“I know.” She tapped her empty tumbler on the table. “Sometimes I fantasize, though.”
“I miss everything about the US Attorney’s Office,” she said honestly. “I’m in a good place, though. Even though this wasn’t part of my original plan, I think it’s going to be good for me.” Sometimes she said the words just to put some positive energy out into the universe.
“I want to hear everything.”
Briana walked Dylan through her first few weeks at Jessup Finch Silo Toussaint. Even though she’d given Dylan highlights every day, it felt nice to explain her transition like the narrative it was. Dylan asked a thousand questions, and over their entrees, she answered each one in detail. When she got to the Hyde case, she took her time with a thorough overview until she knew it was time to come clean.
“There is something you should know,” she started.
“What’s up?”
“I have to go to Florida with JJ.”
Dylan looked up from her scallops. “Okay,” she said, but her face dropped a little. “Just the two of you?”
“No. There’ll be an intern or a law fellow with us,” she said, even though she wasn’t entirely certain of that detail.
“If I ask you something, will you be honest with me?”
She hated that Dylan had any doubts. “Of course I will.”
“How is JJ with you?”
This wasn’t about workload or cases, or professional experience. Or even friendship, for that matter. Dylan wanted to know if everything with JJ was on the level. But in the time it took her to respond, Dylan withdrew her question.
“You know what? I take it back.” She placed her utensils neatly on the side of her plate. “Not gonna lie, I’m dealing with a fair amount of jealousy.” She rested her forehead on the base of her hand. “And I hate it.” She took a deep breath and added, “But I trust you. This is your job, and I completely support you.”
“Baby, it is just work.” Briana touched the tiny cleft in Dylan’s chin, and Dylan kissed her hand.
“When’s the trip?”
“Next week. Wednesday.”
“Will you be back by Friday?”
“It’s an overnighter. We are literally doing two interviews. Zip down. Take depositions. Fly back.”
“Next Friday night is Kevin’s promotion dinner out in Long Island. My mother’s husband,” Dylan clarified. “It’s nothing fancy. Just my mom and Kevin and my little brothers.” She fidgeted with the end of the tablecloth. “It would mean a lot to me if you were there. I’d like my family to meet you.”
It was official. Vulnerable Dylan was just as hot as confident Dylan. Briana stroked the side of her face. “I wouldn’t miss it.” She caressed her thigh under the table. “I’m curious, though. Will I get the third degree?” She giggled at her need for advance warning. “I guess what I’m wondering is how your family acts with women you bring home.”
“I honestly don’t know.” Dylan squeezed her hand, but her smile was filled with nervous anticipation. “Guess we’ll find out next Friday.”
Chapter Twenty-seven
“Come on, come on, come on.”
Dylan checked her watch against the scheduled arrival time of Briana’s flight from Miami. She’d been doing mental math all afternoon, trying to factor for the building weekend traffic as she calculated the travel time from John F. Kennedy airport to her mom’s house in Suffolk County.
When Briana’s overnight work trip expanded into two full days, Dylan willed herself not to hit the panic button. Briana loved her, and this was just work. She repeated it over and over in her head and even stayed calm when Briana called to say the final interview was pushed to Friday morning. Dylan went with the flow and offered to meet Briana’s flight. JFK was en route to Long Island, and they could still make dinner with the fam.
The pit in her stomach started as she paced the terminal, but she ignored it. It wasn’t foreboding. Maybe she was just hungry. Briana’s flight would land soon, even though the arrival board was posting a delayed status. She just had to stay positive. It was probably just air traffic control trying to manage hundreds of flights coming and going. Nonetheless, she sought out airline staff to see if she could get any additional details. Human resources referred her to the airline app, which was frozen. All she knew was that the clock was ticking down, and Briana was still in transit.
Like a gift from the gods, her phone buzzed, and she felt her pulse regulate at Briana’s name on the screen.
“Please tell me you’re circling JFK, waiting for a runway to land,” she said.
“Dylan, I am so sorry,” Briana said. “I’ve been on the tarmac for two hours. We had no cell service, nothing. I couldn’t even contact you until right now.”
“Wait. Where are you?”
“At the airport in Miami. They just had us deplane after boarding hours ago.”
“No.” There was no way this was happening. “I don’t understand. You’re still in Florida?”
“I tried to text you. Nothing went through. My messages all failed to send.” Dylan doubled over, like the wind had been knocked out of her. Briana was talking, but her explanation was muted by the sound of her head pounding like a pile driver. She closed her eyes and tried to control her instant nausea as she focused on Briana’s voice. “After the storm passed, there was some issue with the plane itself. Allegedly we’ll be boarding a new aircraft in twenty minutes.”
Dylan stood up just to get some air in her lungs. “You’ll never make it.”
“I’m so, so sorry, baby.”
“It’s fine.” She needed to get off the phone. “I gotta go.”
“Are you okay?” Briana asked.
“Yep,” she lied.
“Dylan?”
She’d almost hung up but caught it just in time. “What?”
“I am really sorry.”
Maybe she was, maybe she wasn’t. It hardly mattered right now. “Sure,” she said, knowing her voice sounded as cold as she felt. “I guess, let me know when you make it home,” she added.
