I want everything of you

by Deborah Fasola

  Jax leans forward and hugs her quickly, so I understand that in this family is not the sister in law to be a problem.

  "And you must be the young guest of my brother-in-law, right? What a pleasure to meet you, I'm Diana. Come on, come in."

  "The pleasure is all mine, thank you, I am Talia," she shakes my hand with an affectionate gesture and then steps aside to let us in.

  I realize I have not brought anything to donate and I am ashamed instantly, but basically we are just two guys, who know about these things me and Jax?

  The house is warm, very well kept and welcoming.

  "My husband will be here in moments, he's been late for work," she says, more upset, as she loves his brother-in-law so I nod.

  "We can sit in the living room, meanwhile, so I offer you an aperitif."

  We do and we follow her; the living room is huge and the aperitif are already on the round table with four glasses to wait us.

  "What a beautiful house, Diana, compliment. How many weeks are you?" to make conversation and please her immediately, i touch the secret point of a women: home and paunch, so she smiles.

  "Thanks, darling. I'm in the seventh month. Daniel is almost arrived at the end" in saying it, she reveals me in one stroke when the child is born, who is male and also his name.

  Pregnant women are amazing but I think I will never find out about my skin.

  I do not want children and I do not think I'll ever want them, but her cheerful face as she massages her round belly is bright and radiant. For those who want them to be wonderful to generate life but I could not, I... I'm only able to steal it from others.

  "What have you cooked good, little sister?" Jax asks her, sitting at my side, and I realize that, while she puts two olives into her mouth, even more than she can hold, she is nervous.

  Terribly nervous, so I understand that they need me.

  I stop his hand with mine, placing it on his knees.

  He looks at me intensely and I notice that Diana looks at that gesture and then he, just like I am doing.

  And he smiles. Even Jaxon smiles and it makes me incredible that there is a calm so full of us even in what must have been a hostile house.

  I'm fine and it does not seem almost true, among other things I'm sure to be able to melt Jax tonight, at least a little.

  "Oh, here it is, he has arrived, excuse me, I'll bring you right here..." but as the land lady informs us that her husband has arrived, Jax's nerves are skyrocketing.

  His back stiffens, pulls his hand out from under mine, his gaze darkens and then he stands up too, following the woman who sneaks lesta away.

  "She is very beautiful and this house is a love, nothing will go wrong, okay, you're safe with me."

  With me you are safe... just like I feel by your side.

  I would like to say this last sentence, but I only get a dirty look at those words.

  Jax hates his brother, I do not know if it's only because of abandonment or otherwise, but something tells me that this evening it will be him to give a hard time even to me.

  I get up too because I can not sit there alone as a fool, and although it is very relaxed, I think I have to worry about these reactions that do not promise anything good.

  Door of the house opens.

  "My love" I hear a male voice say.

  Jax goes towards the door of the hall and I arch his eyebrows, approaching me slowly behind him.

  He clenches his fists, I listen carefully.

  "Yes, they are already here, come in. Oh, I'm fine and even Daniel" there is a snap of a kiss and then the two laugh, I get closer to Jax's shoulders. "And then there's a beautiful surprise... he's here with his girlfriend", Diana's voice makes me blaze, and Jax shoots a glance even as she turns slightly, as if it were my fault if her sister-in-law thinks of something so absurd.

  However, this is not what keeps me on the edge of the ravine, now.

  "Here we are, finally... Guys, my husband has arrived, we eat!" Diana seems enthusiastic.

  And behind her, appears her husband, Jax's brother, the tall, dark figure that slowly becomes clear in my eyes.

  And the world collapses on me.

  It is shattered and I suddenly can not even breathe anymore.

  "Talia, this is Isaac" Diana tells me in a smile, just the exact moment when he, my damn analyst, buy in the light of my broken soul and we both collide with the absurdity of the case.

  Rest without words and he is not less.

  They are paralyzed by terror. But me and Isaac, with whom I made love only two days ago, who has always told me that he is in crisis with his wife and who is about to become a father, we look at each other in terror and if we do not stop someone will notice.

  Fortunately, he is very good at pretending.

  "Jaxon, finally" he gives the hand to his brother who also pretends to be quiet and holds it to him. "Talia, it's a pleasure to meet you", then he offers his hand to me too.

  I am so furious, disappointed, angry and sad that when I grab his hand so tightly I hope that I can feel its bones crumbling under the crazy expression of my grip.

  It's absurd.

  All this does not make sense.

  Is it a joke of fate or is it just karma punishing me?

  Anxiety starts to shake my chest and tears sting my eyes but I can not cry, I can not do crazy not to betray Jax. Jaxon.

  Isaac looks at me badly as he approaches his wife and puts an arm around her shoulders, perhaps because I was presented as the girlfriend of his little brother and knowledgeably knowing who I am not pleased to know with a crazy, while at the same time wants to make me understand that this is his wife and I do not have to do crap.

  Yeah, I'm just the jealous fool that he fucks while he's got a pregnant wife and a son coming.

  We take us to the dining room and while they speak I do not hear anything.

  The words they say are muffled, their voices distorted and distant and I reel in feelings that I did not believe to possess and in guilt that should not be mine.

