by Jayne Frost
“Will you shut up about my fucking V-card,” I hissed, glancing around to see if anyone had noticed us. “And don’t look at me like that. You’ve heard me swear.”
I reached for my water, glaring at her over the rim as I took a drink. Discussions about my virginity were off limits. Not because I was a prude. But because I was twenty-two, and with each passing year, I felt more like a loser. If I were saving myself for something or someone, that would be a different story. But I wasn’t. And Shannon knew it.
“Okay. Okay.” She raised her hands in surrender. “Don’t get worked up. I’m just saying.”
Sufficiently chastised, she picked at her food, and the conversation dwindled to nothing.
“He’s not into me,” I admitted when the silence was too much to bear. Shannon tilted her head, her gaze troubled, and I shrugged. “He’s not.”
“But you are?” she asked softly. “Into him?”
I could lie. Shannon wouldn’t call me on it. But I wanted her to know. Because it made it real, these feelings. I knew Miles. The person, not the rock star. I wasn’t some fangirl.
“Yeah.”
She flicked her attention to the magazine, consigned to a corner of the table under the bread basket. “And he’s with his assistant?”
Lifting my chin, I shook my head. “No. That was a publicity stunt.” Confusion lined her brow, and I tried not to squirm. “He didn’t want the media to think…I mean, it was really sweet, but…” I swallowed hard. “He didn’t want anyone to think we were together.”
It stung just as badly now as it had when Miles had explained it. But I didn’t show it. Not to him. He’d built me a dance studio, for Christ’s sake. And offered me a place to stay until I moved to New York.
“It’s his loss,” Shannon said seriously, dipping her head to catch my eyes when I went back to my lunch. “You know that, right?”
Lifting a shoulder in a half shrug, I forced a smile. “Of course. I’m a catch.”
She eyed me over her glass as she took a drink of mineral water. “What are you doing tonight?”
I thought of the Red Box movie I’d picked up for Miles and me to watch. “Nothing.”
“Good. We’re going out.”
A piece of lettuce caught in my throat and I shook my head. Since I’d turned twenty-one I’d managed to successfully avoid the bar scene. “I don’t think—”
“You don’t have to think. Just leave everything to me.”
Miles
Going to a club with Shannon. I’ll probably stay at her apartment tonight. See you tomorrow!
I read Gelsey’s message for the third time, and still couldn’t figure out how to reply.
Ordering her to come back to my place didn’t seem like the way to go. Especially since I’d spent four days trying to re-establish our boundaries.
If I were honest, my motives weren’t purely altruistic when I’d built her the dance studio.
I wanted her. Up against the wall. In the shower. In my bed. But that was the extent of it. And she deserved more.
Biting back my jealousy, I tapped out a reply.
Have fun.
I continued to stare at the screen until Blake let out an irritated sigh. The kid had spent the majority of the last two hours acting like I didn’t exist, and now he wanted my attention?
Slowly easing back in my chair, I crossed my arms over my chest. “Run through it again.”
He flicked an accusatory glare at my phone. “Why? So you can ignore me some more?”
I rolled my eyes. “I can multitask, dude. You missed the transition. The B chord. Play it lower on the fretboard.
He thought about it for a moment before taking it from the top. But this time, he skipped the adjustment altogether, slowly dragging his thumb over the strings to make sure I knew it.
“You know what they say. Those who can—do. Those who can’t—sit around and give orders.” He launched into the opening riff of an old Damaged tune. “Now if Paige were here…” Shaking his head, he continued to strum. “Fuck hot and all that talent. I’d definitely take her advice.”
I sprang out of my chair, fist balled and ready to fly before the last syllable slipped over his tongue.
“Don’t you ever say her name again,” I growled. “I don’t care if you’re in pain. We’re all in fucking pain. Do you fucking feel me?”
Blake swallowed hard, the mask slipping just enough to see the flash of regret. “Yeah. I get it.”
Sheppard strolled up clapping a hand on the kid’s shoulder. “Time for afternoon group.”
Blake pushed out of his chair, compliant for once. Lingering at the end of the table, his gaze found mine over his shoulder. “Are you coming back?”
No.
That’s what I wanted to say until I noticed him tugging on his sleeves to hide his scars. Fucking hell.
He waited for my jerky nod and then headed for the door.
I was about to do the same when Sheppard sat down. “Let’s talk for a minute, Miles.”
I cleared my throat. “No…I…I have to go.”
“It won’t take long.”
Ripping a hand through my hair, I reclaimed my spot.
“How are things going with Blake?” he asked as he pulled a bag of pistachios from his smock.
“He’s a little fucker. Thanks for introducing us.”
Smiling, he dumped a few nuts on the table. “And how are you?”
“Peachy. Can I go now?”
“What just happened between you two?” he asked, his focus on the pile of pistachios, not on me.
I dug my fingers into my eyes. “He mentioned Paige. And we agreed he wouldn’t do it anymore.”
“So that upset you?” He sat back. “Being reminded of her?”
“I don’t have to be reminded,” I spat. “She’s always with me.” I tapped my forehead so he’d know I meant metaphorically. We were in a psych hospital, after all. “In here.”
