by BJ Wane
Nan thought of the club she used to love spending weekend nights at, the Masters who were so good at giving her what she craved, dominant men she trusted with her body and who had never let her down or betrayed her feelings. It was no secret the subs favored Master Dan; he enjoyed a reputation for delivering on the promises reflected in his dark eyes. A delicate shiver trickled through her as she recalled praying for his help during those dark, painful days of captivity.
While grappling to hang on to her sanity, she’d taken to conjuring up her favorite scenes from the lifestyle her sexual dissatisfaction had led her into, all of them scenes with the Master who knew her best and she trusted the most. For short periods of time, those memories would sustain her, had kept her mind off the pain and terror she’d endured. Gerard wooed her by promising what she still craved after five plus years of embracing her submissiveness only to strip her of that pleasure by turning into a monster. She lifted a hand to trace over her bare throat. How could she continue to miss something she’d worn for so short a time yet glory in the significance of its absence? Maybe, if she ever came up with an answer as to how she could have been so stupid and trusting and changed her mind about committing to one person, she might solve that question.
Dropping her hand, she noticed her friends’ quizzical, troubled faces and rushed to reassure them. “Yeah, I should be able to make it. I’m planning an open house on Saturday but will close by seven. Now, why don’t you fill me in on what’s been going on around here, and with you guys. Avery, I need to catch up on our book comparisons. I did manage to get quite a few read while I was gone and found some new authors I like.” The two of them shared a love of suspense novels and had spent hours discussing books.
Her brown eyes lit with interest. “Me too. The library has been great about ordering anything I request.”
“I won’t have time this week, but maybe next week we can go over together. Sydney, are you finding your way around here any better?” As Avery and Tamara jumped in to tease Sydney about her penchant for getting lost, the last of Nan’s tension melted away. God, she’d really missed them and was glad to be home at last.
The best way to spread the news of her tea shop reopening, Nan knew, was through Dale’s Diner. Walking down to the corner on Friday, clutching the flyer she’d made up, she hoped Gertie, the gruff, no-nonsense owner didn’t give her too much grief. The widow had a heart of gold but spoke her mind for all to hear. Entering the popular eatery, she cringed as Gertie pierced her with an angry look from behind the counter.
“Hi. I’m back.” Nan’s wry tone bounced off Gertie, as she’d known it would but still had to try.
“Girl, you’ve got a lot of explaining to do.” Pointing to an empty stool, she snapped, “Sit.”
With a rueful shake of her head, Nan crossed the black and white tiled floor, waving to a few people who called out a friendly hello. “I’ve heard that a lot this week,” she admitted as Gertie set a glass of iced tea in front of her.
After a silent moment enduring the older woman’s careful scrutiny, Gertie replied, “Landed yourself into some trouble.” She nodded and slapped a menu down. “Good thing you got your butt back where it belongs. Today’s on the house. We’re out of meatloaf.”
“Order up, Gert!” Clyde, the head cook called out, lifting his hand and smiling at Nan. “Welcome back.”
“Thanks, Clyde.” Nan watched Gertie stomp over to the open shelf where he’d placed two steaming plates.
Picking them up, she tossed back at Nan, “Be right back, so don’t dally deciding what you want. I’m busy.”
God, it’s so damn good to be home. At least, she thought so until a deep voice she knew well said from behind her, “That old woman hasn’t changed, has she?”
Dan Shylock slid onto the stool next to her and Nan stiffened in immediate awareness. As happy as she was with the sweeping, familiar warm rush of pleasure his nearness and deep tenor always produced, she needed to be very careful. His astuteness as both a Dom and a friend who knew her well meant she needed to school her features carefully before she dared look up into those dark, compelling eyes again.
Nan huffed a small laugh, shaking her head. “No, she hasn’t, thank God.” Taking a deep breath, she turned and smiled. His tipped Stetson shadowed his tanned face, but she could still see the curve of his lips and the sharp, assessing look in those dark brown eyes. “Neither have you. Hi there. Long time, no see,” she quipped, keeping it as light and casual as possible considering the way her stomach cramped with worry over what he might see that she wasn’t ready for.
