What happened to me in that house? Did Delaney rape me while I was unconscious? Did he somehow artificially inseminate me? The thought makes me sick again.
I zone out of reality and only dimly feel the guys cleaning me up and putting me to bed. I can't even talk. It's too much. I don't think I've ever felt worse than right now. Being imprisoned in a tiny cell, being tortured, starved, was nothing compared to this.
I'm going to be an aunt.
Sophie's voice echoes through my mind, again and again until I want to scream to drown her out.
The guys curl up around me, hold me, whisper reassurances, but while it takes the edge off the pain a little, it's not enough.
I'm going to be an aunt.
Fuck you, Sophie. You're not going to be an aunt. No way. Even if I have to cut that abomination out of me myself.
The night is over far too soon. I doubt I slept, even though I drifted off a couple of times. I'm even more exhausted than I was before I lay down. My stomach cramps with hunger; what a waste for those sausages to end up in the toilet.
Gryphon and Lennox leave the bed in the early morning, but Ryker stays with me, holding me from behind. I breathe in his feline scent. It's soothing, reminding me of home.
"How's Pumpkin?" I ask in the hope this might take my mind off things.
"Very well. He's grown a lot in the last few months, you'll be surprised when you see him. He misses you, of course, but he's also been very busy building up his own little gang of young street cats. It's adorable, although he'd kill me for saying so. I'm proud, though. He's a born leader."
"Just like his dad."
"His dad only became a leader because he had to," Ryker mutters with an air of regret. "I would have preferred to stay in the shadows, but I couldn't sit back when there were ways I could help. I'd never planned to create an entire community for cats, but it happened and I'm proud of it. I just don't like always having to be in charge."
"You could train Pumpkin to be your assistant. It sounds like he's doing that himself already."
Ryker sighs. "I tried to keep him away from the responsibility because I wanted him to have a long, happy childhood, but it seems you're right, he's decided to venture on that path by himself. I wonder sometimes if he feels he has to prove something to me because we don't know if he'll ever be able to shift. I keep telling him that I love him no matter what, but I think he's worried he might stay a cat forever despite his heritage."
"It must be hard for him. If you want, I can have a chat with him when we're back. Sometimes it's good to hear the truth from someone other than your parents."
He nods, rubbing his cheek against the back of my head. "I'd appreciate it. He adores you. Come to think of it, I owe him for introducing us. Without him, we'd never have met."
"He deserves a medal. And a lifetime supply of catnip."
"Don't you dare turn my son into an addict," he warns with a laugh. "It's bad enough watching you get stoned on that stuff."
"I don't get stoned. I relax and enjoy it like a true connoisseur."
"Of course you do. I'll remind you of that the next time you're chasing a ball of string while rubbing your arse against the kitchen cupboards."
"I do not-" I sigh. "I don't suppose you brought some catnip with you? I could do with some of that now."
"I'm afraid not. But I can make you some breakfast. I've been learning to cook while you were away. Bethany says my fried eggs are the best she's ever had."
"I guess you'll have to prove that now. With bacon?"
"And onions. If Gryphon bought some. I doubt he got any parsley but you'll get the luxury version when we're back in Attenburgh, I promise."
My stomach growls in appreciation. I don't quite want to get up yet, though. For a moment, I was able to forget what happened. I don't want it all to come crashing back.
"Lennox has gone to get a pregnancy test," Ryker says as if he read my mind. "And Gryphon was planning to talk to Sophie again to find out what else she knows. The two of them have a good bond and she trusts him. We thought it's better if he does that rather than you. Less stress for both you and Sophie."
While I agree, I can't help but feel left out. They decided this without me. Granted, I was completely out of it last night and not capable of making decisions, but it still hurts.
"Want to help me make breakfast or shall I serve you breakfast in bed?"
A polite Kat would say she'd help...but that's not me.
"Breakfast in bed sounds wonderful."
He presses a kiss on the nape of my neck. "Then so be it. I'll be back soon. Shout if you need anything."
