Before she could respond, Jake came out into the hall. “Cal, what are—”
As Jake stopped dead, Cal said to him, “You know what, you’re on your own.” Then he walked back through the door, and Libby was left facing Jake alone.
His blue eyes never left her face. “I thought you were gone.”
“Don’t worry. I’m leaving,” she said, and would have if he hadn’t spoken again.
He surprised her by saying, “That picture you gave Sarge, he’s thrilled with it.”
She didn’t want small talk. “I thought you were gone, too. Then you just…just show up.”
“So did you,” he said with a shrug, his voice almost flat.
“I’ll let you get back to visiting Sarge. I know he’s happy you’re here. I’m glad you came back for his sake.” Nerves were beginning to make her feel light-headed, and she tried to leave again. “Goodbye,” she said, but he stopped her with a question.
“How’s your dancing?” he asked as if he was really interested in it.
“I don’t dance anymore,” she said. She still played the Christmas music, but never “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”
“Oh, that’s too bad.” He seemed genuinely sorry. “What does Roger think about that?”
She exhaled to try to ease the tightness in her chest. “He doesn’t care one way or the other.”
“Is he at the ranch?”
“No.” Roger had contacted her once since they’d broken up. He’d left a voice mail on her cell to let her know he received the ring, and he couldn’t fathom what she’d done to the two of them. It hadn’t angered her or hurt her. She was just relieved it was over. “He’s back on-site,” she admitted.
“You’re okay with that?” he asked as he took a step closer to her.
Libby couldn’t take any more polite questions and answers. “Goodbye, Jake,” she said, then turned and walked away, making her escape. She hurried down the corridor, through the reception area and out to her Jeep, the only vehicle in the parking lot. There was no huge black truck anywhere in sight. She got into the Jeep and started the engine, but she wasn’t going anywhere until she calmed down enough to drive.
She gripped the top of steering wheel, then leaned forward to rest her forehead on her hands. She tried to breathe evenly, then the passenger door opened suddenly. She turned, and Jake was slipping onto the passenger seat. He glanced into the back seat, then looked at her as he closed the door. “Pax didn’t come with you?”
“No, he’s getting fat and lazy,” she muttered, and sat back in the seat.
“You never let me ask a question,” he said, gazing at her.
“What question?”
“Are you spending Christmas alone at the ranch?”
His features seemed sharper, and she could see more fine lines at his eyes. She didn’t want to be this close to him. “If I answer you, will you go away?”
“Depends,” he said.
She sighed heavily. “No, I’m with Pax at the ranch.”
“That’s okay with you?”
She knew what he was trying to ask, so she told him. “Roger and I aren’t together anymore.”
Jake really looked legitimately surprised. “What?”
Libby held her left hand up and wiggled her bare fingers. “See, no embarrassingly huge diamond to throw at you.”
He didn’t smile at that. “Do you always tell a man that you love him and think he’s terrific, then break up with him?” he asked.
“What are you talking about?”
“I saw you saying that to Roger on the phone.”
She started to bite her bottom lip but stopped and took a breath. “I did love Roger, but I was never in love with him.”
She heard Jake release a harsh breath before he asked, again in that flat tone, “You canceled everything?”
“Yes.”
She could feel the tension growing in her and she just wanted him to get out, but he kept talking to her. “No dancing, no three hundred guests or a string quartet?”
“No engagement, no wedding, so no dancing,” she said.
He frowned slightly but took his time to speak again. She couldn’t read what he was thinking. His face was almost devoid of emotion, and she found she hated that. Then he asked, “Why did you break up?”
“It doesn’t make any difference. I just didn’t love him the way I should have to marry him.” It sounded simple, but nothing had been simple for her ever since she’d met the man across from her. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t just say, “I love you, Jake, that’s why I could never marry Roger,” because she couldn’t take him walking away again. She wasn’t sure she could survive that one more time.
“I am sorry,” he said in a low voice.
She swallowed hard. “I had planned so darn much that I didn’t see the truth, only the plan.”
“It’s not too late, is it?”
She took a shuddering breath as she closed her eyes tightly. Then she made herself look at him again. She didn’t know how to ask him what he meant by that.
“You deserve to be loved,” he whispered.
She stayed very still, afraid if she moved right then, she’d start crying. She waited, but Jake didn’t say what she wanted to hear. He didn’t say one thing about loving her. She finally managed to say, “So do you. Now, please, I need to go.”
Without speaking again, Jake turned away from her and stepped out of the car. She watched him walk away toward the entrance, never looking back, and she knew right then that loving Jake had never been optional for her. She simply loved him and didn’t see any time in the future where she wouldn’t love him. But that was for her to figure out. Jake was so closed down that she doubted he’d know love if it came to him. That was sadder than never loving at all. She put the Jeep in gear and drove away.
