Ms. Lawyer

by Lea Coll

  “Yes,” he answered, not leaving any room for argument.

  I hesitated then, coming to a stop. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  Luke stopped in front of me still holding my hand. “I need to talk to you Emma.”

  I sighed. “We probably do need to talk Luke, but I can’t ignore that you broke it off without discussing it. I gave you time to come to your senses but you never contacted me. You had plenty of opportunity. Why now?” As much as I wanted to know the answers to my questions, I wasn’t ready for this discussion tonight. Before he could answer, I said, “No, I’m not having this conversation tonight. I’m exhausted. I’m staying with Ashley tonight like I planned.”

  Luke did not look happy. “Fine, but I want to pick you up tomorrow. Can I take you to breakfast?”

  “Okay.” I knew we needed to hash this out but I didn’t want to jump because he decided he was ready. Too much time had passed. It looked too convenient. Was it because I was in town or because of what happened with Ben? As nice as it would be to just fall back into place with Luke, I couldn’t do it without some serious groveling on his part.

  He turned and led me out the lobby where Ashley and Samantha were waiting. He addressed Ashley. “She’s going home with you tonight but I will pick her up in the morning.” I think his intention was clear. Do not let me leave before he got there. I didn’t know whether to laugh or be annoyed with his demand. I decided to ignore it.

  Samantha hugged me again and told me to promise to text her later to let her know how I was.

  We walked out to the parking lot and Luke led me to Ashley’s passenger side door. He held the door open for me. “I will see you tomorrow,” he said.

  I looked up at him once I settled into the seat. Luke, who was always so confident and self-assured, seemed unsure whether I would still be here tomorrow. It gave me a heady sense of power. It wasn’t a power struggle that I wanted. I just needed him to know that he couldn’t keep breaking things off without a discussion. I deserved better. Our conversation tomorrow would determine everything. Even if he had a good explanation for me, I wasn’t sure I could trust that he wouldn’t do something similar again.

  “Thank you for finding me,” I said, looking up at him still holding the door.

  “Always, Emma. You can always count on me,” He leaned down and kissed my forehead. I smiled as he closed the door.

  “Are you hungry?” Ashley asked, as we drove to her apartment.

  “Not really. I’m just tired.” I looked at the clock, and it was 11:00 p.m. “I didn’t realize it was so late. No wonder I’m tired.”

  “Adrenaline kept you going for awhile. It’s probably out of your system now and you’re crashing.”

  I went to the bathroom, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and got into my pajamas. I was staying in Ashley’s second bedroom, which was really tiny. Only a twin bed fit inside. She had boxes stacked against the wall, probably because there wasn’t much storage in her apartment.

  I lay in bed for awhile thinking of everything that had happened. There were really no words for what Luke did. I felt safe and protected. I loved that feeling, but couldn’t ignore the last few weeks. He walked away from me without a discussion. It was so easy for him. If we got back together, would it happen again? I had a lot of questions for him. Before I could think of all of the worst-case scenarios for our conversation, I fell asleep.

  In the morning I woke with a start, wondering where I was. As soon as I realized it was Ashley’s apartment, I relaxed. I didn’t think I had moved the entire night. Everything from the day before came crashing back into me. The stress of seeing Luke again and wondering where we stood. The confrontation with Ben and not knowing if my life was in danger. The relief of being safe and in Luke’s arms again.

  I GRABBED MY PHONE FROM the night stand. It was only 7:00 a.m. but I had two missed messages from Luke.

  Picking u up at 8

  Want to come back here? I will cook

  I smiled. Someone was anxious. I had better get ready since he would be here soon. I got up and took a quick shower, putting on shorts and a tank top. It looked like it would be hot again today. I packed my things up and wandered out to the living room.

  “Oh good, you’re up.” Ashley smiled from her perch on the couch. “Luke already texted me several times to make sure you were up and getting ready. He will be here at eight.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I know. He texted me too.”

  “I guess you didn’t respond quickly enough.”