He makes it sound like I'm an invalid who needs help with everything. Or maybe like I'm a Queen to be waited on. Yes, let's go with that one. It's less depressing.
With him gone, I'm left to my own thoughts once again. I'm both hopeful and anxious about that pregnancy test. Hopefully, it'll prove that Sophie's pretend-parents told her lies. They manipulated her in so many ways that this might be just one of their methods to keep her under their control. I wonder why she never mentioned anything while we were running though.
I need to think of something else. Distract myself. Until now, I've ignored the whispers coming from the second balcony at the other end of the room. Sophie is talking to Gryphon, just like Ryker said.
I focus on them until their hushed voices become audible. I shouldn't snoop, but they both know that I'm very capable of listening to their conversation. Four out of the five of us are shifters with superior hearing. If they wanted me not to hear, they would have left the house.
"Do you know when your father did this to Kat?" Gryphon asks Sophie.
"I'm not quite sure. Maybe two weeks ago? Or three? That's why they gave her a new room, to make her more comfortable for the babies."
I suck in a sharp breath. Did she just say babies? Plural? Fuck me. I'm going to have a litter. Like a cat. No freaking way. I refuse to.
"You said they showed you on a screen. Did you see how many babies she's carrying?" Gryphon's voice is strained. I admire him for keeping this calm while talking to her.
"Four. It was five but one disappeared from the scanner. My father was quite angry about that."
I think I'm about to faint. Four babies. Inside of me. It can't be right. I has to be one big joke.
The door opens and Lennox enters the cottage, waving a bag.
"Kat, come down, I've got the test."
I swallow hard. It's time to find out the truth.
Chapter Eighteen
I have to stop the guys from following me into the bathroom to watch me pee on that plastic stick. It's hard enough already to get myself to pee even though I don't have to and even though all my insides are clenched with fear. I'm not sure I've ever been this scared in all my life.
When I step out of the bathroom, they all crowd around me, including Sophie. She's almost jumping with excitement, while the rest of us are gloomy and worried. If she mentions how she's looking forward to being an aunt one more time, I'm going to disinherit her.
I shake the stick as instructed, waiting for it to change colour. Green for pregnant, red for not. Please turn red. Please.
The edges of the stick take on a pale green sheen and I let it drop to the floor. The universe hates me.
Ryker takes me in his arms while Gryphon bends down to pick up the test. He stares at it, shaking it again as if to force it to change colour. But it stays green.
"Fuck," Lennox exhales. "You're going to have puppies."
"Kittens," Ryker corrects.
Gryphon frowns at them. "Babies."
"I don't care what you call them," I hiss, close to shouting hysterically. "There are things growing inside of me. Get them out!"
Ryker rubs my back in an effort to soothe me, but there's no calming me down. I grasp my stomach, my claws ready to shoot out and tear myself open. I can't take this. Someone put babies into me and there's nothing I can do about it. No, not someone. Delaney. I'm going to kill him
. Slow and painfully. Let him suffocate on his dick while ripping him apart, limb by limb. I can't wait to see him dead.
"Let's kill him," I snarl. "Kill that bastard."
"Kat, calm down," Ryker whispers with a purr. "Sit. Breathe. This isn't the time to do anything rash. We need to figure out what exactly happened to you."
Gryphon nods. "Just because the pregnancy test was positive doesn't mean you're actually going to have babies. It could be a false positive. You've been through a lot and that can get your hormones disrupted. Once we're back in Attenburgh, we can do an ultrasound and see what's happening, alright?"
"No," I hiss. "I need to know now. How would you feel knowing that parasites are growing within you? You're the doctor. Operate, get them out of me."
He shakes his head. "I can't just cut you open. We need more information before we can make any such decision."
Lennox takes my hand and gently guides me to the closest sofa. He sits down and pulls me into his lap. I let him do it. I don't have the strength to fight back.