* * *
JAKE ALMOST KEPT walking back to the cottage he and Cal had been staying in since he’d been brought to Wicker Pines after having his attack while driving. While Jake healed, he’d been able to spend precious time with Sarge when he knew Liberty wouldn’t be there. Now Sarge expected him back, and he wanted to see more of the man today. He headed to Sarge’s room, and when he stepped inside, Cal was still there.
Cal got up, patted Sarge on the arm and said, “Semper fi.” That made Sarge smile. Then Cal turned to Jake. “We’ve been talking marine to marine.”
“We’re staying to have dinner with Sarge,” Jake said. “Could you let Julia know?”
“I’m on it.”
As Cal left, Jake sat down in the chair next to Sarge. “You’re looking great,” he said. It was such a relief to be able to visit the man and have him there, both physically and mentally.
“Do I look spiffy?”
Jake laughed at that. “Yes, you look very spiffy.”
Sarge looked at the picture Libby had gifted him. “Maggie isn’t here,” he said. “I wish…” His voice faded off, then he looked at Jake. “I miss her.”
Jake reached to cover Sarge’s hand with his. “I miss her, too,” he said. “She did love Christmas, didn’t she?”
“Yes, she sure did.” He looked at Jake. “She would be happy you boys are here. I think she’d like Liberty, don’t you?”
Jake glanced at the photo and for a moment, he was looking at Liberty, then that illusion was gone. “Yes, she would have liked Liberty.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
JAKE SAT WITH Sarge after dinner until the man fell asleep, then he stood to go back to the cottage. When he stepped out into the hallway, Cal was sitting on one of the upholstered benches against the wall by the door. “He’s asleep,” he said. “It’s going to be a big day tomorrow, and he needs his rest.”
Cal motioned Jake over to the bench on the opposite wall to face him. “Sit for a minute,” he said, and Jake knew so
mething was coming.
But he sat down, anyway. “Okay.”
“So, you let her leave?” Cal asked.
Jake exhaled. “I had to.”
Cal shook his head. “You know she’s not engaged anymore, don’t you?”
“That doesn’t change anything.”
“I don’t understand how you can love her and let her go.”
Those words tore at Jake. “How can I love her and not let her go? I’m not what she needs. I can’t be.”
“And you won’t even try,” Cal muttered.
Jake stood. He’d had enough. But Cal wasn’t finished. “Yeah, go, run away.”
Jake stood very still in front of the man. “I’m going to get some sleep.”
“You do know that, after everything you’ve told me over and over again about your time together with Liberty, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Don’t you?”
Jake had accepted that before he’d even left the ranch, but he was perfectly wrong for her. He’d admitted he loved Liberty slowly, but it was there. He more than loved her, if that was possible, and he wanted her happy with someone she deserved. “I can’t change the way things are,” he said tonelessly.
“You told her you loved her, and she walked away?”
“Of course not.”
“You’re the one who told me once that it’s better to do something and regret it, then regret never doing it. I think you’re right. You’ll regret this for the rest of your life.”
Cal reached into his pocket, then handed Jake the truck keys.
* * *
JAKE STOPPED THE truck beside Liberty’s Jeep and looked at the glowing Christmas lights she’d strung along the railing of the porch. There was a huge wreath on the door, and smoke was rising out of the chimney into the night sky, which was dominated by a rising full moon. No lights showed in the windows. He turned off the truck and took the porch steps in a single stride before he knocked on the door. Nothing happened. He tested the doorknob and opened the door.
When he stepped inside, he saw Liberty’s jacket on the cowhide bench and her boots under it. She was in the house. He took off his jacket and boots, leaving them by hers, then went to the archway. A dying fire in the great room flickered and sparked. The kitchen was dark, the office door was open to show more darkness, and the only light came from the Christmas tree lights and the flickering fire in the hearth. He clicked on the wagon wheel chandelier in the entry.
Pax came first. Jake heard the tapping of his nails on a hard surface above him, and he turned in time to see the dog running down the stairs toward him. When Pax got to him, Jake bent down and let him lick his face a few times before he stood to get out of range. “Okay, so, where is she?” he asked.
He got his answer when Pax turned and headed back to the stairs, where Liberty stood at the top of the staircase. “Hey,” he said as he stood by the archway. “Your door wasn’t locked.” He couldn’t tell if Liberty was stunned into silence, or if she wasn’t going to talk to him at all. “I apologize for barging in like this.”
She hadn’t been in bed, at least not for the night. She was still wearing what she had on earlier, but her hair looked tangled around her shoulders. She came down, then stopped on the second step from the bottom. “Why did you?” she asked.
He exhaled, then moved closer to her. “I wanted to finally have that talk to explain something important.”
She frowned. “Is Sarge okay?”
“Yes, he was asleep when I left.”
She wasn’t going to make this easy, not that he expected it would be. But he wasn’t going to leave until she heard him out. “Can we sit somewhere? I’m not used to looking up at you,” he said with a soft smile.