Dan cocked his head and took his time looking Nan over, his welcome smile slipping as he glimpsed a wariness reflected in her honey-gold gaze she’d never exhibited toward him before. The new shadows under her eyes and pinched tightness around her soft mouth set off his inner alarm. The woman and submissive he’d known for several years had looked at him with teasing flirtation, strong-willed independence and lustful need, but never with such a guarded expression, as if she were trying to keep something from him. It both hurt and pissed him off almost as much as her long absence followed by her return without a word from her.
“Yes, too long.” Removing his hat, he ran a hand through his shoulder-length blond hair, noticing the extra inches of her sable tresses. He liked the way the ends curled around her shoulders but would miss sifting his fingers through the shorter strands as he cupped her scalp. “I was on my way to see you when I spotted you coming in here. No offense, hon, but you don’t appear as if your time away agreed with you.”
His Dom radar went on high alert when she shifted her gaze away from him, her fingers toying with the silverware in front of her. “I had issues to deal with is all.” She shrugged, the gesture as evasive as her answer and unlike the outgoing woman he knew who didn’t shy away from anything or anyone.
“You couldn’t do that without cutting yourself off from everyone?” he prodded, dissatisfied with the vague reply.
Nan tensed before glancing back at him with a familiar look of determination. “No,” she returned succinctly, “I couldn’t.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” And Dan was. He’d always held an extra fondness for Nan, ever since he’d noticed the gleam of interest and expectation on her face when the Master training her had released her to explore her submissive needs with others. He’d been the first to snatch her up for a scene and the two of them had been dancing to the same tune until she’d left for a short vacation and stayed away for far longer than planned without an explanation to anyone.
For years Dan had cherished the comfortable fit of their unique, two-sided relationship. The occasional Dom/sub scene they indulged in had never interfered with the casual friendship they’d developed away from the sex-charged club atmosphere. She embraced sexual dominance with cock-hardening submissiveness but maintained her fierce independence outside the club and possessed an admirable streak of loyalty toward her friends. Those traits were a perfect fit for what they both wanted out of a relationship but were also what made her silence these many months and the changes he could see on her face suspect. For the first time since he’d known her, he found himself struggling against the urge to go all Dom on her here, in public and outside the club, to demand answers she didn’t want to give.
“Dan, didn’t see you come in. May as well take your order too,” Gertie said, her sudden appearance dispelling the awkward moment between him and Nan.
They both ordered the cheeseburger and fries, only he added a shake with his. He noticed the flyer advertising her re-opening right before she held it up for Gertie. “Do you mind if I put this on your bulletin board, Gertie?” she asked.
“You know I don’t, girl. I’ll even send them down the street after they come in here. We’ll get you back up and in business in no time.”
Her face softened with her smile. “Thanks.”
“That’s what friends do around here, be there for each other. You’d do well to remember that.” Gertie turned
and called out to the kitchen, “Two cheeseburgers and fries,” without pausing as she stomped down to the other end of the counter.
“Looks like I’m not the only one unhappy with your long, unexplained absence.” Unable to resist, Dan pinched her chin and turned her face toward him, holding her there even though her eyes darkened with annoyance and she tried to jerk free. “In case you’ve forgotten, you can come to me with anything, tell me anything. I don’t judge, you know that, or you should.” He released her and changed the subject as her expression turned rigid. “I have a new foal, born seven months ago. Pretty little filly. You’ll have to come out and see her sometime.”
Nan’s face lost her rigid irritation and her eyes lit with interest, a familiar look it relieved him to see. She loved horses, and he knew she’d always wanted one of her own, but not until she could buy enough acres to stable it herself. That was part of her independent streak that right now was causing her to remain mute on her reasons for staying away.
