“Wow angel,” I finally exclaimed.
"Momma reckons you’ll think she's hot," said Eli in childlike innocence. Ella blushed, and I couldn't help but laugh.
“Yeah, hot is one word for it.” Ella still looked uncomfortable. Annie cast me a knowing look.
"Well, the sooner you two get out of here, the sooner I can get this little man with the uncontrolled mouth off to bed so I can enjoy having the T.V to myself." Ella reached for her coat, and I snapped it up, holding it out for her to slide her delectable little body into. Once we were comfortably in my pickup, Ella cast me a nervous glance and cleared her throat.
"You look nice," she noted shyly. I was wearing a pair of old frayed jeans, a long sleeved black shirt, and my favorite black all-weather jacket. Not much different to what I wore to work each day. “You look more relaxed than usual. I guess this is how you look when you’re not working.” I did feel a little more laid back than usual. The constant underlying layer of death that followed my memories for some reason felt a little more distant tonight.
“I guess. I haven’t been out in a while it feels good to do something normal.” Ella’s head tilted in thought.
"I don't know what normal is," she whispered.
"Well Angel, it's about time you learned."
Chapter 16
Ella
Dating for me had never consisted of more than a case of beer, a joint to help with the ambience and a quick tumble in the back of a car. Sitting at a table, with a man on the other side, food between us, this was a real, bona fide date! I wasn’t nervous, although perhaps I had been a little worried about what Jax would think when he first saw me. Living out of a backpack didn’t really provide a full wardrobe selection, so I’d borrowed some of Annie's clothes, and she insisted I wear mascara and lip gloss. She even gave me a tiny bit of foundation to help cover the scar by my eye and for the first time in as long as I could remember I looked in the mirror and felt attractive. My eyes were bright and clear, my pale cheeks had a slight flush to them. I felt like a woman, a woman about to go on a date with Jax Carter. Oh who was I kidding, I was nervous as hell.
A date at The Pit Stop might not have been every girls dream, but it was familiar and most importantly it wasn't fancy. Ella Munroe didn't do fancy, she didn't even own a dress, which made me wonder if Jax liked that sort of thing, women in sexy dresses looking all seductive and beautiful. Selena was the type of woman who liked to dress up. I couldn't be further from that if I tried.
“Benny,” Jax smiled in greeting as we entered The Pit Stop.
“Jax, Ella. You two look like you need a table tonight.”
“Candle lit table with your best view,” Jax joked. Benny scoffed.
"Blah, you don't need candles, the ambiance in here is perfect for romance."
Jax chuckled as he led me to a table by the front window. The snow had begun to fall outside, and the streets were dark and empty. I was warm and safe. I was on a date about to enjoy a hearty meal, not completely homeless and pathetic and not at all scared. How could my life take such a drastic turn after so many years of indifference and fear? Where would I be now if I hadn't of run? How ruined would I be? I shivered at the thought.
"Where are you right now, Angel?" Jax asked. It brought my thoughts back to here and now, back to warm and safe.
“Sorry, sometimes I just kind of, fade out.”
“I’ve noticed. Tonight you stay with me though, okay. I’m your typical male, easily emasculated when the woman he’s having dinner with loses interest and starts thinking about other things.” I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just nodded. A server saved me from any embarrassment by sliding up to our table to take our orders. She took in Jax with appreciative eyes and she looked at me with all out hostility. Jax ignored her though, his eyes on me only.
“What will you have angel?” I quickly glanced at the menu. The butterflies in my stomach had caused my appetite to retreat, but thinking about the breakfast I enjoyed with Jax a week ago made me salivate.
“I don’t suppose we could have the same as last time we were here?”
Jax grinned. "Two all-day breakfasts with the lot, a chocolate shake and an orange juice." I almost moaned at the thought. I was suddenly starving.