"We're here with you," he says with emphasis. "We'll be with you every step of the way, no matter what happens. If you're really having puppies...babies, then so be it. We'll raise them as our own. Right, guys?"
Ryker and Gryphon grunt in agreement.
"Even if that bastard siren is the father, that still means that half of their genes are given by you. Those children will be amazing because you are amazing. And we'll make sure they have the best childhood they could possibly imagine. There's four of us, so even if you have a litter of four, we can handle one each."
I can't get my head around that number. Four babies. That's four more than I ever wanted. As nice as he makes it sound, having a family with loving fathers, it's not what I want. It wasn't my decision and that's what matters.
"I'm so looking forward to-" Sophie says cheerily.
"Get her out of here!" I shout, unable to even look at her.
Gryphon gently leads her out of the cottage, leaving me with Lennox and Ryker. Lennox holds me tight while Ryker massages my shoulders. I sense their helplessness with every touch. They don't know what to do any more than I do. We've been thrown into an impossible situation and there doesn't seem to be a way out of it.
I'm still tempted to simply claw my belly open and rip out my uterus. My healing powers should be strong enough to deal with that by now. And if I fall unconscious, even better. I don't want to be able to think. I just want to sleep and forget about it all. Go back to life before I was self-kidnapped.
How is it that you never know how good your life is until it's taken away from you? I'd love to tell the Kat of the past to enjoy her time with the guys, with M.E.O.W., because it won't last forever. Now, it's too late. My old life has been torn away from me and there's no way I'll ever get it back. We might return to a semblance of normality, but the scars of the past will always be there. And four of those scars might turn out to be living, breathing, crying babies. Could I even love them? I highly doubt it. They're not mine, not really. I had no part in it besides lending my eggs and uterus. I'm basically a surrogate. And genes don't really matter. Aunt Rose is the best example of that. She took in my younger siblings and loves them as much as her own daughter, even though she's not related to them.
"Kat, stop."
Lennox pulls my hands off my belly and clasps them tight. Bloodstains show on my shirt. I hadn't even realised that I'd partially shifted, turning my fingernails into sharp claws. I don't feel the pain. I'm numb, mentally and physically. I don't think I could cry, even if I was the kind of person who cried when she got emotional.
Ryker squeezes my shoulders a little harder as if to pull me from my stupor.
"What can we do to make it better?" he asks gently. "How can we help?"
"Kill them," I scoff. "Kill those parasites. And then help me kill Delaney and his fucking wife."
"We'll definitely kill them, soon," he says, his voice hard. "There's no doubt about that. As soon as we've regrouped with the others, we can start making plans. Right now, it would be too much of a risk. You're in no state to fight - no, don't protest, you know I'm right. You're half-starved and you still need to process everything that happened. We can't be impulsive about this. He's too powerful to take on while we're not at full strength."
"I agree with Ryker." Lennox presses a kiss on my shoulder. I don't even care. They could fuck me and I wouldn't feel anything.
They keep talking, trying to calm me down, trying to find reasons why this isn't the worst situation ever, but I barely get myself to listen. Maybe I should shift. Let my cat take control again. She was right; she's stronger than me.
After a while, Gryphon joins us. "Sophie is looking after the horses. She's really good with them. I've told her we're going to get her a pony when we're back home."
He waits for a reaction from me, but when nothing comes, he sighs and takes a seat next to Lennox, on whose lap I'm still perched.
"I don't have any way to examine you. The nearest hospital is probably in the Capital, but that's way too dangerous. Of course, going back to Attenburgh is dangerous too because Lord Delaney knows where we live, but at least there we'll have the protection of Lady Lara as well as having the other M.E.O.W. members around. Plus Ryker's cats who can help keep watch. So I think we should get back there as soon as possible. Lady Lara can arrange for me to examine you at the hospital and use their equipment, without anyone asking questions. She might even know some experts who can be bribed not to talk."
"What use will examining me do?" I ask tonelessly. "Just cut it out. Get rid of it. Job done."
