by Sosie Frost
He pointed his fake foot at me. “First you fuck her. Then you break your back to help. Now she’s saving the farm. What the hell happened?”
Cassi grinned. “He’s in love with her!”
I wasn’t talking about this. “It’s complicated. And it doesn’t matter. Sign the damn sales agreement.”
“You love her, and you let her move to Ironfield?” Cassi asked. “What happened?”
“It’s not important.”
“Of course it is!” She pointed outside. “Look at what she did for you! She just gave you a perfect excuse to build the barn. She’s saved you!”
“No, she hasn’t.”
“Call her.”
“No.”
“You have to talk to her.”
I clenched my jaw. “Let it go, Cas.”
“You’re in love with her! Why aren’t you doing everything you can to be with her?”
“Because she’s fucking pregnant!” The words even shocked me. “She’s pregnant.”
And there it was.
Simple and complicated. Wonderful and terrifying. A blessing and…
It’d never be a curse.
My brothers stared at me, but Cassi grabbed my arm, holding tight. A smile teased at her lips. Somehow, I knew she’d be happy.
“Holy shit…” Marius’s voice was low, somber. He met my gaze and nodded. “Congratulations.”
Not what I’d expected from him.
“You knocked her up?” Tidus swore. Exactly what I’d expected from him.
Varius patted my shoulder—first time he’d offered anyone comfort in years. “You didn’t say anything.”
“Didn’t think anyone had to know.”
Quint laughed. “Yeah, we wouldn’t notice when the stork dropped a kid in the living room.”
“We broke up.”
They quieted. Wished the thoughts swirling in my head would silence too.
“Micah doesn’t want a relationship,” I said. “Says we’d only be together because of the baby. So, she broke it off. Got the job in Ironfield because she doesn’t want to rely on me. She thinks she’s better off alone.”
Cassi bit her lip. “Aren’t you going to fight her?”
s“Why do you think I’m selling the goddamned farm?” I said. “I’m going to Ironfield too.”
My sister gasped. “What?”
“I’m not letting her raise my child without me.” I shook my head. “Hell no. That’s my baby. That’s the next generation of Paynes. She says she can do it on her own? Fine. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to be there every fucking step of the way taking care of my son or daughter…” The words hardened. “Taking care of her.”
I didn’t expect them to understand. I didn’t think I’d understand. Why I was still fighting her. What I expected when I’d get there. How I’d convince Micah to let me in her life.
How I’d prove to her that we belonged together.
I needed that woman. I needed our baby.
And I needed us together.
“The farm means more to me than to you guys,” I said. “I get it. It’s more than a home to me. It’s a responsibility. And I should have been here to take care of it long ago, but I fucked up. I lost time with Dad. I let the family fall apart. I let you all down.”
Cassi shook her head. “Jules, you did everything you could.”
No. Not yet. “I didn’t do enough. I wanted to make this farm something for all of us. Wanted to restore it to what it was for the family—so when we had kids, they’d have what we had growing up. The hard work. The sacrifice. And the warmth. That sense of belonging. A place they’d one day work and tend and grow for their children.” The thought killed me. “All I wanted was a chance to look outside and see my kid running around the fields...”
Cassi capped the pen and dared anyone to stop her. She handed it to me, papers unsigned.
“You’re gonna have that, Jules,” she said.
I shook my head. “No. I made this family sacrifice enough for me long ago. All the money and time and support—and I ruined my chances with the Rivets. So, I’m done. I’m not going to drag you through another one of my dreams. I want the farm—but I want us to be happy. There’s been enough resentment. Just sign the papers. Ignore the alpaca. Take the money.”
My brothers stayed silent. I tossed the pen onto the table, stomach clenching as it rolled towards the edge.
I couldn’t watch this.
I turned as Tidus took the pen, but he stuck it in his pocket.
“Can’t believe I’m gonna say this,” he said. “But no.”
Jesus Christ. I held his stare. “No?”
“No,” he said again.
Quint and Varius agreed. “No.”
Marius did the honors—ripping the papers in half.
“What the hell are you doing?” The rage shadowed my voice. “Take the fucking money!”
“We don’t like each other,” Marius said. “But that doesn’t mean we’re not a family.”
Cassi batted his arm. “What he’s supposed to say is that we love each other.”
Varius folded his hands. “Every family has problems—every person has doubts. The beauty of a home is that, together, we should mend those doubts and insecurities and pains and frustrations...” He met my gaze. “Especially for the sake of a child.”
Quint grinned. “I get to be an uncle.”
Tidus clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Should have told us you were gonna be a daddy.”
Cassi crossed her arms. “Yes! Why the hell would you keep that from us? I’m gonna hold a grudge until I hold that baby!”
I pulled out a chair and collapsed. “Micah’s idea. Wait until after the fair.”
“Well, the fair’s over,” Marius said. “What now?”
Good question.
“I thought selling the farm was the only option we had,” I said. “It seemed like the right decision.”
“Not anymore,” Cassi said. “Not now that there’s a baby. We can ruin our own lives, but…” She glanced at our brothers. “We can’t keep hating each other now that there’s a baby on the way.”
