kelly watched Wolf, he laughed aloud and said, “Who are you looking for? Don’t you know the answer is right here? Kohai, the answer is you. You have courage and you’re strong, and if you continue your commitment to martial arts training and don’t try to end your life again, you’ll find out just how powerful you are.”
Wolf’s body felt so weightless as he gripped his teacup that he worried if he let go he’d float up to the sky. Suddenly, the image of his mother popped in his head, and he felt the earth hit him from below. “My mother, Sensei. I don’t understand. She doesn’t help me,” he said. “This morning, when I was leaving, I know she saw the marks on my neck, but she didn’t even ask me what happened.”
“It’s hard to understand…even for me. I can only relate it to choice. I believe your mother’s actions are rooted in fear, and because she is fearful, her choices are not always good. She did bring you to me, though. That was an excellent choice,” he said, a slightly crooked smile on his tanned face. “For now, always remember that fear is only as deep as your mind allows, so you must not let fear dictate your actions.”
“Yes. She’s not a bad mum, really, and I’m grateful she brought me to you,” Wolf replied. “I know it’s hard on her because he hurts her, too. I’ve seen marks on her skin, and I can tell she’s scared of him, too, because her aura changes when he’s around. But she doesn’t say anything or complain. Anyway, I’ll try not to let fear make me do things I shouldn’t.”
“Kohai, what about your brother? Does your dad hurt him, too?”
“Nope.”
“Any idea why?”
“I think it’s because they thought he was going to die when he was little. He didn’t die, though, and then my mum got pregnant and my dad really wanted a baby girl, but I was born instead. I guess he was mad about that; mad that I was a boy.”
Master Kelly touched his lower lip with his index finger, remaining silent for a few minutes. “So, you think the reason he hurts you is because you were a boy and not a girl?”
“It’s when he’s drinking that he hurts me, and yes, I think it’s because he’s mad that I’m a boy. I am a disappointment to him,” Wolf sighed.
“Think on it more deeply.”
Wolf sat silent for at least five minutes. Then he said, “Righto. I know he’s angry, and he takes it out on me, and I thought he was angry because I am a boy, but now I’m realising there’s probably more to it than that. Polly’s told me that, too.”
“Precisely. Your father has deep pain, and you are not the cause of that pain, no matter what anyone says. It’s your father’s responsibility to find his own way, and it’s your responsibility to stay true to your own path. Remember, no one has power over you unless you give it to them.” As Wolf pondered what his teacher said, Master Kelly asked, “So, ready to try more slimy Japanese food?”
“Is it as disgusting as the natto?”
“I think you’ll like this one. It’s called mozuku. The seaweed comes from Japan. It is said to keep a person youthful,” he said merrily. “Just look at me.”
Wolf grabbed as much of the slippery seaweed as he could with his chopsticks, sucking it between his closed lips. He smiled at his teacher as the sweet, slightly salty seaweed coated his tongue, and he felt the spot right below his navel warming as if a small flame burned below the surface of his skin.
“Wolf, I’ll be right back,” his teacher said.
Master Kelly left the table and went into his house. He returned several minutes later carrying something long and thin wrapped in a whitewashed cotton cover with olive-coloured Japanese symbols printed on it. “Kohai, I was given this jo by one of my Japanese students when I lived in Japan,” Master Kelly said, sliding off the cotton cover and revealing a wooden staff.
Master Kelly handed him the stick, the colour of golden oak, and Wolf took it in his hand, noticing its weight was similar to that of a broom. When Wolf set the end of the stick on the ground, it came up to almost his chest, and in his grip, he could feel it was around the circumference of a five-cent coin. Though the stick was polished smooth, all the dark hairlines of the natural wood were still visible, and Wolf could see dents and dings on its semi-glossy surface.
“This jo was given to me when I was fifty years old, and I am now sixty-six.”
“Wow,” Wolf uttered.
“I have used it several times, and now I want you to have it. You will train with this jo and use it as a weapon for peace like a true warrior of bushido.”
Wolf stared at the stick, holding it in his right hand as he slid his fingertips over the smooth wood.
“I have known many people in my life, including many dedicated Japanese students, and finally I have found the person who will respect this jo.”
Wolf looked at his master, seeing his bright purple aura.
“Keep this in a safe place. We will train with it in the future when the time is right,” his teacher said.
Wolf’s eyes filled with tears and he could hardly speak. He bowed his head towards his teacher and closed his eyes. “Thank you so much, Sensei. Domo arigato.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Wolf had been told countless times by his mother not to climb trees. However, whenever she wasn’t around, he climbed, exhilarated by the feeling he got when he reached, grabbed and gripped the branches like a monkey. He especially loved to climb the big eucalyptus tree on the other side of the fence where Korey lived, even though he could never reach the high branches where the
koala spent most of his days.
On a Saturday, his family was invited over to the Shields house for a barbeque lunch. The sun was shining brightly as they walked up to the white, two-level house and rang the doorbell. All the dogs barked from inside the house as Wolf stood on the porch, admiring the large gum trees scattered throughout the yard, and Mrs. Shields opened the door and invited them inside. As Wolf entered the foyer, Murphy, the Irish wolfhound, sauntered up to him and pushed his slightly flat nose against the boy’s hand.
“Hey, Murphy,” Wolf said, pulling gently on the dog’s whiskers as the Shields other four dogs, the greyhounds, surrounded Wolf, nudging his legs.
“Wow, the dogs really like you, Wolf,” Mrs. Shields said, impressed. “Okay, enough!” she commanded, and the greyhounds sulked away while Murphy sat down obediently.
“I made this for lunch, Sandy,” Wolf’s mum said, handing Mrs. Shields a glass dish with a lid. “It’s potato salad.”
“Wonderful,” she answered with a cheerful grin. “Let’s go to the backyard. Harry has the barbie all fired up.”
Mum, Dad, Orville, and Wolf followed Mrs. Shields through the house and out to the deck where Mr. Shields was standing at a dome-topped grill wearing a red and white checkered apron over his summer clothing.
“G’day! George, how ya’ going, mate?” Mr. Shields said, shaking Dad’s hand. “And, Lizzie, lovely as ever. Hi boys.”
“Hey,” said Orville in his cool, teenage way.
“Hi,” Wolf replied, lifting his hand to deliver a limp wave.
“Help yourself to drinks,” said Mr. Shields, pointing at an outdoor bar.
“Boys, would you like something?” asked their mum as she reached into an esky.
“Yep,” said Orville, “lemon squash.”
“Please?”
“Pllleeeaaasssee,” he repeated sarcastically.
“Wolf, what would you like?” his mum asked.
“Nothing, Mum. Can I go play with the dogs?”
She Named Me Wolf Page 19