I know there will come a time when I will yearn for that life I gave up. If today was any hint at what may come in the days ahead, I will crave these small moments. I will desire nothing more than to be Harper Buckland, neighborhood witch, town oddity, and granddaughter to one of the most amazing women I have ever met - but that, too, is a lie. Just a little lie.
I go to the beach to be alone. I let the soft waves whisper their foam-covered secrets and their comforting words to my mind. The warm sand, even in this early fall weather, coaxes my aches away as it pushes between my toes. I go there to settle my soul, but since meeting him, nothing about my soul is calm. Not even the waves could settle my skipping heart today with my mind continually pulling his name forward. Jedrek, it says in the dark of night before I fall asleep. Jedrek, it calls, and I’m undone every time.
Today is no different. With sand covering my car from my afternoon escape, I give up trying to force it. I drive to the one place which always turns my own problems off and fills me with the problems of the world – the cemetery. There I can drown in the stories of the dead, the stories of those forgotten by their own loved ones and grateful to speak with me, even if it’s the same story again and again.
Strolling along the marked and unmarked rectangles of future and current residents, my mind does that annoying thing where it wanders back to the last time I saw Jedrek in the weeks which have passed. I hate it. I hate that I’ve become this woman. I used to make fun of these types, throwing popcorn at the television before fast-forwarding to something more gore-filled and less gagging. Now, here I am, waiting on the t-shirt and bumper stickers proudly displaying my membership.
I’m deeply lost in my self-loathing. I don’t hear Bella when she calls my name. I feel her. Another annoying new thing since this all ended. When I absorbed the magic claiming her life, her life became mine. I can hear her thoughts, feel her emotions, sense when she is near. It was originally used to manipulate, using their own dreams and worst fears against them. Now, it’s just annoying. There is nothing quite like trying to take an afternoon nap while she mentally gushes over some high school football player seated ahead of her in class.
“What are you doing out here?” she asks me and I’m happy the mind reading only goes one way.
“Walking,” I offer with a shrug. “You?”
Bella motions to her feet where she has placed fresh flowers on the markers of her brother and sister.
“Right,” I tell her as an awkward apology.
“You never asked why I did it.”
I don’t have to ask. I know already, but obviously she is aching to tell someone. I tilt my head, waiting for her to explain what all of us in some time in our life has felt. Most just bury it deep under heavy bottles of amber liquid. Some jot it down in pretty notebooks they buy to hide the sins within. There are some, like Bella, who have to talk about it to truly overcome the nightmares and remorse. I prefer the amber liquid and pretty notebooks.
“It was my fault. I mean,” she pauses, listening to the demons in her mind, “Dad says it wasn’t, but it was. I should have been paying attention.”
I watch, and feel, the emotions rolling over her as she once again relives that day.
“I was supposed to drop Ben off at school on my way in since Becky was staying home sick. They hated being apart. Mom practically had to hold Becky back when Ben and I left. I got him in the car. Got myself in the car. I wasn’t even thinking. I texted my friends to let them know I might be late while waiting for the garage door to fully open and then I just backed out. I never saw her, I just heard Mom screaming, but it was too late.”
Bella pauses, waiting for the scene to finish playing in her mind.
“Becky ran out the front door when she heard us leaving. She ran right behind the car, holding her little arms out to stop us. I used to watch the home security video over and over after it happened since no one would talk about it. It filmed it all from where it sits. I saw everything.”
“You thought if you could bring her back, it would make everything okay again,” I tell her, saving her some of the pain of telling me herself.
“It made sense.”
“Did it?” I ask with the same honesty which limits my number of friends.
“Deon was here after the funeral. She told me she knew a witch who could bring Becky back, but there would be a cost. Becky would only be alive as long as I am alive, and when I die, Becky would too, but since I’m young, it wouldn’t happen for a very long time.”
“She didn’t mention all the fun side notes?”
Bella shakes her head. “It was fine at first. I would pick Ben up from school and bring him here to see her. They played and were happy.”
“So, you brought her home not realizing what that would really mean.”
Bella nods, filling in the missing pieces of it all. “She started to hurt Ben and Ben started having nightmares, saying Becky was back and hurting him. Mom, because she became super protective, never let Ben out of her sight thinking he wasn’t getting over her loss.”
“And the voices?”
“They started about the same time. Once Ben wasn’t keeping Becky amused anymore, she started being in my head all day and night, telling me things to do if I wanted my family to live. It’s when I found you with that awful man.”
“He’s not so bad,” I tell her, having had to work closer with Cass than I had ever wanted to since having met him. “Just don’t let him hug you in the summer.”
“Ew?” she asks before starting back into her story. “It was weird. Right after you left, like the next day, the witch and Deon show back up. They were fighting about something while the witch did some kind of spell. Deon wanted everything removed so they couldn’t be found out and the witch was super annoyed that Deon was telling her what to do. Becky must have known something was up too because her demands kept getting worse until I finally just agreed to show her to the family. I didn’t know what else to do.”
