“Well, you thought wrong. I think you should leave.” My bitterness is obvious now and he turns to walk out the door. I watch him leave and I can’t believe how aggravated I am. I really wanted him to be different, but he’s like all the other guys I’ve met. Total douchebag.
I calm myself down and continue serving the customers, just trying to keep myself busy so I don’t think about him. Relief runs through me at the realization that I made the right choice by ending things and that I didn’t go any further with him.
The Bistro closes at 6 o’clock every night but I usually stay until about 7 o’clock so I can clean up and help Gary shut everything down. After the last customers leave, I lock the door.
Then, I go in the back to look for Gary, but I can’t seem to find him. The last place I expect to find him is in the walk-in cooler and I notice that he is hunched over holding his chest. I kneel and see that something is terribly wrong, and his face is all scrunched up from the pain.
“I’m calling an ambulance.” I reach for my phone and call 9-11. I tell the dispatcher what is going on and that I think Gary may be having a heart attack. I stay with him until the ambulance arrives a few minutes later. Once the paramedics come in, they put him on a stretcher and start taking him away. They tell me I can’t go with him because I’m not family.
Gary’s hand reaches out to me. He grabs my hand where he places his keys to the restaurant. “Just in case I end up on the other side of the dirt, I want you to have these.” His voice sounds so weak. He closes my hand and gives it a small squeeze before they take him away.
I hate to see him go alone. The EMTs reassure me that he will be well-taken care of and won’t be able to have any visitors tonight anyway.
I make sure everything is locked up before I leave and start walking home. I welcome the long walk because I can’t stop thinking about poor Gary, all alone in the hospital. He spends way too much time at the Bistro. Most people his age are already well into retirement. He is overworking himself. It can practically run itself. The staff are all really dependable, so he really doesn’t need to be there so much. We can all see how much he loves it, though. He once told me that it was always his wife’s dream to own a small restaurant, but they never got around to it. After she died, he used her life insurance money to open the Bistro in her memory. So, I get how important it is and that it’s all he really has left of her. It’s so sweet how much he loved her.
When I arrive at Trojan Hall, I am surprised to see that someone is holding a party. There are people everywhere, most of them are pretty drunk already. Practically all of the doors to the rooms are open. There are plastic cups everywhere. Several kegs are sitting right outside of my room. “This should be an interesting night.”
Our door is one of the few that is closed and thankfully it’s empty. Shortly after I enter, Sarah comes storming in and starts rambling. “I’m not sure who is hosting this party, but it’s going to be so much fun. I’ve never seen so many people in my life. You’re coming out, right? You totally should because there are some really hot guys. And after the night I had, I think I deserve it.” I seriously don’t think she even took a breath through that entire speech. Apparently, she is wasted and I’m starting to think that she may not be handling this break-up all that well.
I debate on whether or not to agree. I’m not in the best mood, as it is. “I’m not sure I’m really interested in being surrounded by a bunch of drunk people, Sarah.”
“Come on. Please.” She pouts and pushes her bottom lip out making her look more like a monkey than a spoiled child.
I chuckle. Seeing her drunk is definitely amusing. “I really don’t think it’s a good idea. And maybe you should stop drinking, too. It looks like you’ve had enough.”
“Fine! You are such a party pooper. But can you at least have one drink? Please.” She grabs a red cup and starts batting her eyes.
“Sorry, Sarah. That’s not the way to convince me. I don’t swing that way.” I let out a belly laugh because she is cracking me up with her attempts to get me to go to this party.
She gets down on her knees holding up the plastic cup toward me. “PLEASE.”
“Okay. One drink.” I grab the cup from her, and we walk out into the hallway.
I start to pump the keg, but she grabs my hand and pulls me to the common area. “They have stronger drinks in here.”
