“What didn’t I do, Wren? Come after you?”
When she didn’t respond, even with a nod of her head, I got angrier.
“If that’s what you’re asking, how in bloody hell could I have done that? Do you know that when I went down to the garage, Z had had my car disabled? What was I to do, run after you? You’d already warned me that if I did, I’d be shot.” The more I talked, the louder my voice got. I knew it, and I didn’t care. “Did you really think I’d come after you when you sneaked off before the sun came up without as much as a kiss goodbye?”
“I had no choice.”
“Really? No choice. You couldn’t have looked up at the window where I stood watching, and at least waved? Or better yet, you couldn’t have woken me and asked me to come with you?”
“The PKK…they retaliated.”
“Yes, I was made aware.” I shook my head.
“I was keeping you safe.”
“As. Was. I. You.”
“Why didn’t you…?”
“What? Finish the question. Why didn’t I, what? Because I can assure you, whatever you’re going to ask, I did.”
“You didn’t contact me.”
“How would I have done that? It was as though you fell off the bloody earth.”
“Z.”
I laughed. “Z. Right. Ask your father how many times I begged him to tell you I was trying to reach you.”
“Begged?”
“Begged.”
“I didn’t ask him not to.”
“Evidently, he was trying to protect you too. From me. The man who loved you, for bloody sake.”
“Loved?”
“No, Wren, not loved. Love.” I waited, praying she would at least react. I’d just poured every bit of my heart onto the floor. If that wasn’t enough for her, we were finished. I had no more to give.
Slowly she raised one hand to my cheek, and then with an equally frustrating languidness, she reached up and brought her lips to mine.
I couldn’t hold back. I put my hand on the back of her neck and forced her mouth open with my tongue. When her arms went around me, I deepened our kiss and pulled her body flush with mine.
The idea that she was about to get on a plane and leave again made me want to cry out in protest, but if that was what she wanted, how could I stop her?
“Wren?” I said, pulling away. “Stay. Please. Stay. I don’t know what else I can say—”
She put two fingers on my lips. “Okay. I’ll stay.”
I looked up at the ceiling and then back at her. “You’ll stay?”
She smiled and nodded. “Yes.”
“Let’s get out of here.” I picked up the bag I didn’t notice she’d dropped on the floor when we came into the security office.
“Do you have other luggage?”
“No.”
I raised a brow.
“I wasn’t staying.”
“Where are we going?” Wren asked when I went east toward London rather than north.
“I have a flat at Sky Gardens. I thought we could use some time alone before going to the abbey.”
She was here. She was staying for an indeterminate amount of time, but there was so much we needed to talk about. “Will that be all right?”
“Of course.”
I covered her hand with mine, wishing I could magically transport us back to Cumberland, or before, at the abbey. I’d missed her so much, but I still wasn’t with her. A part of her, the part I loved so much, was still closed off to me.
We’d had six whirlwind days and four nights, followed by months apart. Did she believe me when I said I loved her? Could she? Sometimes I couldn’t believe it myself, but I knew what I felt.
“There’s a daily pool at the office as to whether Pinch or I is the bigger wanker.”
She smiled. “Who’s typically the winner?”
“Me. I believe it’s ten to one at this point.”
“How’s MI6?”
“Bloody boring as ever. I’m sure you heard I’m interim chief.”
“I hadn’t.”
I looked over at her, somewhat surprised. “No?”
“I haven’t kept up.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. How was it possible for her to do her job and not know who the chief of MI6 was?
“I’m not at the NGA anymore. At least not for now.” She had her head against the back of the seat and was looking out the window.
“I see.”
I pulled into the underground parking garage, suddenly feeling inexplicably anxious. “You’re sure you’re okay with this?”
“I’m sorry if I’ve given you the impression I’m not. I haven’t slept or eaten in hours.”
“Oh. That isn’t good.”
“I’ll be okay once I get some food in my stomach.”
“Right. That’s the not-good part. I don’t keep much here.”
“Just some fruit would be fine.”
“Yes, well…”
“Not even fruit?”
When I shook my head, she smiled. “Poor planning, Whittaker. Hard to woo the woman if you don’t keep her nourished.”
I climbed out of the Jaguar, the car I hadn’t driven since the day after she left me in Cumbria, and walked around to open the passenger door. When I held out my hand and she took it, my nerves quieted.
So many times, I’d asked myself if I was making more of our brief time together than it was, but when I touched her, when she smiled, a sense of peace came over me. It was a feeling I hadn’t known before Wren, and I’d missed it profoundly once it was gone.
“Wilder?”
I had no idea how long I’d been standing still, my hand cupping her face, staring into her eyes. “I missed you so.”
She leaned into me. “Should we go up to your flat?”
“Right. So, food. Leadenhall is just around the corner. Should we—”
“Do they have delivery service?”
28
Wren
I stood near the window and took in the view of the Thames and SIS headquarters. I could hear Wilder’s voice as he placed an order with the market, and I could feel the cold from outside when I put my hand near the window, and yet it was so surreal it was as though I wasn’t actually here.