“You know it was never Becky, right?”
The magic has been listening to the retelling of its latest glory. I can feel it churning, proud of itself and slightly disappointed it didn’t get to kill another family. Luckily, the blood it spilt that night has kept it sated, sleeping and happy to wait for our next little adventure. For now, anyway.
“What else would I call her? It?”
“GiGi and I prefer hocus pocus shit.”
Bella blushes hearing the word but smiles mischievously. “Hocus pocus shit?” she repeats, nodding and satisfied with her new answer.
“You know I lost my job at the restaurant,” she tells me as we make our way back to our cars.
“How?” I ask, wondering why I keep doing that.
“When the voices were really bad, I may have stabbed a customer complaining about the knife not being clean enough.”
“Stabbed, stabbed?” I stop, actually wanting to hear this.
“Just his hand,” she shrugs as if her confession is no big deal. “It was weird because Roman, you know the totally hot Ripple brother, paid the guy to back off and the guy just backed off. Even sent a card. Totally strange, right?”
“Right,” I agree, nodding my head to hide my smirk. “I think GiGi may be in need of some afternoon and weekend help at the shop.”
I have no idea why I said that. The last thing I want is this teen hanging around Great Hexpectations like a Sabrina knock-off. This new me is getting to be very inconvenient.
“Really?” she asks, almost jumping in place and one second from clapping. “I mean my parents won’t be exactly thrilled but I will totally be the envy of my friends. They still think all this hocus pocus shit is fake.”
I want to say not really, just kidding, and a thousand other ways to let her down, but instead I ask her something which has left me confused. “What do your parents think happened that night? And why do you still remember it all?”
Bella shrugs again and I really want to
yell at her to stop it. “We don’t really talk about it. I know that man told the cops we were visiting Becky and something attacked Ben. No one even asked about the woman’s body. My parents just went along with it. The scary woman just winked at me when I didn’t understand. She said something about the link will prevent them from blurring my memory, but it would be in my best interest to not argue. I understood what she meant, so I didn’t.”
“Seems smart.”
“Are they here now?” Bella asks, gently like a child waiting to have their hopes destroyed.
Turning to glance in the direction she is watching, I see Becky and Ben standing where the flowers were left. They are wearing matching outfits, as most likely they always did in life. Their blonde hair shines under the afternoon sun. Becky, I’m sure the more outspoken of the two, lifts her finger to make the hushing motion over her lips before they both run to play amid the many statues, stones, and tombs.
With the sound of their laughter floating behind me, I turn back to Bella and shake my head. “No. I’m sure they are at peace somewhere and happy to be together again,” I tell her, as we always tell those who have lost someone, as if we ever really know.
Bella nods, still staring at their graves. “Most would be mad at me, but you weren’t. Why?”
It’s my turn to sigh, and turning to stare in a different direction of the cemetery, a section I no longer visit, I tell her, “Because I kept my parents animated for two weeks before the cops showed up to investigate the smell and why I wasn’t in school. I wasn’t ready to be alone, and being a child, I didn’t really understand what I had done. That feeling, the knowing I could in theory have them back, always gnaws at me and it’s something I’ve had to battle my whole life. I’m not mad. I understand.”
“Ever lose the battle?” she whispers.
“Yup,” I tell her, turning to leave her and the memories clawing their way from dark tunnels from which they are stored.
“Meet you at the shop tomorrow,” she yells from her side of the car and I can feel her excitement.
“Sure,” I shout back, glad she can’t feel my annoyance. “Can’t wait,” I tell her.
It’s a lie.
A little lie.
Extras
35
The annoying shop bell chimes again, foretelling the day is never going to end. GiGi had a genius idea to have a store-wide sale to run in time with the whole ‘new year, new you’ theme. I hate her. At first, I thought I was just angry with her, but after hours of listening to housewives ask how to make their husbands interested in them again, or their children to do better in school, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I may actually hate her. When she informed me, she was sitting the day out, I confirmed the suspicion. I absolutely hate her.
“You’re telling me if I burn this candle, put this here oil on it first, roll it around in these herbs, the jerk’s dick won’t work anymore?” asks the latest angry wife before me.
“Is that what you really want?”
“Well, I mean, if he’s just going to use it to have sex with every student he teaches at the college, might as well not work,” she whispers to me with more volume than I think she wanted to use.
“Then technically, yes. Or you could just think about divorce and letting him suffer when each relationship fails and you’ve moved on,” I offer.
“Do you have a candle for that?”
“Yeah,” I turn to find my only hope and salvation for the day. “Bella, could you show this lady to the cursing candles?”
Bella, bouncy and perky as ever, waves to the lady and motions for her to follow her safely away from me. “They are right over here.”
