Arguably foreign aid has a much better—cheaper—outcome for America than invasion.
Israel gets more than $3 billion a year in foreign aid from America, about $77 per Israeli. Those in the poorest nations get around $3. Go down a route discussing this and it’s highly likely things will get very ugly very quickly.
• The 1970s TV show M*A*S*H was set in a Korean War innovation, the Mobile Army Surgical Hospital. It’s not about Vietnam.
• Trying to keep the peace with a gun lover? Possibly not wise to get on your high horse and claim America is better at dealing with foreign threats than home ones, using US gun death versus terrorist death statistics. Or to point out that more Americans have died from guns in the United States since 1970 than they have in all the wars in Uncle Sam’s two-hundred-plus-year history.
• With a French person? Don’t bring up “freedom fries.” Such relabeling happened in 2003 because the French opposed the Iraq War (quite). Sort of ruined the more distinguished history of renaming dishes here. During World War I, frankfurters and hamburgers were called hot dogs and liberty meat, respectively.
• The military is comprised of 0.5 percent of the US population, the lowest rate since World War II, and is mostly made up of men and women from rural and southern states. Careful of the phrase: “Thank you for your service.” Does it really mean “thank you for doing something I don’t want to do and I certainly don’t want my kids doing”?
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WISE WORDS
No foreign policy—no matter how ingenious—has any chance of success if it is born in the minds of a few and carried in the hearts of none.
—Henry A. Kissinger
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SOCIAL SURVIVAL STRATEGY
Argument: “History suggests that the age of American empire will end, probably replaced by one to its west—which would make it Asia. We are unlikely to live to see it.”
This can elevate a dispute about America’s so-called demise to a higher and thus less offensive level. Empire seems to be going forever westward—we kick off with ancient Egypt, then ancient Greece, then the Europeans (especially those Victorian Brits), followed by the Americans.
Crisp Fact: “During World War I, the German army dropped leaflets in an attempt to convince African-American troops that if they won, society would be less racist.”
In every war, propagandists look for a weakness in the enemy’s society that they can exploit and thus divide. If you’re on the topic and you want to make jaws drop, this deed will do it.
Pivot: “Domestically it is estimated that by 2020, up to 30,000 drones will be peering down on US soil snooping on US citizens. Would you own one, or do you consider them a menace to society—and planes?”
To many, the FAA is going to be working overtime on this one. But you can soon get out of any sort of tricky terrain by moving toward travel in the here and now and inquiring if the person you’re talking to has any tips about not being assigned a middle seat on an airplane.
CHEAT SHEET 15—GRID OF KINGS AND QUEENS OF ENGLAND FROM 1066
SOCIAL SURVIVAL STRATEGY
Argument: “The British monarchy will survive if it continues to adapt over time.”
It may be antiquated, but there’s a reason monarchy exists, so it’s an opportunity for you to show off your intellect here the next time a minor royal is involved in some naked transgression. There’s a fine line for monarchy: It’s there to represent stability, but it also needs to be seen as in touch. Elizabeth II has had a few wobbles, but has preserved it. The question is, will the more meddling Charles manage to pass it down to William (who would never insult his dad by taking his crown over him)? Charles has been urging his mother to create a more “slimmed-down” monarchy (thus shutting out minor members who cause embarrassment), so it’s in with a chance of surviving.
Crisp Fact: “The Brits did experiment with republicanism in the seventeenth century. They ended up offering the leader the throne.”
If you are going to remove the existing system, have a plan acceptable to the majority to replace it; otherwise it won’t work. You can cite this example when talking about anything from health care to TV networks.
Pivot: “Whatever you think of the monarchy, Colin Firth’s performance in The King’s Speech was extraordinary, as is Helen Mirren’s whenever she’s played the queen—she’s won an Oscar and a Tony for it. Seen any good films or theater lately?”
Everyone you want to continue talking to will have watched a movie or been to the theater recently, even if it wasn’t any good—it’s called being a well-rounded human being. You have permission to stop talking to them if they’ve done neither.
CHEAT SHEET 16—WORLD WAR I, WORLD WAR II, AND THE COLD WAR
I remember it well. Sort of.
No, I’m not THAT old (as far as World War I and II goes, at least). It was the summer term of my first year at Cambridge. The university is made up of colleges, and I belonged to Girton. My director of studies at Girton had arranged for my weekly supervisions in modern European history to be conducted by a renowned professor at Trinity College. At least I think it was Trinity—I spent most of that term drinking or feeling the aftereffects of Pimm’s. And note THAT THE ENGLISH DO NOT ATTACH A CUP TO THE TERM. Hopefully a jug is, though—one glass of Pimm’s never being enough. Anyway, in the college I had to traipse to once a week to be challenged on my latest essay and be set a new one, there were “quads” and impressive architecture and point being, I do remember my jaw dropping when the aforementioned professor, one of the world’s finest minds (in modern European history at least), gave me a week to cover Hitler and Stalin.
I did it. I recall I even got a good grade on my essay. But that may have been the Pimm’s.
So now, possibly in a futile attempt to prove I’m still as mentally if not physically capable as I was at age nineteen, I’m going to cover World War I, World War II, and the cold war in a single Cheat Sheet.
