by Holly Ice
‘Try his door.’
I sighed. Ludis wasn’t in his room, and if he was comforting his mother, he was best left to it. He’d have commed if he needed me. ‘I’ll meet him there.’
‘Why don’t you stay here tonight instead?’
‘No.’
‘Why not? You don’t seem to like anyone at this party. Wouldn’t it be better to stay here, or go upstairs with us?’
‘Yes, because making small talk with my parents’ colleagues is the best way for me to celebrate arriving in our new star system.’ I shook my head and left.
* * *
Deck C-15 had been transformed into something resembling an Earth rave. Lights flashed in grids, pinned to the walls on thin nets. They cycled through colours – red, orange, yellow. Other lights roamed the air like shooting stars. Bodies packed close beneath their light, swaying and thrashing to the beat of the entertainment sector’s best mixers and musicians, their skin slick with the heat. Everyone under thirty had to be here, and a few over. I rose to tiptoe. Chargers were near the stairs to the maintenance decks below, the bowls of green pills already half-empty, while cocktails were to my left.
Ludis wasn’t here, but I couldn’t retreat. I pushed through the crowd, dodging elbows and hips, and grabbed myself a luminous green cocktail. The minty taste tickled my tongue, while its usual strength smacked the back of my throat, but I downed it and grabbed another – this one bright blue and sweet. Both varieties were overdone for my taste, but they beat natural algae flavour and helped me fit into the crowd. Just another drinker.
Fingers tiptoed around my waist and pulled me back against a hard chest. Not now, please not now. I looked down, saw Micah’s familiar olive skin, and pulled away. I’d told him I wasn’t his to paw – especially in public – but dosed with chargers and alcohol, he was never anything but trouble. In those melted-on trousers and a crisp shirt, his hair an artful mess, he was a lecherous devil.
‘Come here. You weren’t so keen to leave last night.’ He stroked my cheek and pressed a kiss to the soft skin at the base of my neck. ‘Why are you brushing me off tonight, hmm?’
‘You know why.’
I closed my eyes. He was playing up our relationship, which wouldn’t be for my benefit. I took a deep gulp of my blue drink and plastered on a smile before I peered around him.
Yara was here with Ratan, her wide smile outshining mine as it dug deep into every last dreg of disgust I felt for sleeping with the ship’s dick dipper. Perfect. May as well have left my bedhead alone this morning.
Ratan nodded to my drink rather than me. ‘Yara said you’d be here. Nice of you to bless us with your presence, kin kid.’
‘It’s not that unusual.’
‘Is it not? I think this is the first time I’ve seen you here for—’
‘Since Quinn left her, a year ago,’ Yara cut in, the needless frills of her blue dress bouncing around her shoulders with her enthusiasm. ‘She doesn’t look as happy as she did then. Is something wrong with our lovely Micah’s attentions?’
I gulped more of my drink and let my eyes linger in its depths, at the ripple of liquid at my hand’s tiniest movements, at how the ripples grew larger as I tightened my grip. ‘I didn’t feel like partying after the break-up.’
She waved a hand and reached for a yellow drink. ‘I wouldn’t miss a party over a man, and I wouldn’t look so sour over a man of Micah’s stock.’ She winked at him.
Whether the wink was meant to irritate me or entice Micah, with the way her dress stretched over her curves, I believed her. She wouldn’t miss a chance to put herself in the spotlight for anyone, whatever the damage. She loved herself too much to hide away.
Micah rested a hand on my butt and squeezed. ‘Errai saves her appreciation for our private time.’
I removed his hand. The idiot had practically broadcast how often we were in bed together. He knew I’d hate this, and he’d done it anyway!
Ratan’s gaze slid to my bum, then away. ‘I’ll leave you to my brother.’ He merged into the crowd, heading for the densest area near the band. Yara hurried to follow, but Micah lingered, a cocky smile spreading across his face. He should have left.
‘My brother’s pet really hates you.’
‘Yes, we’ve established this.’