Twisting my neck to stretch out all the things I can’t say, I pull the heavy weight of my red curls into a looped-through bun before securing the whole mess on top of my head. I at least had the sense to wear something sensible – jeans and a plain grey t-shirt, knowing how hot the store can get with my temper and the many potential bodies shoved inside it. The black ballerina slippers allow me to easily kick them off when feeling the need. It’s not the worst outfit I’ve put together, but my ‘eat me’ shirt may have been a better choice.
“Miss?”
I open my eyes to see a glaring migraine standing before me. It’s not the leopard print pantsuit or the big hair which is causing the pain. I just know she’s going to be a migraine. It’s glaringly obvious.
“Yes?” I ask, trying to force some cheer into my flat voice.
“This says made in china.”
She’s pointing to a white sticker on the bottom of a metal box like it’s a whore in church. To Miss Judgey, maybe it is.
“Mmhmm,” I answer, waiting to see where this takes us both.
“Well don’t you say this place is authentic? Ran by authentic witches?”
“Mmhmm,” I answer again, slower, now knowing where we are heading.
“How can you tell people this place is authentic if everything is made in China? Don’t you have any shame?” she asks loudly, almost shouting her question through the store.
“How can you tell people your tits are natural with that shape at your age? Don’t you have any shame?” I counter, also very loudly and wearing my best smile.
Bella appears as if by her own type of magic, pulling me away from behind the counter to be my replacement. “Sorry. She’s just a little testy without coffee. What was your question?”
Bella is making wide eyes at me to go away before turning to calm the now livid, cat wearing woman. Rolling my own, I surrender, happy to escape to the little coffee and tea section GiGi has added. The woman stopped by long enough to drop off cookies and refill the supply of caffeine before slipping away again. She did stash a few Cokes in a cooler beside it for me, but I still hate her.
I half listen to Bella explain the need to sometimes outsource merchandise, but all of the charms and such are locally made as the tiny bubbles of salvation slide down my throat. She uses the perfect explanation any adult would have been able to come up with, but I never said I was a very good adult. I have also never boasted about my patience for stupid.
“Was that really necessary?” Bella asks me with a huge smile while refilling someone’s plastic cup.
I shrug, a habit I’ve picked up on since being so close to Bella almost every day. “Wasn’t really a thought-out thing.”
“You’ve been doing that a lot as of late. You and Roman not doing well?”
I cut my eyes at her with a very loud, unspoken warning.
“I’ll take that as a no,” she answers before rushing away.
Roman and I are supposed to be the new power couple, as head of two houses, making decisions and securing the safety of our territory, as he calls it. He’s nice enough, and he tries hard, but that’s most of the problem. A relationship shouldn’t be this much work. It should just evolve and sort itself out as needed. For Roman and I, our differences and our ghosts are making for sorry bed fellows. And the sex sucks, too.
He’s just as polite in bed as he is in life. At first, it was charming, almost romantic. When I suggested something other than missionary, it quickly unraveled. One would think a man who changes into a wolf, and chases prey through a forest a couple nights a week, would enjoy something a little more fun. I think he almost fainted, and not in the good way, when I showed up in nothing but leather and boots. We haven’t talked about it and I haven’t pushed the topic, either.
“Do you know where the books on -” the woman in front of me pauses, looking around to those nearest to us before whispering, “- sex magic are?”
I laugh before I can cover it quickly with a cough. I hadn’t meant to, promise, but the woman in front of me most likely has never bought a battery-operated toy and now she’s asking about sex magic books?
“The red bookcase. Second shelf,” I point, excusing myself before Bella has to rush and fix another problem.
Janice didn’t miss the blunder. She’s
shaking her head with her black pigtails swaying in judgment.
“Whatever,” I whisper, before returning her glare.
Someone who has decided their forever outfit is something from the clearance racks of Hot Topic shouldn’t have the nerve to condemn other people. Before I can further share my thoughts about her, with her, she fades away the way they all do leaving the woman who is standing where she was looking at me with confusion over my hate filled glance.
“Sorry,” I offer her, motioning to the windows behind her. “Sun made me squint.”
She nods, appearing to buy my excuse before returning to her shopping.
“I didn’t even know there were this many people in the town,” I whisper to Bella as I help wrap and bag the pile of purchased items on the counter.
“Oh, there aren’t,” she tells me with pride. “I asked Gees if I could run an ad, pushing the sale through social media, and she thought it was a great idea.”
“Did she?” I ask, feeling my best smile returning to my face.
“Yup! She said it would be a great chance to see you and I in action together.” Bella continues to talk as I feel my anger growing. “I think we are doing great. Well, minus your cranky moments and all, but overall, we are killing it.”
“Interesting choice of words,” I mutter thinking she wouldn’t hear me, and I was wrong.
“What?” she asks, having heard me but not sure what I meant.
And since she asked, I clarify. “Interesting choice of words since I pretty much –“
“- couldn’t agree more!” Jedrek’s voice cuts me off, stopping not only my latest blunder from happening but also stopping my heart and breath.
The Little Lies (The Great Hexpectations Series Book 1) Page 24