by N. Alleman
The red mist obscures my vision.
Kill, kill, kill—the words ring in my head. I’m beating him, making a mess out of what used to be a strong, proud man.
Blow after blow.
He’s already unconscious, can’t defend himself anymore.
What are you doing? A soft feminine voice asks in my head.
I stop for a split second.
Daisy. My sweet Daisy.
I try to land another blow when I take a really good look at what’s happening. The monster underneath me is unconscious. People are cheering for me to end him. The supervisor of the fight is staring at me with bloodlust, stepping into the role I’m usually in charge of. He’s doing a really bad goddamn job of it too.
Don’t disappoint me, Jake. Don’t hurt this man. He’s not the reason for all your pain… Don’t hurt me, Jake.
Daisy’s face is sweet and pained in my mind, begging me to stop. My crazed eyes float over the crowd until my gaze lands on Ryder.
The fucker is sitting in the front row, observing the fight from the best seat in the house. He smirks at me, giving a slow nod as if he’s trying to tell me to go on.
Suddenly, I understand why the bastard’s put me in the cage.
He wants me to kill.
He wants more blood on my hands.
He wants more debt to accumulate…
I get up while the crowd boos. I walk over to the edge of the cage, shaking from the pent-up adrenaline rushing through my body. I grip the steel bars between my fist and standing directly in front of Ryder, staring him in the face. He doesn’t scare me, but I scare him. A sliver of fear registers in his eyes.
And then I spit at him, right through the bars of the cage.
The crowd whoops, always thirsty for more, as I walk away.
I don’t stop until I walk into the locker room, which is where I collapse on the floor, my knuckles bleeding, my heart breaking. I let Rosa patch up my wounds.
I almost let myself become a monster out there.
But I stopped … for Daisy.
Always for Daisy.
Mercifully, I black out.
31
Jake
After the fight, I’m Ryder’s new favorite protege. He’s eager to put me back in the ring, and I’m desperate to stay out of it. I’m not about to fall into another one of his traps.
Still, as I’m called into his office one evening, I’m hopeful. Could this mean he’s shaved some money off my debt? Maybe he’ll let me go early. As unlikely as the thought is, it fills me up with stupid hope.
Hope that I’ll see Daisy again. Stroke the contours of her face, tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. I need to have her in my arms again.
When I enter Ryder’s office, his back is to me, and he turns around to face me. His face lights up, and he greets like a proud father.
Fucking sick is what it is.
“Jake,” he says proudly. “I’m so glad you made it.”
“Did I have a choice?” I ask bitterly, stopping myself a moment too late. I need to play it cool if I want to get out of this fucked up situation.
Ryder glares at me, but don’t respond.
“What’s up?” I feign disinterest even though we can both probably hear my heart pounding.
My nemesis gives me a pointed look and slides a drink across his desk. I catch it before it tumbles to the floor and take a long swig.
“Not much,” Ryder says nonchalantly. “Just wanted to talk to you.”
“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to talk to you as well.”
“Oh really?” Ryder raises his eyebrows. “What about?”
My grip on the glass tightens. This bastard’s fucking with me. He knows full well what I want. What I fucking live for. Yet he’s making me jump through hoops to get it.
“I was hoping I’d repaid some more of my debt,” I manage to get out. “I was thinking, maybe you’d let me out of the job early.”
I smile at him nervously.
Ryder stares at me for a long moment before erupting into laughter.
I can only give him a confused look.
“Oh, Jake.” He sounds amused. “You’re so goddamn naïve. You really think you’re getting off that easy?”
“I fought for you,” I remind him. “I thought that counted for something. I never agreed to be put in a cage. But I did it nonetheless.”
Ryder leans across the desk. “Oh, you didn’t realize your debt was accumulating interest?”
“What?” I ask with a shaky voice, and Ryder nods slowly, sitting.
“Yes, Jake. Your debt is going up each day. And the cage is only one of the ways you can pay me off. I expect you’ll be here for well over the duration we agreed upon. Mustn’t forget that interest, you know. And don’t think I don’t know you’re stashing money away for yourself.”
I grip the glass so tightly, it will take only one finger to crush it.
“You’re not letting me go?” I ask, barely able to conceal the pure rage in my voice. “You’re still playing some sick, twisted game to make me comply? What the fuck is the purpose of this?”
Ryder grins at me wickedly. “The purpose? There’s only ever been one, Jake.”
I stare at him blankly, and he finally goes on when he sees I don’t have a clue.
“It’s your darling Daisy, isn’t it? That’s why you’re so desperate to get back.” He smirks at me. “You’re not the only one who’s noticed her charms.”
The glass shakes in my grip, and I struggle with the urge to smash it over Ryder’s head. “You’ve seen her?”
“Just yesterday,” Ryder says like it’s the smallest thing in the world, when it means everything to me. “Looks pretty, as always. She’s a bit curvier after the baby, of course, but it suits her. Always loved big tits on a chick, what about you, Jake?”
My heart stops. “A baby?”
Ryder looks me dead in the eyes, nodding and shattering my heart with a simple sentence. “Not yours, of course. Got knocked up by some random dude weeks later. Not with him anymore. Gives me a chance to bang her myself. Wouldn’t mind a piece of that ass.”