“Dylan, wait.” She heard Briana’s plea in the distance as she ended the call and mentally prepared to head east and face her family solo.
* * *
Dylan slipped the basketball between her legs as she dribbled up the street. She hated the amount of restless energy she had. It was only three o’clock, and she’d already caught up on all her laundry and completed a few handy projects at her brownstone. She was actually annoyed at how simple the install of her video doorbell turned out to be because she’d been counting on the task to occupy some serious time. Now she had to come up with other means of stimulation. She’d even reached out to Trevor to see if they needed any extra help at the plant. But everything was under control. Everything except her personal life.
It was colder than it should be for May, and the shorts and hoodie she’d opted for weren’t really cutting it, so she broke into a light jog to warm up. Once she hit the outdoor court, she began with Mikan drills, using the exercise to shore up her post play and rebound game. Side to side she banked layups from under the hoop. Simple, straightforward, effective.
Why wasn’t life this easy?
She’d posed the question to herself rhetorically, but the answer was clear as the blue sky above. Life had been this easy. Until she’d gone and complicated things. If there was a reason she didn’t do serious relationships, the last twenty-four hours was an example highlighted in bright yellow marker.
Briana had sent several texts over the course of last night and this morning. But other than a thumbs-up to Briana’s arrival home at ten thirty, Dylan couldn’t bring herself to respond. Logically, she knew the flight fiasco wasn’t Briana’s fault. But she also knew her angst was about way more than a missed dinner. She was stressed about Briana being away with JJ for three days. What if she suddenly didn’t measure up? And even if those fears were just insecurity besting her, what if she and Briana ran out of common ground now that they didn’t have work to
fall back on? If the last month was any indication, their competing schedules would always make it a challenge to find time for each other.
But maybe that was by design. Briana had left the US Attorney’s Office. She accepted a case that had taken her out of New York for days in a row, and by her own admission, that lawsuit was just getting underway. Who knew how many more out of state trips were in her future?
Dylan took an ugly shot from the perimeter. How had she missed the signs?
Briana was pulling away. Of course, she was. And suddenly it all made perfect sense. New job, late nights, work trips. Dylan had been so caught up in her own emotions that she’d shut her eyes to it. Briana was letting her down easy. Pulling the bandage off slowly, giving the exposed wound time to scab and heal, so as not to leave her completely damaged and bleeding when she walked out of her life.
Fuck that.
This wasn’t her first heartbreak, not by a long shot. Even if it was her first experience with falling in love, she’d been let down plenty of times before. A therapist might argue it was exactly why she’d avoided serious relationships at all costs. She’d taken Psych 101, she knew the drill, and she didn’t need to be analyzed to know the remedy. Acknowledge, cope, recover. Most importantly, move on.
She needed to go back to basics. Do what she did best. Draw upon her training and experience and keep things simple. Channeling her anger into resolve, she fanned out to three-point range and sank a jumper, registering an odd sense of satisfaction at the crisp snap of the net.
“Nice shot.”
Briana’s voice was a surprise, but her internal pep talk gave her the strength she needed to deal.
“Thanks,” she said, shuffling in for the rebound before dropping a fadeaway in the paint.
“Did you play in college?” Briana asked.
“I did.” She dribbled to the top of the key. “I went to Kingsborough,” she said idly, remembering her old uniform. “We were pretty good for our division. I liked it because I got to actually get in the game. If I’d gone to a real university, instead of community college, I doubt I would have had much success.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I don’t know,” she said, taking another shot. “Because it’s the truth, I guess.”
Briana awkwardly grabbed the rebound. “You’re avoiding me,” she said as she passed the ball back.
Dylan shrugged. It was the truth. To pretend otherwise was pointless.
“I’m sorry about yesterday. Did I mess up things with your family?”
“Not really. Cynthia asked what happened. My brothers made fun of me for not being able to maintain a relationship. Typical teenage bullshit.”
“Ouch.”
“Whatever.” She popped a shot from the baseline. “Not really sure I disagree.”
“What?” Briana looked confused and offended, but Dylan wasn’t ready to qualify her statement, so she changed the subject.
“How did you find me?” she asked.
“After you didn’t answer my calls or texts, I went to your house. I was sitting on the stoop for twenty minutes. Your tenant finally came outside and said you left with your basketball. She was kind enough to point me in the direction of the court.”
“Marie.” Dylan clenched her jaw. “Remind me to raise her rent when I get back.” She was obviously kidding, but it came out sharp, and Briana didn’t miss it.
“Why are you being like this? I’m sorry I missed dinner. I really am. I get that it was a big deal. And I know you’re hurt. But I had no control over what happened at the airport.”
“You did have control over leaving, though.” She raised her eyebrows in challenge as she directly referenced Briana’s departure from the US Attorney’s Office. “Let’s not forget that.”
“Dylan, we’ve been over this. I did that for us.”
“Really?” She bounced the ball hard against the concrete and winced when it jammed her finger. “Right now”—she squared her shoulders at the hoop—“it feels a whole lot like you did it for you.”
