by Anna Bell
‘Yeah, just a bit jet lagged and homesick.’
‘Ah well, chin up, you’re probably just nervous about your presentations.’
‘Yeah, that’s probably it. Speak to you soon.’
‘Take care, love, and don’t forget the chamomile tea.’
Jess hung up the phone with a tear rolling down her face. It had been so long since she’d had a conversation that nice with her mum: seven years in fact.
Chapter 13 – Jessica Anderson
Jessica woke up with a start to the alarm. She had to get up and get to work, she had so much to do before the conference started. She got out of bed and as her foot stepped on the wooden floor boards, she noticed her surroundings. She was in the apartment. Her and Benjy’s apartment. It hadn’t been a dream. Whatever had happened to her it hadn’t been fixed by a good night’s sleep.
Jessica looked over at Benjy in the bed, slowly waking up. She smiled at the sight of him; this new life wasn’t all bad. She’d not been able to get the details out of Benjy about the Rachel incident. All hopes of seducing Benjy went as he was too wired to sleep and sat up writing lyrics instead. Every time Jessica had started to speak to him, he irritatingly kept singing at her. He had also pushed her away, laughing, when she’d tried to kiss him. He told her that they weren’t twenty-one anymore and that the rate she was going at she was going to kill him.
She’d ended up just going to bed and lying, unable to sleep, unable to process what was going on.
‘Hey, babe. You don’t have to go to work. Get back in to bed, have a lie in,’ said Benjy, crawling out of bed.
Jessica swooned at the sight of his bare bum as he ran to the bathroom.
She didn’t think she could get back to sleep. The apartment was too hot, anyway. She had forgotten how hot and sticky the New York summers could get.
She wondered how she was going to find out what Benjy did for a job. She contemplated following him to work, but having never tailed anyone she thought she’d probably stick out like a sore thumb, and he’d catch her. She decided it was a much safer option to hang out in the apartment and search it for clues. There was bound to be a business card or a payslip somewhere in one of the drawers. It wasn’t that big an apartment, it shouldn’t take that long.
Maybe it would also fill in the blanks of both their lives. Whatever Benjy did it had to pay well to keep them in the apartment without her needing to work. She had never imagined being a lady of leisure; just what was she supposed to do all day?
‘So what you up to today, babe?’ asked Benjy, as if he was reading her mind. He had come back into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. She sat on her hands and tried to control herself as all she wanted to do was rip off the towel. Seven years of daydreaming over the ‘one that got away’ was making Jessica a little frisky when he was standing in front of her half naked.
‘Not sure. Maybe I’ll go for a long walk.’
‘Good idea, weather looks beautiful. Too bad I’ve gotta work. Oh, and tonight, I’m going straight to soccer, then we’re off out for Marcus’ birthday.’
Jessica wasn’t sure if that included her, too.
‘So I guess I’ll be home around eleven.’
Obviously it didn’t include her.
‘Ok,’ said Jessica, wondering what the hell she was going to do for a whole day and evening.
She climbed out of bed and found a dressing gown to slip on. Benjy was practically dressed and just putting his shoes on.
‘Want me to make you some breakfast?’ asked Jessica.
‘Since when do I eat breakfast?’
Jessica stopped at the door, that’s right, Benjy was one of those odd people that didn’t seem to eat until 3pm in the afternoon, and then he’d be ravenous for everything in sight.
‘Sorry, I guess I’m still half asleep.’
‘Guess you are,’ said Benjy, kissing her on the cheek. ‘I’ve made you coffee, it’s in the kitchen. See you later.’
‘Thanks, see you,’ she said, watching him run out the front door. She looked around the living room, and wondered just where she should start working out the pieces of her life. She picked up the coffee mug from the kitchen and the first piece of the puzzle slotted in. The cup read World’s Best Teacher. That was why she wasn’t at work. They weren’t super rich, it was August: the school holidays.
Half an hour later she was sitting transfixed, looking at the TV screen. She’d opened the sideboard and the first thing she’d found was their wedding DVD. It had taken her a good ten minutes to work out how the TV and DVD player worked, but she’d finally got it working. And there on screen was her wedding day. The wedding day that, like every girl, Jessica had always dreamt of, and yet she didn’t remember it at all.
It had been a simple and small wedding, but beautiful all the same. They’d got married on a beach and they’d had the reception in the garden of Benjy’s parents house; that she at least recognised. They’d had a small marquee decorated with large fairy lights and white roses.
Her parents were there, not looking happy. Her sister, her best friends from home and Katie, with Justin: they were all there. Jessica noticed a couple of relatives on her side, but not many. The rest of the guests were either friends she’d recognised from the summer spent in New York, from university, or Benjy's family. And then there were those she didn’t recognise. It was disconcerting that there were people at her own wedding who she didn’t know.