  I aim my analyst, married and almost father, who is also the older brother of the boy for whom I feel I try... everything.

  The guy who saved me from myself, or at least cist trying.

  I am such a living mess that I almost do not breathe!

  "So, Jax, how the college is? Everything is good or you have other lie to tell us?"

  Isaac's first words are this as soon as we sit down at the table and feel great. And they give me the stomach.

  "Isaac, don't be an asshole. Don't start... i have no lie, it's all good."

  "Apparently the lie are family" it escapes from my lips while I place the towel on my knees nonchalantly.

  Three pairs of eyes fly over me, but it is only Isaac's ones that pierce my heart.

  He's telling me that if I speak I'm dead, I know, and yet I'm so angry that, knowing myself, if I stay in here pretending, I'll mess up.

  I can not believe it's like that, it's him. All of this is a terrible joke of destiny.

  "I'm going to take the appetizers," says Diana, struck by our statements, then heads into the kitchen and we are the three of us.

  I'm sitting next to Jax staring at his brother, so luckily he does not see that I'm doing the same.

  I close the punch him hard on the table and I watch him to pass through, but not for nonchalance but because I hope to be able to really divide it in two. Literally.

  How could he make fun of me all this time?

  How could he take advantage of me?

  "Jax, do you mind helping Diana in the kitchen with the trays?"

  "I can do it" I intervene ready, because I would rather die than stay here alone with Isaac now.

  I can scream or pull the table up on his face, because he knows that i'm mad and mine could be a justified behavior.

  A judge could justified everything to me, but to him who could justified something like this?

  Jax, that puffing is going to stand up, looks at me and then makes up to sit do
wn again but Isaac, false as Judas, blocks he.

  "Come on, she is a guest, go, Jax"and my dancer does it.

  When he disappears in the kitchen I feel I'm about to rebel and yet I remain silent.

  We remain silent until Isaac is sure that his little brother is out of the room and busy with lamoglie, but I look at him with so much contempt that I hope to make him ashamed of himself before he can even tell me a word, or I would risk to put myself to scream for real.

  "It's not like Tally seems" and when he takes a word, in a whisper, leaning towards me and anchored with his hands at the table, inside a fragrant and beautiful house that he shares with another woman who is giving him an heir, he chooses the wrong ones and repress a spewing of vomitosolmente to be able to respond before sending everything to hell.

  "You are a miserable" the words come out of my mouth sustained and disgusted.

  "Shhh, hey, I'll explain everything to you but now, Tally, you have to pretend you do not know me."

  Did he take me for an idiot or do you just think I'm dumbing?

  "Do not ever dare to call me that way, Isaac, I'll do what you want and I'll save you the ass, tomorrow you'll call my parents and give up the chance, in fact, if you do not want trouble, you'll tell them that they're okay healed and I do not need anything anymore and no one... fuck, Isaac, because you call Wilson, then, I do not understand "I say upset and I do not really understand. Jaxon makes Ward a surname and I'm sure since I read it on the contest documents. I would never have imagine...

  "Talia..." again that singsong, as if a were a child.

  "No, Isaac, answer me."

  "Art's name, more or less. It was my mother's surname. I use that because... because of my family" ohhh, now i really understand and he makes me more disgusting.

  I look at his lips that speak, those that I kissed so many times and that still seem so beautiful and inviting that I want to cry, and I struggle to keep calm.

  So I grab the bottle of wine in front of me and pour it into my glass, gulping down in one gulp, just a moment before Jax and Diana are coming back to us.

  "Talia, do not threaten me" he takes me back, making me understand that he does not care to reveal the secrets of his surname or those of the universe, because he is only interested in his fucking stuffed marriage.

  "Or so, or she will know everything," I reply, then, in suspicion.

  "He will know it too" threatens me back, looking over his shoulders to see if he still has time to instill a fear that does not come.

  I shrug my shoulders and bend my mouth only from one side to a sadistic and naughty smile. Cruel like him.

  "It does not do anything, who do you think has more to lose in a similar situation?"

  I hit him for sure with these last words of mine, but the timing is on my side and the trays arrive with the food, and while the words begin to hover around I drink a fantastic white wine that Diana tells me to come from an Italian, Tuscan vine to be precise, and that goes down that is a marvel, burning the esophagus just right to always keep alert emotions and anger, while overshadowing everything else.

  Isaac looks at me sideways, stares at my neckline, hates my presence and, as always, craves my body.

  I know he would like to take me here, inside his house, because I know him. And I would like the sixth glass of wine too.

  I would damn him badly. I would like Diana to catch us and that he would perish in his own shame.

  He is an ignoble. He has never protected or defended me, cured or followed: he used me.

  With the head spinning and the thoughts in turm oil I look at Jaxon by my side who juggles to lie in turn to his brother; he too uses me for that damn dance contest.

  And everyone in here is perfect liars.

  Of the perfect strangers.

  The exploitation of others is familiar, it is clear. And even the lies.

  Even this poor girl is used by her groom, and betrayed, wound, humiliated, without her knowing it and deciding what to do.

