by E A Hooper
“What the hell is this?” Ezra said, staring around in disbelief.
Vincent’s eyes found a counter with a devil sitting behind it. She appeared dressed like a 1950s secretary and was smoking a cigarette while looking over papers.
“Excuse me,” Vincent said, awkwardly approaching. “This is Bathos’s world, right?”
The secretary gave him an irritated glare, then slid a stack of papers toward him. A whisper called over the room.
Lilith, Bathos’s Assistant, asks that your team fills out these rune contracts before meeting with her master.
Vincent took the papers, then walked back over to his team. “Uh, I guess we need to do some paperwork first.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Ezra said, stomping toward Lilith. He equipped his indestructible sword. “You’ll take us to Bathos right now or—”
Lilith snapped her fingers, and Ezra disappeared with a puff of smoke.
“Where’d you send him?” Vincent asked in concern.
Lilith made a small portal in her hands, showing him a hellish world. Ezra stood there, looking confused while towering monsters of darkness closed in around him. As he raised his blade, Lilith shut the portal.
“Will you bring him back if he behaves?” Vincent asked.
A whisper replied.
Ezra the Tempered has lost his chance to speak with Bathos. Lilith suggests you fill out the paperwork before you lose your opportunity too.
“Vince, I don’t like the looks of this form,” Jim said, eyeing over one of the rune-covered sheets.
Vincent stared down at his copy.
Bathos’s Meeting Contract – Please answer the questions below. Fill out as honestly as possible. Some of these questions may contain binding contracts.
Are you satisfied with your adventures on the World-Tree? (Yes/No)
Would you like to stay on the World-Tree indefinitely? (Yes/No)
How badly do you want to go home on a scale of one to ten (ten being you want to go home very badly)?
Have you encountered devils on the World-Tree? (Yes/No)
How would you rate your experiences with those devils? (Terrible/Bad/Neutral/Good/Excellent)
How likely are you to work alongside devils on a scale of one to ten (ten being very likely)?
How willing are you to kill and torture other players on a scale of one to ten (ten being extremely willing)?
Would you desecrate your false idols and pray only to Bathos? (Yes/No/Maybe)
Will you pledge your undying loyalty to Bathos? (Yes/Yes)
Are you here for any reason other than pledging your undying loyalty to Bathos? (Yes/No)
Vincent quickly filled out the sheet. Yes. No. Ten. Yes. Terrible. Two. One. No. Uh, I’ll skip that one. Yes.
He slapped the paper on Lilith’s desk. “I left that one blank since it was the same option twice.”
Lilith shook her head disappointedly, accepted all the papers from the group, then stamped them one by one before sending the pages away with the snap of her fingers.
“Can we see Bathos now?” Vincent asked.
Lilith pointed at the seats in the waiting area.
“How long will this be?” he asked. “He can’t be doing anything more important.”
Lilith glared, then raised her hand as if getting ready to snap her fingers once more.
“Okay, okay, I’ll sit down,” Vincent said, retreating to his team.
Fynn continued to stand while everyone else found a chair. “Are we really going to sit around and wait?”
“If we don’t, she’ll teleport us somewhere else,” Vincent replied.
The Wolf Lord sighed and found himself a seat by Ryker. He stayed silent, leaning on his armrest with a look of contemplation while the rest of the party talked. After more than an hour of waiting, he started to bounce his knee impatiently. He glanced down the hallways and offices that branched out from the waiting room.
“Maybe we should look around the building?” Fynn said to Ryker.
“Be patient,” his old comrade replied. “I’m sure Bathos will see us soon.”
“No, I think he’s screwing with us.”
“If this turns out to be a trick, at least we have plenty of time to spare.”
“Yeah, but I can’t just sit around doing nothing. I need to stay busy. You know that.”
Ryker nodded and gave a sad frown. “Yes, I know. If you can’t wait, then just have her send you to Ezra. You two can take a different approach in case this doesn’t work out.”
