2 Tbsp arrowroot flour
1 tsp vanilla extract
⅛ tsp sea salt
2 Tbsp natural sprinkles (optional; not Paleo)
Instructions
CUPCAKES
1. Preheat your oven to 350°F and line a muffin tin with cupcake liners. (I like to use the natural nonstick variety.)
2. In a medium bowl, whisk together the almond flour, monk fruit sweetener, arrowroot flour, coconut flour, baking soda, and sea salt. In a large bowl, whisk together the eggs, coconut milk, monk fruit syrup, palm shortening, vanilla extract, and apple cider vinegar. Whisk the dry ingredients into the wet and stir using a rubber spatula until the batter has no lumps. Let the batter sit for 10 minutes, to thicken.
3. Pour the batter evenly into the muffin tin. Bake the cupcakes for 20 to 22 minutes, or until golden brown and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Let the cupcakes cool on a cooling rack until they reach room temperature, about 45 minutes.
BUTTERCREAM FROSTING
1. Scoop the palm shortening into a large bowl. Whip using a handheld mixer or stand mixer until there are no lumps. Add the honey, coconut cream, arrowroot flour, vanilla extract, and sea salt, then whip again.
2. Pipe the frosting onto the cooled cupcakes using a pastry bag fitted with a star tip or a plastic baggie with the tip cut off. Or spread the frosting using an offset spatula. Sprinkle with natural sprinkles and serve. Store cupcakes in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days. Or refrigerate for up to 2 weeks and let them reach room temperature (about 1 hour) before serving.
*If you’re not worried about this recipe being low sugar, you can replace the classic monk fruit sweetener with maple sugar and the monk fruit maple-flavored syrup with pure maple syrup or honey.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Be Clear
Clear Your Mind
Do you ever feel like your brain might burst? Right this minute, my mind is simultaneously processing way too many thoughts:
Need to walk the dogs.
Text my friend back.
Tomorrow’s physics final.
College applications.
Need to make lunch.
What time do I have to wake up tomorrow?
It seems as though my mind is always on overload. But I’m not actually getting anything done. Why is this?
It’s because our brains aren’t meant to hold this much information. Science shows that we can only store a maximum of three or four things at once in our conscious mind, also known as our “working memory.” When we hold on to more than this, our brains become like messy rooms—cluttered and full of junk, so we can’t find anything. No wonder I feel so overwhelmed and disorganized.
If we want to get stuff done, we need to clear our minds. Here is my favorite way:
1. Make a list of everything that’s on your mind. Actually write it all down on a piece of paper. Just getting thoughts out of your head and onto paper helps relieve stress.
2. Read over the list. Cross off the items that are just worries you can’t do anything about right now. You’ll be surprised how many items disappear! Most of what we worry about is out of our control. For example:
I should have rehearsed more for that interview yesterday.
How will my friends like the presentation?
I’m worried about where I’ll get accepted to college.
3. Store the remaining items somewhere. You can use a calendar, an app on your phone, or whatever works best for you. I like using a planner because it lets me turn my thoughts into physical lists for each month, week, and day. You can use any tool you want. Your mind will feel much freer!
I Intend
Another way we can be clear is by setting intentions each morning. Intentions are statements for how we would like to go about our day. Unlike a goal, an intention doesn’t require any steps to reach a certain objective. It’s simply a way to be.
Intentions work like magic. They affect our behavior, how our day goes, and even what things “happen” to us. Here’s how to get started:
1. Make your intentions at a set time each day, such as right after waking up. Take a deep breath. Notice how you feel. Do you have pain anywhere in your body? What is the first thought that pops into your mind? Is your brain racing with stress or worry? Pay attention to all of it.
2. Ask yourself, What do I want to bring into this day? Breathe and listen to your body’s answer.
3. Roll over, grab a pen and notebook, and write down three intentions for the day. Be sure to state them all in the affirmative. (For example, “I will practice forgiveness” rather than “I will not hold a grudge.”) Here is a sample:
I will be patient with myself.
I will listen intently to others.
I will speak out of kindness.
4. Read over your list. Let your intentions seep in. It might help to read them out loud. When you feel satisfied, seal the practice with another deep breath. Throughout your day, whenever you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed or stressed, think back to those statements.
Q&A
Q: Sometimes it’s hard for me to be clear about what I want. Like when a friend invited me to go to a party with her on Friday night. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go, because some boys who I don’t really like were going to be there. But I said I would go because it felt awkward to say no. How can I make decisions based on what I actually want—and stick with them?
A: It’s hard to make decisions in the moment when we feel put on the spot. It helps a lot to get clear on our personal boundaries in advance, before the moment arises. That way, when we’re faced with a tough decision, we already know where we stand.
And if you get a question you don’t feel comfortable answering in the moment, you can always say, “I’ll sleep on it.” Saying you will get back to someone is a good way to give yourself more time to respond naturally.