“Not a problem Jax,” beamed the waitress. “How’s Selena, I haven’t seen her in a few weeks?” The waitress’s eyes cut to me with a sly grin. Then I was assaulted with a horrifying thought. Was Jax still supposed to be dating Selena? I ridiculously assumed it must be over after their spat at the shelter, but what if it wasn’t? This girl probably thought they were still together and wondered what he was doing out with me. My stomach had gone from starving to nauseous in seconds.
"I have no idea, Lisa. I haven't seen Selena in a while either. Could you bring the drinks out first please?" I could tell Jax was irritated, I could see it in his eyes, but he didn't give Lisa the benefit of knowing she had rattled him.
“Sorry,” he offered once Lisa had moved away from the table. I shrugged feigning nonchalance.
“I guess if you’re seen out with me instead of your girlfriend people are going to wonder.” Jax looked a little pissed at that comment.
“Angel, Selena is not my girlfriend, nor was she. We were just friends, who..” Jax seemed to be trying to find the words. “You know, barely friends, just a guy and a girl who..” He was stuck again. Friends who what? Had snacks and wine in his mother's office? My blank face made him chuckle. "Shit Angel. We slept together, sometimes. But we weren't exclusively dating, it was simply I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine." First, I was mortified. I didn't like thinking of Jax with other women, but I couldn't talk, I was no saint. Then my mortification was replaced with anger. I knew I wasn't experienced when it came to men and dating but I knew I wasn't interested in that sort of relationship with anyone, especially Jax, and if he assumed that I was that kind of girl, he was wrong.
“She was your fuck buddy?” I gasped with indignation I wished I didn’t have.
"Not anymore. I wish I could tell you that I've had deep and meaningful relationships with maybe one or two girls. The truth is I've had exactly zero deep and meaningful relationships and way too many girls. I've got a history here in Claymont, and I'm not proud of it. Not that it is an excuse, but coming home from Afghanistan, seeing the shit I saw, doing the shit I did, I was a loose cannon, and I did a lot of things I'm not proud of. I've changed. I didn't want to be that person, so I cleaned up my act. I've been in and out of therapy dealing with my shit. Selena was something I clung on to, and I have no idea why, but she is out of my life permanently now. She's not the kind of woman I see myself with; she is not my forever, never was and I wish I had realized it a long time ago." I stared at him, opened my mouth to speak and was stopped by the unpleasant Lisa, who brought our drinks over and practically slammed them down before disappearing again only to stomp back over and dump our meals with absolutely no grace or care.
“Anything else I can get you kids?” She asked, in a voice laced with false enthusiasm. Jax said nothing. We just simply stared at each other as if the world around us no longer existed.
“Oooookay, holler if you need me?” She left, thank God.
“Are you going to say anything? If you don’t want to do this we can eat and I’ll take you right home. I’d be lying if I said I was okay with that, but I want you to know you can trust me. I won’t do anything to hurt you and if dealing with my shit on top of your own is too much, I understand. I’ll back off.”
I shook my head, shaking free the confusion and shock that had settled there. I didn't picture Jax as the type of guy who slept around and used women. He fought for women, protected them. But sometimes when fighting for your sanity, for your mind and happiness, sometimes it sends you on into a vortex that can get completely out of hand and you end up doing a lot of things you wouldn't normally do. I of all people knew that lesson well. It was obvious Jax had used sex to suppress his nightmares and escape. Who was I to talk? I had d
one the same thing.
“The women you were with, did you hurt them?” I found myself whispering.
"Fuck Angel. Not ever, not once. As much as it shames me to say it, I never spent the night with a woman who expected more than just a night. Mine and Selena's relationship was always clear. Recently she decided she wanted more and I stopped it right then for two reasons." Jax stared at me, making sure I was listening. “One, I didn’t want that with her, a future. For the first time I actually saw her for who she really was and to be honest, she’s a bitch. Second, I find myself wanting a future with someone else.” I stopped breathing, flat out stopped breathing. Terrified, excited, cautious all vied for spots in my heart. “I find myself attracted to a particularly beautiful brunette, with exquisite chocolate eyes and a smile filled with sunshine and yes, I am aware I sound like a pussy right now, but it’s the truth. And I don’t want you freaking out. We will take things slowly. One day at a time. I plan to woo the heck out of you angel.”