“Where have you gone?” Wilder asked, running his fingertip down my cheek. His touch was so familiar, yet so foreign.
“I can’t believe I’m here.”
“Having a hard time believing it myself.”
“What are we doing, Wilder?”
“Come sit with me.” He pulled me over to the sofa, flipping a switch on the wall to light the fireplace. “Not as impressive, but it is convenient.”
I sat on the far end of the sofa; Wilder stood in front of it.
“This is bloody awkward,” he mumbled, finally sitting in the center. He turned slightly so he was facing me, and our legs touched. “What did you mean when you said you aren’t at the NGA anymore?”
“I tried to resign. Vera insisted on a leave of absence instead.” I waited, but he didn’t respond. “Please say something.”
He shook his head, scrubbed his face with his hand, and stood. “Can I get you anything to drink? Because I’ll tell you, I sure as hell need something.”
I watched as he pulled out a familiar-looking bottle.
“How much of that stuff does Wellie make?”
Wilder pulled out the cork and poured two glasses. “My guess is, more than we can drink in a lifetime.”
When he handed me one of the glasses, I set it on the table. He downed what was in his and poured another.
“I have imagined this so many times, and yet I never dreamed this is what it would be like,” he said, pouring a third shot and then coming to sit next to me again.
“Uncomfortable?”
“It’s so much worse than that. Am I wrong?”
“You’re not.”
“I don’t know how to get past it.”
Wilder’s phone vibrated, and he got up. “T
hat’ll be the delivery.”
When I went into the kitchen, I found two men delivering bags upon bags of groceries that Wilder was looking for places to put.
“What did you do, order the entire market?” I tried not to laugh, but the look on his face was more than I could overcome. Soon I was doubled over, hand resting on the counter, laughing so hard I was back to crying.
I put my hands over my face to stop, but it was too late; my giggles were uncontrollable. I looked over, and Wilder was laughing too, trying to sign for the delivery, tip the men, and usher them out.
When he came back into the kitchen, I was still giggling.
“They think we’re crazy,” I said.
“I did get a bit carried away.”
I walked over to where he stood and put my arms around his waist. “You really are so sweet.”
Wilder grasped the back of my neck and kissed me. He put his arm behind my knees, lifting me into his arms. With one hand, he grabbed a banana before carrying me into the bedroom, not taking his lips from mine until he set me on the bed.
I giggled again when he peeled the top of the banana and then presented it to me with a bow.
“Nourishment. And Wren?” He waited until my eyes were on him. “The only sounds on earth sweeter than hearing you giggle are the ones I am about to coax from your beautiful lips.”
If anyone had told me a week ago that I’d be here with Wilder, not to mention in his bed, I would’ve thought they’d lost their mind. I wasn’t sure mine was functioning quite right either.
“Let me see you, Wren.” He pulled his shirt over his head and then waited for me to do the same. Next, I tugged off my boots and then slid the leggings I’d worn on the plane over my hips and down my legs.
“I like the purple,” he said, fingering the lace on the bra that matched my panties. “I might want you to keep these on for a bit.”
Wilder dropped his pants and came to lie beside me. “I told you that I’d only ask this once, but I find myself doing it a third time. Is this what you want, Wren?”
“More than anything,” I answered, looking deep into his beautiful black-brown eyes. “I missed you so much, Wilder.”
He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. “I can’t tell you how I’ve longed to hear you say those words.”
I touched his face. “I felt so empty. I told myself it was leaving the NGA, but my heart knew it was because I wasn’t with you.”
Wilder brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. “Why did you stay away?”
Why had I? At first it was because I had to be certain the threat from the PKK was contained. Then, there had been United Russia to deal with. Neither of those were things I had to manage myself, but I couldn’t allow myself to bring more danger to Wilder or his family. There was a part of me that still felt responsible for Matthew Caird’s death—no matter how many times my father tried to convince me otherwise.
“At first it was about protecting you, and then, when I didn’t hear from you…”
“You convinced yourself I didn’t want you.”
“I am, or was, very good at my job, Wilder. The rest of life, not so much.”
“You sell yourself short. There are so many amazing things about you, my precious little bird, that have nothing to do with what you do for a living.”
“You’re sweet, but—”
Wilder growled, sunk his teeth into the soft part of my neck, and then kissed the nip away. “I am anything but sweet, woman.”
29
Wilder
“My kitchen is overrun with bags of food, some of which should really be in the refrigerator, and yet the only thing I hunger for is more of you.” I nipped the flesh just above Wren’s hip.
In the last two hours, I’d explored every inch of the body I’d yearned so hard to hold. Hearing her cries of pleasure, sinking deep inside of her—her mouth, her tongue, her fingers—as soon as I swore I could do no more, I’d be ready to begin all over again.
“Did you hear me, love?” I asked, running my fingers through her hair as she kissed her way down my body.
