This is an utter-concept of what America is-in, in-retrospective. It has been a long-time, in-coming. The visions, precepts and garnishes of the United-States of America has been changed, over-time. War, growth and poverty have been embattled. Yet the war, on gradual-prosperity has been advancing, and altered. Some people-say it should be a privatized-system where men can seed their own concerns yet I have seen the country thrive and succeed on grounds of the better-providence of commerce, government and public-affairs… While centering-on the greater-good of society, the garnishing of public-welfare has lead to the betterment of-work, health, funds and government-expansiveness.
Elaborate, though it may seem; the ‘science’-of government… It is centered, I believe, on people-not politics. I believe these-times of overbearing property, depletion-of-employment opportunities, and disbanding of social-incentive has made the very-human law of growth, fail do-to less proper-planning and more dominant, lucrative-goals. It is very, important I believe that we keep the goal-of supporting and aiding to the people and of business, because how else can we build-in self-vocal…
~~~
The energies, lost-on passing, decisions whether vying or vowing is unimportant; for people-values depend on strength of the people not ideas of division. My old-friends’ children, now older, wish to-travel to the Pacific-Northwest to try for the fishing and development-needs, there. They tell-me there are jobs there, and the money is pretty-good. I listen and hear; from their judgment that their main-concerns is the idea-of opportunity and ‘obligations’. It is okay when you have reason-to stay and live but it is difficult when you live day-to-day, and must survive without, income. Priorities, whether significant or substantial you must-live by your own-standard as it is, your life. I see deeper-into the values and focus; illuminating the voice and vantage, of-all. Everyday, I see people-leaving with all their belongings and preparing for life elsewhere not, knowing what it would-be.
It is never, certain when one-chooses to go somewhere else, they risks life and limb-in order to find happiness in otherwise, detrimental-circumstances. In order to alleviate the downing-situation and misunderstand, that rising-above those terms can mean sticking-it out, to reach-further. Thus I and Will, are well-situated to keep-going, we are at an age that we can, only live-by our own-means. I am thankful, that our hard-work, diligence and commitment has lead to less-risky, terms of endearing… I see, that others my-age live on very-little or must receive help-from children or friends who think very much-of them. That their-life exists only-through the appreciation of others. I believe that is what proves-live is worthwhile under any terms.
Perhaps as my father who understood the value of money and family that one could seek both, yet I saw in the slums that life is a self-circumstance over-come, or allowed with resign… France, is a wealthy country yet wealth is held-by those powerful, and advanced. My father, has said that life is a design of self and environment and that thinking and decision, decides which way-to go. It may seem impossible to understand, accept in-personal circumstances. An import-in self-sustaining and seeding, ability. I reside in imminent-wealth; yet in succession, I worked for myself with opportunity, and form; others, that could use-help not for self-gain but-in the true-sense, that others may have a helping-hand. This faceted-determination, is the advancing, deliberate-acceptance…
And as the inner-heart follows the contentions-of life, I hope that they-find their home and not the hardship of held-in, harshness. As the numbers fell and the promise of success empty; places of once, habitation, chance-of-prosperity and entitlement-incentive, the conversing-of duty, and not doubt, take a greater-seat…
***”Gold-found in Alaska, trade, miners and workers-for trade-wanted…”***
~This, a last-hope to see tomorrow as something, wherein one could-live…
End
Eleven
October 28, 1875
Dear Diary,
Yesterday, Will my beloved husband of thirty-three years succumb to the fever. He, my love and life, the man who cared for children and wife, lived his life for family and did his duty; will be laid to rest at the town cemetery. He divided himself between job and family, never swaying in the indefinite and sometimes difficult-concerns of living and overcoming; he was a large-part of my life… And as the only wife and only mother to his children I shall cherish our time-together. The fever had come early in the rainy season. Will had been surveying land when he began coughing and ran a fever. The doctor decided he could rest at home. There within, three weeks he was gone. Everyone we knew came to visit during his illness, and even the dry-goods store offered to deliver-food. He, being an earnest-man stayed devoted to his steadfast, duty. I closed his-eyes and he was gone, from me.