“Woo me?” I grinned caught somewhere between thrilled and stunned.
"Woo, as in date, as in force you to see what a catch I am and make you want me so bad I will consume your every thought. One day at a time Ella, I'm going to give you a future, and you're going to trust me with your heart." Holy shit, I couldn't tell Jax Carter this, but he already owned my heart.
"But before we can continue this," he stuck a piece of egg in his mouth and chewed thoughtfully before continuing. "I need something from you." He didn't elaborate, and I grew frustrated.
“What?” I asked him suspiciously.
“I need to know your last name? I can’t be dating someone whose name I don’t even know.” He smirked. A small laugh escaped my lips. I was expecting him to ask for something deep and emotional, maybe even life changing.
“Munroe. Actually, it’s Munroe-Spencer. My mom hated Munroe, she said it sounded common and boring, so her maiden name was thrown in. I always found it a little ironic, because there is nothing uncommon about Spencer.”
“Ella Munroe, I like it.”
“Ella Mai Munroe, my dad always called me Ella Mai. He allowed mom to have the hyphenated surname if she allowed my middle name to be Mai. Dad said it was some sort of spin-off of that girl in that old black and white show, about the hillbillies that struck oil and moved to Beverly Hills and it pissed my mom off.”
Jax laughed loudly. “Elly May.” Just like that the tension that had filled the air disappeared and my appetite returned, with a vengeance. I inhaled my meal, just like the last time Jax had brought me here and just like last time, Jax seemed genuinely turned on by the gusto way with which I enjoyed my dinner.
"You don't have some weirdo food fetish?" I found myself teasing him.
“Only when watching you eat angel. Don’t worry though, for the most part I don’t want to do anything particularly kinky or weird with the food, though chocolate sauce and whipped cream could prove entertaining.” His grin was wicked and teasing, but his eyes did not betray his desire. Just like that I was blushing again.
My memory of the movie following dinner was vague. It was a comedy and I remember people laughing around me. I spent the hour and a half completely and utterly conscious of the fact that Jax had discretely worked his arm over my shoulder. Every now and again he would whisper something in my ear, and the feeling of his breath and lips so close would spend my head into a spin. I was as smitten as a school girl as I sat there silently squealing in my mind how the sex God beside for some bizarre reason, wanted me. Jax was replacing all my missed opportunities and experiences with new ones, and I cherished every single moment.
Chapter 17
Jax
Thursday evening with Ella had been deeply satisfying. She was relaxed, she joked and laughed, she blushed, often. I loved making her blush, and it was done so easily. Any touch was innocent and gentle, and I never felt more satisfied. Sure, I wanted her, all of her, but a night of virtuous attention came with its own fulfillment. I was continuing to gain Ella's trust and inevitably her heart and the journey would be an exploration of learning each other in the most important and simplistic of ways. A part of me still felt as though I was betraying Ella, taking advantage of her. No matter what I told myself though, I could not deny the pull to this angel any longer. I would take things slowly, enjoying the smallest, though possibly the most magical of moments. Holding hands, laughing, teasing, sharing a meal, a movie, Ella seemed enthralled with the most humble of daily activities, perhaps from having been denied so many of them for so long. It was helping me to find a new appreciation for my life as it was now. It almost felt as if every touch from Ella, every smile, every shy glance, was washing away my troubles and making me whole again. I was beginning to feel a resemblance to the man I used to be, happy and carefree.
Saturday was supposed to be my day off. My first day off in over three weeks, but somehow I found myself in the office of Carter Constructions with a thundering headache, helping Charlie fix up one hell of a balls-up. I had woken this morning in a cold sweat on the tail end of a grisly nightmare and my day proceeded to get worse.