Stay with me, people. Modern foreign relations depend on this one. And I’m sure Sarah Palin’s team are wondering where I was when she ran for veep.
MINI REPORT 1. WORLD WAR I
The best ever description (indeed, helpful tutorial on World War I, aka the Great War) comes from back when Hugh Laurie hadn’t even contemplated using an American accent at work. It was in the classic British comedy series Blackadder Goes Forth that the House actor costarred in. The character of Baldrick, never the fizziest drink in the fridge, believed the war started when “Archie Duke shot an ostrich because he was hungry.”
For the generation before 1914, imperial European powers had managed to export their wars, thus avoiding ones with each other. Interlocking alliances, supposed to keep the peace, burgeoned. Trouble kicked off in June 1914, when a Serbian nationalist in Sarajevo, Bosnia, assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand, the heir apparent to the Austro-Hungarian Empire. Ferdinand’s death sparked the simmering tensions that had been going on for years in Europe, particularly in the Balkan region (an area of Southeast Europe). Austria-Hungary, which was allied with Germany, blamed the Serbian government, which was backed by Russia, who was allied with France. Threats mounted and on July 28, Austria-Hungary declared war on Serbia. By mid-August World War I had started.
Scholars are locked into an eternal discussion about why the war escalated as it did. Some suggest that Germany wanted a war and that it and Austria-Hungary had been busy laying the foundations of the struggle for some time. Others point the finger at pre-1914 military planners, including those in Russia, insisting that once their mobilization plans were in motion, there was no room for diplomacy. Whatever the roots of the war, the scale of the bloodbath was unprecedented.
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NOTEWORTHY NUGGETS: EVENTUAL SIDES OF THE MAIN PLAYERS IN WORLD WAR ONE
Pause and take this in. Look where Italy and Japan are.
Allied (Entente) Powers
Central Powers
Serbia
British Empire
France
Russia
Italy
Japan
Belgium
America (eventually, and then not a formal member, an “Associated Power”—Woodrow Wilson preserving US free hand)
Austria-Hungary
Germany
Ottoman Empire
Bulgaria
* * *
An unfortunate by-product of the Industrial Revolution’s technological advances was modern weaponry, first fully seen during what was known then as the Great War: chemical weapons, tanks, machine guns, and even airplanes. The majority of the war was conducted via trench warfare. To advance from their trenches, troops had to cross no-man’s-land, with frequently fatal consequences. Thus World War I was very much a war of attrition—all about wearing down the other side. It was believed that the one with the most men would win.
Victory calculations were based on national birthrates. Hideous. Also note the secondary social effect. Women had fewer men to marry, so they needed to work. But when the men who were alive came back from the war, they wanted jobs. See Cheat Sheet 25 on feminism for perhaps obviously corresponding but no less interesting dates.
There were two fronts you are always hearing about. The Western Front, the primary theater of the war. Essentially, Germany invaded France through Belgium and then everyone was in a perpetual deadlock, a stalemate. This was the setting of the infamous Battle of the Somme in 1916, which saw a British military record that still stands. On the first day of the Allied attack, the British lost 58,000 troops—a third killed, the others injured. The Eastern Front involved Russia versus Germany (and the rest).
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NOTEWORTHY NUGGETS: BIOLOGICAL AND CHEMICAL WARFARE
• Germany first used chemical weapons on a mass scale in April 1915 in Belgium.
• Around 2 percent of the war’s casualties and less than 1 percent of the war’s deaths came from their use, but it led to universal revulsion.
• Poison in warfare, going back to the Greeks, had caused disgust. In 1675, France and the Holy Roman Empire agreed not to use poisoned bullets. It’s thought that Britain was the first country to use smallpox on its adversaries, allegedly doing so during the American Revolutionary War.
• The Geneva Protocol in 1925 banned the use, but not the possession, of biological and chemical weapons.
• The protocol is one of the few almost universally accepted treaties, and chemical warfare has rarely been used since World War I. Note that Syria is a signatory to the protocol.
• No Western army used gas on the battlefield in World War II. Hitler would not order it against combatants—he had been gassed himself in World War I. However, the Nazis did use it against noncombatant Jews and others.
• Tear gas is banned in war … but is used in peace, as protesters in Berkeley and Ferguson in 2014 can attest.
• President Nixon officially halted the US offensive biological weapons program in November 1969 (a result of public outrage over questionable chemical use in Vietnam). The USA, UK, and USSR all signed up to the Biological Weapons Convention in 1972, outlawing their development and production.
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There were forays elsewhere. These included British-led forces against the Turks in Egypt and Mesopotamia. The Italians and Austrians had a go at one another in Northern Italy. There was also the naval element, the Brits in ruling wave mode versus Germany’s U-boats (submarines). The aquatic fight, as we saw in Cheat Sheet 14, in no small part helped usher America into game-changing mode and entering the war.
The Central Powers weren’t all the Russians were dealing with. Internally, there was the rise of Lenin and co. In March 1917 the tsar’s government fell, and with the October revolution came the armistice between Russia and the Central Powers (they agreed to stop fighting).