I follow her and there are quite a few people here already making drinks. The counter is lined with a plethora of choices. She takes my cup and starts making me a drink. Not measuring anything, she pours about one third of the cup of rum and about the same amount of vodka, before I snatch it away from her and add some sprite to dilute her strange concoction. “Are you crazy? I’m not trying to get obliterated tonight. I have to work tomorrow.” She just shrugs her shoulders and makes herself a drink with who knows how many different kinds of hard liquor. I shoot her a concerned glare. “Please be careful. I really think you should slow down.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. I just need to let loose tonight. My classes and Brad are stressing me out.” She takes a sip of her cup and just cringes. Judging by the amount of alcohol she poured into her own cup, it must taste disgusting. I quiver at the thought of it.
She grabs my arm and yanks me toward a group of people sitting on the couches in the common area. Everyone is having a good time and talking. We sit down and Sarah introduces me to a few of the guys. Of course, they say their names, but I’m not really listening. One of them may have been named Kevin but I’m not positive and I really don’t care. I just keep thinking about Gary and hoping he is ok. Almost in unison, the guys all look behind me and acknowledge someone who just walked in, so I look behind me and I see Cam walking in with the girl I had seen him with previously.
He knows I live here. Why would he bring her here? This day can’t get any worse. I’m jealous and I hate that I feel this way. He never really belonged to me. I made myself pretty clear that I was done. I was sure we had something special, but I was too scared to put in the effort. I need to stop being such a baby. I finish my drink that has now made me more than a little tipsy and I get up almost losing my balance. It’s my cue to get the fuck out of here. “I’m going to bed. I’m really tired. It was nice meeting you guys.” I smile as I walk back to my room. I can’t be in the same room with Cam and his girlfriend. I’m not prepared, in the slightest, to witness any kind of display of affection between them.
Once in my room, I close the door behind me and just slam onto my bed. I look at the ceiling and the room is spinning. “Why the hell did I drink that?” I make a mental note to never let Sarah make my drink again.
Chapter 7
“WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? PLEASE! GET OFF OF ME!” I can’t believe this is happening to me again. It feels like a nightmare, except this is REAL. He really won’t move. I keep screaming but I don’t know if anyone can hear me. Everything is so loud. All I can hear is the bass from the music that is emanating from the hallway. He has his mouth all over me, forcing his tongue inside mine. He briefly breaks from the forceful kiss, probably to catch his breath. But he still has a tight grip on my wrists, and I can’t move.
“I’ve wanted this since the first time I saw you.” He gasps out his words.
I can feel his heavy breath on my skin. His weight shifts so he can lift up my shirt and expose my breasts. His hands are slowly moving down the skin on my stomach and he moves to unbutton my pants. Before I can protest again, he pulls them down along with my panties. I still can’t move, and tears are stinging my eyes and rushing down my face. I’m fully exposed and practically naked with my pants around my ankles. “Please STOP!” I slam my hands against his chest but it’s as if it has no effect on him.
As soon as he reaches down to unbutton his own pants, someone knocks on my door. He stops for a moment and his eyes meet mine. “Tell them to go away.” The interruption doesn’t even phase him, he just continues rubbing himself on my body.
My gut is tellin
g me to scream but I’m terrified of what he will do to me. I continue to cry, and I try to push the words out. “Please…just…go…away.” I’m not entirely sure if whoever knocking can even hear me through my bawling.
He continues to pull his pants down and reaches for his boxers. My door slightly opens, and I can hear Cam’s voice. “Are you crying? What is going on? Are you okay?” He continues to open the door and sticks his head in the partially open door. He must realize what is happening and that it isn’t consensual. He abruptly barges through the door, sending the door flying open and slamming against the wall. With a crazed look, he jumps into action and pulls Professor Mullins off me.
“Put your fucking pants back on, you piece of shit!” I’ve never heard him so loud. It’s a little disturbing.
Mullins pulls up his pants and looks back at Cam. “Relax. She wanted it just as much as I did. Seriously, you need to chill the fuck out.” Surely, not what someone would expect to come out of a Professor’s mouth.
