by Annie O'Neil
He was an adult. He could look after his own feelings. But not everyone was up to loving a man whose number one priority was his little girl, and he was damned if anyone was going to break his little girl’s heart. Least of all a woman whose life was on the other side of the world.
“Dr. Tyson Sawyer,” Stella chided. “You know darn straight I wasn’t talking about you and Lulu. Though do give that precious little girl of yours a kiss from me. It’s been too long.” She fixed him with a stern mama bear look. “I was talking about Kirri.”
Ty tried to inch his way past her.
“Uh-uh. Not until I hear whether or not you finally offered that poor girl some proper hospitality. And you know what I’m saying by hospitality.” She dropped a none-too-subtle wink.
Ty frowned. Talking about his sex-life with Stella was about as weird as it was discussing it with his mother. Something he never wanted to do.
He set the record straight sharpish. “We had a nice time. At least she said so when she got in her cab after bowling.”
Stella looked appalled. “You didn’t drive her back?”
“Well, no. Lulu needed to get to bed, and Patsy and Tammy were going the other way—”
Stella cut him off. “Wait a minute. Are you telling me you invited your sisters along? Oh, Ty...”
Before he could protest that he had hardly set out to woo Kirri, Stella continued.
“Tell me you didn’t bring your parents along, too?”
She crossed her arms, clucking her dismay when he said yes.
“So let me get this straight. You bring one of the most beautiful women to ever cross our threshold to barbecue, with practically your whole family, and then you stuff her in a cab at the end of the night without so much as a ‘welcome to Georgia’ kiss? Son, your wooing skills are rusty.” She tsked her disappointment.
The last time he’d asked someone out formally had been when he’d asked Gemma to prom, and they’d already been dating for a year, so... “I guess you could say I’m out of practice.”
A softness hit Stella’s features. “I know, Ty. But you like this girl.” She leant in. “In all honesty, I’m proud of you. I didn’t think you’d actually go through with it.”
“Why?”
She shrugged, checked behind him to make sure there was no one around. “I just thought you might be too stuck in your ways since you lost Gemma.”
“I don’t think these types of things come with timelines.”
Courtesy of his work, he’d met more than enough men in his shoes, and every single one of them had dealt with their loss differently. Married the nanny. Never remarried. Married someone they met on an internet dating site. Devoted themselves to their children. The list went on.
“No, they don’t.” Stella stepped to the side so he could pass. “But mark my words. When you get a second chance at finding something wonderful you better reach out and take it.”
* * *
After checking there weren’t any emergency medical helicopters due, Kirri pushed through the door to the roof and tilted her head up to the sun.
She’d hit a snag in her research and needed a bit of a breather to clear her mind. It was the type of snag that served as a blunt reminder that the clock was ticking. Six weeks had sounded like ages when she’d jumped on the plane a few days ago. A glut of time.
No hovering big brother, wondering when she was going to get back into surgery. No surgical patients to pull at her heartstrings. Just six long, glorious weeks to deep-dive into the world of her baby grow bag.
Today the time limit loomed with terrifying proximity.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She answered it without looking, wincing when she heard her brother’s not so dulcet tones.
“When are you coming back?”
“Nice to hear from you, too, brother dear,” Kirri snapped.
Why couldn’t he be more like Ty was with his sisters? Supportive. Loving.
“When are you coming back?”
“I told you. End of June.”
“You’ll be too late.”
Her heart skipped a beat. “For what?”
“We’re putting the 3D ultrasound into the operating theater.”
Her shoulders dropped from her ears. Oh. So he had bought it after all. It was about as close to I miss you, please come home as she’d get from her big brother.
She’d trialed the device before she’d left and done a proper sales pitch for Lucius. He’d done the usual. Leaned against the counter in her lab—he wasn’t much of a sitter—stared at her, arms crossed, a perfect poker face giving absolutely nothing away. Normally she was used to it. That time it had infuriated her.
A 3D ultrasound would give them a fast, simple and remarkably detailed way to comprehensively evaluate a patient’s uterus. What on earth was there to think about? It wasn’t as if the clinic was short on cash.
He’d closed their meeting with a request for her to clear out her lab within the week and “get back to some proper work.”
That afternoon she’d received Ty’s email about the research exchange. One trip to the embassy, two days of mad phone calls later, she’d been packed and ready to go.
She reminded herself of this before she reached out and grabbed the carrot Lucius was dangling in front of her now.
“I’ve still got five more weeks here. Five and half, really.”
Lucius exploded. “What exactly are you trying to prove, Kirri? That just because some other clinic on the other side of the world is blowing money around like confetti you’re going to win the Nobel? You’re not. What you’re doing is too big for you. You need a team. A university’s backing. Along with a hospital, a biochemical lab and a proper human study—which will take decades to organize. Maybe longer. You’ll have to fight ethics board after ethics board. Politicians. Religious leaders. What is the point of wasting all of this time when you could be helping women here and now? In Sydney.”
