I’d pushed those feelings down.
Of course, I ignored all of Lily’s ribbing when Ollie and I stepped out as a couple. We’d had a heart to heart, and I’d finally confessed to her that I’d loved him all along.
That it’d always been so much more than a crush.
That it was everything.
That Ollie was everything.
Which was exactly why I was grinning like a fool as I hurried the last few steps down the sidewalk and swung open the door to the old building.
Instead of going right for the basement stairs to set up like I typically would have done, I slipped into a deserted hallway to the left and tucked myself into an alcove where I’d be out of view.
I lifted my phone and snapped a picture, giving the barest hint of the pretty much nonexistent cleavage revealed by my pretty blouse.
Ollie definitely didn’t seem to mind.
Me: That’s going to have to tide you over until later.
Ollie: Dying.
Ollie: So gorgeous.
Ollie: You’re ruining me, baby.
Redness flushed across my skin as I read the words that kept blipping through.
Me: I think you have it all backward. It’s you who’s ruining me.
Ollie: Hurry up and get that sexy ass home. I’ll see you at ten.
Ollie: I miss you.
Me: I miss you, too.
I felt as if I was riding on a cloud, floating down the stairs that led to the basement. I was halfway through setting up the circle of chairs when Ms. Kathy came in, started a pot of coffee, and arranged the donuts she’d picked up on a tray.
“I hear congratulations are in order.”
I beamed. I couldn’t help it. “I can’t believe I’m really finished.”
Yesterday, I’d gotten my certificate in the mail from the online college.
I officially had my bachelor’s degree. All I needed to do was take the state test and I would be certified.
“This is when the fun part begins.” She winked at me.
“Uh-oh. Tell me that wasn’t a warnin’,” I said, laughing a little.
She made a humming sound. “Some days will make you feel like a champion and others will drop you right to your knees. But what you can count on is it will never be dull.”
I hesitated for a second, peeking over at her. “Is it worth it?”
She reached out and squeezed my shoulder. “Always.”
Fifteen minutes later, the secluded basement was a rumble of voices and screeching chairs as we all gathered around the circle.
I opened the session with our mantra. “I am strong. I have control of my life. I have control of my body. I have the right.”
I looked around the group of faces. Even though so many were full of sorrow, it filled me with extreme hope. I did my normal introduction, telling them this was their safe place and completely confidential.
“Tonight, I would like us to talk through how you might look at situations differently since you’ve been attending this group. How has this changed the way you’ve reacted? How has it changed the way you handle the hurdles you face? Would anyone like to start?”
I was surprised when Brenna raised her hand. “I’d like to start, Miss Nikki. There’s something that’s been bothering me, and I want to make sure I’m handling it right.”
Over the last few weeks, she’d really come out of her shell, exuding a confidence that had been lacking before.
“Okay, tell us what’s happening.”
Almost nervously, her attention darted around the group before she began, “Well, Caleb has been in rehab for six weeks now. He’s now allowed to make calls. He’s called a couple of times and is promising me he is changing. That he’s making a real effort. I don’t want to walk through life with a chip on my shoulder, but I also don’t want to be naïve.”
Pride welled inside me, and I started to speak, but I stilled when tentative footsteps echoed down the stairs.
I paused to look over my shoulder, and like all those weeks ago, my sister appeared in the doorway.
Her eyes met mine.
There was something so broken there that my heart froze in the middle of my chest.
I tried to swallow around the apprehension that climbed to my throat as my little sister moved around the circle and tentatively took an empty seat.
I should have been relieved.
I should have taken solace in the fact she was there.
But I swore, I felt the air go cold.
31
Ollie
“You want another?”
“You know I do,” the old guy said as he drained his fourth beer of the evening.
I filled a chilled glass, foam overflowing down the sides as I cocked him a look. “You better watch yourself, or I’m gonna have to cut you off.”
He laughed and waved a flippant hand over his head. “You think this old-timer can’t handle his liquor? Couple of cold ones sure aren’t gonna hurt me. Why do you think I’m still alive and kickin’?”
Laughing, I slid him the pint glass. I’d been chatting with him all afternoon. He was either telling some tall, tall tales or the old bastard had lived quite the life.
Olive’s had been quiet during the dead hours between the lunch rush and the after-work crowd. Evening was setting in, and the place was beginning to fill up.
For so long, my bar had basically been my entire life. Now, I couldn’t wait for the night to pass so I could get back upstairs.
Fact I kept looking at my phone was proof enough.
“Who ya got on that phone? You got yourself one of them sassy modern girls? Bet you do.”
I chuckled under my breath, setting my phone aside. I had to have looked at Nikki’s picture at least a thousand times since she’d sent it an hour ago.