  “No, I didn’t respond yet.” I looked down at my phone and typed.

  Sounds good. I’ll be ready

  The bubbles popped up right away indicating he was typing.

  On my way

  “Someone is anxious to see you,” Ashley said.

  “He sure is.”

  “Do you know what you’re going to do?”

  “I have a lot of questions for him,” I sighed. “I’m not sure I can trust he won’t walk away again.”

  “Listen to what he has to say. He’s always been singularly focused on his career. I’m sure meeting you in the middle of the election probably threw him for a loop. It’s possible he used the last few weeks to get his priorities straight.”

  “Oh, I intend to listen very carefully.” Everything hinged on what he had to say. Even if he said all the right things I still didn’t know what I was going to do.

  A loud knock sounded on the door. I raised my eyebrows at Ashley. Luke seemed very determined this morning.

  Ashley smiled in response and got up to open the door. “Morning, Luke.”

  “Good morning, Ashley,” Luke said, as Ashley opened the door wider for him to come in.

  “Good morning, Emma. Are you ready to go?” he asked.

  “Yeah, let me grab my bag from the room. Be right back,” I said, as I walked back to the bedroom. As I walked back down the hall towards the living room I heard Luke and Ashley talking quietly. They stopped when I came into the room. I raised my eyebrows at Ashley. I knew it was about me. She just smiled in return.

  She came over to hug me. “Thanks for coming to visit. Maybe I will see you later at the race?”

  “The race?” I asked, looking over at Luke.

  “Oh right. The raft race. I had better text Sawyer to tell him I won’t be there until later.” Then he looked up at me. “Or at all.”

  “I would like to see the race. I’d forgotten about it,” I said.

  “We’ll see,” Luke answered. “Ready to go now?” he asked grabbing my overnight bag from my hand.

  “Yes,” I answered, preceding him out the door he held for me.

  “Bye, Ashley,” Luke said.

  “See you later Luke, Emma,” Ashley said, as she closed the door behind us.

  We walked outside and I waited for him to open my door. I got in and he stowed my bag in the trunk. As he got in, he looked over at me. “Omelets okay?”

  “Sure,” I answered. My stomach was in knots. I wasn’t sure I could eat much.

  “We can talk after we eat. I’m starving,” he said, giving me a smile.

  I guess guys didn’t let emotional turmoil keep them from eating. Maybe that was why he was so anxious to see me this morning. He was hungry.

  We were quiet as he drove through the still quiet streets of town out to his farm.

  As if he could read my mind he said, “The festival starts a little later today since the raft race doesn’t start until noon.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  It was good to see the farm. I hadn’t thought I would ever be here again. In a short time, his farm and this town had become important to me.

  Luke unlocked his front door and Hunter skidded to a halt just as I walked in. He got in a few good licks before Luke grabbed his collar and led him out the back door. I followed Luke as he walked outside with Hunter.

  “I’m going to cut some chives for the omelets? Do you like them?”

  “Yes that sounds good.” I’d nev
er even thought about adding chives to eggs. More impressive was the fact that Luke grew his own herbs, but then he did live on a farm.

  Luke walked down the steps from the deck and came back in a few minutes holding the chives. I sat at the island while he cooked up the omelets.

  “This is so good, Luke,” I said, as I finished my first bite of omelet. I loved the combination of chives and eggs. “I will definitely be adding chives to my eggs in the future.”

  Luke merely smiled since his mouth was full.

  As I popped the last bite of omelet in my mouth, the nerves started to kick up. I knew there was no more time to avoid the conversation we needed to have. Why did Luke break it off so easily? Why did it take him so long to talk to me? If I took him back, how would a relationship work? Would Luke really be willing to give it a try? Or was he just reacting to the adrenaline of the situation yesterday? Luke rinsed the dishes and placed them in the dishwasher.

  “Want to take your coffee outside?” he asked sweetly as he put my dish in the dishwasher.”

  “Of course. All of our serious conversations seem to take place there,” I said, getting up and carrying my mug to the French doors leading to the deck. Hunter was close behind me, eager to go back outside.

