by A. E. Radley
There was something just out of Annie’s reach, a dream. Or a memory. She tried to tune out Caroline’s voice and focus on what it was that she couldn’t quite grasp.
She remembered something from the previous night. Waking up to the ship rocking, the sound of the wind whistling, the eerie darkness from her balcony.
She frowned. Another memory surfaced. She’d seen Caroline last night, or early that morning.
And then total recall hit.
She winced.
She’d kissed Caroline West. On the cheek, but she’d definitely kissed her.
“You idiot,” she whispered to herself, placing her head in her hands.
Caroline’s cheerful voice continued from the speaker, telling people what to expect in Marseille and when to be back on the ship. She sounded as professional as ever. Not at all like someone who had been awake most of the night and had had to accompany a complete basket case back to her room.
Annie lifted her head and looked at the glass of water on the desk. She couldn’t remember falling asleep, but she knew that watching the slight roll of the liquid had played a part.
Caroline signed off her morning greeting, and Annie ran a hand through her hair. She felt terrible. She didn’t know if it was from the lack of sleep or from the continuing sway of the ship even though they were docked.
The idea of going back to bed seemed appealing, but she knew she had ordered breakfast to be delivered to her room. That meant Elvin was probably on his way.
She got up and went to the bathroom to get ready. Twenty minutes and a lot of make-up later, she was ready. Just in time for Elvin to knock on the door and announce, “Breakfast!”
Annie let him in, and he rolled a breakfast trolley into the room.
“Good morning, Miss Serena.”
“Morning, Elvin.”
“Did you sleep well?” He put the brakes on the trolley and got the chair from under the desk and placed it by the trolley.
“Not really,” Annie confessed. “The storm kept me up.”
It had done more than that; it had terrified her. But she couldn’t tell Elvin that, she couldn’t tell anyone aboard. To do so would definitely blow her cover.
“There was a storm?” He paused and looked up in confusion.
“Yes, last night. You didn’t feel it? We were rocking all over the place, and the wind was so loud.”
Elvin shook his head. “No. I sleep very well on the ship. I’m used to the rocking; it puts me to sleep like a baby.”
He gestured to the seat and Annie sat down. “I wish the same was true for me,” she said. “I still feel sick.”
Elvin removed a couple of the lids from the breakfast, and Annie winced. “I’m not even sure I’ll be able to eat.”
“Would you like me to take this away?” he offered.
“No, thank you, it’s okay. I’ll try and eat something.”
“You should get off the ship for a while,” he recommended. “Be on solid ground for a while. Fresh air. You will feel much better. And Marseille is very nice.”
Annie had promised herself that she’d avoid using Serena’s ID as much as possible. Getting off the ship, and back on again later, would involve going past the security podiums on the gangway. Every time she used the ID, she risked getting caught.
Then again, she’d already checked in and passed through security to get on Fortuna. She’d had her photograph taken and surely the security officer would look at that image saved on file, rather than Serena’s passport.
When she’d spoken with the mother at the mix and mingle, she’d said that they always left their passports in the safe in the room, which meant that she wouldn’t need to use Serena’s ID.
The churning in her stomach was uncomfortable, and she felt unbalanced, like the ship was swaying a lot more than it actually was. She hadn’t been able to steady herself since she woke up.
And if that wasn’t enough, she needed to avoid Caroline. For some reason, they spent a lot of time bumping into one another on the ship. Now that she had kissed Caroline and allowed herself to be seen when she was in such an emotional mess, she needed to hide.
The memory caused her stomach to lurch, but not with sickness.
She needed to get off Fortuna for a couple of hours. Dry land, fresh air, and space sounded heavenly.
She turned to Elvin. “What do you recommend I go and do in Marseille?”
Can I Buy You an Ice Cream?
Caroline sipped from the takeaway mug, enjoying the taste of the expertly crafted cappuccino. The staff on board Fortuna did many things well; sadly, delivering speciality coffees was not one of those things.
It was a cool day in Marseille. The sun shone brightly, but its heat was quickly blown away by the winds that had taken over the area. The two in combination actually made for quite a nice day, especially as Caroline had opted for a summer dress and thick cardigan.
It was a very rare day that Caroline wasn’t appropriately dressed for the weather. In her line of work, the forecast was checked constantly throughout the day and the night.
She’d only been off the ship for an hour, and she already felt rejuvenated. She’d grabbed a few hours’ sleep in the morning, followed by a couple of meetings and then a quick lunch, and then she’d left her able team behind for the rest of the afternoon.
Whenever she came to Marseille, she came to the same place. On a bench overlooking the old port, behind her was the Grand Hotel Beauvau, an elegant, nineteenth-century building. The port was U-shaped, surrounded on all three sides by impressive architecture. It felt timeless, like it hadn’t changed much in the last hundred years.
Fortuna was docked four miles away in the newer, large commercial port. Here in the middle of Marseille, the old port was filled with much smaller local boats that specialised in tours or fishing.
Caroline loved the sights, sounds, and smells of old ports. She could spend hours watching the smaller boats bobbing away in the water. In fact, she often did.