  It's all a suck, it's all fake, in this world.

  Also the perfect moment inside the Jeep, also the miraculous of two almost naked bodies that are sought.

  I don't know why in this mental caos i keep in also Jax, but he is the liar and it's his fault if i'm here this night.

  Halfway through dinner, after the sorbet, I get up to go to the bathroom just when Diana is showing Jaxon photos of her grandchild in state-of-the-art 4D ultrasound scans.

  I do it because otherwise I could throw up.

  I grope along the already dark corridor that I must pass as indicated to reach the bathroom and when I arrive, I have a huge effort to be able to open the door.

  I push, I pull, I do not understand how the hell to get in there and so you can open a window and get fresh air and breathe in order not to go crazy.

  Then suddenly the door slides to one side and opens wide, only I have not opened it.

  It's strong scent comes to the smell all together and I violate the senses.

  I turn around, stagger and he is behind me.

  He pushes me into the bathroom and stops my mouth with one hand.

  I get excited instantly and I know I should not.

  Isaac locks and when he has now pressed me with his whole body against the wall of the toilet, he leaves his hand from his mouth and grabs my life with both of them.

  "Shhh" repeats. "You're drunk marching."

  "What a discovery..." i laugh and i hate him strong, very strong.

  It disgust me to have he on me and i hate my body that still wants him.

  "I want you, Talia. I'm married and i'm going to be father, i lied to you, it's true, but anything was really wanted" he whispers in my ears, in a low voice.

  "Ah no? Have you inadvertently slipped into her vagina and made her pregnant by issuing involuntary sperm?"

  His hand reaches my pubis under my skirt and obviously he finds panties soon.

  "You are wet" he whispers on my neck.

  Yes, asshole, i'm wet because i'm drunk and you are seducing me. Again.

  I don't think about the other's in the near room and neither he. I think that i hate him but i leave he does this.

  I make suck about myself for this.

  "I want you, Tally, I always wanted you, but why you have a sex with my little brother?"

  "I haven't a sex with noone" sob and anchor me behind him when with his hand, quick as always, moves me the last of the panties and penetrates me with two fingers in a quick and demanding gesture.

  A moan escapes me because my body recognizes it, recognizes its hands.

  "I can not."

  "We'll take a second" begins to try to please me, but as much as he wants and moves within me with skill, now I stiffened and he disgusts me.

  "I can not and I do not want to!" the intimate trying to push him away.

  But he puts his forehead on mine, he stops with his hand but does not move and remains on me.

  "Oh, Talia, please, I want you so much..."

  At that point, despite the suffering in his voice, I push him away with more decision and he yields and moves away.

  I find him in front of me, his face upset but never more than mine and the fingers that were inside me raised and wet, which he held out in front of his face as if he exhibited a war trophy.

  My disgust touches extreme peaks and although I turn around, I find the strength to speak.

  "Stay away from me Isaac, and from now on I do not exist any more for you, and tomorrow you will call my parents as I told you to do, if you do not want to tell them all about you, do not look for me, do not lie in the bathroom like a pervert touch me ever again. "

  I sneak up and fight against the tears that eventually win and roll on my cheeks. But they are full of anger, not love or pain.

  He stands still and does not say a word.

  I hope it is because he also sucks on himself.

  But it's done, I found the strength, I got rid of it.

  Another ballast that slips aw
ay.

  At that moment the only thought that comes to mind is Jaxon.

  So I move to get back to him because this is his evening, I'm here for him and I have to make sure that everything goes well from here on.

  I pass in front of Isaac and then beyond, certain that this is the last time I will find myself in a room alone with him, and that the room of our goodbye was the bathroom is very indicative.

  Isaac does not stop me, does not tell me a word and I, happy dime itself and how I closed this immense madness, this combination of unfortunate events, open the door feeling free and almost happy.

  Too bad that as soon as that opens, Jaxon appears in front of me.

  .27.

  Jaxon

  I. Listened. Everything.

  Every scabrous word, every groan, every them disgusting deception.

  And i don't believe it.

  Wheter it's a combination or not, i feel like throwing up.

  And when the door is wide open and i find Talia in front of me, i need to fight with myself to don't give her a punch that she deserves.

  I will not do this because i have never touched a women in my life and never will happen, but i hate her in this moment.

  I hate her because i want her too, but she is my brother's lovers.

  How it's possible all of this?

  Now she stands by me and she doesn't say a word, but she knows that i listened everything.

  Isaac turnsaround and suddenly i realize that, like i heard Talia, now i can threaten and this is a big thing.

  Maybe Kaola made me a huge gift- or fate, or whoever it's that decided things were going in this way- but why it hurts me too much?

  I can imagine how he knows her.

  Isaac barely closes his eyes.

  "Jax, it's not like you believe."

  "You should be silent because Diana is only a few feet more in it" intimate with haughty that for once I can afford.

  He makes me sick.

  He always shows himself so loyal, so man, so better than me, here he is really like.

  Talia is just a girl.

  My girlfriend - or what she is becoming - okay, but that's not the point.

  I would like to break the wall, punch it until it collapses or do the same with my brother because he always brings me everything.