  Luke beat me to the door, pushing it open for us. He was carrying a blanket for me. He was always so thoughtful. I loved that about him. I took a deep breath in anticipation of the conversation we needed to have and stepped outside onto the deck. It was only slightly cool. You could feel the humidity in the air like it was going to heat up quickly. Summer was here. We sat in the wooden Adirondack chairs next to each other. He handed me the blanket, which I arranged loosely on my legs.

  “I’ll start, since I’m the reason we’re in this situation.”

  “It’s partly my fault too, Luke. I wasn’t upfront with you that I was only here temporarily.”

  “Yeah, I was blindsided by that. I’ll admit that. But I’m ashamed of how I reacted. I treated you like you were my ex and didn’t even give you the benefit of the doubt. I just assumed that you would leave like she did. It wasn’t fair to you. Then I refused to discuss it with you.” He paused, his eyes on me to gauge my reaction.

  “You know what bugs me the most is why it took you so long to have this discussion.” This was the answer I was most nervous about. It would change everything. His distance the last few weeks and lack of communication hurt more than anything. I thought he would realize his mistake as soon as he calmed down and was thinking clearly. Had it really taken this long to figure this out? Was it what happened with Ben that woke him up? If so, I don’t know how I felt about that.

  “I’m stubborn, Emma. I think I realized it once you left but I didn’t want to admit I was wrong. I tried telling myself that you left town like I knew you would. But everyone told me I’d made a huge mistake. That you would have moved here for me or we could do a long distance relationship until you found something here. Everyone else knew this about you, but I didn’t. I didn’t even take the time to ask. I felt horrible.”

  “They’re right, Luke. I wanted to discuss it. The fact that you refused is what hurt the most. You cut me off again,” I interrupted in frustration. I couldn’t ignore the fact that he broke it off with me when Cam told him our relationship was affecting the campaign. It seemed so easy for him to walk away.

  “I know, Emma.” He held up his hand as if to tell me he wanted to finish talking and not to interrupt.

  I gestured for him to continue.

  “It took me awhile to realize that I should have at least listened to you before I went off half-cocked. That you weren’t my ex and were nothing like her. Then I heard you would be coming here this weekend to visit and I wanted to talk to you in person. So I waited.” When I shot him an annoyed look, he went on, “Yes, it was stupid. I realize that now. I should have called you or texted you to let you know I wanted to talk to you. I also worried that you’d moved on or wouldn’t want to talk to me. I didn’t want to give you a chance to avoid me.” He paused, taking a deep breath, “I know it’s too much to ask, but can we try again?”

  I still had one burning question for him. “So, this had nothing to do with yesterday? What happened with Ben?”

  “No, it had nothing to do with Ben. I told you yesterday at the parade I wanted to talk to you, remember?”

  I nodded. “I wanted to make sure.” I tried to gather my thoughts and process everything he’d told me. “I thought you would have come to your senses sooner, but I underestimated how stubborn you can be. I realize we haven’t known each other for very long. But this can’t happen again. If you’re upset about something, we need to talk about it. Your first instinct can’t be to cut and run.”

  “I know. It won’t happen again. I was so gun shy from the situation with my ex. It really threw me when I found out you were only here temporarily. I didn’t handle it well.”

  “I’m not sure what to say, Luke.” His assumption that I would be the one to move to Chestertown weighed heavily on my mind. The town and its people had really grown on me but I wanted this to be a partnership. I needed him to offer to move to Baltimore. Whether I allowed him to quit his job and move was another matter. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to live in the city anymore.

  Sensing my reluctance, he continued, “I guess I’m not asking for an answer now. I would like a chance to prove myself to you. I’ll do whatever it takes. The last few weeks without you have been miserable.”

  “I don’t know, Luke. I don’t know if I can get past the callous way you ended us without talking about it. And then you waited so long. I really thought we were over.”