“That I do.”
Still blew my mind that I did. That Nikki was mine.
My body rumbled with possession.
Every inch.
“She pretty? Let me see.”
Old pervert.
Amusement swimming through me, I started wiping down the bar. “Hell no. Do I look like the kind of guy who shares my girl?”
His laughter was some kind of ridiculous guffaw and he smacked his hand on the wood. “Don’t reckon you do. Look like you’d tear a poor sucker limb from limb.”
“Sounds about right,” I said, grinning when I felt the presence standing across the bar from me.
I looked up.
Seth.
My smile started to widen until I caught the expression on his face.
I straightened. “Seth, man, what are you doing here?”
His voice was quiet, lined with a tremor. “Need to talk to you. In private.”
I tossed the rag onto the bar and hollered at Cece, who was manning the opposite end. “Watch things for a bit. I’ve got to step outside.”
“Sure thing, boss.”
I wound around the end of the bar and followed Seth. He headed straight down the back hall, passing by the sign that read: Employees Only.
Could feel the disturbance radiating from him, riding on the air that suddenly felt too fucking thick.
My breaths grew hard, and my heart fisted in an unknown sort of pain when he blew out the big metal door and into the vacant back lot.
Only thing back there were the employees’ cars and the dumpster the kitchen used.
Humidity slapped me in the face, but it was Rex standing with his back pressed to the brick exterior wall, his head rocking up and down and his fists shoved deep in his pockets, that felt like a punch to the gut.
My attention swung back to Seth. “What’s going on?”
His eyes squeezed shut. “I’m breaking a thousand rules by doing this, but I needed to tell you before you heard it somewhere else.”
Tension stretched across my chest.
Pulling and pulling.
Any harder and it would rip me right in half.
“What?” I had to force out the word.
I glanced over at Rex, confusion so thick I was having a hard time seeing through it, before I swung my gaze back to Seth. “Yeah, of course, I know. Rex said everything was given the go and the permits had been approved.”
Seth blew out a strained breath, a bluster of hesitation coming off him.
Overwhelming waves.
“Ollie.” There was nothing but pity in the word.
Could feel Rex flinch from the side.
Foreboding ridged like ice skating down my spine.
“What the fuck is goin’ on, man?
Seth blinked, and the words came from his mouth like a slow purge. “A body was unearthed at the work site.”
My knees gave with the blow, and my hand shot out, catching on the wall. I shoved it down and gritted my teeth. “What’s that got to do with me?”
The words might as well have been darts.
Sharp as arrows.
Denial and defense.
Seth’s brow twisted, lines distorting his face, and his words were a choked breath. “They’re speculating they’re Sydney’s remains.”
“No.” My head shook, and my lips pursed as I rejected the idea. “No.”
Seth reached out and set his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Ollie. I know you always hoped for a miracle.”
Hoped for a miracle.
Hoped that my sister was still alive.
That someone hadn’t buried her like she was trash.
Blood.
Dirt.
Bones.
I gasped for nothing. My lungs no longer functioning.
Seth edged back, and his attention jumped between Rex and me. “God, I’m sorry. This is the last kind of news I want to deliver. I’ll give you guys some privacy. If I find out anything, I promise, you’ll be the first to know.”
He turned, and I stood stock still, watching him jog away.
Frozen.
Brittle.
It only sent a crack running down the middle of me that I knew would shatter me in a million unrecognizable pieces.
Rex groaned a devastated sound. “Fuck, Ollie . . . I—”
I flew around to face him. “It’s not her.”
Grief blistered across his face, through his red-rimmed eyes. Etched and carved and wrecked. He pushed from the wall, approaching me carefully.
“It was her, man. The foreman . . .” He blinked a bunch of times. Like he couldn’t see through the horror wracking my mind. “He called me away from the architect when they uncovered something.”
My head shook.
Rejection.
I didn’t want to hear it.
I just couldn’t make the words from on my tongue.
“I ran over there . . . thinking it was gonna be an old sewer system or something like that and they needed my direction.”
He pressed both his hands over his face. His voice cracked on a cry. “The necklace, the one your mom gave her for her sixteenth birthday, it was there with the remains.”
“No . . . she must have dropped it there sometime.”
His hands dropped, and he took a step forward, getting in my line of sight, misery etched across his face. “She was wearing it that night.”
My head shook. “No. She couldn’t have been. You don’t know that.”
A groan ripped from him. “She was wearing it, Ollie. She was.”
I pointed at him, trying to put some space between us. Refusing what was trying to suck me under.
Darkness.
Terror.
Hate.
“You don’t fucking know that,” I grated.