Ask yourself, What things make me really uncomfortable? Maybe it’s going to certain kinds of parties or wearing certain clothing. What things am I not yet ready to do? Maybe it’s dating or watching a gruesome movie. It’s helpful to have some phrases in our back pocket for when this happens:
I don’t quite feel ready for that.
I’m not comfortable doing that.
Yeah, I’m not really into that.
Let’s do this instead!
Our values change as we grow older. What you’re not comfortable with right now may be fine in a year—or even a month. Start by getting clear with your values at this moment. You can always make changes as you grow and evolve.
The Power of No
The most powerful phrase we can have in our back pocket is NO. This tiny word is the best tool for building clear boundaries for ourselves, which help keep us safe.
When I was younger, it was really hard for me to tell people no. I vividly remember one day when I was 13 years old and sitting outside at a café doing some homework. A grown man walked up to me and asked if he could sit at the empty seat while he waited for his drink. I didn’t know what to say. The thought of this stranger sitting with me made me feel uncomfortable … but I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by telling him no.
“Okay …” I responded. He sat right down.
As I tried to work, the man began asking me questions about myself—where I lived, where I went to school. I started lying about the answers because it didn’t feel right to tell him these things about myself. Then I realized that if I felt this weird talking to him, I probably shouldn’t be. So I mumbled something about having to leave, and awkwardly went to sit inside. After I was inside, I looked out the window and saw the man get up and walk away. He had not been a customer at the café. I felt sick to my stomach.
Immediately afterward, I realized the mistake I had made. I hadn’t said no.
I had been so caught up in making a strange man feel comfortable that I overrode my own instincts, my own discomfort. Thinking about this made me really mad. How could I have been so ignorant? That situation coul
d’ve gotten so much worse! I cursed myself for not saying no when my gut told me it was the right thing to do.
Now that I’m older, I look back at that experience and feel grateful. I was so lucky to have learned about no without experiencing any physical harm. And now, I know to always say no in uncomfortable situations.
Sometimes saying no alone isn’t enough to keep us safe. Sadly, our society generally teaches males to not pay much attention to a woman’s words. Sometimes we might have to just get up and leave or take other physical action. But having no always prepared gives us more control over situations than we would otherwise have.
Learning how to use no is challenging. Years after that café encounter, I’m still getting used to it. With practice, we can get comfortable with the strong, loud clarity of our voices saying “NO.”
MINDFUL MOVEMENT
SEATED MEDITATION
Why is a seated meditation considered a mindful movement? Meditation teaches us how to be comfortable and present inside our own head and body. That inner clarity is the foundation of all the mindful movements. So, if you’re struggling to feel present with yourself in the moving exercises, practice this meditation for a little while. You can add the physical movement once you’re comfortable being seated and still.
Since this exercise is done with eyes closed, get familiar with these instructions before you start. You can also record them (slowly!) and play them back as you do the meditation.
1. Take a seat in a comfortable position, or lie down. (Just not in your bed, or you might fall asleep!) Set a timer for 10 minutes.
2. Close your eyes. Take 2 huge deep breaths: in through your nose, out through your mouth. Now let go of any breath pattern and allow your breath to fall into a natural rhythm.
3. What do you see with your eyes closed? Take a look around the world behind your eyelids. Do you notice brightness, colors, shapes? Don’t label what you see, just observe it. Notice all the space inside you, how calm it is here. Know that this place is always available to you, whenever you want it.
4. Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. At the end of the exhale, pause for a moment of stillness. Don’t anticipate the next breath. Just stay here—still, present.
5. Feel your body on the earth. Notice the openness inside you. Tell yourself, I am.
6. Breathe in again, and out. Have another moment of stillness. I am. Breathe in for your last breath, then let everything out.
7. Continue to breathe in and out. Every time your mind wanders (which is a lot), just gently come back to the breath. When your timer goes off, take 1 last deep breath, let everything out, and gently open your eyes.
Keep this in mind: A lot of people think they can’t meditate because their minds constantly wander. Do not fear! This is normal and part of the process. The key is to keep coming back to the breath, over and over.
Snickerdoodle Cookies
Check out the crisp cinnamon exterior and soft, pillowy interior. The process of mixing the dough, forming it into balls, and rolling them in cinnamon sugar is a great way to chill out when you want to clear your mind.
YIELD: 12 COOKIES
Ingredients
1¼ cups blanched almond flour
¼ cup arrowroot flour
1 Tbsp coconut flour
1 Tbsp + 1 tsp ground cinnamon, divided
1 tsp grain-free baking powder
¼ tsp sea salt
1 large egg
⅓ cup pure maple syrup*
¼ cup coconut oil, melted
2 Tbsp coconut sugar*
Instructions
1. Preheat your oven to 350°F and line a cookie sheet with parchment paper.
2. In a large bowl, combine the almond flour, arrowroot flour, coconut flour, 1 tsp cinnamon, baking powder, and sea salt. Whisk to combine. In a medium bowl, combine the egg, maple syrup, and coconut oil. Whisk until smooth. Stir the wet ingredients into the dry and mix until there are no lumps.