“Mom would kill us,” Quint murmured. “Imagine how excited she’d be?”
Tidus frowned. “You kidding? It’s Julian’s kid. Imagine Dad’s reaction.”
Marius shrugged. “Mom and Dad would have wanted any grandchildren, no matter who popped them out.”
Varius smirked. “Except Cassi. Remember that talk?”
Cassi covered her eyes. “Oh God. They were so sure Rem would get me pregnant. All the talks and the pamphlets, and you!” She pointed at Varius. “You and the Youth Group sermons! Embarrassed the hell out of me.”
“Yeah…” Varius smiled for the first time in days. “Did that on purpose.”
“Well, jokes on all of you. I didn’t even sleep with Rem until a couple months ago…” Cassi hesitated as my brothers and I tensed and swore. “But…this is about Julian having unsafe sex. Everyone scold him.”
“No one needs to scold me,” I said. “I’m gonna do everything I can for the baby.”
“Does that include the farm?” Quint asked.
I thumbed through the sanctuary paperwork. For as much as she’d wanted to help, for as weird as the damn alpaca was, seven little words were scrawled across the top of the application.
Pending Approval By The Zoning Hearing Board
I needed a variance, and the municipality still wanted their developments.
“Micah was my only ally on this,” I said. “And I had to knock her up to get her to help me. Not looking forward to fucking the five men on the board who can grant the approval.”
“You don’t think they’ll approve it?” Marius asked.
“You worked the fair,” Quint said. “Doesn’t that count?”
“Not sure I want to admit to organizing that disaster,” I said. “The people are still pissed they didn’t get their fireworks.”
Tidus shrugged. “Pretty sure I have some bottle rockets in the
basement from when I was a kid.”
Cassi frowned. “When you were a kid?”
He shrugged. “Or…last week, when Rem and I set them off in the backyard for his nieces.”
And that was it.
The idea was simple, brilliant, and foolproof.
I stood, casting the chair backwards. “Tidus, you’re a goddamned genius.”
No one believed that, least of all him. “What?”
“The bottle rockets.” I grinned. “The fireworks. Butterpond never got their fireworks. Micah never got her fireworks. But we can give it to them. Right here.”
“Where?” Cassi asked.
“In the empty back field. Right where Desmond and the council wants to build their damn development.” I grinned. “We throw a party. Invite the town. Show Butterpond what Triumph Farms means to us, and what it can do for the community.”
My sister nodded. “What about Micah?”
The fireworks were everything. A way to prove to her what I could offer. What our life could be…together.
Maybe a baby wasn’t a family.
And a barn wasn’t a farm.
But a broken heart?
That didn’t have to be the end.
20
Micah
Why did I come back to the farm?
I knew better than to accept his invitation. Knew better than to hope for anything but heartbreak. Knew that returning to his home, his arms, his life would only end in tears.
My bags were packed. The new apartment waited for me to sign the lease, and the U-Haul was stuffed to the rafters and ready to go.
But I didn’t make it out of Butterpond.
I had to see the farm one last time.
And apparently…so did the rest of the town.
I hadn’t intended to walk the half-mile driveway again, but at least the mud had dried into narrow welts and bumps. No easier to walk in heels, but at least I didn’t ruin my new dress.
The first time I’d needed to buy a bigger size in years.
Cars lined the driveway, the road, the grass outside of the country farm house. The whole of Butterpond had descended on the farm this evening. Tiki torches, lanterns, and LED white Christmas lights illuminated the party as twilight faded. Three grills fired up outside the house, each manned by a different Payne brother, flipping burgers, hot dogs, and sausage. A dozen coolers lined up along the house, and Cassi chased two little girls away from the ones containing beer. She traded the Iron City for an apple juice and herded the little girls into the arms of their uncle.
The church ladies dressed picnic tables with checkerboard cloths, cramming casseroles and pies, fried chicken and potato salads over every available inch of the tables. Kids played tag and hide-and-go seek in all the fun nooks and crannies of the property. The all-too-nauseating scent of roasting meats drifted over the yard, and a dozen people danced around a wireless speaker.
Great. The Paynes threw one party, and more people showed up to their shindig than bothered to check out the fair. The township would have fired me even if I hadn’t thrown my job away on Julian.
For Julian.
To help him. To prove how I felt to him.
To have my efforts ripped up and tossed in my face because I was too much of a coward to admit how I felt.
I thought the hardest thing—the most terrifying thing—I’d ever do was destroying my career and intentionally sabotaging my future for a man.
I was wrong.
Nothing prepared me for seeing him again.
Julian said nothing. His wide, confident strides parted his guests and forged a path directly to me. I didn’t move. Didn’t turn from him. Didn’t know what to say or think or feel when he took my hand.
I’d denied everything I’d felt for this man for so long.
Why?
I’d forced him away and refused every kindness and compassion and promise.
Why?
I’d gotten pregnant, shared a new life with him, and still feared the most frightening realization of all.
Why?
Was my happiness so unimportant that I’d destroy any chance I had with this man to protect a future without him? An empty, meaningless future that isolated my heart from the love I deserved.