“I’d love to.” Her rigid shoulders relaxed with the eagerness in her eyes. “Thanks. Maybe next week, after I get the shop going again. Are you still working with military parolees?”
“Sure, just let me know, and yes, I hired two new guys several months ago.” The troubled vets used the time, space and work he offered to transition back into civilian life and acclimate themselves to their freedom from both drugs and prison before returning to their loved ones or heading out on their own. Of the previous eight men he’d sponsored, only one had lapsed bad enough he’d ended up back on drugs.
Gertie returned with their orders and Dan shoved aside his curiosity and concern to savor spending time with Nan again. The instant rush of excitement upon seeing her again felt damned good, his relief when Connor called to tell him she was back palpable. Even though he itched to get to the bottom of her trouble, he refrained from pushing too hard. He’d run up against the brick wall of her stubborn independence before and didn’t relish starting their reunion on a negative note.
They spoke of everything except about the months she was away and the reason for her extended visit. By the time they finished their lunch, they had rekindled their easy friendship, enjoying it almost as much as before she’d left. His impatience to discover what happened that caused those shadows under her eyes was his only regret as he stood to leave. With luck, once she submitted to him again at the club, he would be successful in getting those answers.
He tossed down a generous tip and reached out to give her hair an affectionate tug, something he’d done countless times before, only to have her jerk away, as if fearing that small prick on her scalp instead of relishing it. Her face whitened and then flushed, the uncharacteristic response heightening his suspicion something dire was going on with her.
Nan slid off the stool, backing away, her retreat a painful kick to his gut. “Sorry. I…”
Dan laid a firm finger over her lips. “Don’t say anything unless it’s the truth.” Dropping his hand, he wasn’t surprised at the mulish set of her mouth or her silence. Sighing in disappointment, he said, “I hope you’ll join us at the club tonight. We’ve missed you.”
Shaking her head, she replied, “I don’t have time, but should tomorrow night.”
He nodded and turned to leave. “See you tomorrow then.”
She waited until he’d taken two steps away before saying, “I’ve missed you, too, and everyone else.”
He swiveled his head to look at her as he settled his hat back on and nodded. “Good to know.”
Nan sat back down, nibbling on the last of her fries as she watched Dan walk out of the diner, her heart executing a funny roll she didn’t know how to decipher. She’d always been attracted to men wearing a Stetson, cowboy boots and tight jeans. Dan’s six-foot-two lean build was a good match for her five-foot-eight slender body and his strict dominance suited her sexual needs. Or, at least it used to. Now, she didn’t know what she liked or wanted, other than to get her life back. She knew returning to The Barn played a crucial role in succeeding, but when he brought it up, she’d gone cold thinking about it. That both depressed her and pissed her off.
She left Gertie a generous tip and took her time strolling back to the tea shop to soak up the mid-afternoon sun, missing the low hum of arousal she used to experience whenever she would spend time with the town’s sexy lawyer. Seven years ago, rumors had spread like wildfire about the good-looking attorney who opened a law practice after buying a small spread nearby. He’d been new to the club the same time as she, but unlike her, was already an experienced player in the lifestyle. She’d noticed him around Willow Springs and fantasized about submitting to him during her instruction phase whenever she would catch him eying her scenes with Master Clayton. One look from those chocolate eyes had never failed to divert her attention and send her blood pumping in a molten flow of heat.
Until today. Nan’s response to seeing Dan again had been tepid compared to the instant hot feedback she’d always experienced in the past and was just one more thing she blamed on Gerard and vowed to overcome. That son-of-a-bitch had robbed her of enough time and sanity. Stepping inside her shop, the warm sense of being home washed over her, bolstering her determination to move forward without the fear constantly looking back evoked.