Someone sat down beside her on the bench.
“You’re probably enjoying some rare time to yourself…”
Caroline snapped her head around to see Serena beside her. She hadn’t been expecting to see the woman and found herself completely at a loss for anything to say.
“But I saw you,” Serena continued. “Because that seems to be a thing we do. Always… seeing each other. And, it felt rude to just walk on by. So, hello, thank you for last night, sincere apologies for last night, and goodbye.”
Serena got up to leave, but Caroline instinctively reached out and grabbed her arm.
“Wait,” she requested before she even realised what she was saying.
Serena paused and looked at her expectantly.
“You have nothing to apologise for,” Caroline insisted. “And you’re welcome to sit with me if you like.”
The little voice in Caroline’s head sighed. She’d promised herself to keep a distance from Serena Rubio, and here she was, inviting her to sit with her at the first opportunity she got.
The previous night had been electric. Caroline hated seeing Serena in such an emotionally distressed state, but the closeness, and the kiss, had been seared into her mind.
Which was a problem. Caroline didn’t like feeling out of control, and Serena made her feel that way, like she had no governance over her own feelings. Even though she knew it would be advisable to keep her distance, she couldn’t help but invite Serena to join her.
Serena looked like she was mulling over the invitation for a few seconds before she eventually sat down. “As long as I’m not intruding?”
“Not at all. Good to have some company,” Caroline said. Not that Caroline ever felt the need for company; she enjoyed being alone. Time with only herself for company was one of her most precious commodities but spending time with Serena had suddenly shot up her priority list.
“That’s a lot of boats,” Serena noted, nodding her head towards the marina.
“It is. Marseille
has always been a harbour town,” Caroline said.
“Lots of fishing here?” Serena asked.
“Yes, primarily sole, I believe.”
The small talk was painful, nothing like the easy conversation and banter they usually enjoyed.
Serena worried her hands together in her lap. “I am sorry… for last night, I mean. I feel so stupid.”
“It was an unnerving situation,” Caroline said. “You were perfectly right to be unsettled by the conditions.”
“Unsettled?” Serena snorted a laugh. “I was terrified.”
Caroline didn’t know what to say to that. She was too busy trying to put her finger on what about this woman intrigued her so much. Obviously, she was attractive, Caroline would have to be blind to not notice that, but she’d seen attractive women on the ship before and had never reacted like this.
There was definitely another factor, something about her personality. The way she spoke, her outlook, her sense of humour.
In that moment, Caroline struck upon it. Serena’s persona didn’t match her celebrity status. Plenty of celebrities had sailed on Fortuna, and Caroline had met most of them. While they were all very different people, they had their similarities. Namely, an air of fame about them.
Serena didn’t have that.
Instead, Serena seemed real and tangible.
Like the celebrity version of Serena Rubio and the real person were completely different. Which was how Caroline felt when she was at work. Captain Caroline West was a completely different person to Caroline when she was off duty.
It was entirely possible that she felt a kinship with Serena. They were both playing two very different roles.
“Will it be that rough tonight?” Serena asked.
“No,” Caroline reassured her. “The weather front has moved south, and we are sailing east. On top of that, we’ll be nearer to the coast in much calmer waters.”
Serena nodded. “Sorry for being a baby.”
“You weren’t anything of the sort,” Caroline admonished her. “Clearly you have issues with rough conditions at sea. Many people do.”
“Do you put them all to bed?” Serena asked, a playful smirk on her lips.
Caroline swallowed, swallowed the lump suddenly in her throat.
“It was the first time,” she admitted.
“Lucky me,” Serena replied, still watching the boats in the marina.
She didn’t know if Serena was flirting or was simply making a joke to mask her embarrassment at the night’s events.
“Do you recall Marseille?” Caroline asked, switching the subject to safer ground. “Now you’ve seen it again?”
“Can I buy you an ice cream?” Serena offered, gesturing towards the stand nearby.
“I… shouldn’t,” Caroline said. “I’m watching my weight.”
Since she’d hit her early forties a decade ago, she’d had to be a lot more careful with what she ate. The fast metabolism of her youth had completely vanished, and now just looking at some of the desserts in the main dining room made her feel bloated.
“You look incredible,” Serena said, her eyes trailing up and down Caroline’s figure. “Come on, I bet they have a sugar-free option; everywhere does these days.”
Serena was already up and holding her hand out to Caroline, ready to help her to her feet.
Caroline knew she shouldn’t indulge in ice cream or more of Serena’s vivacious company. But again, the woman’s pull was too much for her. She threw away her empty coffee mug and took Serena’s hand.
They crossed over to the ice cream cart, Serena practically dragging her. Caroline couldn’t complain too much; the feel of the soft, warm hand in hers was quite welcome.
They approached the old-fashioned ice cream stand, and Caroline wondered when the last time was she’d even considered having an ice cream. It was a long time ago, not something that she’d think of doing by herself.
“There you go, sugar-free strawberry or sugar-free blueberry. Or you could just push the boat out, so to speak, and have a huge sundae with everything,” Serena said. She’d released Caroline’s hand to point at the menu. “Like, everything. With whipped cream, of course.”