"Kat," Lennox whispers and pulls me even closer. "You can't think like that. Not yet. Once we're back in Attenburgh and know what exactly that fucker did to you, we can talk about it. If it only happened three weeks ago at most, there's lots of time before it's too late. You never know, they might be clones again. Little baby Kats. That would be kind of cute."
"Not as cute as baby Gryphons," the siren quips.
I can't share his humour. I know he's trying to make light of the situation, cheer me up, but it's no use. I won't be able to forget how hopeless it all is.
"How long will it take us to get to Attenburgh?" I ask. My voice barely sounds like my own.
"With the horses, if we ride all day with only short breaks at night, ten days," Gryphon replies. "But more likely two weeks. It's autumn and we can't expect the weather to be good every day. Plus we have Sophie; she might need more rests than we do. We can't forget she's still a child. She may not always behave like it, but she's young and can't always keep up with us."
Two weeks. My stomach turns.
"How long until a foetus develops a heartbeat?"
He clears his throat, clearly uncomfortable. "Usually at nine to ten weeks, but that's for humans. Sirens have a shorter pregnancy than humans, and I have no idea about shifters."
"Shorter than humans, too," Lennox says. "For wolf shifters, it's about six months. Ryker, do you know how long your cat girlfriend was pregnant for? I know she was a pure cat but since you're a shifter, it might help to know."
"Pumpkin came to me about three months after I'd slept with her. He was only a few days old so it must have been about that long. Usually, cat pregnancies only last two months or so, which means me being a shifter must have made it longer."
Six months. Three months. I shudder at the thought. I don't know any cat shifters besides Ryker who I could ask. And even if I did, I have no idea how long a siren-shifter pregnancy would last. If I indeed carry Lord Delaney's child. Children. A cold shiver runs down my back. Knowing the kind of stuff he did to Sophie, I'm not even sure it's really his genetic material. It might be some kind of experiment yet again. What would be the worst-case scenario? Those grunts? Something monstrous that would make my babies look like aliens? Or maybe he succeeded in creating the easy-to-control, powerful shifters he seems to want. A child that follows every command. Like the Pack tried with Little Kat and Caitlin. That always s
eems to be their goal. Turning us into slaves; soldiers. They can't just let us live in peace. No, they envy us for our strength and want to control us. I wonder if that's an intrinsic siren thing. I suppose it's part of their nature to control and manipulate other beings. Their experiments and cloning just takes that one step further.
Luckily, Gryphon is different from the rest of his family, as is Auntie Rose and her daughter. Proof that genetics aren't everything.
"We'll figure it out," Gryphon says softly. "Once I get access to an ultrasound machine, we'll see how developed they already are and that can give us a hint to how long the pregnancy will last."
"I don't want it to last. I want it to end, right now."
Suddenly, a new sound reaches my ears and I freeze. Lennox and Ryker must have heard the same thing for they stare at me in shock.
I look down at my belly in disbelief.
It's a heartbeat that wasn't there a moment ago.
Chapter Nineteen
I'm going crazy. I really am. Going feral was nothing compared to this. I hold my head in my hands, unable to deal with this new development.
There's a heart beating inside my belly. No, inside my uterus. It's no longer just a hypothetical parasite growing in there. It's a baby.
Only one heartbeat for now, thank the Catnip Gods. I think I'd faint if there were more than one.
"Three instead of nine weeks," Gryphon mutters to himself. "That could mean the pregnancy will be over in three months instead of nine. We need to get to Attenburgh as soon as possible."
I ignore his words. I can't even consider that possibility.
"Can I?" Ryker asks and points at my stomach. I think he wants to listen closer.
"No," I growl. "Don't touch me."
He backs off but keeps his hands on my shoulders. I'm grateful; his gentle massage helps ground me a little. As does Lennox's embrace. Gryphon is the only one not touching me. He jumped up when the guys told him they could hear a heartbeat and has now returned with a stethoscope.
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