3. Cover the bowl of dough with tin foil and place in the freezer to chill for 1 hour.
4. Whisk together the coconut sugar and 1 Tbsp ground cinnamon in a small bowl. Set aside.
5. Using a 1½-tablespoon cookie scoop or heaping tablespoon, scoop the dough into 12 balls. Roll each ball in the bowl of cinnamon sugar and place it on the cookie sheet, then flatten out halfway with the palm of your hand.
6. Bake the cookies for 13 to 15 minutes, or until the center of each cookie is firm to the touch. These cookies are best eaten the day they’re made, but leftovers may be stored in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days.
*To make this recipe sugar-free, replace the maple syrup with monk fruit maple-flavored syrup and coconut sugar with golden monk fruit sweetener.
Blueberry N’Oatmeal
Warm and comforting, this tastes just like the classic hot cereal, but without any grains! Instead, we use seeds and coconut to fill us up for a busy day ahead. Taking ten minutes to make this recipe in the morning is a wonderful opportunity to set your intentions for the day.
YIELD: SERVES 1
Ingredients
¾ cup fresh blueberries
¾ cup full-fat coconut milk
¾ cup water
1 serving vanilla protein powder
¼ cup finely shredded unsweetened coconut
2 Tbsp chia seeds
1 Tbsp ground golden flaxseed
1 Tbsp raw shelled hemp seeds
Optional toppings: more fresh blueberries, almond butter, cacao nibs, chopped nuts
Instructions
1. Pour the fresh blueberries into a small saucepan and set over medium-high heat. Let the blueberries cook for about 8 to 10 minutes, or until they begin releasing their juices and become soft and vibrant in color. Set aside.*
2. While the blueberries cook, pour the coconut milk and water into a separate saucepan and turn to medium-high heat. Once it is hot, whisk in the protein powder, coconut, and seeds. Turn the heat down to medium-low. Cook the mixture for approximately 10 minutes, whisking every 30 seconds, or until it has a thick consistency similar to oatmeal.
3. Pour the n’oatmeal into a bowl, top with the cooked blueberries, add any desired toppings, and serve.
*If you’re in a time crunch, skip this step and just cook the blueberries with the rest of the n’oatmeal ingredients.
Apple Streusel Muffins
Once there aren’t a million things running through your head, you can give the present moment your undivided attention. As you make these spice-filled muffins, focus on each step of preparing yourself nourishing food.
YIELD: 10–12 MUFFINS
Ingredients
MUFFINS
3 large eggs
½ cup unsweetened applesauce
¼ cup coconut oil or sustainable palm shortening, melted
1 cup blanched almond flour
¼ cup golden monk fruit sweetener*
¼ cup arrowroot flour
2 Tbsp coconut flour
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp baking soda
½ tsp nutmeg
¼ tsp sea salt
1 cup chopped apple, in 1-inch cubes
STREUSEL TOPPING
½ cup blanched almond flour
3 Tbsp golden monk fruit sweetener*
1 tsp ground cinnamon
3 Tbsp sustainable palm shortening, chilled
⅓ cup finely chopped walnuts or pecans
Instructions
1. Preheat your oven to 350°F and line a muffin tin with cupcake liners. (I like to use the natural nonstick variety.)
2. In a medium bowl, whisk together the eggs, applesauce, and coconut oil. In a large bowl, whisk together the almond flour, monk fruit sweetener, arrowroot flour, coconut flour, cinnamon, baking soda, nutmeg, and sea salt.
3. Whisk the wet ingredients into the dry and stir with a rubber spatula just until combined. Let the batter sit for 10 minutes, to thicken, then fold in the chopped apple.
&nbs
p; 4. Make the streusel topping by combining all ingredients in a medium bowl and mixing them together with your hands until combined. The mixture should form coarse crumbs.
5. Pour the muffin batter evenly into the cupcake liners, filling each nearly all the way up. Sprinkle the streusel topping over the muffins.
6. Bake the muffins for 18 to 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Let them cool for 5 minutes, then serve. Store leftover muffins in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days, or refrigerate for up to 1 week.
*If you’re not worried about this recipe being low sugar, you can replace the golden monk fruit sweetener with coconut sugar.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Be Blue
Say “Cheese!”
One day I was walking down the street by myself. All of a sudden, a man shouted at me, “Smile!”
“Come on, how about a smile!” he shouted again. I was alarmed. He made me feel weird and uncomfortable, and I didn’t know how to respond. So I ignored him and kept walking.
Later that day, I got to thinking. Why do some strangers believe they can say whatever they want to women? Would a stranger ever tell a man to smile? The more I thought about this, the madder I grew.
Why do so many people expect women to be smiling, anyway? Our society has this notion that if a woman is serious or sad—or just not smiling—she is doing something wrong. So we have learned to mask our unhappiness and put on a positive face.
The truth is, it’s not our job to make everyone else feel good. What is our job is to embrace the way we’re truly feeling. If we’re feeling down, that’s okay. We can let ourselves be sad, without acting like everything’s fine.
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