by Annie O'Neil
Nothing had ever felt so natural to her as being part of Ty and Lulu’s lives. They were busy. Work, Lulu’s numerous activities and plain old life got in the way of loads of “Ty and Kirri” time. But when they had some it was pure gold dust. In all honesty, it was all gold dust. One huge hunk of glowing golden nugget.
“Here, let me help you honey.”
Ty’s sister Tammy bustled in beside her and tugged out the mammoth pile of picnic rugs and homemade quilts that seemed far too beautiful to spread on a grassy field in the park—but that was exactly what they were doing.
“Now that you’re part of the posse that pile just keeps getting bigger and bigger.”
Instead of taking the comment as a slight, as she might have a few weeks ago—hypersensitivity being one of her superpowers—Kirri felt well and truly welcomed by it. She was part of a “posse”!
Up until now she’d been used to putting herself to the side at group activities—waiting for the natural pairings to take place and then sticking herself on an edge ready for a quick escape. Not here. And definitely not with the Sawyers running the show. They were all for one and one for all. It felt incredibly enriching to be a part of such a happy family.
She squeezed her eyes against the twist of emotion that inevitably followed any sort of reminder that her time here came with a ticking clock.
“You all right, hon?”
Tammy shifted the stack of quilts to her hip and caught her in a little half-hug.
“Yeah, of course. I just...” She watched as a tumble of cousins and in-laws grabbed picnic baskets, the family dogs and each other, then made their way to the site that Winny had pegged out for them, holding her newborn.
“I just wish my brother could see this. See me.” Lucius would think she’d gone clinically insane.
Tammy’s brow furrowed. “Why? You have open-air movies in Sydney, don’t you?”
“Yes, but—” She’d never been. She doubted Lucius had.
The point was, the Sawyers were doing it as a family. And she felt part of that family. Rather than feeling less valued than any of them, because she couldn’t have children, she felt valued simply for being her. Not that they knew her secret—Ty had honored her request to keep that private—but for the first time in her life she didn’t mind if people knew. These people, anyway.
With crystal-clear clarity Kirri knew without a shadow of a doubt that her whole “don’t date men with children” rule had been a form of denial. She’d been denying herself a love she’d thought she wasn’t worthy of when in actual fact it was a love she could give. A love she craved like air.
She’d spent all these years being terrified of failing. Sticking to her workaholic routine as if it were the thing keeping her alive, and not the hopes and dreams she’d stuffed into a cupboard all those years ago when her ex had made her feel valueless.
“Why don’t you call him? Your brother?” Tammy nodded at the pocket she knew Kirri kept her phone in. “Do one of those video calls. Show him what a good time you’re having. We’ll all cheer and wave!”
“Oh...it’s about five in the morning at home. Better not.”
Five in the morning but her brother would be up, having his first cup of coffee and preparing for another long day at Harborside. She definitely wasn’t the only workaholic in the family.
Besides, calling him up when she was having such a brilliant time outside the lab would be like salt in the wound. Proof, if he needed any, that she wasn’t prioritizing Harborside above all else. Not to mention the fact he’d feel a thousand shades of awkward with all the kissing and the hugging and the general being in and out of each other’s business that Ty’s family enjoyed so much. Little wonder, since the pair of them had virtually been raised to be lone wolves...
But...oh, it was lovely here. Her heart felt as though it was healing from wounds she’d never even known she’d endured.
Her father would balk at most of the activities that seemed to bring the Sawyers so much joy. Goofing around with the sprinkler in the back garden. Cheering on the grandchildren at their Little League games as if they were watching the World Series. And, of course, things like tonight. Bundling everyone—seventeen of them in total—into a virtual motorcade’s worth of cars and heading down to Atlantic Station’s recently renovated Central Park to watch an open-air movie and eat—a mountain of barbecue, of course.
It was a vivid reminder that perhaps there was a bit more to life than Petri dishes and—she could hardly believe she was even thinking this—3D printers.
Which made knowing that her fantasy lab was sitting in Vienna, glowing away like a whole different type of magical kingdom, that much harder. The question was, was it an illusion or the type of magical kingdom where dreams really did come true?
Depends upon what the dream is, you goose. Depends upon what the dream is.
As the cartoon before the main film flickered to life they finally decanted everything from the cars, and the children were soon parked in front of huge banana leaf trays of chicken wings and barbecued ribs.
Her phone rang.
Lucius.
She signaled to Tammy that she’d be back in a moment and took the call. “Hey, Luce. What’s up?”
“Someone sounds like they’re not in a lab preparing to change the world.”
The words didn’t come laced with venom, but they definitely hit their mark.
She had been slacking—if working regular office hours could officially be called slacking.
A well of frustration balled in her belly. Why didn’t she seem to be able to get the balance right?
Because there had been no balance in her old life.
Guilt poured in as she shot a glance toward the downtown area, where her research was sitting all by itself in a darkened lab. It wouldn’t exactly be crying itself to sleep at night, but she wasn’t here to have jollies out in the park with a family she was going to have to say goodbye to. With a man who’d made her see life from an entirely new angle. She was here to work.