What sort of life did I want?
And how could I make one with him?
Julian led me by hand through the crowd, around the back of the house and over an overgrown path far from the party and lights. Fireflies dotted the fields, and the grass kissed our legs, rustling in the soft breeze of a hot night. The sky was clear, a nearly full moon illuminated a trail Julian seemed to know from memories of long ago. Secret hideaways and cozy little fields that would shelter us from everything but our feelings.
He’d spread a soft blanket under a solid oak tree that had to be older than Butterpond itself. Gnarled branches swept through the sky, and the thick leaves created a delicate haven that shielded us from the world.
Julian didn’t need to speak.
I had nothing to say.
Nothing to fight. Nothing to yell. Nothing to hate.
My heart ached for this man, and nothing would ever ease it except for the moment when he’d make me his again.
Our relationship wasn’t healthy. We’d fought and fucked and fought some more, never telling each other the truth, never revealing what it was that drove us again and again into each other’s arms.
So why would this moment be any different?
Julian seized me, rocking me into his arms and capturing a kiss I willingly gave. The heat of the evening and the searing warmth of his chest wrapped me in a dizzying completeness. I’d longed for this. His kiss nibbling mine. His tongue flicking a tease against me. The crush of his hands as the taste of my surrender hardened every part of him.
“Don’t go.” His wasn’t a request but a demand. Harsh kisses and rough hands bound me to him, to this moment, to this thrill of lust.
And I wanted so badly to say yes.
And I feared so much what would happen when I did.
Julian lowered me to the blanket. I should have fought him. I needed to clear my head and talk through everything that had complicated the simplest, most honest feelings that clutched my heart.
But I ached too much and needed even more. The blanket protected me from the grass and dirt, and the strength of Julian’s body shielded me from everything else. His touch roamed over me, tickling my thighs as he shifted my dress over my hips and exposed the simple black panties I’d thought would protect me from his intentions. They were gone in an instant, replaced by the heat of his mouth, the caress of his tongue, and the delight of his nibbling, wandering lips.
The shivered thrill rolled through me, inside me, over me. I arched, but Julian knew me better than he knew his fields. He didn’t stop, simply quickened his pace, flattening his licks to the most sensitive part of me and groaning as my legs fell open and my hips offered more and more.
“Don’t go.” Julian pulled away for only a moment. “Stay, and I swear, I’ll never stop.”
A promise that would render me his forever. A threat that would destroy the only future I’d ever planned for my life.
“You’ve ruined everything, cowboy.” The pleasure stole my voice. I whispered instead, trembling against his lips. “My life. My future. My plans.”
“You did worse to me, princess.”
His teasing kisses tore at my mind and slickened me with desire. I couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe. I offered more of my body for him, but I still protected my heart.
“You are nothing that I’ve ever wanted.” I gripped the blanket with shaking fingers. “Nothing that I’d ever planned for. Never even had a contingency for someone like you.”
“And what am I?”
“A complication.”
He nibbled my folds and watched me flinch. “We’re beyond complications now.”
He was right. “You’re a distraction. A problem. A pain in my ass.”
“You’re not so easy
to get along with either.”
And yet there he was, torturing me with his tongue. “I never imagined anyone like you in my life, Julian Payne.”
“You never imagined a real life.”
My breathing wavered—his attentions and my tears stealing it away. “And I didn’t realize it until now.”
“What?”
The pleasure built, but I pushed him away before I dared to crest over that infinite, beautiful forever that I never wanted to experience without him again.
“You are nothing I’ve never wanted.” I brushed my fingers over his jaw. “But you are the only thing I’ve ever needed.”
His kiss was raw, desperate, and the answer to the only prayer I whispered in my heart. I reached for him, fighting with the denim and the buttons until I’d released him in to my hands and stroked that hard, aching part of him that belonged to me.
If I’d let him in.
If I’d give myself to him.
If I’d just admit what I felt for him.
I pushed him onto the blanket this time, easing over his chest, palms flat on his muscles, hips grinding on his straining thickness. A deep breath, and he filled me. Full. Stuffed.
Complete.
Julian let me set my own pace, adjusting to his size and taking more than I needed to satisfy my own greed and desperation. He watched me, jaw tight, eyes a twilight green of darkness and sincerity.
The brush of his hands guided me along his length. Up and down. More and less. Hard and gentle.
And when he spoke, every word trembled me harder. He held me, hand drifting to the almost imperceptible bump just barely swelling my tummy.
“In a week, you’ll move in with me,” he said.
I smirked, slowing my strides. “Is that so?”
“In a month, we’ll get the application approved for the…animal sanctuary.”
My heart thudded harder. “And then what?”
“In two months we’ll begin construction on the barn and the nursery.”
He pushed harder against my tummy. Protective. Possessive.
Did he know he’d slept holding me just like this? His massive hand covering my flat tummy? Holding me tight? Caressing the baby?
“In six months, we’ll have our baby.” His hips arched up. I fell over him, arms behind his neck, head nestled against him. Our bodies ground against each other. His arms held me tight. “And a month after that, I’m planting the first hydroponic crops in a greenhouse.”