She’d cried listening to both Benjy and her father’s speeches, for different reasons. She’d always imagined her father’s speech on her wedding day, praising her for her independence, her brains, and her sense of character. But in this speech it was more like a eulogy for a daughter he’d once had. Benjy’s had made up for it. He’d said sincerely how much he loved her; how she was the only thing in the world that mattered to him; that he didn’t care where they ended up in the world or what they would do in the future, as long as they were together. Jessica could tell from the look in Benjy’s eyes when he said it that he meant every word.
Jessica turned it off after the first dance. She wanted to remember the look of happiness she had with Benjy as they waltzed under the fairy lights. She didn’t like to watch as the camera panned around the guests and she caught her parents’ looks of sadness.
She was sitting on the sofa trying to take in everything that was happening around her when a phone beeped in the bedroom.
Jessica walked through and found a phone on the side, assuming it was hers she picked it up and read the text message.
Katie
Hey Jess, hope you're feeling better. Wanna go out for drinks Saturday night? Have a client with new bar opening? X
It took Jessica a while to reply as she wasn’t familiar with the model of phone.
Jessica
Feeling a bit more myself. Will check with Benjy tonight and let you know about Saturday x
It hadn’t really occurred to Jessica that she had a mobile. She scrolled through the call history and read a few text messages. It seemed her life was pretty much focused on Benjy and Katie. There were another few names in there that she didn’t recognise, but she didn’t appear to have a very complex social calendar.
She looked at her watch, it was only eleven in the morning, twelve whole hours until Benjy got home. She still had lots of the apartment to go through, but somehow it was weird snooping on a life that she was supposed to know.
She wished she was at work. Usually by mid-morning she’d be rushed off her feet. She wondered how the conference preparations were going. And then she thought of Jake.
He wasn’t anything like she’d imagined he would be. It was always difficult to get a sense of anyone via email. In fact, she almost hadn’t really imagined him as a real person. But he’d certainly been real enough yesterday, stood in front of her with his bright blue eyes.
It wouldn’t hurt to text him, would it? she thought. She had acted like a complete freak yesterday, and despite him having no clue abou
t who she was, she didn’t want him to think badly of her. She’d maybe just send him a tiny little thank you text.
She went into the bedroom, opening the bedside cabinet, where she’d stashed his business card. She took it back into the living room and sat looking between the card and the phone unsure what to do.
Jessica
Hi Jake, it's Jessica Anderson here, just wanted to say sorry about yesterday and thanks for being so nice to me in my time of need.
She sent it before she could change her mind and then instantly regretted it. She did a lap of the living room in order to calm herself down and take away the nervous energy she had. Before she had to do another lap, her phone beeped. She rushed over and picked it up.
Jake
No problem. I hope you're ok? Did you get to the apartment alright?
Jessica was instantly relieved and typed back smiling.
Jessica
Yes, turns out I live in the apartment (long story). I promise I’m not a nutter. Hope the conference planning is going well.
Jake
It’s going ok although not looking forward to pre-conference drinks tonight. I think it is more our friend Patricia's thing.
Jessica giggled out loud. It was definitely Patricia’s thing. Patricia loved to network and get to know anyone above her better, usually by getting them above her.
Jessica
Yes definitely, at our last Christmas party she did a lot of networking with a couple of the risk managers. She hasn't been over that side of the building all year.
Jake
Interesting. Shall have to keep her away from Roger my boss, he does like his ego stroked, amongst other things.
Jessica
Yep, Our Patz as we call her would probably eat him for breakfast. I'm sad I'm missing out on the drinks.
Jessica didn’t know why she had put that in a text message. She was sad, but why was she telling him? Out of all the bits of the conference it was the bit she dreaded. No one liked going to those things, unless they were Patricia. But somehow, because she was trapped in this weird new life and she couldn’t go, she found herself suddenly pining for it.
Jake
Wanna come? Come as my guest.
Jessica read the text message and cringed. She’d made it sound like she was hinting to go, rather than talking out loud, which is what she had been doing. She shifted awkwardly on the sofa. Should she go with Jake? What else was she going to do all evening? She looked around the apartment; she’d no doubt have searched the room well and truly by the time it came to that afternoon.
Jessica
Ok, where and when shall I meet you?
Jessica felt a pang of guilt towards Benjy. Then she stopped herself. She wasn’t actually married to Benjy. Whatever weird thing was going on, it was not real life. Her real life was working at LMG Global. By going to the conference drinks she was keeping her hand in with that life: that was all. She didn’t need to feel guilty just because Jake was a man.
She wondered if she even had to tell Benjy. Surely she’d be home before 11pm, before Benjy even got home. He would never have to know.
Jake
Drinks are at the Waldorf at 7pm. I'll meet you in the lobby.
Jessica
Great, see you then x
‘Oh God,’ said Jessica out loud to the empty flat. She scrambled with the phone trying to stop the text message from sending. Why had she put a kiss? She hadn’t meant to. She’d just been caught up in the friendly text chat and she’d forgotten for a split second that he was a work colleague, or at least should have been. She collapsed on the couch and put a cushion over her head.
