by Lea Coll
“You are a goofball so you’d make an excellent clown,” I said, as I scanned the area for Luke.
“I can’t even argue with that,” Stella conceded.
“So, aren’t you glad you came to yoga?” Ashley asked me rolling up her mat.
“Um no. I think I have PTSD from the last time I took a class. The instructor kept commenting on how inflexible I was.”
“Yeah, you aren’t very flexible.” Ashley teased.
“That’s why I don’t do yoga. You dragged me here,” I grumbled, as we walked towards the market.
Stella and Ashley started talking about Luke’s campaign fundraiser dinner the night before and I searched the crowd. Seeing Luke’s gaze on me caused my breath to hitch. He immediately started walking towards me, never taking his eyes off of mine. When he looked at me I felt the usual pull to him.
As soon as he reached me, my head titled up to keep eye contact and he leaned down, kissing me briefly. It felt good that he kissed me in front of everyone. He leaned back a few inches. “So yoga?” He raised his brows at me. I’m assuming he saw how bad I was at it.
“Yeah,” I responded. “Ashley dragged me here.”
“I’ll come to the market every week if I get to see you in downward dog,” he said, softly.
“Me? Or my butt?” I asked, cheekily.
“Both. I love the outfit too.” His eyes raking over my leggings and top.
Before I could respond, Stella cleared her throat loudly. “Okay, enough you two.”
I looked around to find that everyone was staring at us. I tended to forget other people were around when Luke’s attention was on me.
Stella said, “I wanted to talk to you guys about the post on Kent County News’ Facebook page. Someone posted a picture of Luke and you dancing last night with a caption, ‘Should the sheriff be associated with a criminal defense attorney?’” she scanned her phone looking for the picture and then held it up to us. “See?”
“I don’t understand. Why would anyone care?” I asked, looking at her phone. It was a great picture. Luke and I were slow dancing and looked like we were in the middle of an intense conversation. I looked up at Stella in confusion.
Ashley had a pained look on her face and Luke looked surprised. I didn’t think he’d seen it yet either.
“Well, I can see why. The sheriff upholds the law and puts criminals behind bars. Defense attorneys try to keep criminals out of jail. Some people view your relationship as a conflict of interest,” Ashley explained tentatively like she was waiting for one of us to argue with her.
“That’s completely ridiculous. Right, Luke?” I asked him. I turned to him but he didn’t respond. His face was tight and his jaw was ticking. My stomach dropped. After weeks of dancing around whatever this attraction was between us, this campaign could put a stop to it before it really began.
“Luke?” I started to panic a little. I wanted to pull Luke to the side so he could reassure me that he didn’t care about public opinion, but I had a bad feeling that he did. Luke was a public figure and in the middle of an election. He had said this was his dream. I had a sinking feeling he wouldn’t let anything stand in his way of being elected. I had even admired him for his single-minded purpose and motivation. I never thought that motivation and ambition would come between us.
Refusing to even look my way he said, “I need to go talk to Cam.” I could do nothing but watch as he stalked away. He didn’t even say goodbye, which was unlike him.
“I’m sorry, Emma. I shouldn’t have said anything,” Ashley said, touching her hand to my arm to stop me from following Luke. I hadn’t even realized I had taken a step in the direction Luke had gone.
I turned back to Ashley. “Don’t be sorry. You’re right. Or at least I can see how some people could have an issue with it.”
Stella winced. “It’s messed up though. His private life shouldn’t be anyone’s business.”
“Yeah, but you see how it is with politicians and other public figures. When you run for office, your entire life is up for inspection. That’s what you sign up for. Maybe Luke hadn’t even thought about it. I know I didn’t,” I said. I sounded so mature, but inside I was crumbling. I tried to tell myself that it was stupid to get upset. We weren’t even officially dating. Besides that, I was only here temporarily. Nothing could come of it anyway.