“I’d rather figure out where Bathos is instead of wasting time.” Fynn stood to his feet and started toward the door. He glanced at Lilith as if daring her to snap him away, but she snorted and turned her eyes to her paperwork.
“What’s his deal?” Vincent asked Ryker.
“I probably shouldn’t talk about it,” Ryker replied. “It’s his own business.”
“Oh, I think I know,” River said. “It has to do with his son, right?”
“Huh, Fynn has a son?” Jim asked. “I didn’t know that. He’s barely talked about his life outside the game.”
“He’s a very private person,” Ryker explained. “I don’t think he’d like me sharing anything more.”
“Well, I don’t give a damn about keeping his secrets,” River said, turning to her other teammates. “When I was working with him, he sometimes gave away little details about his life. Apparently, he’s a single father. He made it sound like he wasn’t a very caring dad, but when he got trapped in the game he realized how long it’d be until he saw his boy again. I guess that made him regret not spending more time with his son. That’s why he’s willing to do anything to reach the top and escape, and it’s why he can’t go five minutes without something to distract him. You all know staying busy helps make the time go by faster. If you’re constantly doing something, years can roll by so fast that it only feels like minutes have passed. The moment you run out of ways to distract yourself, it starts feeling like you’ve been here your whole life. He can’t handle that.”
“I know how he feels,” Quinn said, standing from her chair. “You know what? I’ll keep him company.”
“Be sure to message us if you see anything strange,” Vincent told her.
“Team chat doesn’t work too well here,” Quinn replied. “You sometimes get messages from people you think are your friends, but it turns out to be a trick. Oftentimes, you can’t send messages at all. That’s probably why Ezra hasn’t contacted us. Once I leave this room, you shouldn’t trust anything you hear from me. Hell, even if you see me, it might be an illusion. Stay on your toes, everyone.” She hurried down the hall to catch up with Fynn.
“The team is dwindling, and we’re just sitting in a waiting room,” Devon said worriedly.
“Everything will be fine,” Zhang assured him. “Euclid seemed like a good kid, and he wanted us to talk to Bathos. I assume we’re being tested right now. Maybe to see if we’re patient and reasonable enough to work with him. Actions speak louder than words, after all.”
The bell at Lilith’s counter dinged, and the party looked at her as a paper appeared in her hands. She pointed at Zhang and wagged her finger for him to approach the counter. He complied and slowly approached.
“Yes?” he asked.
She held up one of the rune papers they’d filled, and then her whisper echoed over the room.
Ice Knight Zhang’s form has been rejected. Bathos asks that he kill himself and leave this planet at once.
“You—you must be kidding, right?” Zhang asked. “I don’t think my answers were that different from anyone else.” He paused a moment to regain his composure. “Oh, I think I understand. I just said Bathos was testing us, so this must be part of it. Fine, I’ll kill myself if it proves to Bathos that we’ll cooperate.”
Another paper appeared in a puff of smoke, and Lilith slid it over to him.
Zhang held up the page, reading it over with a disgusted expression.
“Wh
at’s it say?” Ryker asked him.
“Bathos wrote how he wants me to kill myself,” Zhang replied. “He wants me to cut open my belly, pull out my entrails, and try to hang myself with them.”
“Jesus Christ,” Jim said with disgust. “You don’t have to do that, Zhang.”
“We can’t beat this game without making sacrifices,” the Ice Knight replied, sighing afterward. “Besides, we’ve all died in worse ways. Ma’am, is there a room where I can do this? I’d rather not kill myself so brutally in front of my teammates.”
Lilith sighed, stood up from her seat, and led him to a door. When she opened it, Vincent could see a small office space with a single chair sitting below a light fixture. The devil pointed at Zhang and then the light fixture before returning to her seat.
Zhang sighed and glanced back at his teammates. “Good luck, everyone.”