She didn’t answer but came down and passed him to go into the great room. He followed her as she went by the couch and chairs and headed to the office. She flicked on the lights and went directly to sit in the chair behind the desk before she turned toward him. Jake put the wooden chair in a position to face her, but not too close, then sat down. He looked at her, then glanced away, unsettled by the flat expression in her green eyes.
That’s when he saw the old box he’d left for her sitting on the desktop. Liberty reached for it, then pushed it closer to him before she looked at him again. “This is yours,” she said.
“I don’t want it.”
She turned to open it and took out the medal. “Do you want this?” she asked as she laid it by the box.
Actually, he had regretted leaving it with the rest of the things he never wanted to see again. He reached for it, felt its weight in his hand, then shifted in the chair to tuck it in his watch pocket. “Sarge gave it to me when I left for boot camp. It was one of his medals he’d been given when he was in the marines.”
She clasped her slender hands in her lap. “Is Cal waiting in the truck for you?”
“No,” he said, repeating, “You forgot to lock the door. Anybody could walk in here.”
She pressed back in the chair and gripped the arms with her hands. “I didn’t bother to. I’ve been changing, actually. You know, when I came here, I couldn’t let things go. And, yes, you were right, I was uptight, cautious, worried and overreacted. I drove you nuts.”
“I never said that.”
“No, but I know that’s true. Now I’m learning to be more in the moment. Goodness knows, I still backslide, but in general, I’m rearranging my life. I’m not pushing for what I think I want but trying to let life happen.” She sighed. “Letting go has been working for me, so far.”
“Letting go of what?” he asked.
“Roger, that’s all over. I let go of the idea of making partner at my firm in Seattle. I’m starting my own firm around here when I finish this project. I’m not holding on to things just because it scares me to let go of them.”
Her words struck him hard. Did that mean she’d let go of anything they might have had? He hoped not. “I always thought your persistence was unstoppable.”
“It is, pretty much,” she said with a touch of what he thought might be pride. She tucked her hair behind her ears and said something that had nothing to do with what she’d been telling him. “I wanted Sarge to have that picture to remember what he had, not what he doesn’t have now,” she said wistfully. “When he looks at it, he smiles a wonderful smile.” She took the original out of the desk drawer and laid it on the desk by him. “Thanks for letting me borrow it. I have a larger one to put in his room when he comes home.”
He reached for the photo and put it in his shirt pocket. When he’d told Liberty she had a kind heart, it had been an understatement. “You’re…” He couldn’t catch the right words for what he saw in her right then.
“I’m what?” she asked and looked tired, as if she’d had enough and wanted this all over and done.
“I have never met a woman like you,” he said. He leaned toward her and felt his own heart catch. “You’re beautiful, intelligent and persistent and have the kindest heart.”
She stared at him silently as color touched her cheeks. He kept talking, needing to say these things to her. “When I left here, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, because I wanted to stay. The truth is, I left because I was sure I’d give you more pain than happiness if I stayed. I was sure you were better with Roger, or with anyone but me.”
“But you never asked me what I wanted,” she said.
Cal had been right about that. “I came to talk to you, because I want you to know that, if things were different, if I was different…” He let his words die out when she almost grimaced.
“You didn’t have to come all the way out here to tell me that. Your note made that very clear. You are who you are.” Pax pushed at her hand, but she ignored him. She looked right at Jake. “It is what it is, right?”
“What fool told you that?” he asked wryly.
He knew right then that if he walked away this time, he’d go headfirst into the storm. Maybe that was his destiny, the one he’d fashioned on his own. He wouldn’t leave here unless he had no hope left.
“You were right about me, about a lot of things,” he said, “I need to stop shutting people out of my life. I never meant to hurt you, never.”
She looked so sad right then. “Liberty, tell me what would make you happy?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Just tell me.”
* * *
SO SHE TOLD him the only thing that would ever make her happy. “If I was loved and loved someone, the same way Sarge and Maggie loved each other, the way he still loves her, that would make me beyond happy.” She shrugged.
“I always thought theirs was a one-in-a-million love,” Jake said softly.
She closed her eyes as she murmured, “Maybe it is.” She understood right then that a one-in-a-million love was something unbearably painful, unless both people felt the same way. Slowly, she opened her eyes and Jake was still watching her.
He rubbed both hands over his face, then cleared his throat. “I have messed things up in my life, but I’m not going to do it again, even if it won’t make any difference.”
“What are you talking about?”
He crouched down in front of her, but he didn’t touch her. “Listen to me, and if you want me to go when I’m finished, I will, and I’ll never bother you again.”
She bit her lip, then nodded.
“I did something pretty stupid, and I know now what it cost me. I’ve never thought I could be tangled up in anyone else’s life, because I knew that I was in this alone for the duration. Then I met you, and you began to shape my world, to make me question everything I’d believed was true about myself. Then I walked out. I left you behind. I thought you were going to be married, that you’d have the life you wanted, and I wasn’t what you wanted.”
Harlequin Heartwarming December 2020 Box Set Page 67