He always wanted a Wake like his brother who was sent-back to Ireland… He says he wants the playing of “Irish Eyes” a very Gaelic song. He often told me of Ireland’s beauty that he said was only rivaled-by the American West. He remembered laying in its green and luscious grass and sit and talked about life. He adored his mother, as his children does, and unknowingly, transformed those who-knew him with the genuine good-gift of his personal-being. I will well, remember his rye-laugh, his gentle, sense-of-things, and the confident right to be a gentleman and lover, of all that is good. He was a man larger than life, greater than fair and braver than most that put people at ease, as encourage their hopes and dreams. A simple-man, a man-deserving; I will always love you, dear Will, of my life…
Patrice has been told of her father’s death, by her husband Rob, who seems to be handling his duties-well. I would-have rather told her myself yet they are no-longer central in their parents’ life. In the abundant, annals of life we are but the minutest-of elements. Enforcing-rules and guises of life only, in the end, leaves those we care-for, on their own-terms. In our world, Will’s portrayed the best of what a man should-be. When we-were courting, and getting to know one another, what we were-doing, during hard-times. The ability-to understand and perceive, the atoms of what was-to happen; we may not, have done-so. Yet life is not, ever-for sure, or certain. I own a tailor shop yet I would have never thought what my father did-to support his family would lead to my lucrative-career that saved my family from hard-times.
Or, that Will a gold-seeker and surveyor would spend his times self-divided by the intimate-’falling’, on hard-times; which he did, alone and be as such depressed enough to take to drinking, in hiding. Yet love and loneliness, are some times self-inclusive and devoid of personal, will… I loved Will, and Patrice and my sons, yet now I am alone; I do-not cherish what has happen in wronging, but what has happen rightfully, through it-all… It would be selfish of me to think only, that things where good-always, under no-uncertain terms; yet we can only, hope it will lead to this-end.
I sit at-home now, and listen to the birds, I spend time pondering an empty-house, once full of life… When my Patrice would wake me in the night during a lightning storm, or Zack’s crying for my milk. Or that Bau had went to our new upright piano to practice his notes for Sunday prayer-service. And Will, coming home late from his stake to till me what he planned to do, the next day, excited. I supposed it was only meant to last for awhile. It seemed more impractical then, than when we finally, had overcome personal-desires. As we all grew, it meant less that we had to have choices than when the world seemed like a place of potential than today when all seems a rite-of-passage. Perhaps we seemed imposed-upon by a litany-of values which we all assumed in an ill-certain, reality.
Perhaps, never having been told that life is a matter-of circumstance and not-possession. In the quiet of my-life, I-sit unsure of what I shall do, now… Without Will, I feel starkly, alone. All my friends now, seem our friends’ in the wonderful, life-of-marriage. I will have to live alone, in a void… I will not hide, from reality. Though I-feel insinuated, and dissolved in this self-exonerating, resolution; but I am starting to rise-above it. Alone, without that c
entral-focus of wife or mother I will go-forth to follow my-heart. I will-take care of my home, retire from the tailor-shop, and build upon the brace of overcoming as the virtue of living. And make my life worthwhile, residing and blossom in new-intents. The hopes, dreams and spirit, which at-donned, endured and redeemed; my very-existence is an essence, I shall fight to preserve and insist. Though I do-not know where it will lead, I believe that reality is true, and that betterment is a successful-deriving. In memory of my Will, his-faith in me, my devotion to him, and the happiness we shared; shall go on burning as a flame-in the life I go on to live.
***
My youngest grand-child, if it is a male is Baumgartner Garcon Mc Masters Junior, will be born-in June. He is my eighth-grandchild. We will have a life full-of-joy, and reliance. I have saved funds for them when I sold my business, and now that I have no-bearers, to look-after… Though I could buy a house near-town where now large-mansions are being built. I rather support those whom are the heirs to Will and mine lives. Investing the monies in stock of harbor shipping, growing businesses which my Patrice had informed me-of, and loans to friends who-needed my help during tough-times, I have over $ 75,000.00 in funds outside of my living-expenses.