I quickly put my panties and pants on and pull my shirt back down. I just sit and hold my knees to my chest and watch as Cam punches Mullins in the face causing his lip to split. There is blood dripping down his lip, but that doesn’t stop him. This guy is relentless. Mullins takes a swing but misses and stumbles onto the floor. Cam looks back at me and I can almost see something switch in his frame of mind. He turns back toward Mullins, grabs him up and pushes him out the door. “I’m not wasting any more time on you. You aren’t worth it. Get the fuck out!” He slams the door behind him and locks the door. He returns his attention to me trying to assess the situation.
“Holy shit! Are you okay?” His eyes are almost black. A mixture of rage and sympathy.
I’m trying to hold back the sobs so I can speak but I can’t. “I…”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything right now.” He leans over, keeping his body distant, and kisses me on the forehead as if he’s afraid to touch me.
I tug him toward the bed and scoot closer to the wall so he can sit on the bed next to me. He sits against the headboard, still keeping his distance, afraid of my reaction. I understand that he’s scared right now because I’m terrified, but surprisingly, I need his affection and for him to hold me. So, I pull him closer to me and nuzzle my head on his chest. He straightens himself out and slowly pushes his arm underneath me so he can wrap it around me. His touch is so comforting because the fear of being alone is overwhelming. My sobbing continues as I curl up into his body.
“Dani, I’m so sorry.” He sighs and gently places another kiss on the top of my head.
I’m surprised that I am able to form any words. “Don’t be.” I need to say so much more, but I don’t know if I’m ready. “You saved me. Thank you.”
I suddenly realize that he is in here when his girlfriend is out there. The feeling is unfamiliar. It’s a combination of being happy that he’s with me and not her, but the jealousy also comes through because he may just be here out of pity and nothing more. All my emotions are right at the surface, but I try to keep them inline. “Where is your girlfriend?”
“What?” He looks so confused.
“Your girlfriend? The girl you came with tonight, the one I saw you with last week?” I’m trying not to sound too judgmental. But it wasn’t a difficult question. Is he seriously playing dumb?
“Are you kidding me? I don’t have a girlfriend.” He’s actually offended.
“You don’t have to lie to me. You don’t owe me anything. I’m the one who wanted to end it. You have every right to have a girlfriend.” Jealousy is proving more difficult to hold back.
“You know what? You are absolutely adorable. Casey is my sister. She came to visit me and stayed with me for the week. She is considering attending USC next year, so she wanted me to give her a tour.” Deep down, I know he is telling me the truth.
I know, for a fact, that my cheeks are cherry red with embarrassment. All the heat from my body is being emitted from my face. “Really?” The fact that he really doesn’t have a girlfriend, makes my excitement obvious. So much for subtlety.
“Really. I told you how I felt about you. And one thing you should know about me is that I’m not a liar. You are unlike anyone I have ever met. I felt it the first time I saw you, but I stepped aside because Toby was set on asking you for your number. But when you gave him the wrong number, I took that as a sign.” He lifts my chin up and his eyes are fixated on mine.
His focus doesn’t faulter from my face. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. This past week has been horrible. I’m sure I have been the worst tour guide for Casey. So that’s why I brought her to the party so maybe she could have a little fun before she leaves tomorrow…. And…. I was hoping I would run into you. Not like this, of course.”
I feel like a complete asshole. I turn away from him out of complete humiliation. Sensing my discomfort, he moves himself closer, and his hands tenderly cup my face. He raises my head up so that he is gazing directly into my eyes.
“Listen, I know we haven’t known each other that long so it would be easy to just end this, but I feel a connection to you that I’m not prepared to lose.” His mouth is mere inches from mine, and the sudden urge to kiss him overcomes me.
Everything about this feels so wrong yet so right. My infatuation has been steadily growing and is beyond anything I have ever dealt with. It hits me out of nowhere, that I don’t want to lose him either.
“So, I know this is painful for you but we really should talk about what happened so we can figure out what we need to do.”
