by Kitty Thomas
Julie was grateful when two weeks later all her tests came back clean and no pregnancy. Though she’d thought she might want kids someday and knew it wouldn’t happen with Gabe, she didn’t want a child this way—a product of her enslavement at Dmitri’s house.
Everything here with Gabe was such a contrast from the life she’d known at Dmitri’s. Aside from that one day in the dungeon, Gabe had been nothing but kind and patient and caring with her. She wanted to be with him more than anything, and every time he kissed her she wanted things to go further. But there was always a block, a wall she bumped up against. She’d thought about and dissected that day in the dungeon hundreds of times now. She’d thought about how she couldn’t seem to resist doing what he told her to do.
He was constantly giving orders that weren’t dirty or kinky, but still, it felt as though he were taking ownership of her in segments. Bits of her will she wouldn’t notice missing. He’d bought her gifts. He’d watched movies with her like some normal boyfriend. He’d gone swimming with her at midnight when all the other girls were in bed. And a part of her desperately wanted to truly be his. But still, the idea of what he wanted from her was too much. How could she call him master? How could she go along with any kind of depraved thing he wanted from her?
But would his personality really change? If she were his? Wouldn’t he still be Gabe? Wouldn’t he still care for her?
She had gone as far as she could on her own and now she stood at the edge of a great cliff. Maybe a mile off in the distance was the other side where Gabe stood waiting for her. But there was no bridge or magic wings or any special ability that could get her from the edge she perched upon to where Gabe stood waiting for her.
Every day that passed she feared he would lose patience and either force the decision from her or push her away. She couldn’t stand either thought. He was at least discreet with the other girls. She knew he was training them, but he kept it out of her line of sight. As the weeks wore on, the idea of him with others bothered her less than she’d thought it would. Maybe it was because she knew he needed these things and she wasn’t prepared to give them. She thought though, that she might feel differently about it if she gave in to his demands.
As he’d suggested, she’d spoken with Mina. Julie was surprised to learn the abuse she’d suffered at the hands of her previous boyfriends in supposedly consensual situations. In a way, Jason, the last one, had prostituted her out, not completely unlike Dmitri. He’d shared her at least. And she hadn’t seemed that into it.
Seeing how together Mina seemed now, and hearing about how broken she’d been when she’d arrived at the house seemed to lend some credence to the idea that it wasn’t crazy to think that she could be okay in a relationship like this with Gabe. After all, look at Mina. Nevertheless, Mina had known she was kinky and had sought such relationships out. This wasn’t the same thing at all. When she’d tried explaining that to Mina, the other woman didn’t seem to get it. So they stopped talking about it.
One afternoon, Julie found Gabe waiting for her in the large foyer, standing in front of a shiny black baby grand piano with a red bow on it.
“Are you kidding?” she asked when she saw it.
“Why would I be kidding? This was the only place there was room for it where it wouldn’t be in the way, but it’s yours.”
She’d mentioned playing the piano on their first date. She couldn’t believe he’d remembered. Or that he’d bought her one. She’d gotten used to gifts like jewelry and clothing, but this was on a whole other scale.
“Thank you. I don’t know what to say.”
He pressed a kiss against her forehead. “You don’t have to say anything, sweetheart. I’ve got to leave for a little while. Some business for the house.”
Immediately, Julie’s mind went to Dmitri. Nothing more had been said of killing him and the other men at the house, but she was sure Gabe hadn’t forgotten it or changed his mind. “Don’t do it,” she said.
His brow furrowed. “Don’t do what?”
“Dmitri. Don’t go kill them. What if you get hurt or worse?” She couldn’t believe she was saying it. If they killed Dmitri and his guys then the other girls at the house could be freed. For weeks Julie had been safe and protected and pampered and they were all still living in hell. And here she was worried Gabe could get hurt going back in there. She’d barely thought about the other girls lately. She was a horrible person.
“It’s already been taken care of. Everyone that was a threat inside Dmitri’s house is dead, including Dmitri. Brian handled it.”
Julie let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. Relief, and the weight of guilt lifting off her. She wanted to ask when it had been done, but she couldn’t bring herself to. Just how long had they been trapped in the house while she’d had no larger issues to worry about than whether or not she could bring herself to call the man who saved her life, master?
Her brain chose to fixate on the Brian part of “Brian handled it.”
Julie had been given a crash course on Brian. It wasn’t just the first time she’d run into him or the vague ways others spoke about him, or the general danger he exuded that made him terrifying. Julie had seen him taking girls from the house down to the dungeon. When they came back, they seemed broken. And Brian got off on it. There was something very wrong with that man, and yet, for this one moment she could feel only gratitude that he’d killed the people who hurt her. Maybe as a favor to Gabe or maybe because he liked to kill, but either way the end result was the same.
“W-what about my friends?”
“They were left unharmed. Mina called in an anonymous tip to the police and hung back in the woods to wait for them to be rescued. The authorities would know how to help them.”
Julie nodded. She felt an unexpected sadness, not because the others had been finally rescued from their servitude at Dmitri’s house but because a small part of her had been in denial that she’d never see them again, and now it was final.