The glass shatters, just like that.
The red mist descends on my eyes, and then I lunge at Ryder. But he stops me with an extended arm.
“One more step and I’m calling security,” he threatens me with his finger on the machine that would bring three hunks of meat into the room. “Don’t play with me, Jake. I’ll fucking destroy you.”
“Destroy me?” I laugh bitterly. “What else are you going to do to me? You’ve taken everything that matters from my life. You’ve ruined me. There’s nothing left for you to take.”
“Oh yeah?” Ryder grins at me. “Think again, my friend.”
I fume with rage, my fists ready to connect with his jaw and shatter it into a million pieces. But I’m trying hard to control myself. I don’t need more trouble.
“Stay away from Daisy,” I snarl. “Stay away from her baby too.”
“Don’t worry.” Ryder grimaces. “Babies are not my thing. Kind of a sore spot, really. Had some trouble with that, you know?”
This fucking bastard. My thoughts flash back to the murder I did commit. The bastard who owed money, the monster who abused innocent kids. And as I stare at Ryder, his features come into focus.
And they’re looking more and more familiar.
The strong jaw. The perfect teeth. The dark skin. Those cold, calculating eyes. I’ve seen all of those before. And I saw them on the face of the man I beat to a bloody pulp and killed.
“Fuck,” I breathe out in shock. “You’re…”
Ryder grins at me. “Come on, it’s taken you long enough, you imbecile.”
“You’re related to him? You know who he was?”
“Whom who was?” Ryder asks innocently. “Say it out loud, Jake. Admit what you did. Admit you’re a fucking murderer!”
He’s angry, and for a moment his finger leaves the button to call for help. In a split second, I’ve gr
abbed him. Got him against the wall, smashing his head into the wall. He groans in pain, and I start to strangle him.
I watch the life drain out of his evil body.
“You’re his brother,” I realize out loud. “Your brother was a fucking pedophile. The worst scum there is.”
“He had some flaws,” Ryder manages. He coughs and sputters as I choke him. “My family tried to hide it, but in the end, it became his undoing. Get your hands off me!”
The confession sends me across the room, and I let Ryder crumple to the floor. I retch in the corner, throwing up everything I’ve eaten for the past two days.
Finally, I turn back toward Ryder.
“Have you known all along? That I killed your pedophile son of a bitch brother?”
“Yes,” Ryder says calmly. “And when that stupid bitch Karen fucked me over, and you showed up as well, it was the perfect solution to my problems. Don’t think I don’t have something planned for her too.”
He grins like an evil mastermind, massaging the sore spots on his throat.
“Her husband might get mugged one of these days. He’s the one who killed that prick Manny. He doesn’t really matter. But I want to see Karen suffer. You know she left me, right? Humiliated me in front of fucking everyone, led me on like a fool. Lost a good fuck and a good dancer too. Not about to forgive her for that.”
With trembling hands, the bastard produces a cigar, bites off the end, and lights it up. He enjoys the smoke building up in his lungs and exhales in my face like he hasn’t humiliated me enough.
“You’re fucking sick. I could kill you right now. I wouldn’t even deny it. It’d be a pleasure to go to jail for putting a bastard like you in the ground.”
“I am aware,” he says calmly. “So that’s why I have another game prepared for you, dear Jake.”
“What?” I spit out. “You think I’m going to keep playing your fucked-up games?”
“This one, yes.” He grins at me, knowing he has another ace up his sleeve. “I want you in the cage. One on one, against me. Winner takes all.”
He has my interest. “And what is all?”
“Daisy,” he says simply. “Freedom. Life. Only one of us is walking out of this cage.”
“What the fuck?” I shouldn’t have trusted this prick for one minute. I feel sick to my stomach. He thinks he’s going to end me, but he’s got another thing coming.
And the way he spoke about Daisy—he will pay with his life for that.
I stare at him, hard. Finally, I step closer and spit in his disgusting face. “I guess I’ll just have to kill you,” I tell him darkly.
32
Daisy
My baby girl Tabitha is already eight-months-old.
She’s the only ray of sunshine in my bleak days, and most of the time, that’s a light that shines bright. I don’t let anyone or anything rain on my parade.
Being a single mom is tough, tougher than I ever dreamed it would be. But seeing my baby girl smile makes it all worthwhile. I may lay alone at night, spend sleepless nights pondering about Jake, but at least I have my baby to take care of.
Before Tabitha was born, I thought she’d be a reminder of her daddy leaving me. Now, I know she’s my most treasured memory of the love I once shared with Jake Malone.
I grab my keys and the stroller, placing Tabitha safely inside. Then, I leave our small home and head for the nearby park.
My baby plays with her rattle in the stroller, and I smile lovingly at her. She’s such a pretty girl. She has my facial features, and her daddy’s dark hair and eyes. She’s going to be a real heartbreaker when she grows up.
I lose myself in my thoughts as I push the stroller, as always reverting back to fantasies about Jake. It’s always where my mind takes me. I can’t help but dream about the man I loved.