He smiled, and I wanted to smack it off his face.
“And that’s what started the argument?”
Crossing my arms, I lifted my chin to the camera. “You tell me, since I’m assuming you saw the whole thing.”
Sheppard cracked one of the shells and popped a nut in his mouth, chewing slowly. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“Yeah. The kid’s got a mouth on him.”
“Did you argue a lot with Rhenn?” A snort ripped from my chest, and I rolled my eyes, disgusted with his lame segue. “How about Paige?”
Welding my back teeth together, I shifted my focus to the window. To the pale gray sky. And the storm on the horizon.
You should sleep in your own bunk tonight, sunshine.
“No.”
His gaze shifted to my fingers, working fitfully on the muscle of my thigh. The nerves crackled, coming to life under my touch.
“Why are you doing that, Miles?”
“Because I’m in pain.”
His brows turned inward. “Then stop.”
Stop…
A lump rose in my throat, filled with all the grief and guilt I couldn’t set free. But this I had. A meager payment for the debt I could never repay. “I can’t.”
He tipped forward, looking me in the eyes. “Try.”
My hand stopped its feverish clenching, and the pain ebbed like the tide rolling out to sea.
Sheppard pushed the pile of pistachios my way, motioning for me to try them. I picked one up just to have something to do.
“So,” he began, taking one for himself. “Tell me what’s different in your life lately.”
Miles
I woke with a start, bathed in sweat, fists clutched tightly in the sheets. My leg ached, the humid air seeping through my skin and settling into my bones. I threw an arm over my face, willing sleep to come again.
But it was too late. The drops of rain on the window told me that. I knew what was coming. And how it would end. Smoke filled my lungs before the first bolt of lightning turned everything white.<
br />
Gripping my thigh, I squeezed hard enough to see sparks behind my clenched lids. Embers from a burning sky.
Blood pounding in my ears, I hauled to my feet, the couch in my studio my only goal.
I kept my head down, avoiding windows as I moved toward the stairs.
“Miles…”
My gaze snapped over my shoulder. To Gelsey. To the present. But my voice was still locked in the past. And maybe she was there too. In my nightmare.
Stranger things and all that.
Go.
But I held my ground as she closed the gap between us, reserving judgment on the whole “is she or isn’t she a figment of my imagination” question.
“What’s wrong, Miles?” She cupped my cheek, and my scattered thoughts coalesced.
She was real. And she was here.
Some of the feeling returned to my limbs, and my heart slowed. “I-I can’t…I…”
Lightning flashed, and the fist around my throat tightened.
Gelsey’s hand slid to the back of my neck, guiding my forehead to hers. “You’re okay.” Her lips brushed mine, breathing life into the declaration.
My fingers tangled in her hair, and I nodded.
You’re okay.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that. Minutes or hours. But every time the lightning came, or the thunder roared, her lips found mine, and she repeated her promise.
You’re okay.
By silent agreement, I let her lead me back to my room. A wave of panic crested as she smoothed the tangled sheets. Would she leave now? Let me ride out the storm alone?
My gaze slid to the door. I could still find peace in the studio.
“Miles?”
I latched onto Gelsey’s voice, my attention back on serene blue eyes. Easing onto the pillow, she held out her hand.
Past the point of pride, I took it.
Rolling onto her side, she banded my arm around her waist, our entwined digits resting on her stomach.
“Tell me something no one else knows,” she whispered.
Breathing in her lavender scent, I buried my face in a soft pool of spun gold and searched my addled brain for some piece of trivia.
“Sour Patch Kids are my favorite candy.”
She laughed, and I held her closer, the vibration calming me. And when I closed my eyes, there were no voices. And no burning skies. Just her.
Gelsey
Miles stirred, mumbling something unintelligible. His hand tightened over mine, and he whimpered into my hair, hot tears falling onto my back.
This had been going on for an hour now. Ever since we’d laid down. And my heart broke a little more each time.
I pried his fingers away and, after a couple of maneuvers, I was able to turn in his arms.
My eyes adjusted to the sparse light, and I smoothed my thumb over his crinkled brow.
“Shh.”
My touch traveled to his lips. Eight times I’d kissed away his demons.
I wish I would’ve met you sooner.
I tucked the silly thought away. Chalked it up to exhaustion.
Thunder growled in the distance as the storm moved past us. Miles clenched his eyes tightly, and I framed his face with my palms, pressing my lips to his.
“You’re okay.”
Nine kisses. Nine whispered vows. Nine tiny pieces of my heart that were now his forever.
I rolled over and sank back into the well of his arms.
Knowing Miles Cooper would be worth the effort.
If only I had the time.
Miles
I woke in my bed, memories of last night pressing in on me. The storm. Gelsey. Soft lips and whispered words.
You’re okay.
Swinging my legs over the side of the mattress, I gazed out at billowy white clouds. Maybe I’d imagined the whole thing. My finger skated over the verse inked on my ribs.
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream
“Is that Poe?”