The Ice Knight closed the door behind him. A few seconds later, Vincent heard a pained grunt. With his high Perception, he could even hear the sound of the blade cutting flesh and blood splattering on the floor. He tried to ignore the sounds that followed, but he was certain that everyone in the party heard when the chair hit the ground. They all stared nervously at the floor or wall, trying not to think about what was happening in the next room.
A couple of minutes later, Vincent heard pounds of ash falling to the floor. Lilith got up from her chair and opened the door to confirm his death. She pocketed the items from his dust pile, then returned to her desk with a wicked grin.
“Can we see Bathos now?” Ryker asked the devil.
Lilith snorted and lowered her eyes to her paperwork.
Chapter 24
Over the next few days, the team grew impatient. They talked about a hundred different topics and distracted themselves with various games. Ryker always carried a deck of cards with him, and they wasted a couple of days with that before Vincent drew runic board games on the floor. They also noticed—after Devon opened and closed the doors on different days—that the rooms connected to the one they were in would periodically change.
During the third day, River and Athena said they would look around before coming right back, but they never returned. Xan sent her sister a few messages, though she never got a reply.
On the fourth day, Jeanie stood, equipped a spear, and hurled the weapon at Lilith all in a split-second. The devil reacted and moved as though space itself warped around her, and she snapped away Jeanie and the spear before she could get struck. With a sigh, Jim asked the devil if she’d send him to her, and he disappeared with a puff of smoke as well.
Two more days went by before Xan stood with a sigh and announced she would rather search the planet than continue sitting any longer. Devon nervously asked to go with her, explaining that she might need help. She seemed to appreciate the gesture, and they both left, but not before Xan flipped off Lilith.
That left Vincent with Ryker, the teammate he knew the least. They filled the silence talking about various worlds they’d visited, but they eventually ran out of planets to talk about. Ryker polished off all the equipment in his inventory for the third time that week before standing from his chair.
“I have a theory,” Ryker told Vincent.
Vincent hardly moved from his lazy position leaning on an armrest. “Yeah, what’s that?”
“Bathos asked Zhang to kill himself after his comment about the Elder God testing us. He probably did that to get Zhang out of the way because he was right. Maybe he’s waiting for us to split up so he can test us individually.”
“I’ve had that thought myself. I didn’t want to risk leaving the waiting room on the off chance that he’s only testing our patience.”
“If that’s the case, then our team has already failed. Unless he only needs one of us to prove ourselves, in which case one of us should stay here. To be honest, I’d prefer to leave—if that’s alright with you.”
Vincent sunk back into the chair and let out a bored sigh. “Go for it. If your theory is right, then maybe something interesting will finally happen when I’m the only one left.”
Ryker nodded at him and started toward the hall, but then stopped short. “You know, there was a long time after Isaac’s War where I tried to learn more about you and figure out what made you such a good leader—if only to figure out why I failed so badly.”
“What’d you learn?”
“Everyone I talked to gave me a different reason. Most said you were brave and hardworking. Some said you were smart and thoughtful. A few just thought you were cool. However, after working with you, I think I get it. It’s not that you’re that remarkable of a person, but you have a selfless drive. You’re willing to take hardship and responsibility onto yourself. Even if it’s something silly like sitting around bored in a waiting room. I kind of feel bad about leaving because I know you’ll keep sitting there until you’re completely sure it’s a trick.”
Vincent shrugged. “I’ll give it another month.”
“Yeah, and that’s a lot longer than the rest of us could,” Ryker replied. “Just don’t drive yourself too crazy. Good luck.”
“You too,” Vincent replied, watching Ryker step down the hall.
He listened to the footsteps as they became quieter and more distant. Then he heard nothing except Lilith moving and stamping papers. Vincent turned to her, waiting and hoping that something would happen, but the devil didn’t acknowledge him.