Could I stay here after the three months was up? No, that was not a possibility. Penny Shaw would most likely return to work after her maternity leave was up and there wouldn’t be a position for me. My supervisor would order me back to the city. Kent County didn’t really have a need for more attorneys than they already had. The city, on the other hand, could always use attorneys. Even if I wanted to stay, I couldn’t. I needed to put ten years in at a public service job to get the reimbursement on my loans, which I couldn’t pass up.
“It totally sucks though,” Stella said. “You would think he would talk to you about it before his campaign manager.”
“Well, maybe he needs to see how serious it is before he talks to me,” I said, surprised again that I was being so calm on the outside.
“Yeah, maybe,” Ashley said. “I’m sure he’ll call you later to talk about it.”
“Of course,” I said confidently, but I wasn’t so sure. We weren’t anything yet. We’d had one almost date where he spent the majority of his time talking to townspeople. We had one hot moment on my couch. He didn’t owe me an explanation.
We wandered around the farmers’ market after that, but my heart wasn’t in it. I said I wanted to get home and take a shower, and left Ashley and Stella to check out the clown school.
I checked my phone frequently all night, but there was no message from Luke. I was starting to think I wouldn’t hear from him at all. But then I tried to rationalize it to myself. He’d have to talk to me about the threats I had received. There’s no way he would pawn that case off on one of the other officers. That’s what I told myself to feel better.
THE NEXT MORNING IN COURT, I saw Luke, but I didn’t have any cases with him. He didn’t come over to me to talk or even acknowledge that he saw me. I didn’t want to make the first move either. I knew without a doubt, if I approached him, he would officially put an end to us. It was just a feeling I had. Cam was not a fan of Luke associating with me and he had a lot of influence over Luke and his campaign.
“Hey girl, did he call you last night?” Ashley asked. She was in a navy suit with nude pumps, carrying a stack of case files.
“No. I’m sure he was busy though,” I said, trying to wave it off.
“That’s bullshit. He owes you an explanation,” Ashley said, looking around for him.
“No he doesn’t. We aren’t anything. We haven’t even been out on a real date. A campaign fundraiser doesn’t count,” I said. I was embarrassed that I had allowed myself to think something could ever come of us. I told myself over and over again that he was out of my league. I shouldn’t be surprised by this.
“He asked you to come to the fundraiser as his date, you bought a dress and shoes, he picked you up and he kissed you at the end of said date?” Ashley cross-examined. “Isn’t that right?”
“Okay counselor. Chill out. We’re not in court.” I didn’t want to tell Ashley that a lot more than kissing happened.
“So he did kiss you?” Ashley asked eagerly, shifting the large pile of case files in her arms.
“That’s what you got out of that?” I asked. I couldn’t even focus on that one raw moment on my couch.
“Well, yeah? I guessed but I didn’t know anything for sure. Did anything else happen?” Ashley continued to push her luck.
I just glared at her. I didn’t know Ashley well enough to divulge those kinds of details.
I ducked my head when I saw him open the door to go into the courtroom. At this point I hoped he wouldn’t talk to me in court. I didn’t want to have this conversation in public where everyone could see him break up with me. I was probably acting a little irrationally but I didn’t like
Cam’s influence on Luke.
I had looked at the post last night, and there were a number of comments on there. A lot of people were upset that he would associate with a criminal defense attorney and Brad was using it as another example of Luke’s immaturity. He was choosing a chick over this important job. If he couldn’t take the campaign seriously, how could he take the job seriously? I couldn’t stop myself from monitoring the comments as they came in and they were not encouraging.
“You should really talk to him,” Ashley said.
“He knows my number and can talk to me at any time.”
“True,” she admitted.
“I better go find my clients,” I said, rifling through my briefcase for my morning files. Just then my phone vibrated with an incoming text. I pulled it up in case it was a client, although I tried not to hand the number out anymore. Some of my older clients still had it. There were three texts in a row:
He’s not your boyfriend anymore.