“How the fuck did she order the wrong timber?" Charlie roared. His hair was a mess. It looked as though he had run his hands through it in frustration for the last twenty-four hours solid, which he most likely had done. His eyes were bloodshot; he obviously hadn't slept much last night. Our secretary, Belinda, had ordered several thousand dollars' worth of timber for a special order and, unfortunately, she had ordered the wrong product. That meant we had a shed full of useless timber and we were officially behind on what had been a rush job to begin with. I shook my head as I glanced at the paperwork in front of me one more time, hoping the order might suddenly change. If it had of been our supplier in the wrong, then I could easily send the timber back and refuse to pay, asking for a rush on the correct product. The order was still wrong though, in Belinda's incriminating and far too neat cursive print. Charlie continued to rant and rave and, to be honest, he was making my headache much worse than it need be. I grabbed the phone and called my supplier. Thankfully their office girl Noelle answered and I quickly began charming the panties off her. By the end of the conversation, I was getting a supply of the correct timber at half the normal price and Noelle was giving me her cell phone number. I hung up and looked to Charlie, who watched me in awe.
"How the hell do you do that?" He asked, and I shrugged.
“Guess I just have a gift.” I handed Charlie Noelle’s phone number. “Send her some flowers, from you, or the company. Don’t put my name on it though, I don’t want any confusion, I’m not interested.” Charlie shook his head.
"That little girl has got you by the short and curly’s hasn’t she?”
“Stop talking about my pubes, it’s weird. Let’s go get a drink, I need one after this shithole of a day.”
We took my Dodge and headed to Andy's Office, Charlie's drinking hole of choice. It was close, only a block away and I had to admit, there was something about the old English style bar that was appealing, especially during winter. Andy had the place running like a dream, attractive, friendly staff, good music, warm atmosphere. The place had only been open a little over a year, and it was quickly becoming one of the most popular venues in Claymont. Charlie and I made sure we always got in early before the crowds and left as they started to trickle through the doors. Neither of us is really into the whole late night bar scene these days.
At the entrance, we were greeted by Beef and Paris, who gave us a friendly smile and stepped aside. Beef was called beef because, well, he looked like a great big slab of beef. He was huge, as tall as me and a whole lot wider. He rarely smiled with a shit scary glare permanently in place. Paris was tall and lithe, with short spiky blond hair and adorned with tattoos and piecing's. She looked fierce as hell, and I knew she was fierce as hell. She was also Andy's wife, and she was witty, funny and smart. I liked her, I liked Andy, hell I even liked Beef. A few patrons who lingered outside were being given a hard time by B
eef over their clothes and they barked obscenities at mine and Charlie's easy entrance. I chuckled, because frankly they were dressed a hell of a lot better than us. But we were regulars, had been since the first day and the thing about Andy, he looked after his regulars, especially those who spent big and caused no trouble. Charlie bought the first round, and we escaped to a small ‘L' shaped sofa in the back corner. In no time at all I felt the drifting peace that the exact right amount of liquor can bring. I knew one drop more would cause me to stumble over that cliff, so I slowed down and grabbed a bottle of water much to Charlie's dismay.
“You’re being stalked,” Charlie murmured behind his long neck of beer. I groaned and sat back into the sofa.
"I'm not interested, you take it." I knew Charlie was rolling his eyes. We had been friends since grade school, so I didn't need to look to know what he was doing or thinking. “Unless of course you’re seeing someone?” I’d been trying to pry the information from Charlie for a couple of weeks, but just as much as I hate being interrogated, I sucked at interrogating.
“Not anymore,” he murmured, his smile disappearing. “And this one’s fucking hot,” he continued, that familiar sparkle in his eyes that had been missing of late was back. Suddenly a tall leggy blonde strutted up in front of us, her dress might have been sprayed on it was that tight and short. She was beautiful, in that forged way that had some women pouting, smiling and laughing as if a camera were continually on them.
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