  I ran through all of the possibilities in my head. If I gave him another chance, where would we live? Would we do the long distance thing while I looked for a job here? I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to do yet. Get a job at a private firm? Try to stay in the public sector? My career was important to me too. I realized I needed him to acknowledge this. Would Luke give up his dream of being sheriff and work as a police officer in the city instead? There were still so many questions. The fact that he apologized was only the tip of the iceberg.

  I looked into his face. He looked sincere and determined. “I will need to think about it, Luke. I can’t make a decision right now.”

  “I know. I’m not asking you to. Come to the raft race today. Remember what Chestertown is all about,” he pleaded.

  “Okay. But I’m not making any promises.”

  I SPENT THE AFTERNOON AT the waterfront watching the raft race with Stella, Samantha, and Ashley. It was a lot of fun. One boat was made out of cardboard. It could float, but not with anyone steering it. Luke’s boat was made out of fifty-five gallon oil containers covered in wood. I guess Jack found some old aluminum containers at the marina and thought they would be good flotation devices. It worked, and their team came in first place. It was interesting to check out what everyone had come up with and then see if they could float or not.

  It also felt good to laugh with my friends and enjoy the beautiful day. I’d missed everyone. No one mentioned the elephant in the room, whether Luke and I would get back together.

  I did not have a close knit group of friends in the city. It wasn’t a close community either. I guess it was the small-town feel of Chestertown that appealed to me. It was hard to believe I had dreaded moving here a few short months ago and couldn’t wait to go back to the city. So much had changed. I’d made good friends and met Luke. I didn’t know what to do about him, but I would take it one day at a time.

  Luke walked me back to Ashley’s house so I could get my car and return home after the race. I wanted to beat some of the traffic going over the bridge. I had off the next day for Memorial Day but the traffic would be so much worse with crowds coming home from the beach. Plus, I didn’t want to just fall back with Luke. I needed some space to figure out what I should do. I also wanted to give him an opportunity to make it up to me. How far was he willing to go? Only time would tell. I needed mo
re from him before I took a leap of faith.

  I turned to Luke as we approached my car. He backed me up until I was leaning against my car. He braced his arms on either side of me and leaned in close, “Emma, I want to be clear. I want you. I will do whatever it takes to get you back.”

  I looked into his eyes noting his sincerity. Then he kissed me lightly on my forehead. “Drive carefully on the way home. Text me when you get there,” he said backing away from me. I immediately felt his absence. I wondered if I was doing the right thing when what I really wanted to do was jump into his arms. But I couldn’t do that. I needed to be sure it was the right decision.

  “Okay, I will,” I said, as I got into my car and he closed the door. He watched while I drove away.

  That week Luke texted me and called me several times a day. Sometimes it was just to ask how my day was going and to say goodnight but other times we talked for hours. He told me all of the gossip in Chestertown and how the election was going. It was nice to have that connection to the town I’d grown to love.

  I told him what my life was like in the city. It seemed lonely and barren in comparison to the life I’d made in Chestertown. Towards the end of that week, he asked if he could visit. He wanted to see my home and spend some time with me. I said yes. We weren’t back together. I hadn’t made any decisions yet, but I wanted to see where he would go with this. I still had reservations.

  That weekend I showed him my rental in Canton, an early 1900s two-story row home. It was a one bedroom, one bath, with wood floors and exposed brick on one wall. It was tiny and narrow but the perfect size for one person. It had been completely renovated. My co-worker’s row home had a tiny bathroom in the kitchen, which consisted solely of a toilet. You could literally lean out the door of the bathroom and wash your hands in the kitchen sink it was so tiny. Thankfully, my home had all of the modern amenities to go with its historical charm.

  The advantage to living in Canton was that it was within walking distance of the bars, restaurants, and shops. I showed Luke my favorite places, and we walked past the courthouse where I worked and we checked out the Inner Harbor. As we stood at the Inner Harbor looking at the dragon paddleboats bobbing in the water, crowds of tourists walked around us, and I couldn’t help but wish we were back in Chestertown.