“What about me?” she asked, already knowing the answer.
“What about you?”
“If Dmitri and his people are gone, you can release me. I’m safe now, right?”
She watched as Gabe’s jaw clenched.
“Do you really want to leave? What would you do? Where would you live? You want to be out looking over your shoulder every time the sun goes down worrying about shady characters? You going to go back to work in that seedy bar? Over my fucking dead body. Gonna get a new roommate? Go back to school? Pretend you don’t want to be with me because you don’t like the package it’s all wrapped up in?”
She didn’t want to leave. Most of her life, all she’d really wanted was to find the right man and settle down. She didn’t want the stress and competition of the world outside. In some twisted way, this house was everything. She was provided for and taken care of. The only real question was why she couldn’t bring herself to truly be his… why she couldn’t trust him and… try.
“So no, then?” he asked when she didn’t answer him. “You don’t want to leave?”
“No, I don’t want to leave.”
“Okay, then.”
“But if I did want to be free, you wouldn’t release me, would you?”
“No. You are mine.” Gabe turned to leave, considering the discussion over.
“Wait. If you aren’t going to Dmitri’s house, where are you going?”
“That’s none of your concern.” Off her hurt expression, he softened. “It’s business. I won’t be gone long.”
He pulled her into his arms and held her for several minutes. She wanted to resent him or hate him or pull away. She wanted to scream at him for keeping her prisoner, but she couldn’t because she wanted to be with him. The past weeks of casual innocent dating had made her want more with him. She couldn’t imagine being free now.
She didn’t want to struggle to make ends meet and be alone out in the world away from him. And yet, the idea that he was holding her prisoner a
nd wouldn’t apologize for it or pretend to feel guilty made her blood boil.
Finally, he pulled away and left. She leaned against the piano and watched the door close behind him.
Julie turned to find the other girls furtively whispering. They couldn’t be subtle about it? She knew they talked about her. They knew she wasn’t Gabe’s in the sense that they all thought she should be. She could feel the judgment that came from them because she wasn’t wearing his collar. This was compounded by the fact that they all loved him, and most would have given anything to be in her position.
Mina wandered up then. She and Annette had become something like friends to Julie
“Hey, he’ll be fine,” Mina said. “He’s handling a problem with one of the buyers. Brian doesn’t have time for it. So he’s letting Gabe do it.”
Over the weeks Julie had paid enough attention to know that Brian and Mina were the house enforcers. They enforced the contracts, and that generally meant killing people. Mina seemed to read much of this fear off her face.
“Don’t worry. It’s just a reconnaissance mission. He’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, sure.”
That night, when the house was quiet, Julie crept downstairs. She couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t as though Gabe shared a room or bed with her, but she felt uneasy with him out of the house. She went down to the foyer where the piano sat gleaming. She hadn’t played it yet. The big red bow was still on it. She took the bow off and sat down at the bench.
If she played now, would she wake someone? Would she get in trouble? What would happen with Gabe gone? Could anything happen? The trainers had all kept a polite distance from her. No one had tried to harm her in any way or touch her or punish her for anything. Even without Gabe’s collar around her throat it was pretty much understood in the house that she was his.
All the rooms were pretty far off from this area, she reasoned. Most of what was on the front end of the house was the gym and the cafeteria. There was the long hallway that led down to the dungeons nearby, but she was pretty sure as late as it was that everyone was far enough away that a piano wouldn’t wake them as long as she didn’t bang on it.
She ran her fingers lightly over the keys and tested a few of them. Gabe at least had had it tuned before giving it to her. She hadn’t played in so long. Years really. She only knew a few songs by heart, and none of them were particularly exciting. And if she woke someone up playing Chopsticks, they would definitely be annoyed. Most people were annoyed by Chopsticks even if they weren’t being woken from a dead sleep by it.
She stood and stepped back from the bench and looked at the piano for a few minutes. Then she realized the bench had a hinge and a lid. She opened it and inside were books and books of sheet music. She rifled through several until she found a collection of Chopin’s nocturnes.
These were some of her favorites to play. She’d learned on these. Particularly nocturne number 2. It was just hard enough to be a challenge but easy enough to be enjoyable. Or it had been when she’d been really into playing. She wasn’t sure what it would be like now. She flattened the book out on the shelf above the piano and sat down to play. Here went nothing.
She’d only been playing for a few minutes when she sensed she wasn’t alone. She turned to find Brian standing behind her with an expression on his face she couldn’t quite discern. He seemed momentarily vulnerable.
“Why did you stop?” he asked.
“I-I’m sorry I woke you.” She’d stayed away from Brian and hadn’t spoken to him since Gabe had rescued her from him. Except now Gabe wasn’t here to rescue her.
“I don’t sleep well. I was coming up for a run in the gym. You didn’t wake me.” Brian crossed to the piano and leaned against it. “We need to talk.”
“A-about what?” Julie couldn’t begin to imagine what she and Brian had to discuss.
“Gabe. Why aren’t you wearing his collar?” Brian asked abruptly.