There’s nothing for you here.
Leave town.
The messages gave me a chill despite the warmth in the courthouse. I looked around to see if anyone was looking at me. I didn’t know why but I felt vulnerable and paranoid after reading it. Who could it be? Were they watching me or following me? It didn’t seem tied to the election, but whoever it was certainly knew about my relationship—or lack thereof—with Luke. Were they at the election fundraiser on Saturday night? Or did they just look at the paper’s social media page?
Should I tell Luke? I was avoiding him at the moment so it didn’t seem like the best idea. Would he even want to know? Of course he would want to know. At least he had a few days ago when we discussed it. I tucked my phone away. I needed to focus on my morning cases and deal with the messages afterwards. I went to find the officer in my case.
“Was my client cooperative?” I asked, a little flustered with everything going on.
“Yeah, he was fine,” Officer Green replied. We were standing just outside the doors to the courtroom.
“That’s good,” I said. Thankfully my cases this morning were pretty open and shut. I was confident I could get plea agreements in all of them.
I turned to walk back into the courtroom, but Officer Green stopped me by putting his hand on my arm. “Luke told me you were getting some threatening messages and someone vandalized your car?”
“Yeah,” I agreed, wondering why he was bringing it up. I was also anxious to talk to the state’s attorney about my cases before Judge Harris came out on the bench.
“Have you received any more threats?” he asked.
I took a deep breath while I considered whether I should tell him. I needed to tell someone and it would be better if it was him and not Luke right now. “Actually, I just got one a few minutes ago.” I pulled my phone out of my bag and pulled the messages up handing him the phone.
“Did you tell Luke yet?” he asked, as he looked up from the messages. People were starting to file into the courtroom.
“No, not yet. I didn’t have a chance,” I explained.
“Talk to him after court,” he demanded.
“Okay, but can you add it to my prior report too?” I asked. At his curious look, I continued, “You know, in case I don’t see him right away. I will probably be in court until lunch time,” I said pointing at the pile of files I was holding.
“Sure, I can handle it as soon as this case is called. I don’t have anything else in court today,” he agreed, taking a screen shot of the messages with his phone. He handed the phone back to me and I placed it on top of my files. “Has anything else happened?”
“No, just this,” I answered.
“Have you seen anyone following you? Anyone say anything weird to you?” Officer Green continued to ask.
I shook my head no. I felt like someone was watching me once but that’s not evidence that someone was. It was just a paranoid feeling I had. “I will let you know if I think of anything that could be helpful. Thanks for helping me out with it. I had better go in to court now though,” I said pointing towards the courtroom where I could hear the bailiff say, ‘All rise.’
“Sure, okay,” he said, opening the door and gesturing for me to precede him into the courtroom.
I PULLED MY PHONE OUT of my bag after court to messages from Luke.
Talked to Tanner about the text you got. Come see me as soon as you’re done with court.
Hmm . . . come see him. That’s a first. I had never been to the station before. I decided to text first to be sure.
Done with Ct. Still want to meet up?
I walked back to the office and dropped off the morning files on my secretary’s desk to handle closing them out. I glanced back down at my phone as I walked to my office.
Yes, meet me out front of ct in 10
I checked my messages and my cases for the afternoon, then grabbed my purse, and headed downstairs. I was nervous about meeting with him.
I saw him before he saw me. He was leaning back against one of the columns outside. I admired him in his uniform. I had a feeling he wouldn’t be mine to look at after this conversation. I pulled open the door and walked up to him.
“Hey, still allowed to be seen in public with me?” I asked sarcastically. It was definitely the wrong thing to say because he tensed immediately. I hadn’t planned on being defensive with him, it just popped out.
He looked away uncomfortably. “Yeah, we need to talk about that.”
“Great.” I was being snarky but I didn’t care.