Over the next few hours, Vincent practiced meditation. He closed his eyes, feeling the reverberations of the surrounding frequencies. During his decades of training, he’d found that he could sometimes get lost in those invisible wavelengths. On rare occasions, for the briefest of moments, he almost felt like he was back in his gaming chair at home. All those years, those decades, those centuries, felt like they had flown by in the blink of an eye. They would feel so distant, like old memories that hardly seemed real anymore. He would try to open his eyes, or move, or consciously tell the game to close. But then his body would once again feel like it was a hundred light-years away—like he was moving through an ocean to reach himself.
Every time he tried to reach across that endless void, his old life would always snap away from him, becoming a dream that hardly felt real. Had he been on the World-Tree two-hundred-thirty years, or merely a few minutes? It was difficult to say sometimes, but when he thought about it, he knew one thing with absolute certainty: Monika had died two years ago.
No matter how long he spent in the game, her death always felt fresh in his memory. It was the one thing that tethered him to reality. With that singular, all-consuming truth in his mind, the next two weeks in that waiting room felt like mere moments. He meditated silently almost the entire time.
Then, something finally happened.
Lilith’s chair scratched the floor as she stood from it. She yawned, stretched until her blouse just about popped open, and then set a sign on her desk that read Going on Break. Be Back Soon. She started walking toward the hall, but Vincent called out to her.
“Hey, what am I supposed to do?”
The devil didn’t answer. She continued into the hall, leaving Vincent all alone.
“Seriously?” he said out loud, if only to break the silence.
One by one, the lights turned off in the nearby halls, and then the waiting room itself went dark. With Darkeye, Vincent could still make out the outline of the surrounding walls. He noticed the halls themselves seemed to have been filled in with brick, leaving him no exits except the doors.
Vincent stood, but then paused as the entire wall in front of him fell forward. The wall no longer appeared to be made of stone, yet it had the weight of cardboard, almost like a set piece being taken down. The next three walls fell right after, and the ceiling raised up like a crane was moving it. He found himself in a larger, well-lit area that looked almost like an old-fashioned TV set. Several devils were working the set, and some were moving lights and cardboard cutouts of various backgrounds.
“What the hell is
this?” Vincent said.
“Come on, now—chop, chop!” a gentlemanly voice called out to the devils. “Move along, everyone, we’re behind on our set pieces. Ezra’s already torn through the twenty-fifth division, and poor Dev’s not playing along since he got separated from Xan.”
Vincent searched the room until he found the source of the voice: a goat-like monster that walked on two legs. When he saw Vincent, he came to a sudden stop.
“Oh my,” the goat monster said. “You didn’t—you seriously didn’t stay in the waiting room this entire time, did you?” The goat laughed and bleated, struggling to catch his breath, and several devils joined him to chuckle at Vincent.
“Are you Bathos?” the man asked.
“Technically, the planet is me,” Bathos replied. “But yes, this is my core, if you want to call it that. I know you humans are somewhat dimwitted, so I won’t confuse you with the complexities of my consciousness.”
“I’ve been waiting to talk to you.”
“That’s why I was laughing at you!” Bathos shook his head. “ARKUS help me, these humans are truly dense.”
“Are you really going to insult me for trying to reason with you?” Vincent asked. “I made a deal with Euclid to free him.”
“Yes, yes, I know,” Bathos said. “Just assume that anything you know, I already know. This will be a very frustrating conversation for me otherwise.”
“Would you like my help or not?”
“There’s no guarantee you can even do such a thing. Euclid is gambling on you mammals being more stubborn than even ARKUS anticipated. To be honest, I’ve done the math, and I’m not even sure your spell can be completed.”
Vincent felt his heart sink in his chest. “You’re not?”
“Not unless my creator played very loose with his own rules and physics. To be honest, it’s a surprise you can use negative energy at all. It shouldn’t be possible.”
“If it shouldn’t be possible, and I can do it anyway, then the same can be said of the spell I’m working on, right?”