The event is still so fresh in my mind but I’m not sure if I should tell him what happened. He’s the last person that I want to disappoint. But, at the same time, I can’t keep running from my problems.
I take a deep breath to gather the strength to say it aloud. “So, after I saw you come in, I just couldn’t be out there. It hurt me to see you with her and I’m not sure why because I obviously told you that I didn’t want this. But for some reason, I felt jealous of seeing you with her because I did feel something for you. I was just scared.” I pause for a moment and look away because the truth, at this particular moment, is extremely difficult. “Anyway, I came back to my dorm and just decided I would avoid the rest of the party. Mullins came in and he started talking about my assignment. I just kept thinking how strange it was that he was here on a Friday night, especially to discuss an assignment that isn’t due for another couple of weeks. Something seemed off about him, like maybe he was drunk. He stood at the door, for a while, just watching me. It was so chilling. Then, all of a sudden, he was sitting next to me. And before I knew it, he was on top of me and I couldn’t push him off.” The tears are now cascading down my face.
Cam reaches up and wipes the tears off my face and grabs my hand; his fingers intertwine with mine. They fit together perfectly. It’s as if they were made for each other.
“I understand if you want to leave. This is my mess, not yours.”
“You can’t be serious! This is not your mess and it certainly is not your fault.” His tone is a little harsh. He doesn’t speak for a moment. “I’m sorry. I just hate that you want to take this on yourself. I want to help you. Please, let me help you.” Calmness returns to his voice.
“You may not understand, but I’m used to handling problems on my own. I’ve been doing it my entire life. My family isn’t exactly the most supportive. And for the most part, I hide my feelings and my pain from everyone. It’s just what I have always done.” But that’s where I’m wrong. I don’t really handle my own problems; I bury them. My nightmares are proof that I don’t cope with my issues. The realization makes me shudder and the waterworks begin to gush again.
Uneasiness spreads over Cam’s face. “Are you okay?”
I shake my head because I know I’m not okay and I don’t know if I will ever be okay. I’m not sure how much longer I can deal with this shame.
“We need to figure out how to get that asshole to pay for
what he did to you.” He sounds adamant.
“It didn’t get far enough for anything to actually happen. And no one will believe me, anyway.”
“He would have if I hadn’t walked in. And that is not okay. We have to try. We can go to the police and report it.” He’s not giving up.
“Trust me. Going to the police is useless. I just want to forget about it.” This is not the time to bring my past to the surface and I know it will be if I report this to the police.
He persists. “You can’t just let this go. That pervert deserves what’s coming to him.”
“Can we please just drop it? I don’t want to go to the police.” My words are as hard as stone.
Awkward silence takes over the room until he gets off the bed. “I should probably go. I have to take my sister back to my apartment to pack.”
“Ok. I’m sorry about tonight.” I really don’t want him to leave but I understand that he can’t leave his sister out there while he’s in here comforting me.
He reaches down and grabs my hands to pull me off the bed. “Don’t ever be sorry about what happened. This is not your fault.” Still holding my hands, he brings my left hand up to his mouth and kisses the top of it. “Please lock the door after I leave.”
He leans in to kiss my cheek, but I need more than a delicate goodbye kiss. I grab his face with both hands and plant a hard kiss on his soft lips. His lips curve up and I can feel the big smile on his face while we kiss. He squeezes me and walks out the door. I close the door behind him and lock it. I just stand there with huge grin on my face. As much as this day sucked, Cam somehow saved it and snuck back into my life just like in my nightmare. Maybe my nightmares are trying to tell me something. Maybe this is meant to be.
Now that I’m alone with my thoughts, I feel disgusting and I realize that I need to take a shower to get some of the repulsiveness off of me. I’m frozen with fear at the fact that I have to leave my room for the bathroom because I’m afraid Mullins may still be around and that he might come back to finish what he started. But I also can’t sit here in this filth, so I grab my caddy, walk through the crowd of the party, and into the bathroom.
A Broken Past Page 5