Will, always had wanted dollars for those he loved, yet he worked so hard for his pride and stock intended so, he’d have only enough for what was needed; and know those, which in his life-time, could not be reached. I will save and invest, as much as possible and they will go-forth and have dreams, pursue work that is a relishing of job, and funds… A job, that they are the boss and not back-breaking, work. My seven grandchildren though, being taken-care of; they, shall not know the ‘hardships’ of such un-avowed, hopes. I will invest-funds in our new colleges for men and women; intend to establish a foundation in Will’s name and have the Mc Masters known for worth, trust and duty. That one day my grandchild will-be a man dedicated to rational-truth and not doubtful-wants.
His cries which-bellow from his-stock, shall-reach the ears-of devoted, and prosperous men. They shall no the importance of his-beliefs, drive and the great-trust of earnest-men. His bed, shall not be made of feathers but the best fabrics, fillings and craftsmanship. He shall be made of the fabric of human-duty and generous-value. His devotions shall be the advocacy of import, practicality and improving tell the name Mc Masters belongs, owes and in-values the preciousness of worth and proving. I shall spread myself to this end. And the sums that I profit from shall be presence and prospect of parallel-ingenuity. Those grandchildren whose voices carry the Mc Masters name shall be the voice of providence, intuitive and engendering that focus not on division but duty; they shall know the value of work and enjoin in the process of reaching the basis of humanity, voice, interpretation and honor. So that the love if promise, potential and pride shall continue on with-force. I shall strive to be there at every turn; to own unto the priorities, precise and proven devising, truth and mission.
Patrice has visited, with Miss Margret, young Mister Marcus and our-fine young man, David. I have informed-them of my-decision to planning, their adult-beneficence… Although I know I am-not their mother, I’ll tell them that Will would want it that-way… My father was an industrious, man; not caught on fears and frivolity. That is what I hope for them. Because you can not waste, time on doubt or denial. Rob tends to listen to me, so we will work together and refine my-planning of their-future. I am adamant that my good-intentions weigh more-on, function and not on-fault. We will discuss the issues and plot where and how it will occur. Enlisting Rob’s, Patrice’s and eventually, Bau’s and Zack’s intentions…
The importance of confirmed-ability, work and studies are the founding state-of skills and the fortune-of plenty, arising-now, in the hardening and proving-times… Though I am growing-older, and the grand-children are maturing into disciplined and adept-individuals. Margret already has ability at reading, writing and needle-point, if she-is anything like I, she’ll be sewing quilts by thirteen… Marky, is a fine-student of
Art, he is imagery-oriented I believe he’d be good at-design and ideas, of managing-things. While David, once quiet and solemn, he likes to discover things; a genuine-leader, he’d make a good resource-enabler; finding and resolving, issues like a politician, he might even make a good-doctor or philosopher… I will buy them each a status-tool; Margret-I’ll buy one of the new sewers, Marky I’ll buy an art kit, and David I’ll buy several books on Greek-studies.