But they were so persuasive!
“The fresh air will do you good!”
“You must see a movie in the park—there is the best popcorn.”
“You’ve never seen Singing in the Rain?”
“Too late! I’ve booked you a ticket.”
That last had been from Ty. He’d run his fingers along her arm as he told her, knowing his touch was all the persuasion she needed.
Lucius didn’t wait for a response. “Have you booked your flight yet?”
Her eyes hooked with Ty’s across the picnic ground and he waved her over. She signaled that she’d be a minute. He smiled and dropped her a slow wink that sent ripples of approbation through her. Twenty meters away and the man could still give her butterflies. Hell, they didn’t even have to be in the same room and he gave her butterflies.
Would it be the same if she was on a different continent?
“Kirri?”
“There’s one with seats a fortnight from today.”
It was a lie. She had booked an open return and hadn’t yet checked. And there was also Vienna to consider.
“Right, then. Book it.”
She definitely would, but... Oh, God. Suddenly the thought of going back to her old life felt like depriving this new self she was discovering of oxygen. It wasn’t Lucius’s fault. Not at all. And the lure to stay was so much stronger than the amazing sex she was having...although that helped. The truth lay with one incredible man—and his daughter, if she was being completely honest—whom she was falling madly in love with.
Could true love happen that fast? In the blink of an eye?
It certainly felt like it.
But was it a love that could endure distance? Long hours at the lab? A dedication to something outside the family unit?
Living her life without the pressure of ha
ving to deliver results in order to be valued had been a revelation. And it was Ty who had made her see that. He had made it clear to her time and again that her research was one hundred percent about getting a fresh perspective. Not about results. He’d even teased her the other night, as he’d dropped some rather scrumptious kisses onto her belly, that if she did come up with a breakthrough he’d have to fire her.
He’d been joking, of course, but the freedom to think and explore, to let her imagination run wild with her project, was all thanks to the amazing man she was staring at right now.
He was hoisting Lulu up onto his back for a quick piggyback ride to the popcorn stall. Her heart ached to be with them. She wanted it all. The love, the work, the emotional rewards of living a rich and colorful tapestry of a life.
“Kirri? Is there a time delay or something on this line?” Lucius was getting impatient now.
“No—sorry. I’m here.”
In Atlanta. And so is my heart.
“Good. Book your flight.”
“I will.” She would.
“And the sooner the better. The locums you hired are chomping at the bit, wondering whether they need to stay or go. And they’re not the only ones who are wondering.”
“Oh, well...”
She wanted to tell him to book them forever. Hire the best. To say, You don’t need me there. You never did. You were only doing what a big brother does. Care and protect. But I don’t need you to look after me anymore, big brother. I need to spread my wings. See what I can do under my own steam.
“I need a proper answer by the end of the week, Kirri.”
Three more days.
She pictured herself back at the beautiful cutting-edge clinic her brother helmed and began to feel the oxygen leaving her lungs. Then she did the same with the lab in Vienna.
She could hardly breathe.
“You’ll have your answer,” she managed, though she already knew in her heart what she wanted.
Was she brave enough to ask for it?
“Fine.” Lucius, as per usual, hung up the phone before she could tell him what she really felt.
I love you. I miss you. I wish we were closer.
And she wasn’t just talking about geography. She meant close like Ty was with his sisters. But merely thinking of telling Lucius she loved him felt scary. Rejection was such an inbuilt factor in their family life, the idea of admitting she loved him set her stomach churning.
He’s had your back all these years. Why would he stop now?
He’d put up with a lot more than any other boss would. And she owed him. She owed him her full commitment back in Sydney at the Harborside Fertility and Women’s Neonatal Center.
Ty and Lulu appeared by her side as she pocketed her phone.
Ty gave her a quick squeeze, then slipped his hand into hers as Lulu took her other hand, her arm wrapped round a huge tub of popcorn.
“Everything okay, Kirri? The movie’s starting.”
Ty’s brow furrowed as he tried to read her mood.
“Fine. Just a work call.”
He gave her a sharp look. He knew work calls at this time of night only meant one thing. A work call from home.
“Urgent?”
“No,” she managed to choke out. “Just a bit of forward-planning.”
A flash of dismay lit and then darkened Ty’s eyes. He was clever. He knew it had been Lucius and that they’d been talking about her return to Sydney.
“C’mon, Kirri.” Lulu tugged at her hand. “I want to sit on your lap when we watch the movie.”
Kirri looked down into the little girl’s dark eyes—a perfect reflection of her father’s—and saw pure, unbridled expectation in them.
Leaving Ty would be one thing, and just thinking about it unleashed a level of pain she didn’t know if she could handle. Leaving Lulu would be a whole new brand of heartache. Kirri didn’t know if she had it in her to do it.
In just a handful of weeks this chirpy little squirt of a girl had wormed her way into her heart in a way no child ever had. The mere idea of bringing tears to Lulu’s eyes filled her with dread. And Kirri knew the pain she felt in her chest only hinted at the true responsibility that came with loving a child.