“I’m feeding my own hunger.”
“I fear you’re insatiable.”
“You shouldn’t have kept me waiting for nine months.”
“Nine months? No. Sorry. It was longer than that.”
“Okay, nine and a half.”
I put my hand on the side of her face. “Look at me.”
Wren scooted up and rested her chin near my heart.
“Three hundred and three days. Or, if you’re fixated on months, it was nine months and twenty-nine days. As of your flight landing this morning, or rather when I finally saw your beautiful face as you walked out of customs, it had been seven thousand, two hundred, and seventy-two hours since I watched you walk out of my life, feeling powerless to stop you.”
She put her arms around me and squeezed tight. “I had no idea you even thought about me.”
“Did you think I could’ve forgotten you?”
“I didn’t know,” she whispered.
I could feel her tears on my bare skin. “There’s something I don’t know, Wren, and I need to.” I lay on my side and pulled her up so her head was on the pillow next to mine. I brushed her hair away from her face and kissed both of her cheeks. “I need you to tell me how you feel. Even if it isn’t what I want to hear, I need to know.”
Wren took a deep breath and looked into my eyes. “You are the first—the only—man who has held my heart. I love you now, and I will love you until the day I die.”
30
Wren
“I promise, by noon. No later,” I heard Wilder say. “Yes, she’s right here.” He passed the phone to me.
“Hello, Darrow.”
“I thought perhaps the two of you had been swallowed by a black hole. You missed Thanksgiving.”
I laughed. “We flew through Thanksgiving, and you slept the entire time.”
“Mrs. Mollybock made quite a feast followed by an equally dramatic fuss when her precious Sutton didn’t arrive for dinner. You do know he’s her favorite.”
“Mrs. Mollybock?”
Wilder groaned.
“The cook. There’s only two people she gives a wit about, Sutton and Wellie. The rest of us could eat porridge morning, noon, and night for all she cares.”
“Speaking of Wellie, how is he doing?”
“Much better, thank God.”
“I can’t wait to meet him.”
“I keep forgetting you haven’t. You must hurry and get up here. Tell Sutton he’s not allowed to hold you hostage any longer.”
“I will. We’re leaving soon, I promise. Oh, and I may need to borrow some clothes.”
Darrow laughed. “Right, of course. Um, Wren, I have a question.”
“Go ahead.”
“Hang on one minute.”
I scrunched my eyes and looked at Wilder, who shrugged.
“Okay, I’ve gone outside. Have you spoken to Quint?”
“I haven’t. To be honest, I haven’t spoken to anyone other than your brother.”
“I was just wondering. We’ll talk more when you get here.”
“What was that about?” Wilder asked when I ended the call.
“Something I’d much rather have your sister tell you herself, but that may be even more awkward.” I took a deep breath. “Darrow and my brother were…involved.”
“Bugger me,” muttered Wilder, sitting on the edge of the bed we’d hardly left. “What about Pinch?”
“You saw them as well as I did at the airport. She seemed very happy to see him.”
“I didn’t, actually. I mean I did, but I was so concerned about you, and I’ve grown so used to not paying attention to them.” He ran his hand through his hair. “You do remember I told you about the office pool?”
I nodded.
“He was as miserable as me, and it was because of my sister.”
“I kind of figured that.”
“How serious are they
? Were they?”
“I know my brother really cares about her, but serious? I have no idea.”
“Flipping heck,” he mumbled, shaking his head.
“I’m not sure there’s anything I can do.”
“No, no. I don’t expect you to. There isn’t anything I’d do either. My sister has certainly put her foot in it, though.”
“Do you know what happened between her and Axel? Do you know why she left England and came to Texas?”
“No idea. In fact, I didn’t know she’d left, and I certainly didn’t know where she’d gone.”
“Hmm.”
“We’re awfully clueless for two whizzes of the intelligence world,” he said, pulling me over to sit on his lap.
“You’re the whiz. I’m former.”
“About that. Your leave of absence will soon expire.”
“Not until February.” I’d told Wilder the options Vera had given me and that I still wasn’t sure I wanted to return to the NGA.
“I hate to bring this up, but whatever happened to Sanborn?”
I shuddered. “I don’t know exactly. Vera said she’d handle it.”
Wilder raised a brow.
“What?”
“I may have to do a little digging on that one. When you said you hadn’t kept up, you really didn’t.”
“I don’t know if I can go back to that life, Wilder.”
“There is nothing that says you have to, my darling. You could always come to work for MI6.”
“Very funny.”
He kissed my cheek. “Nothing that has to be sorted now. Let’s get on the road before Darrow sends a search party.”
31
Wilder
“I’d love to see this place in spring and summer,” Wren said when we drove through the gates of Whittaker Abbey.
I brought her hand to my lips. “And you shall.”
While we hadn’t talked about much beyond the day ahead, other than the decision Wren would have to make regarding her career, that didn’t mean our future wasn’t on my mind.
The Lord and the Spy Page 15