Meanwhile, the Americans arrived on the scene. They declared war in April 1917, and although it took a while, they eventually got lots of troops to turn up. Armistice between the Allied and the Central Powers came into effect on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month—at 11 AM, November 11, 1918. Hence remembrance days around the world are marked then. The poppy, a symbol that so many wear in tribute at this time of year, comes from the Great War poem “In Flanders Fields.” Bloodred poppies still grew, despite some of the worst fighting, in the battlefields of Flanders, in Belgium.
With an estimated more than 9 million military deaths, the Great War decimated a generation of men. A further 20 million were wounded. Millions of civilians were killed. Thought to cost around $260 billion (BIG money then), the Great War was supposed to be the war to end all wars.
By the conflict’s close, four imperial powers were no longer—the German, Austro-Hungarian, Ottoman, and Russian empires. Maps were redrawn big-time—look at Cheat Sheet 17 for the formation of the Middle East as we know it today. Central Europe was now composed of lots of smaller states.
Formal peace came with the Treaty of Versailles, signed on June 28, 1919. Germany was punished by loss of territory, reparations, and war guilt (the war was officially blamed solely on Germany and her allies). The Germans were also denied entrance into the League of Nations, the organization established after the war to maintain world peace. The very same organization that the Russians and Americans refused to join. This is a case study in how to set up a peace organization for failure. The United Nations, the post–World War II peace organization, is thus an attempt to learn from history. Something to remember when Russia and China, as permanent members of the UN Security Council, block American desires.
Unfortunately World War I’s legacy was laying the foundations for World War II. Germany was humiliated by the terms of the peace treaty, and that contributed to the rise of the conquest-driven Hitler and Nazism. But that is not its only legacy. It is perfectly possible that without it there would have been no Soviet Union, and as a result, no Communist China (for which Soviet support was initially key). Think about it: without World War I, no Hitler, Stalin, or Mao, and as a result no World War II, no Holocaust, no Korean or Vietnam War. Not to mention so much of the trouble in the Middle East can be traced back to what happened at the end of the Great War. Staggering.
Enough conjecture. You’ve not got the luxury of time, or I of space. The certain result of the War to End All Wars was the worst war this planet has ever seen. Read on.
MINI REPORT 2. WORLD WAR II
World War II lasted for six years, from September 1939 to September 1945. Truly global, it killed an estimated 45 to 60 million people, including around 6 million Jews murdered as a result of the Nazis’ “Final Solution.”
The power struggle of the Great War was not resolved by it. Added to which, in the areas destabilized by World War I, it proved all too easy for totalitarianism—communism and fascism—to rise. The states around Germany were divided and weak. Meanwhile, Germany itself had been left socially, politically, and economically unstable, ripe for exploitation by Adolf Hitler and his National Socialist German Workers’ Party, aka the Nazi Party. Hitler, who became German chancellor in 1933, ranted and raved and stirred up German discontent about the perceived injustices of the Treaty of Versailles. He spewed anti-Semitic rhetoric and harped on about how Germany’s defeat was self-inflicted. Overturning and avenging Versailles was one of his most successful ideological weapons. The Germans militarized. As did the Italians, under fascist dictator Benito Mussolini.
It was not actually Germany that performed the era’s first act of European aggression. The Italian army invaded Ethiopia in 1935. Despite Ethiopian pleas, the weak League of Nations did nothing about it.
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NOTEWORTHY NUGGETS: EVENTUAL SIDES OF THE MAIN PLAYERS IN WORLD WAR II
Note where China is. Also who the Axis Powers were. And remember the word Axis, and never, ever confuse it with Allied.
Allied Powers
Axis Powers
Brits and co. (It’s complicated, but basically think of the Empire.)
; Soviet Union*
USA
China
France
Poland
Greece
Netherlands
Germany
Italy
Japan
Hungary
Romania
Bulgaria
* They sort of switched sides during, but this is where the Russians ended up.
* * *
Natural pals, in 1936 Mussolini and Hitler made it official with the Rome-Berlin Axis, labeled as such because they thought the world revolved around them. Months later, in a direct breach of the Treaty of Versailles, Hitler marched troops into the Rhineland of Germany. With the support of Hitler and Mussolini, the fascist General Franco attempted to overthrow Spain’s government, which in turn was receiving aid from the USSR.
Outside of Europe, in 1937, an altercation between Japanese and Chinese troops broke out at the Marco Polo Bridge near Beijing. The Japanese used it as an excuse to invade China, which fought back.
Back to Hitler. In 1938 the führer marched his troops into Austria and annexed the nation. He was now eyeing the Sudetenland, an area of Czechoslovakia populated by a few million Germans.
America, Britain, and France were basically sitting it out at this point. Their populations were war-weary. Nobody wanted a repeat of World War I. Call me controversial (and some will), your author doesn’t think this is quite as pathetic as it has often been made out to be. How would we feel going to war if a whole generation of men had just been annihilated? Concessions to avoid another bloodbath would seem somewhat appealing. History has the great benefit of hindsight.
The Intelligent Conversationalist Page 12