Did she have what it took to offer the type of commitment to Ty and Lulu they deserved?
Her eyes flitted back to the Medical Innovations Center skyscraper.
Did it have to be a choice?
“If you want to make a name for yourself you have to make choices. Success requires sacrifice.”
Her father’s voice sent a chilling numbness through her. A personal life or a professional legacy. That’s what it seemed to boil down to. She’d dedicated years of her life to her research. Could she give it up for something that didn’t come with a guarantee?
Nothing comes with a guarantee, you dill. Not science, not medicine, not love.
She felt the little girl’s fingers in her right hand and the strong, caring man’s hand in her left.
The time had come to make a decision.
CHAPTER TEN
TY PULLED KIRRI in close to him and whispered, “We have ten more floors, if you’re game...”
Kirri snuggled up close to him and spoke in a low husky voice she’d not heard come out of her throat before. “Game for what, exactly?”
Ty tipped his lips down to meet hers and showed her.
By the time the lift doors opened on the Piedmont Women and Baby Pavilion Kirri knew her mouth looked as though she’d used a glossy plumper on her lips. Kissing the man of your dreams had a way of doing that to a girl.
“See you later for that gastroschisis?”
Kirri nodded. “Absolutely.”
They waved goodbye and Kirri jogged up the stairwell to the research lab. In all honesty she was keen to do any and all the surgeries Ty invited her to. She was loving it in the surgical ward—and not just because Ty was there. For the first time in ages she didn’t feel surgery was something she had to do before she was allowed to do what she wanted to do.
A few hours into the day the phone rang. It was for Kirri.
When she finished the call her insides were vibrating with conflicting emotions.
“You all right, sugar?” Gloria asked, just as Ty entered the lab.
Her eyes shot to Ty’s.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
Kirri nodded dumbly.
Ty was by her side in an instant. “Kirri. Talk to me. Is everything all right?”
“Yes. I...um... That was the research team in Vienna.”
“The one you were telling me about?”
She nodded. She’d showed him the article the night before. He’d nodded. Said it looked interesting. Then he’d put it aside as easily as if she’d shown him an article on peach blossom. Interesting, but no earthquakes.
“They want me to go and work with them in Vienna.”
Gloria clapped her hands. “I knew it was worth it.”
Kirri’s eyes snapped to hers. “What do you mean?”
“I might’ve accidentally on purpose forwarded them your résumé. You can thank me later in the form of a strawberry daiquiri. Large.”
Gloria clapped again and turned around to her microscope, humming a happy little tune.
“Are you going to take up the offer?” Ty’s voice was neutral but his eyes had gone a shade of dark she’d never seen before.
“I told them I need to think about it.”
She saw the impact of her words in an instant. Ty was trying to look supportive, but she could see that the last thing he’d thought she’d do was jump on a plane to Vienna. In all honesty she’d thought the same thing, but... It was a chance of a lifetime.
She began to babble on about everything they did. The lab. The number of scientists involved in the project. The biochemists.
And the funding. Oh, man, the funding was out of this world. No wonder they’d made such leaps. And if she put her research with their research, who knew what would happen?
Too late she realized she might have let her enthusiasm for the Vienna team boil over. “Maybe we could talk about it after work?”
He gave her a curt nod. “I promised Lulu homemade pizza and a movie. Up for that?”
She nodded, unable to say what she really wanted. Forever and always...
It was the chance of a lifetime.
But so was what she had with Ty.
She didn’t want to choose, but she knew deep in her heart that she had to. A life of intellectual plaudits and groundbreaking medical innovation was what she’d always dreamed of.
She’d also always dreamed of being loved.
Ty was gone before she had a chance to communicate to him what she hoped he already knew. That this was difficult. That she would’ve already been on the way to the airport if she hadn’t met him. But she had. And as such she had a decision to make.
* * *
It had been a night filled with the unspoken, and Ty was feeling increasingly agitated.
He didn’t want to stop Kirri from following her heart. Couldn’t. His entire ethos at the clinic was to inspire and then watch as his staff moved on and grew. But he’d never fallen in love with a person he was meant to set free before.
It tore his heart in two to have to let her go, but hobbling her passion for research was the last thing he was going to do. No relationship could survive that sort of blow.
“C’mon, Kirri!” Lulu ran up the stairs. “It’s book at bedtime!”
Ty noted Kirri’s hesitation as he headed up the stairs in his daughter’s wake. “You’re welcome to join us,” he told her.
Kirri’s brow crinkled. He could almost see the wheels whirling behind her dark blue eyes.
“I don’t want to get in the way of any rituals.”
He almost laughed. She’d already broken through that barrier the day she’d come to Chuck’s Charcoal Heaven with them. Bowling. Movie nights. Baseball games. Tonight had been just a simple meal at home and a movie on TV. Even though the tension of her decision had been buzzing between them, the house had felt more like a home than it ever had.