Tears stung the back of her throat like razors. He definitely knew how to stick the knife in. So much for I miss you. Please come home. I’ve bought a new expensive toy for you to play with.
She wanted to scream at him. Tell him he was wrong. Ask him to offer her the type of support they’d both craved from their father—unconditional. But no words came out.
“Right. Here’s the way it’s going to go,” said Lucius. “You get yourself together. Get on a plane. And come back home.”
“And what if I don’t? I made a commitment to these people.”
“You made a commitment to me! And you’ve broken it.” He huffed out a sigh, then tried a more conciliatory tone. “Let’s put it this way, Kirri. Your job here is to be a surgeon. And because I don’t want you embarrassing Harborside I’ll let you see out this ridiculous exercise of yours.”
“Let me? Instead of what?” she snapped.
“Firing you for insubordination.”
Kirri’s heart leapt to her throat. Lucius was right. She’d taken advantage of the fact that they were family. If anyone else on their staff had done this they would’ve been served their walking papers on ice the second they’d stepped on the plane.
Lucius continued. “Top tip? Spend your time there wisely.”
“I am.”
“I’m not talking about the research lab—I’m talking about the operating theater. They’re a notch above the rest over there. You could probably learn a few things if you ever pulled your head away from that microscope of yours.”
She was sure there was a compliment in there somewhere, but she was hard pressed to find it. Mind you, he hadn’t fired her.
She heard him mutter something to someone else. “Gotta go,” he clipped. And then the line went dead.
The hot, angry, tears she’d refused to let fall during the phone call streaked down her cheeks. Being here was meant to be liberating. Inst
ead she felt stuck between the exact same rock and hard place she’d been stuck in back in Sydney.
She wasn’t a fool. She knew she was climbing just about the steepest research mountain of impossibility there was. She also knew that her research filled those empty hours between the end of a long surgical day and dawn. She didn’t want to get lost in boozed-up nights or empty love affairs. She wanted meaningful content in her life, and right now that was her research.
If she had any sort of confidence in her mothering skills she’d adopt a child of her own. More than one. But the truth was—thanks to a certain ex-boyfriend—she did doubt her ability to offer the pure, wholesale love a parent should offer a child.
She swept the tears away to make room for more. He had been right. Her parents had set a horrible example and beyond neonatal surgery she had just one solitary interest. Making preemies’ lives more viable. What did she know of sugar and spice and everything nice? Let alone snips and snails and puppy dog tails?
Right, then. If that was what she wanted to do she’d best get on with it.
She pulled a tissue out of her pocket, tidied up her make-up the best she could without a mirror, then headed for the stairwell door.
Just as she was about to open it the door whooshed open and Ty filled the doorway. She wobbled on her chunky heels and, just as he had that very first time, he reached out to steady her. Only this time their gazes locked and held.
She knew in an instant that he saw through her watery smile. Straight through to the pain and anguish that served as her fuel. Anguish she ached to share with someone who could give her some perspective. But this someone...? She didn’t think so.
Ty was exactly the wrong audience for what she knew in her heart. There was no way she was going to have a breakthrough while she was here.
“Sorry,” she eventually managed, wriggling back from his comforting touch. “I was just getting some fresh air to see if I could work through a problem.” She huffed out a little laugh. “Usually I go and watch someone else do a surgery, but there wasn’t anything on the board so I thought some actual fresh air might be a novel idea.”
“Great minds.” Ty tapped the side of his forehead. “I often come up here when I need to figuratively see the light.” He smiled and looked out to the clear blue Georgia sky.
Kirri did a mental sign of the cross, grateful he was pretending not to notice that she was upset.
He closed the door behind him.
“Sorry, I—I was just going to get back to the lab.”
He pulled a fresh handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her. “You might want to tidy up your mascara a bit before you go.”
Ah. How embarrassing.
“I’m not much good as a mirror,” Ty said. “But I am pretty good at listening.”
Kirri frowned. She wasn’t sure if the one man who made her blood boil for all the right reasons was the best person to pour her heart out to. Then again, he was the one who’d invited her here to do her groundbreaking research, and if she wasn’t able to do it then she might as well let him know he should save his money for someone else.
The idea of giving it up hit her with another wave of tears to fight. She sniffled and gave him a weak smile, suddenly hugely relieved to have someone who was there to simply listen. “You sure?”
“Absolutely. There should’ve been an operation on the board. Mine. I just had to cancel it. So...”
He looked out to the skyline and rubbed his hand through his hair. From the shadows crossing through his eyes she could tell why it had been canceled. Something had gone wrong with the patient and it wouldn’t be safe.
She reached out and gave his arm a squeeze. “Tough one?”
He nodded. “Very. We lost the baby.”
She nodded her head at a bench someone had put at the far end of the roof. “Want to talk about it?”
He laughed. “Don’t go trying to turn the tables on me. I’m the one who’s supposed to be listening to you. Besides, how many men do you know who like to talk it out?”
She gave a casual shrug. She didn’t know any. “The smart ones?”
He laughed and began walking toward the bench. She was going to take that as an I’ll try.