---
I will go-to Boston and Milwaukee to visit with the remainder of my grand-children… I will buy a place-in there area and stay-there, while I-visit with them and enjoy my-time. It will be a large-task to look-after them, but I will do my-best… I will spend the rest of my life defining, the subscripts, to their future… I relish my-interaction with them-all, we learn-together ideas of growing-up. I shall-hire tutors, arts-instructors and duty-masters to teach them in-all the areas, of refinement. We shall learn-of the world, they are to build their-life. I do believe that we will explore the world-together, we shall import the wholeness and defining-of all-humanity…
July 18, 1876
Endeavoring into tomorrow, with the fine-fabric of my-charges, from young David to my little-new Bau who namesake is my oldest son, I see them as they are, in comparison; it is striking and adept to see how my Bau and ‘his’-Bau find an idealized, measure-of-perception, and ‘provision’; that my Bau and his-son, are intertwined around a human-line of character and competence… Acknowledged-by intrinsic and adoptive-incursion, that Will had such redeeming, fraught is that, in incentive that Irish-stock and Franco-duties fashion, themselves around their common-ideas, and enterprise. I am becoming, tiring of so much inexhaustible-energies… Though I-have left my-request of them, with full-directions on what to-do, if I am missed. I read the papers and see-all the growing robustness in our new America as the hard-times have grooved-out an earning-allotment of precepts, and potentials. I, myself retired a year, wish I had placed more funds. Yet the monies, I have invested should begin-to carry-forward those dimensions of my prospects; of my grand-children’s principle protection-against derision and further-donating, to growth. As such; ‘defined’-scale I shall give many-directives in-how, what and why the many-subsets; in-thoughts, motivations and interested-intentions…
Our-policy ventures and vestige; in the vying, of the pro-mission of academic, and gradated-law. Provisions, to-adept and understand; a vowing, and versatility that put forth and endows the functions-of-legitimacy and law, of value and hopes. An establishing of a design-of-fervor and extolling; which the principle of vocal and the proctor-of-prowess in gaining-form. Preliminaries and productivity that personify and procures an elaborate, enlisting… I-enjoy, the ponderings and occurrences of the events of object; and demonstrative, expression. As I travel, I speak with people about the great-duty I carry-on, with my-charges; of the variety-of personas and perfective-innateness; and the call on-differing ploys and ‘dimensions’; which-align, with their-focuses and formatives…
Engineered and entitled-to fulfill, the obligations and frame-work of my-efforts; and emphasizing-ingenuity, engaging and encouraging-attempts. I, seem of essence, to the focus-of them all; I, the ‘traveling-grandmother’ feel great satisfaction-in, improving the up-standing and officiating, their-intentions. They-all seem to be guided-by an ‘invisible-hand’ so, innate to them-all… Perhaps, its Will who has joined in-giving their-bloodline; as I, visible, lead them to achieving and personal-gain. As I elicit chore and duty, Rob is their for his children’s support-of this, and in Bau’s children; he refines, what I-give as priority… An allocation-of-motherly, and grandmotherly, illustration… They, all have the broad-sense of judging, justness and adjudication; which I-remember their grand-father as being able-to do in understanding, me. As such their-powers of understanding, and willing-to prevail; really, impresses me to the vow-of truly, character I had so long ago given myself in marriage, to my future-husband…
January 1877
Dear Diary,
Those great-premises that I have grown-so tireless at performing, have taken-to seed… It-is my policy-to pursue prevalent-’presiding’, precedence and proceeding. That may-put a serious-projection into the affairs-of those whom take of my heirs. I grow-tired of these plentiful-orders, and wish-to return to California, and go-to the beach and be warm… I-do, so want to see the ocean, the warmth-of-sun on my back, and sands of her Pacific-shores. I know my-time on this earth may be numbered, but I will never give-up on the qualifying, designs postured, placated and incentive-in, so much ‘inertia’-of employing… All my-life, began diligently in a far-flung destiny-unknown, but quite-powerful, and strong… Passive, though I was, I risked-life and limb for a country whose beauty and pageantry I could not have seen, before… Strength, courage and freedom-united so deep, a common-of opportunity and enterprise. Of men and women and their-children sharing a mighty-struggle to discover; their hopes and dreams in an abundant-manner…
The great flow-of-humanity and wholeness to follow a ‘glorious’-horizon. Through ventured-wars and promised-dreams, energy-to proceed and proclaim in old-orders, and new… An advantaged, country inviting-people and their desires into the preciousness-of a new-life. ‘Unwavering’, in announced-reverence. For this, and no-other did I cross into an unseen, country; implementing-’oded’, implication; incentive in personal-gravity. There was much to this country, unseen; and there-was much this-country provides, unknown… A presence-of-potential and providence that asks you to-follow a dream in-which it permits you to capture.
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