Saturday flew by as a steady stream of customers, new and old, came in to welcome Nan home and express their happiness at her reopening. She worked with tireless energy to fill orders and ring up sales while answering questions and relaying her appreciation, all the while wondering how she could have let herself forget how much friendship meant. The weeks of recovery and months of waiting out the legal battle to extradite Gerard back to the states after he’d fled to Canary Island had beaten down what little of her self-esteem remained after Jay freed her from his depravity. She was still waging the battle to get it back, to bolster the courage that aided in getting her home and that was mandatory to overcome her trauma completely.
But today helped, and she intended to capitalize on her upbeat mood and energy to prepare for a visit to The Barn in a few hours. At fifteen minutes before closing, the bell on the door pealed again and Willa Hoyt, the librarian for as long as Nan could remember, entered with another older woman.
“Willa.” Nan beamed at the woman who had been a regular pinochle player with her grandmother. “How are you?”
“Oh, I’m fine, Nanette.” Coming up to the counter, she looked Nan over with a critical eye. “You look good. Lordy, girl, I’ve missed you, and coming in here for my afternoon tea.”
Nan hurried around the counter and hugged the teary-eyed woman who, she knew, wasn’t as frail as she appeared. “I’m sorry. There were issues keeping me tied up in Louisiana, extending my stay longer than I’d planned.” Pulling back, she smiled at her companion. “And who is this?”
“Alice Juneu, my new, part-time volunteer. She’s agreed to drive in from Billings twice a week to help me out so I can keep working. Isn’t that wonderful?”
“It is,” Nan agreed, holding her hand out to Alice. “It’s nice to meet you. How about a cup of tea and a scone from the bakery on the house?”
“That sounds lovely, dear.” Alice squeezed her hand with a grip that belied her petite stature. A soft smile eased the cold scrutiny in her eyes and Nan figured she was being protective of her new friend. She couldn’t fault her for that. “I just happened to meet Willa at the librarian luncheon in Billings and we hit it off.”
“Well, as a frequent patron, I appreciate you volunteering. The library wouldn’t be the same without Willa there. I’ll have to come over soon and check out the new releases. I never could get into e-book reading. Do you still like mint, Willa?” Nan shuffled back behind the counter and grabbed two of her prettiest teacups and saucers.
“I do, thank you, but I see you were about to close. Why don’t you pour them in to-go cups? We can visit more when you come to the library.”
“Nonsense. I have time and I know you’ll enjoy being the first to sip from th
ese delicate china cups I brought back from New Orleans. Have a seat.”
“Did you have a nice vacation in Louisiana?” Alice asked as they sat down.
The only other patrons still occupying a table rose and waved to Nan as the two women left. “Thanks for coming in,” she called out as she worked to get her emotions in check. Alice’s innocent referral to her time in New Orleans as a vacation stirred up her resentment with the memories. What was supposed to be a pleasant vacation had turned into a nightmare, but no one here knew that.
“Let’s just say I’m in no hurry to go back.”
Chapter 3
Riding high on the success of her open house, Nan flipped the closed sign around after Willa and Alice left and then trotted upstairs to get ready for her first night out in way too long. Regardless of the misgivings plaguing her since her uncharacteristic, negative reaction to Dan yesterday, she was still determined to overcome any and all obstacles in her path to regaining the pleasures she used to relish about the BDSM lifestyle. Maybe the fastest route to the end would be to jump into a scene with the first Dom who invited her, she mused as she stepped into the shower.
Propping one foot on the corner seat, she lathered her pubic hair and swiped a razor over her pubis. Despite the heat building in the small cubicle, she broke out in a nauseous sweat as she exposed that sensitive skin for the first time in eight months. Setting her jaw, she refused to let yet another negative response deter her. For years, she’d kept a standing, monthly spa appointment in Billings that included a wax job of her pubic hair, but the pleasure of keeping herself denuded was only one of the things Gerard’s abuse had stripped her of. She gritted her teeth as she lifted the handheld showerhead and rinsed the suds and hair away. Instead of the prickles of heightened sensation she expected to experience, the memory of how he’d gripped the soft, bare folds and squeezed until she screamed rushed to the surface.