“Let’s go somewhere else,” he said, as he turned to walk towards Fountain Park and came to a stop in front of one of the benches. There were a few children playing by the fountain and a family having a picnic lunch on the grass, but otherwise it was fairly quiet.
“Well? What’s the verdict?” I asked when he remained standing and didn’t speak. I knew what he was going to say and I wasn’t going to like it.
“I talked to Cam and he doesn’t think it’s a good idea if we are seen together,” he said cautiously.
“Really, so Cam thinks that, huh? What about you? Do you have a mind of your own? You know what, never mind. I don’t care.” I started to walk back towards the courthouse, but Luke jumped in front of my path stopping me.
“What do you mean, you don’t care?”
“We aren’t dating Luke. You don’t owe me anything.” I knew logically that was the case and I didn’t want him to know I cared. I was protecting myself at this point.
He pulled himself up to his full height. “No, we weren’t dating.” He ran his fingers through his hair and looked at anything but me.
“Why are you still standing here Luke? We can’t see each other. Fine, now let me go.”
“We still need to talk about that message you received.”
“Oh, we don’t need to talk about anything. I already talked to Officer Green. There’s nothing else to add.”
He looked hurt. “So you want to deal with Tanner now?”
“Yes, you can’t be seen with me remember?” I started to walk around him without waiting for a response and then I stopped short. “I know this election is important to you, but are you going to allow people to tell you who you can associate with? It’s not like I’m some criminal. I’m an attorney. We’re professionals. The whole thing is ridiculous.”
“Did you see the comments under the picture of us dancing? A lot of people are not happy about it. They are questioning my stance on crime. Cam thinks it’s a distraction to my campaign.”
“So, I’m a distraction now?” I asked. I know I was getting really upset and lashing out at him. I wasn’t proud of it.
Luke winced at his choice of words. “This is the most important thing in my life, Emma. You know that. I told you that this was my dream. And like you said we weren’t even dating. It’s better to end it now than later.”
“You keep telling yourself that then. You can deny this attraction between us all you want,” I spit out, pointing between us. Then I turned a
nd stalked off. He didn’t follow me.
I was so pissed at myself and the situation. I knew this was what he would do when I saw the look on his face in response to the social media comments. I couldn’t say I blamed him. It seemed too good to be true and it was. I wouldn’t let him see me hurt again though. I was good at this part, moving on and pretending nothing bothered me.
When I got home that night, I pulled out the drawings he’d given me. It was fun when it was a flirtation. When there was no campaign to come between us. Had we met at another time, things might have been different. Although the sexual attraction between us was so strong, I couldn’t believe he was willing to walk away. Maybe once the election was over he would change his mind, but by then I would be gone.
I SAT AT A TABLE at the pub surrounded by what I came to describe as my group here on the Eastern Shore. It was probably the first time in my life that I was part of one. Jack, Sawyer, Ashley, and Samantha were here. Luke was doing a campaign event. I wasn’t sure what, since we weren’t speaking.
“So, how are you and Luke doing since all of the uproar over your ‘relationship?’” Ashley asked, using air quotes.
“Uproar seems like a strong word,” I said. It started out as comments on the pictures from the fundraiser dinner and then escalated to print in the op-ed section this week. Brad penned another letter where he strongly condemned Luke’s relationship with me and criticized his stance on crime. It seemed a little over the top to me but that’s politics. There were other letters printed in the same vein. I was sure that made Luke feel like he’d made the right decision by breaking it off with me. There were a couple letters in Luke’s favor too, which praised his record on crime and his professionalism. The paper was great about showing both sides of the issue.
I’d had issues in the past with clients not wanting me to associate with the state’s attorney or the other court personnel. They viewed that as being too friendly with the enemy. The reality was that the court system worked best when everyone was cordial with each other and got along. We were professionals, after all. This was the first time I’d had this level of scrutiny. It was a unique situation, of course. I’d never been in a relationship with a police officer, nor had I been with someone running for office. All of this was new and I felt off kilter.