‘Are you angry?’ He kissed along my jaw and down my neck, each kiss quick, wet, and nowhere near my shiver zones.
‘They’re gone. You can stop.’
‘I’m enjoying you. Don’t often see you dressed for a party. I like it.’
He continued his kisses, building a crowd. Tank kids watched, as if I were a strange animal. And how they cringed. I stilled, frozen in place, refusing to give them the satisfaction of a reaction. It didn’t bother Micah. He’d always relished the taboo element of mixed kin and tank kid relationships, but this… I swallowed and stared into the middle distance. His kisses lacked the heat the same move had in his cabin because here he was doing it for a reaction, and not mine.
‘Are you done?’
He lowered his lashes and nibbled at my ear. ‘For now, my sweet.’
I pinched the bridge of my nose, downed the sickly blue drink, and pushed the empty glass into his chest until he took it. ‘I think we’re done.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘You mean tonight?’ He placed the glass on the drinks table, his shoulders set with confidence.
We’d discussed this before. He enjoyed the taboo element of sleeping with me, but parading me for others’ entertainment went well beyond what I could accept. He wasn’t even apologetic. ‘No. You and I are done. Every night.’
‘If that’s your wish.’ He took two drinks, walked away, and cosied up to a girl on the far edge of the dance floor, though still within my eye line.
She turned away from him, nose wrinkled, but he persisted, leaning into her personal space and giving her the best of his handsome smiles until she was giggling at his jokes.
We’d fallen into bed out of convenience, but after three months, I hadn’t thought it would be that easy for him to walk away – if only because I was the most risqué choice around. He hadn’t even paused.
‘You’re well rid of him.’ Ludis slung an arm around my shoulders. ‘I said I’d bring you. Couldn’t wait?’
‘You took too long to answer.’
‘Yeah, sorry. Dealing with Mum.’
‘How’d it go?’
He grimaced, slipping a charger into my hand and a second onto his tongue. The pills were frowned upon but not illegal, and one of the few momentary escapes available on this ship. ‘How about we charge up and dance for the next few hours?’ His green pill fizzled to nothing as I watched.
‘You can’t charge alone.’ I swallowed my pill and waited for the prickles on my arms, the sensitivity to light and heat that came with the heightened senses. The buzz from my drink intensified too, blurring the lights.
More than anything, I wanted to escape this damned ship. The overpowering need started with an itch beneath my skin, a craving to run and keep running until I left all this behind, but I was used to that feeling. It was amplified every time I indulged in a charger’s high, so I contained it, pushed it down into concentrated energy. Energy I could work with.
Ludis drew me among the dancers. ‘Feeling it already, aren’t you?’
‘You know I am.’
‘You should sign up for navigation. You could explore the new system, get your nose into something worthwhile.’
Explore it on paper maybe, but it wasn’t worth the hassle. ‘They wouldn’t want me.’
‘You can’t know that until you try.’
‘And spend days, weeks, months, being judged and then thrown out once they find an excuse? Better to stay in food, beneath their notice.’
‘I think you’d do great.’
‘You think a lot of things.’
His reply faded into the background as I focused on swaying, moving my feet to the music and imagining I was somewhere else, dancing in water or over
grass. It helped with the feeling that the walls were closing in to imagine I was free, even for a moment.
Ludis twirled me so the lights flew past and melted into each other, becoming one long rainbow as I spun this way and that, stumbling through the crowd until I lost Ludis… and bumped into someone who quickly righted me but didn’t let go.
Even held still, my head was spinning.
‘Errai, are you okay?’ Quinn’s eyes were a lustrous amber brown under the charger’s effects, his dark skin peppered with tiny cuts where he’d shaped the stubble around his mouth. And his voice rasped with a shiver-inducing burr.
I pressed my cheek to his and drew in his spicy scent. ‘You look amazing.’ And he smelt addictive.
Quinn had the softest smile, but he was already pulling away after a quick glance over my shoulder. ‘I should go.’