Gelsey hovered in the doorway, two steaming mugs in her hand. Long hair fell in golden waves to her waist and dark makeup smudged her eyes. Skimming her body, I lingered on her short black dress. I must’ve been really out of it if I didn’t notice that last night.
“Yep. Poe.”
She closed the distance between us, and I took the cup she offered. Coffee.
“I’m not really sure if I made this right,” she said with a dubious look into her own mug.
Forcing down a small sip, I let the warm liquid soothe my throat. But the taste. Fucking awful.
“It’s perfect,” I said as she took a seat on the couch in front of the window.
Tension thrummed between us, punctuated by several seconds of awkward silence.
“So you came home last night, huh?” I frowned into another sip of the worst coffee on the planet. “Obviously.”
“Yeah,” she sighed, setting her drink on the table. Her eyes bounced around the room like she was afraid to look at me.
“So, what happened?” I asked as I eased back against the headboard. She cocked her head at me, and I tipped my chin to her ensemble. “With your big night out? I thought you were staying at Shannon’s.”
She smoothed a hand over the wrinkled fabric. “Yeah. The bar scene really isn’t my thing. Shannon set me up with one of her friends, and I ducked out early so he wouldn’t get the wrong impression.”
I eyed her over the top of my mug. “So it was a date, then?”
“A set up,” she corrected. “With one of her clients. A pro tennis player.” Her shoulders sagged. “But there were too many bodies. And it was so loud in the club. And Jimmy, that was the guy, he kept wanting to dance, and do shots and…”
Steel replaced the bones in my spine. “Did he do something to you?”
“What?… No.” She waved a dismissive hand. “Jimmy was okay. Just…”
Fidgeting, she chewed the corner of her lip while I ambled over to take a seat beside her.
“Just what?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t attracted to him. But maybe he thought I was. So I decided to come home since the group was going back to Shannon’s boyfriend’s house afterward to spend the night.”
My head tilted to the side with so much force I thought it might snap off and roll onto the floor.
“Oh, no,” she rushed out. “There were like eight of us.”
And further still. Whiplash was now a distinct possibility.
Gelsey covered her face with her hand.
“I’m screwing this all up,” she said from between her fingers. “And it’s your fault, because you have a dirty mind. Shannon’s boyfriend is a gamer. They have this league or coven or whatever it’s called. And they stay up all night and play video games.”
I relaxed against the cushion, more relieved than I should’ve been. “One—I’m pretty sure it’s not a coven, unless they’re summoning the Dark Lord to win World of Warcraft. Two—the guy was definitely attracted to you. So good call.” I took another sip of coffee, the bitter brew easier to swallow now that my heart wasn’t in my throat. “And three—you have no idea how dirty my mind is.”
Gelsey blinked at me, and I smiled. Flirting. She’d opened that door last night, and I was stepping inside.
Tearing her gaze away from my face, she picked up her drink. “So what about you? What happened last night?”
She studied me out of the corner of her eye as she took a sip. I couldn’t lie. She’d seen it all. Probably. I still wasn’t sure.
“I have nightmares every now and then,” I finally said. “Sometimes when I’m awake. Sometimes not even at night.”
“Because of the rain?”
I dug my fingers into my thigh. “No. Because of what happened in the rain.”
I couldn’t fully read her expression, but I imagined mine was shut down and as bitter as the coffee from the way she pressed her lips together.
Easing back, she tucked her leg under her bottom. “You want to talk abo
ut it?”
No.
“Maybe later. I thought you weren’t interested in dating?”
I cursed my inability to control what popped out of my mouth. Usually a sign I was obsessing. A precursor to a bout of depression.
You’re not depressed. You’re horny.
At least I kept that part to myself.
“I’m interested,” she began cautiously. “This could be my last chance for a very long time.”
“You’re going to New York, not Mars. There are actually more people there. You know that, right?”
Picking at a thread on her dress, she frowned. “The shelf life for a ballerina is short. It’s really hard on the body. But for me, with my back, it’s even shorter. The first year at an elite company is the time most dancers find themselves. Bend the rules a little before getting down to business.”
Our eyes met, and she tried for a smile. “I can’t do that, though. I don’t know if I have two years or five. But I want to spend them on stage before it gets taken away.”
Time.
It dogged Gelsey with the same relentless persistence that it had stalked Rhenn and Paige.
At least it wouldn’t end in tragedy. And maybe this was my chance to right the wrong I’d inflicted.
“You know,” I began, coiling a golden lock around my finger. “Back in the day, I was an expert at seizing the moment. So I can probably help you out.”
Gelsey leaned a little closer, clearly intrigued. “How?”
“That’s up to you.” I tipped her chin and gazed into clear, blue skies. “What do you say? Wanna waste a couple of months with me?”
Her features softened. “And what do you get out of it?”
I brushed my lips to hers, swallowing her little gasp. “I’m sure I’ll think of something.”
Gelsey
Miles paused, teaspoon hovering over his cup and gaze locked on the garbage bag full of clothes in my arms.
I tried to play off my nerves as I headed for the back door. “Can I get a cup of coffee too?” I asked, tossing a smile over my shoulder.
I knew what he thought—that I’d changed my mind about our deal. Our two-month plan.