When we arrive at the park, I pick my favorite bench, next to a patch of tulips, to sit on. Spring is in the air, and it’s beautiful. My daughter is laughing, what more can I ask for?
I sigh, knowing what I really want.
A man for me.
A father for Tabitha.
And there’s only one outlaw who fits the bill.
My baby’s daddy…
“This seat taken?”
The words jolt me out of my reverie, and I look up to see Ryder.
“Hello, Daisy.” His voice is low and sweet like molten chocolate, and for some reason, it makes me shiver. Not in a good way, either.
There’s no denying Ryder’s an attractive guy. Lots of women would probably follow him to his bed. But there’s always been something slightly off-putting about him, at least for me. He makes me uncomfortable as hell.
“What are you doing here?” I wonder aloud.
“Just taking a stroll. Who would’ve thought I’d run into my favorite girl here.” He winks at me, pointing at the empty spot on the bench again. “Mind if I sit?”
I shake my head on autopilot, and he joins me on the bench. Instinctively, I inch away from him along with my stroller.
Something about Ryder’s sudden appearance makes me feel uneasy. He’s always kept our relationship strictly business, not some much as a flirtatious comment in passing. We sit in silence for a while. Ryder was one of the last people to see Jake before he left, but I’ve never had the courage to ask him about what happened in his office that day. A tiny sliver of hope awakens in me, in a part I’ve tried desperately to shut up.
“Ryder,” I say, my mouth feeling dry as hell.
“Yes?” He looks up at me expectantly.
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Remember my friend whom you helped, Jake?”
He furrows his brows as if he’s trying to remember, and slowly, recognition dawns on him. “Yeah, the biker guy, right?”
I nod slowly, praying Ryder has some information.
“Do you know what happened to him?”
Ryder gives me a long look before shrugging apologetically. “I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t hear from him after our meeting. He promised me some stuff in exchange for getting the cops off his back. Guess he just left town, bailed.”
Tears prick my eyes, and I get up abruptly, grabbing the handles of the stroller so tightly my knuckles whiten.
“Thanks anyway,” I say quickly, suddenly in a rush to get home as soon as possible.
Ryder gets up as well, putting his hand on mine. “Wait, Daisy, please. I’m so glad I ran into you and the kid.”
He nods at Tabitha, and I allow a small, polite smile to appear on my lips.
“I hope I’m not being too forward, but I’d love to see you sometime, outside of work”
I stare at him blankly, unsure of what he’s saying.
“Maybe take you out for dinner?” Ryder asks.
My stomach recoils at the thoughts. Not because Ryder is a bad looking guy. But because it feels wrong, somehow. Not wrong like it was with Ray, the guy from Karen’s workplace. Just off and weird in some way I can’t quite put my finger on.
“Ryder…” I start apologetically, but before I can get another word out, he places a finger against my lips.
“Shh,” he says gently. “Maybe this will change your mind.”
I don’t even have time to react, as in the next moment, he grabs me and pulls me in for a kiss.
I don’t push him away. I don’t do much of anything. I stand there like a doll and let him kiss me. I even part my lips for him, even though my heart is screaming for me to not do it.
I’m Jake’s. I always will be.
But my baby girl. She needs someone to take care of her.
And Ryder has the money, the resources. He could make life good for Tabitha.
Yes, I’m a goddamn user. All I can think about is my child, and how he could better her life before she realizes how badly her mother bombed.
So I let him kiss me, dominate my mouth with his tongue, as much as it repulses me. I even offer a fake smile when he pulls back, a weak attempt at pretending to have liked it.
�
�What do you say?” he asks again in a softer tone, and I nod slowly.
“Okay.”
“Okay, what?” His tone gets a little rougher, but there’s still a smile on his lips.
“We can go out to dinner sometime.”
“Perfect.” He grins, and for some reason, it looks like a predator baring his teeth at me. I should feel comforted by a smile, not scared for my life. Ryder makes me feel uncomfortable.
I’m doing this for Tabitha, I remind myself. It’s all for her.
He leans forward to kiss me on the cheek and hands me his business card on expensive stationery. “Call me, Daisy. And if you don’t, I’ll find you.”
His dark eyes hold a promise, and I nod, feeling my heart flutter in fear.
Why am I giving in to this man? I knew he liked me a year ago, knew he wanted me then. But now, everything has changed. I’m a mother, I have a child to take care of. A child Ryder doesn’t seem too fond of…
But does all of that even matter?
If he helps us, I’ll take it with open arms.
“I’ll be in touch,” Ryder says before waving goodbye.
As I stand there, having just been kissed by what most would consider a dream guy, I feel more alone than ever.
So why do I suddenly feel dirty as hell?
As if on cue, Tabitha starts bawling.
For once, I’m glad to have something own to focus on rather than my traitorous heart.
33
Daisy
Hey. You want to go somewhere tomorrow? – Ryder
I’ve been staring at the text message for several long minutes, and I have no idea what to reply.
It’s been a few weeks since our kiss in the park, and I’ve been on two coffee dates with Ryder. Both times without Tabitha, both times perfectly civil and without any touching. But I have a feeling he has something more serious in mind now.
He doesn’t seem like a very patient man.