Julie felt her face heat. She knew everyone was talking about it, but for him to come right out and ask her. No one else had been so blunt. And given what it meant, he might as well have asked, ‘Why aren’t you fucking and servicing my friend?’
“I… I don’t know how it’s any business of yours what my relationship is or isn’t with Gabe,” she said.
“He’s my friend and he’s unhappy. That’s why. He’s given you everything. He’s been very patient, far more patient than I would have been. Even with Mina’s past, I bought her, she was mine. And she was going to obey me. As far as I can see, Gabe bought you, he owns you. Why exactly do you think you have the right to refuse him?”
In all the mental arguments she’d had with herself, she’d never fully admitted the issue. This. This was the issue. The idea that she was some piece of property that Gabe could do whatever he wanted with. It’s what she had been at Dmitri’s, and no matter how nice her room or how kind the master, she didn’t want to be owned by another person again. That fucking entitlement. Brian spelled it out for her more clearly than any of those long mental debates had. As attracted as she was and as much as she liked Gabe and wanted to be with him… not like this.
It wasn’t the kink. It was the fact that it wasn’t a game and she didn’t want to be another man’s property again.
Before she could express this to Brian—and she couldn’t believe she actually had the nerve to express this to Brian—the front door opened and Gabe stepped in, dropping his bags by the front door. He immediately spotted her at the piano and Brian hovering over her.
“I can’t leave for a single day?” Gabe asked, his bitter remark aimed at Brian.
“I thought you wouldn’t be back until tomorrow.”
“Clearly. I got done early and didn’t feel like spending the night in a hotel. I drove straight through.” He crossed the foyer and handed a manila envelope to Brian. “Here’s all the information you requested. You’re right, he’s breaking the contract and needs to be dealt with.”
“You could have dealt with him if you were so sure,” Brian said.
“Not my monkeys, not my circus.”
Brian rolled his eyes. “Fine. I need a good kill anyway. I’ll go take care of this tomorrow.” He took the envelope and disappeared down the long dark hallway.
When he was gone, Gabe turned his attention to Julie. “Was he bothering you?”
“No, not really.”
“What did he say?”
“Not much. He was upset that I’m not wearing your collar.”
The tension radiated off of Gabe. Gabe was also upset she wasn’t in his collar. He probably hadn’t thought it would take this long. He’d probably thought she would gratefully do anything he wanted as some sort of payment for rescuing her from Dmitri. And there was a strong argument there to be sure. She could see how another woman might rationalize such a choice. Many women would. After all, Gabe was beautiful and kind and…
But if he was really giving her a choice... If it wasn’t a formality to make him feel better about what he was doing…
“Julie?”
“Yes?”
“Why aren’t you wearing my collar?”
The lump formed in the back of her throat so quickly and so solidly that she wasn’t sure she could breathe around it, let alone talk.
“Gabe, I can’t.”
He sighed. “I can give you more time.”
“Time isn’t the problem.”
“I thought you were attracted… I thought you just needed to see you could trust me. Can’t you see that?”
Julie stared down at the bright white piano keys. “I am attracted. I think I can trust you. I’m not sure how it would feel to be in a sexual relationship after what happened at Dmitri’s, but I think it would be different enough with you that I could probably handle it.”
“So… what’s the problem then?”
“I don’t want to handle it. I don’t want to make compromises and bargains for what I can handle.”
“But you’re like me. I’m sure you are. T
he way you reacted to… you are kinky. This is in your nature.”
“It doesn’t matter if it’s in my nature. This isn’t a game. You want me to be your property for real. And it doesn’t matter how kind you are, or how many nice things you give me. At the end of the day, I have gone from being Dmitri’s property to share and abuse, to your property. And it doesn’t matter if you treat me nicer. I’m not a fucking house cat! I don’t want to be owned. Not by you or anybody else. And I don’t give a shit if I’m kinky! What difference does that fucking make? Do you think that means I want no rights!?! Do you think that means I want to be at your sexual beck and call from now until my lady parts fall out? Really Gabe? Why the fuck do you think this should appeal to me!?!”
He leaned forward over the piano, suddenly far more menacing than Brian had been. “You’re already mine. I bought you. I own you,” he practically growled.
“Then do whatever you’re going to fucking do. But you don’t get to bully me and guilt me and pretend like this is my happy little choice to make yourself feel better about your actions because it’s not. I told you from the very beginning, but you wouldn’t listen to me!”
He started to pace, growing more and more agitated. “I get to do whatever the hell I want. Do you think you’re ever leaving this house? You’re my prisoner whether we fuck or not. Or whether you wear a collar or not. Maybe I should remove my protection and let anybody in this house do whatever with you.”
Julie glared at him. “Then you’re the exact same kind of monster as Dmitri and you never loved me or cared about me. You just cared about what you wanted to get from me.”
Gabe seemed to snap out of whatever kind of psychotic zone he’d fallen into and scrubbed a hand through that blond surfer-appropriate hair. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’ll leave you alone. But you’re switching rooms with me. I’m not giving you my room for the rest of time if I don’t ever get to return to it.”