I ached to watch where he went, who he spent time with, but forced myself to meet Ludis’s questioning gaze instead. ‘Did you have to make him leave? I only bumped into him.’
‘That’s all?’
‘He set me back on my feet.’
‘After you nuzzled him.’ Ludis frowned. ‘How many drinks did you have before the charger?’
‘Two.’
‘And how quickly did you drink them?’
I stared at the floor and willed the room to stop moving so I could think up something believable.
Ludis sighed. ‘You let them get to you. That’s why they push you, for the reaction.’
‘Quinn didn’t say anything.’
‘Not him. Yara and Ratan.’
I rolled my eyes, the pressure in my chest rising as my grip on my emotions tired. ‘Well, I don’t have a choice about how I feel, do I? Be pleased, at least you’ve seen the last of Micah.’
‘That’s one good decision tonight.’
‘Yeah? Who am I going to sleep with now?’ What right did Ludis have to decide which of my decisions were correct, anyway?
Ludis cursed. ‘Is that all you think about?’
‘No.’ But bumping into Quinn and getting a good look at the way his dark shirt sat on his broad shoulders, and how his trousers ran over the curve of his behind as he walked away, was not prompting my most innocent thoughts. ‘It’s not all I think about, but what else is there to do for fun in this metal shell?’ I went for the drinks table.
Ludis was quick to follow but didn’t make it in time to stop me downing a third drink. I didn’t even bother to catch the colour. ‘Happy new colony! Everyone hates me, but I’m sure we’ll have a utopia in no time if I follow Ludis’s stellar advice.’ I reached for a fourth drink but Ludis caught my hand.
‘Don’t do this, not here. You sound selfish, and you’ll regret this in the morning.’
I crossed my arms. ‘Selfish? This isn’t just about me. I think it’s wonderful that we’ll arrive on our new home planet, but it won’t be perfect. People put up with kin kids because they have to. They’re as trapped as I am. With a whole planet to play with, the crew could force us to fend for ourselves.’
‘You’re being ridiculous.’
‘Am I? You’re a tank kid, you don’t get it. Walk a few shifts in my coveralls. Then tell me I’m overreacting.’
‘I think that’s enough self-destruction for one night.’ Ludis yanked me off my feet and into his arms, carrying me across his chest so I had no hope of reaching the ground.
I kicked my legs at the air anyway, the accompanying drunk giddiness mildly amusing. ‘Where are you taking me?’
‘Back to bed. Clearly, you weren’t ready to be here. I’m sorry, the chargers probably didn’t help.’
‘So it’s my fault they hate me? I should be ready for their prejudices, should I? Accept them, even?’
Ludis closed his eyes and I felt his sigh. ‘That’s not what I said.’
It’s what he meant, though. He thought if I opened up, made friends with all these hateful people, they’d grow to like me, and my family’s choice to give birth to me from their own egg and sperm would fall aside as something as unimportant as hair or skin colour. Because that made sense, but logic had no say in this place. I couldn’t even kiss a tank kid without drawing a crowd.
But I was too tired to fight him… I rested on his shoulder as the lights doubled and smudged. A moment of clarity made me wonder if I really would regret my words in the morning, but the concern slipped away as Ludis tackled the stairs.
Tank kids stared and snorted as I passed. Some pushed us on our way, harder than necessary. But even through the ridicule, and the nausea from downing three drinks closer to paint stripper than alcohol, I felt the weight of familiar eyes. I squinted over Ludis’s shoulder and caught Quinn’s warm gaze. What did he think of me now? The next time I closed my eyes, they grew heavy, weighed down by his stare.
Chapter 3
The cabin lights had brightened ten minutes ago, but constant buzzing was what made me pull my heavy limbs from bed and into my shift coveralls. It had to be Ludis. Mum and Dad wouldn’t hear about my meltdown till after today’s shift.
‘You can stop knocking. I’m coming.’
I unlocked the door and Ludis stormed in, arms crossed. So, this was more than a morning alarm. And he was talking, though not much was going in. ‘Ludis, stop. Give me a minute.’