He stared at me, something so raw on his face that my heart slammed against my ribs.
“I do know, Ollie.”
“How the fuck would you know that?” I spat, unable to keep the anger out of my words.
“I was with her.” It was a raked gasp. Words barely formed.
My brow pinched. “We all were with her.”
His hands fisted in front of him. Regret and frustration and something that looked too much like guilt. “Fuck. Listen to me, Ollie. I was with her.”
I blinked. “What?”
“I was with her.” It was a shamed whisper.
There was nothing I could do.
The rage that poured free, leaching into my veins.
I shoved him.
Hard.
He flew back against the brick wall.
“What did you say?” I demanded.
“We were together. I told you it wasn’t just your fault.”
Red blurred my vision, and everything spun.
The sky and the earth and my spirit.
A jumbled chaos that took over inside of me. “You fucked my sister?” The accusation was full of disbelief.
Of disgust.
No words came from his mouth.
But guilt was written all over his face.
Anger burst in my blood. “You fucked my sister?”
Disgust met the roar as I lunged for him. My fist flew. Connected with flesh and bone.
Pain burst in my hand, and Rex just . . . took it. Face pinched up in pain as a trickle of blood dripped from his nose. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
He slid down the wall, hitting the ground with a thud. His head rocked back and he buried his face in his hands. “So fucking sorry.”
I backed away.
Gripped by sorrow.
Grief swooping in.
Clouding my mind.
Shutting down my spirit.
My lip curled, and I backed further away. “Sorry’s not good enough.”
I turned and left him there, unable to see as I stumbled up the three flights of steps in the darkened stairwell.
Everything was blurred.
My eyes and mind.
An altered state of consciousness.
It couldn’t be her.
It couldn’t.
I had to keep searching. Keep watching. Keep hunting.
I would find her.
She would be safe.
Fly, fly, dragonfly.
Her voice danced all around me, and I choked, a cry ripping free.
It echoed on the enclosed walls.
Bouncing back.
Grief.
Grief.
Grief.
I couldn’t stand.
I dropped to my knees, crawled the rest of the way up the last flight.
At the top, I forced myself to standing as I staggered out into the short hall, hands pressed to the wall to keep myself from falling.
Falling.
I’d thought I could live.
That I could see through this.
Past it.
That I could let go.
But this?
It was all I could feel.
All I could feel.
Pain.
Excruciating.
“We are three. Forever and ever, you and me.”
I fumbled through the door and into my loft.
Nikki’s scent hit me like a blow.
It blasted me back, and a sob ripped free from deep within my chest.
What did we do?
What did we do?
I stumbled to the cupboard, pulled out a brand new bottle, twisted off the cap.
Anything to dull the feeling of my skin being sheered from my bones.
Flaying me open.
I tipped it up and gulped half of it down, drenching my stomach in morbid heat. Praying for reprieve.
I moved to the couch, and like a fool, I grabbed the remote and flipped on the television.
I slugged back another huge gulp.
Another and another.
Time passed.
A minute. An hour. A day.
I didn’t know.
It didn’t matter.
My head lolled against the back of the couch as I drifted through the
haze.
Darkness spun.
Color blipped and flashed from the television. A slur of voices landed on my ears. Too loud. Too much.
A woman in a purple dress stood in front of the yellow tape that blocked off the old building where investigators swarmed, delivering her news.
A body had been discovered.
Forensics was on the scene.
Speculation.
Speculation.
“Sydney Preston was sixteen years old when she went missing fourteen years ago.”
That storm rumbled from the depths of me.
Rising and lifting and consuming.
For months, I’d had the gut-deep intuition that something was coming.
Something wicked.
Ruthless and cruel.
A warning before it’d been overhead.
I’d known it was coming.
I’d known.
Like a fool, I hadn’t realized what that’d meant.
It’s your fault.
I trusted you.
You were supposed to take care of her.
You promised, you’d take care of her.
It should have been me.
It should have been me.
I’d done this.
Agony sliced through the center of me.
Excruciating, blinding pain.
Gutting and destroying.
My body wept. Bleeding out.
I could feel her spirit whip through the room.
An earthquake.
It spurred a tidal wave that decimated the coastline.
I saw it.
Felt it.
I welcomed it when it crashed over me.
A gulf overhead.
Taking me under.
Suffocating.
Drowning.
Me.
It should have been me.
32
Ollie
Seventeen Years Old
Flames from the bonfire licked and lapped, jumping toward the canopy of night that covered overhead.
Embers popped and snapped before they broke away like golden ash that floated for the heavens.
A ton of their friends were out there tonight.
Fight for Me: The Complete Collection Page 97