“It was an intrapericardial teratoma.”
Kirri inhaled sharply. “Those are rare.”
No surprise things had gone the way they had. A tumor on a foetus’s heart was often a death sentence. Too often.
“Very.” Ty nodded, his hand rubbing the back of his neck again. “And, as you probably know, the best way to get that particular type of tumor out is during the fetal period.”
It was the only way, really. If the rapidly growing tumor wasn’t treated, it was lethal.
“And there was nothing that could be done?”
He raked his hand through his short hair. “Of course there was. But...” He blew some air through his lips, clearly trying to steady his emotions. “If I’m being clinical, we got the referral too late. We tried to drain away some of the fluid yesterday, to prepare for the surgery, but then the mother developed pre-eclampsia, the baby’s tumor wanted to keep on growing, and—” He stopped. There was no need to spell it out.
She knew what that meant. Choosing one life to save another. Kirri’s heart ached for him. It was one of those situations utterly beyond anyone’s control, but when you knew you could have done something if only you’d had more time... Torture was what it was. Torture because if the planets had aligned correctly you might have been able to save a life.
“I’m so sorry. It sounds like you’ve just endured a not so perfect storm.”
“It’s almost cruel to come outside and see the sun is still shining.” He looked away and cleared his throat. “Anyway, the mother’s safe. In Intensive Care, but alive.”
The way he said it came with unspoken words: I feel like I failed her.
Words escaped her as she tried to hand him back his handkerchief. He wasn’t crying, but she hoped he would see it for what it was—a gesture of kindness. Empathy, even. She knew more than most that nothing made a situation like this better. It was just a fact. Life could be cruel sometimes, and doctors confronted those cruelties on a daily basis. Sometimes you could just get on with it. Other times...? Not so much.
He looked at the mascara-smudged handkerchief and laughed. “No, thanks. That’s for you.” He patted his pocket. “I’ve got back-ups. Tricks of the trade.” He shook his head and sat down heavily. “It’s just so tough to convince someone they’re lucky when the baby they’ve been carrying for twenty-four weeks has just died.”
“I don’t suppose it would help if I say I’m sure you did the best you could.”
He gave her a soft, sad smile. “I think you know the answer to that one.”
She did. It didn’t matter how much logic you applied to certain cases. Some hit you harder than others. And this had clearly been a sledgehammer.
They sat in silence for a few moments, listening to the hum of traffic drifting up from the streets below.
Abruptly Ty hooked his ankle up onto his knee and turned toward her. “This wasn’t meant to be about me. We’re up here because of you.”
She laughed outright at that. “You weren’t meant to find me here at all! I was hiding.”
“What? From me?” Ty made a scary face that quickly melted into genuine concern. “We’re a team here at Piedmont. I know I didn’t make the best of impressions when we first met, and we still haven’t had a chance to have a proper sit-down and talk through your work here—”
Kirri cut him off. “Don’t. Seriously. We caught each other off guard, that was all.”
Their eyes meshed and held. Warmth flooded her belly as butterflies took flight. Oh, boy. He’d definitely caught her off guard. In more ways than one.
Her brother’s words came back to her loud and clear. “Make good us
e of your time there.” She was pretty sure he hadn’t meant ogling the boss.
She ran her hand through her hair and twisted it into a quick knot, as if the gesture would contain the riot of emotions she was experiencing. She stared at her hands, then finally admitted, “I feel embarrassed for being up here now. What you’ve gone through today puts my situation into perspective.”
His brow crinkled. “What situation are you in?”
She debated telling him about her brother’s phone call, but then decided to follow her heart. “I had a bit of a hitch today with an element of the 3D printing.”
She waited for him to throw up his hands, as her brother would have, but no. Nothing. He just crinkled his gorgeous forehead a little bit and nodded, waiting for more.
“Okay. So... As you know, I’m using organ-on-a-chip technology—”
“The baby grow bag? Yes. Gloria told me you like her nickname for it.”
“I do.” She grinned. “Very much. So, it’s kind of hybrid between a grow bag and an actual gel-based organ, but anyway... Your 3D printer is the thing that will help me most at this phase.”
“In what way?”
“Well, using a 3D printed organ is a step up from the original grow bag concept.”
“Was it literally a bag?”
“Pretty much. Much more technical, obviously, but to all intents and purposes it looked like a large, clear zip-bag. Research teams trialing them are using premature lambs. All above board, and absolutely no harm to the lambs, but I’d prefer not to venture into animal testing.”
He nodded. “That was one of the reasons I was excited by your research. We heard about the team in Japan doing some incredible work, but we don’t really have the resources here to do that kind of research.”
“What you do is amazing,” Kirri said with feeling.
She pulled her knee up onto the bench and propped her chin on it so she and Ty were face to face. Talking about this kind of thing charged her like nothing else.
“Organ-on-a-chip technology could change the face of medical research. Pure scientific advancement for the betterment of everyone. It’s groundbreaking stuff. But it’s also in its infancy.”