Caroline couldn’t help the grin on her face. Serena was literally like a child in an ice cream shop. The thought caused Caroline to sober a little. She knew from Serena’s online biography that the woman was twenty-six years old.
Exactly half Caroline’s age.
The grin vanished from her face. She instantly processed Serena’s age at various stages in her own life. Realising the woman she was most definitely attracted to was a foetus when she was signing up for her second deployment in the navy caused her breath to leave her body in a gasp.
“Are you okay?” Serena asked.
Caroline nodded and tried to look unaffected by the sudden comprehension. She felt stupid. Passers-by probably thought she was out with her daughter.
At that moment, Caroline’s phone started to ring from within her handbag. She quickly answered it, thankful for the distraction.
Dominic started wittering on about a small issue with the schedule. It was nothing important and could absolutely wait, but it seemed like the perfect opportunity to escape a suddenly tricky situation.
“I’ll be back on the ship shortly,” she told him. She hung up the call and looked as apologetic as she could muster. “I’m sorry, duty calls.”
“I understand,” Serena said, though she looked disappointed. “Maybe another time?”
“Maybe, yes,” Caroline said noncommittally. “Don’t forego a treat on my behalf, though. I’m sorry, I really must dash.”
Caroline turned around and held her arm up in the air, signalling for a taxi. Thankfully, one appeared almost immediately. She didn’t look back at Serena, feeling too embarrassed and too guilty to do so.
She got into the taxi and gave the address for the port, slumping into the back seat in relief. The car sped away, and she leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling.
What was she doing hanging around with such a young woman? She should know better. And a guest at that. Whatever was happening between her and Serena had to stop, and it had to stop now.
No Point Denying It
Annie crossed the port terminal at a sluggish amble. She should have been petrified of returning to the ship, worried that her pass would no longer work or that she had somehow been discovered while she had been ashore.
But she didn’t care, as she was all-consumed with thoughts of Caroline West.
There was no point in denying it any longer: she had a massive and uncontrollable crush on the captain of Fortuna. She desperately wished that it wasn’t the case, but continuing to lie to herself was becoming increasingly impossible.
When she’d seen Caroline on a bench by the marina, Annie had found her impossible to ignore. She wore dark sunglasses and a plain but elegant sundress, toned calves peeking out from underneath. She sipped at a drink from a takeaway mug, looking out towards the marina. She looked so elegant and mysterious.
Of course, Annie had walked away. She’d turned instantly and walked in the opposite direction with no goal other than to not be spotted by Caroline. After a minute or so, she realised she was being silly. Fortuna was on the other side of town, and she had to go past Caroline or swim through the centre of the marina itself.
She’d turned and gone back to the point where she’d spotted Caroline and watched her for a few moments again. Behind Caroline was a main road and then another wide pedestrian pavement; she could easily cross the road and pass Caroline without being seen.
Instead of making her escape, she watched Caroline a little more. People passed by her, and Annie thought it funny that they had no idea they were passing someone so incredible, the captain of one of the biggest and most impressive cruise ships in the world.
Pride bloomed in Annie’s chest. She knew who Caroline was. She’d dined with her, conversed, laughed, and even kissed her. She winced. It may have only been a
peck on the cheek, but still, it was embarrassing.
The obvious thing was to avoid Caroline, to walk around and get back to the ship, pretending she’d never even noticed her.
But Annie wasn’t always good at doing the right thing. She was impulsive and dove into situations without too much thought. Most of her adult life could be explained by way of three or four impetuous decisions she’d made.
Things hadn’t always ended up so well, but Annie couldn’t change who she was.
And so, she’d walked right up to Caroline and sat down on the bench. She had every intention of apologising and then leaving, but she was willing to be convinced to stay if Caroline seemed amenable.
When Caroline had taken her arm and encouraged her to sit down, Annie had been in heaven. For a short while.
Right up until Caroline asked if she remembered Marseille. They were straying into Serena territory, and Annie didn’t know what to say. Instead of answering the question, she’d dragged Caroline to an ice cream stand.
It was a great distraction, and who didn’t like ice cream? Caroline had seemed happy with the idea until something happened, and she suddenly paled. A lost and sad look crossed her face; soon after, a phone call had come in and Caroline had all but run back to the ship.
If the call had arrived first, Annie wouldn’t be walking back to Fortuna feeling like a lump of concrete was weighing down her stomach. She would have thought that Caroline’s sudden withdrawal was just about duty and returning to the ship.
But the reaction had come before the call. Annie didn’t know what had happened, but something had dawned on Caroline and had shaken her.
At first, she’d wondered if Caroline had sussed out her ruse in that moment, but it didn’t seem likely. Caroline wouldn’t have run off in the way she had if she’d realised that Annie was an identity thief.
Something else had happened. Something to make Caroline pull away.
It made Annie feel rejected, a terrible feeling that lay heavily on her shoulders and in her stomach. She felt like she was back in school, being dumped by Peter Lawson all over again.