She waited for a text message to beep on her phone, for him to tell her off for putting a kiss, or calling it off as he’d changed his mind. But no beep came. Jessica mentally willed him to have not even noticed the kisses. After all Jessica wondered if she would have noticed if he had put a kiss in his message. But she knew in her heart of hearts she would have done. Of course she would.
She got up and decided to get dressed and get out of the flat. She couldn’t bear to poke through her new life anymore and she thought she’d go crazy obsessing over sending a text message with a kiss. She was in New York, and she didn’t have to work. Surely there were much better things she could be doing, like shopping or doing the sightseeing she never thought she’d have time to do on a business trip.
Just staying in this flat was making her stir crazy. She threw on a summer dress, which felt much more respectable than she had been the day before as at least she was now wearing a bra She had a quick look in her wardrobe to make sure she had something to wear later for the conference drinks, and after spotting a black dress she figured that would do nicely.
She picked up what she thought must be her wallet and her keys and left the apartment. She might as well make the most of this time off and her living in the New York, as she didn’t know how long it was going to last. She feared that any minute now she could find herself back in her old life, back in London and without Benjy.
Chapter 14 – Jess Burns
Jess checked her appearance in the mirror. Jake had told her the drinks were business casual, but that hadn’t really helped her with her decision of what to wear. When she pressed him, he’d told her he’d be in a suit without a tie. She hadn’t really known what that translated to in women’s wear. She’d dressed herself in a black, short-sleeved cotton dress and she’d teamed it with a black lace shrug, and the black leather sandals she’d come to love. She looked in the mirror at herself. She almost reminded herself of her mother. It was amazing how the shrug had transformed her to look like an adult.
She knew she was going to be late, but she hadn’t got to grips with her long hair or her fringe. All she’d learnt so far is that the fringe didn’t like to do what it was told. She thought about getting a pixie crop, something much more comfortable and suited to the Manhattan heat of the summer.
Having realised that she had an expense account at work, and that she was expected to go back to the UK armed with receipts (Jake had let her into that little secret), she hailed a cab. She rarely caught cabs in New York. Everywhere she went with Benjy and Katie was in the village, or if she was going to work then she’d be off to Brooklyn on the subway. Cabs always seemed like too much of a luxury, but if someone else was paying she didn’t mind.
Jess was ignoring the fact that if her receipts were going back to England, then she’d be the one taking them. She had found her ticket for a flight that departed on Saturday evening. She couldn’t imagine going back to a whole alien life. It was bad enough having no clue who she really was. Being in the safety of Manhattan, there was just enough familiarity to keep her going. Yet to go back to the UK where she hadn’t lived for so long, and to not know who or what she was going back to, terrified her.
She watched the small brownstone houses give way to the skyscrapers as they drove up town. She loved how in such a short space of time the buildings changed so dramatically. The cab was soon pulling up outside the Waldorf Astoria. She paid the driver and took the receipt.
She’d never been in the Waldorf and she had no idea how she was supposed to act. The doorman tipped his hat like they did in cheesy romantic movies and she couldn’t help smiling as she went through the rotating doors.
She felt like a rabbit caught in headlights as she walked into the lobby. She was dazzled by the chandeliers and gilt work.
‘Hey, Jessica.’
Jess caught her breath. Jake was standing in front of her, and it was like looking at a Ken doll. He was dressed in one of his trade mark suits, but with no tie and his top shirt unbuttoned. He reminded her of the men at the country club Benjy’s dad belonged to. Although they hadn’t been there for a long time, as Benjy was now seen as too much of a family embarrassment.
‘Hi, Jake.’
‘Ready to face the lions?’
‘Nope.’
‘Me, neither,’ said Jake. ‘I hate these things. But Roger would no
tice if we weren’t there.’
Jess thought that it was little consolation that he didn’t want to go. At least he a) knew his job, and b) knew who he knew. Jess was bad enough at recognising casual acquaintances at the best of times, let alone when she had no idea who anyone was, and some would presumably know her. They went in the lift up to the Silver Corridor where the drinks were being held.
‘Hello, can I take your name,’ said the woman behind the registration desk.
‘Jess Burns, I mean Anderson: Jessica Anderson.’
The woman’s eyes narrowed at first, looking at Jess in confusion before flicking through the packs. She ticked Jess off a list, handed her a name badge and a folder.
‘There you go, Miss Anderson,’ she said, with a little too much emphasis on the Miss for Jess’ liking.
‘Thank you.’
Jess detested wearing name badges, especially in rooms full of men: it gave them an excuse to openly stare at women’s chests. She placed hers on top of her shrug, hoping it would be hidden.
‘I hate these things, you can’t be anonymous with these,’ said Jake. He walked straight in to the room and picked up two glasses of champagne from a passing waitress, handing a glass to Jess. Jess started sipping it a little too quickly. She thought it might be just the thing to get her through the next few hours.