My head was in sensation free fall, processing my dreams and catching up to the current minute, the smell of my body prior to a shower – I really needed a shower – the smear of lipstick across my cheek, the pulling sensation from having my hair in plaits, the scuff of coveralls on my thighs as I walked. It was all amplified and hitting me in waves, and Ludis was talking over it. He knew better, even if he did deserve an apology. Post-charger flares were the worst.
I drew in deep breaths and focused on one sense at a time until the flare calmed enough for me to hear footsteps in the next cabin and the impatient rate of Ludis’s breath without all my senses overlapping.
‘Done?’
I groaned and rubbed sleep from my eyes. ‘Just about. Did I really mouth off about the colony? Tell me I dreamt that part.’
He relaxed a little. ‘No, that came out loud and clear.’
‘Fantastic.’ A celebration for our final arrival and I’d judged the new colony already. Charged or not, that would win me no friends. ‘Sorry for going crazy, and thanks for bringing me home.’
‘Forget it. I shouldn’t have pushed you, especially when you were charged.’
‘So were you banging down my door to demand an apology, or something else?’
‘I went to my nav shift. We have news from the latest planet scans.’
‘Big news?’
‘Yeah. I thought you might have slept through the announcement, so…’ He spread his hands.
‘I definitely did.’ I looked down at my creased outfit and wetted a finger to rid my cheek of the worst of the lipstick. ‘Do I have to go anywhere?’
‘No. Text and voice announcement only.’ It couldn’t be too terrible or he’d have blurted it out.
‘What do we know?’
He sat on my sofa. ‘Vetila is too hot.’
Disappointing, but Vetila had always been an unlikely bet. ‘And the others?’
‘Midal is cold, arctic cold, but the atmosphere has what we need.’
I raised an eyebrow. ‘So why aren’t you happy?’
‘We’re not sure about the ratios of oxygen to the other gases.’
‘So, not suitable?’
‘Techs think not.’
‘And Ristar?’ I grabbed a brush and yanked it through my hair, anything to keep my hands busy. Ristar was our last chance at life planet-side. Three planets thought to have the highest chance of habitability when the Courage had left the solar system, down to just one in minutes…
Ludis grinned and I stopped mid-pull, the brush sticking out from my tangles. ‘Don’t leave me in suspense!’
Ludis extracted the brush and set it on the bed. ‘Preliminary scans detected oxygen. We should be able to breat
he on the surface.’
‘Gravity?’ My calves were so tense I was sure one would cramp.
‘Lighter than ours, but we’d get used to it.’
‘If there’s oxygen, there could be foliage, water?’
Ludis rubbed his eyes. ‘I was as bad as you this morning and barely got a look before the techs were all over it, but it’s possible.’
I nodded and browsed through my comm device. ‘Salt water or no?’
‘Will I have to pull you away from planet records for anything non-Ristar-related?’
‘Most likely. So, the water?’
‘No idea. You’re crazy for not choosing colonial studies, or research. You live for this stuff.’
‘Research means spending more time with Mum than I can handle on a daily basis.’ She’d react to every slight with an uncompromising demand for equality.
‘What did colonial do?’
‘I didn’t get the grades.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘Right. Well, there’s something you need to see before you sink further into research.’
‘And this is more important than analysing the only data we have on planet life?’ Any small snippet in those files could be invaluable information on the ground.
‘You need to see this.’
I sighed and shut down my comm. ‘Where are we going?’
‘Food hall.’
‘Okay, but it’s nearly my shift.’
‘It shouldn’t take long. You ready?’
I swept the room to see if I was missing anything, grabbed the brush to finish off my hair and threw it into a ponytail. ‘Going to tell me what this is about?’
‘A chance to see Ristar, in person.’
The shower could wait.
* * *
The food hall was never this busy before first shift. I’d pulled up short at the crowd, but it was stupid to be surprised. The crew had waited for our arrival, wished for it, imagined themselves first on the ground. Of course a chance to see Ristar would be well attended.