“Why would you say that?”
Dylan knew she was being harsh, but it was the only way she could stay firm. And while she didn’t believe her statement was wholly true, she didn’t think it was totally false either. “Look, Bri.” She grabbed her own rebound and held the ball against her hip. “Maybe this, us,” she said, waving between them as she caught her breath, “has just run its course. You know?”
“No, I don’t know.” Briana looked completely dumbfounded, and it broke Dylan a little. “Are you breaking up with me? Over a messed-up flight?” she asked.
Briana hugged herself, and Dylan could see she was cold. It took everything not to drop the ball and go to her. Fold her in her arms to warm her up, kiss her, and forgive her all transgressions, past and future. But this was about more than a delayed flight, and she needed to stay strong.
“It’s not over the flight. Not really.”
“But you are ending this?” Her tone was more anger than pain, at least in this moment, and Dylan didn’t really know how to make her understand that it was the best to cut ties before it got any harder.
“Look, you’re busy with work. I’m busy with the case,” she said. “I just think it makes sense right now.”
“Um. It doesn’t. Not to me, anyway.”
Dylan didn’t have the heart or the patience to break it down for Briana. She was too busy using every ounce of her being to keep from falling apart in the middle of the basketball court. And where Briana might not consciously see the connections, Dylan knew this path all too well.
“Trust me, this is for the best.”
“None of this makes any sense.” Briana sniffled and squared her jaw, and Dylan could see the tears forming. “I’m honestly at a total loss right now.”
Dylan didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t attribute her actions or her apprehension to any one thing in particular. She just knew that this was what she needed to do right now to protect herself. “I think in your heart you know I’m right.”
“You’re wrong.” Briana swiped at a tear. “You’re scared. I know it’s different now than it was. Harder, in a way, because we’re not working together. The opportunity to see each other just to check in and get that reassurance is gone. I get it. I’m struggling too. But I’m not running away.”
“You already did.”
Briana looked like she was going to sob, but she crossed her arms and pursed her lips and said nothing.
Dylan fought the sting in her throat. “I’m sorry,” she said, hoping her apology covered both her mean-spiritedness and initiating their split. She pulled Briana close, so she wouldn’t see that she was on the verge of losing it.
“Please.” Briana begged through her tears. “Please don’t do this.”
Dylan hated every second of saying good-bye, but she blocked out her pain and channeled the part of her that knew the end was inevitable. Even if Briana was still partially invested in their relationship, it would wane. Nobody stuck around for her. That was a fact. Not her dad when she was a kid, not her mom when she was in high school. Even her grandfather had chosen to spend his final years in New Jersey with her uncle rather than stick it out with her in Brooklyn.
It was better to end things now before it was impossible to let go.
Dylan held her tight and closed her eyes even though she knew it would force her own tears to fall. Unable to speak any words at all, she kissed the top of Briana’s soft, gorgeous hair before she found her lips one final time.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Where some people went through the stages of grief in order over time, Briana was busy experiencing a medley of the full cycle on a daily basis.
Anger and depression battled it out for the bulk of her attention, but there was no denying she was still in shock over the turn of events, even a month later. She simply could not come to grips with the fact that Dylan had dumped her. So much for acceptance, she thought with a laugh. Most days, moving on see
med a summit she might never reach. Much of the time she didn’t even particularly aspire to it. Because she knew that milestone would mean Dylan was gone for good.
“Do you think she misses me?” Briana had been leaning on Stef for emotional support since minute one. This was probably the hundredth conversation they’d embarked on as she struggled to find meaning.
“Honey.” Stef handed her a glass of white as she joined her on the couch. “I am one thousand percent sure of it.”
It was nice to hear her bestie say it even though her opinion did nothing to change the circumstances. “If you’re right, and Dylan misses me…” Briana held one finger up as she paused to sip her wine.
“I can’t believe you’re doubting me,” Stef teased.
“I want to believe you,” she said. “The thing is, if she misses me and I miss her, isn’t this just a waste of time?”
“Yes.” Stef leaned forward the way she did when she was crafting a summation. “Which is why we need to put our heads together and come up with a strategy to fix it.”
“Well, she won’t even talk to me. So good luck.” Briana raised her glass, pretending to give up.
“What if you sent flowers?”
“Me?” Briana pointed at her own chest completely on the defensive. “You think I should send flowers to her?”
“Don’t get all gender-stereotypy about it. Or in this case, bogged down by what might be expected from traditional butch-femme roles.”
“Oh, I’m not.” Briana couldn’t believe Stef thought she was so shallow. “First of all, I don’t think the binary breaks down like that.”
“Why are you so horrified, then?”
“Flowers are so…I don’t know.” They just seemed wrong. Briana cozied into the sofa, trying to find the right words to explain why the suggestion irked her. She wasn’t above a grand gesture that might get Dylan to reconsider their relationship, but flowers felt like an apology, and she didn’t think she’d done anything wrong. “Flowers feel like an admission of guilt.”
“I don’t think that’s necessarily true. At least I hope it isn’t.” Stef let out a nervous laugh. “JJ sent roses to my office last week.”
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